Chapter 11

Alicia

I woke up slowly, reaching across the bed to touch Brandon. I blinked when I felt nothing and opened my eyes to see that the bed was empty. I listened for a moment but didn’t hear anything in the loft.

Maybe he went to get breakfast. We’d discussed doing something today, and it was ten. I couldn’t believe that I slept so long, and I stretched for a long moment, wondering what today held for me. I felt something against my hand and looked over to see paper in his pillow and reached for it with a frown. I read the words but had trouble letting it set in.

He left. He got a call about a business trip and left from what I read. I understood that work meant a lot to him, but he could’ve told me goodbye first. I sighed and dropped the note to the floor, turning to my side and closing my eyes.

I was hurt and confused. There was something between us last night that I had trouble putting my finger on, but I knew it was there. I wasn’t looking to rush it, but he didn’t need to leave. He didn’t need to run if that was what he was doing.

I got up a few hours later to make coffee and finish a painting. I didn’t want to go anywhere, and that was a project never finished for me. I heard my phone ring beside me as I stared at the canvas, jumping as I glanced to the screen. It wasn’t Brandon, but it was his sister calling. I answered and propped my ear against my shoulder, so I could work and talk. “Hey, Moira.”

“Hi, Alicia. What are you up to?” She asked in a scheming tone as I grabbed the phone with a frown.

“What am I always up to?” I retorted as she chuckled.

“Take a break. It’s the weekend!! Let’s go to lunch and shopping or something.” She suggested as I smiled weakly. I knew that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Give me an hour or two? I want to get this started at the very least.” I suggested, not wanting to leave at all.

“That sounds great. I’ll pick you up at two.” She sounded pleased, and I agreed before ending the call. I set the phone on the small table and dipped my brush into the deep red paint, dragging it across the white surface. I knew that this painting would be done in a couple of days and threw myself into the work until I needed to get ready. While I could stay here and sulk all day and hide behind work, getting out of the house might be good for me.

It would be good for me.

I showered and dried my hair with a soft t-shirt before staring at my pale face in the mirror. I didn’t want to go overboard with makeup, but my eyes looked read from the tears I allowed myself to shed in the shower. I knew that it wasn’t that serious, but I felt hurt by his abrupt disappearance from my apartment. I decided on some neutral eye shadow and mascara along with a dark purple lipstick. I slipped on my favorite jeans and a loose off-the-shoulder plum shirt before giving the curls some bounce before I was done in the bathroom. I walked to the makeshift closet and found my favorite boots before putting them on.

I checked my phone on the counter and sighed when I saw there were no calls or messages. I reminded myself that he was working and didn’t need to check in. I walked to the window and glanced down at the street to see Moira’s red Range Rover and waved as she jumped out to look up. I indicated that I was on my way down and grabbed my purse and a jacket before locking my door. It looked like it was going to rain, and I wanted to stay warm and dry.

I walked through the main door and slipped into the passenger seat of her SUV. The heater was on and the music was loud as she grinned at me. Moira always looked so perfect and I forced a smile to my face, resisting the urge to ask her about Brandon. “Does any weather affect your flawless appearance?” I joked as she rolled her eyes.

“No. I’m perfect.” I knew that she was joking, and we both laughed. “Lunch first?”

“Yes. I haven’t eaten a thing today.” I told her with sad eyes and she glanced around in thought.

“Moroccan?” She pressed, and I nodded easily. Moira put the car in gear and pulled out into the street as I gazed up at my windows, remembering last night. I pushed the memory away and focused on the street ahead of me. I didn’t know when he was coming back and if he’d even want to see me when he did.

We chatted idly over the meal and Moira congratulated me on the upcoming showing. I told her that I needed to be ready for it before she should say anything, and Moira laughed. She told me that her mom was loving having me as a client and we discussed her family for a while. It was hard to play like I didn’t care about Brandon, particularly when she told me that he was in Atlantic City with friends. Moira laughed as she scoffed their impulsive weekend away and I had trouble swallowing another bite of lunch.

We headed to the movies to see the latest rom com since it was raining, and I made my way through the lines on auto pilot. I got a small bag of popcorn and a soda and we took seats in the middle as others settled in around us. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to sulk over the fact that Brandon crept away with his friends without even telling me goodbye. I was glad when the movie started, and I could get lost in my own thoughts while staring at the screen.

After the holiday, Brandon didn’t have to come back to me. He was a mess when he dropped by my apartment, so full of need that he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. What would make him run? I was under the impression that he wanted to see what was between us.

A laugh echoed throughout the theater and I blinked slowly. I looked around the dark room and then at the movie where the female lead was lying on the sand after falling down.

“Are you okay?” Moira asked me as we left, bundled up in our coats to protect us against the rain.

“Tired. It’s been a long week.” I replied vaguely as she took a close look at me.

“I was going to meet friends for drinks. You have to come with me.” I heard the pleading tone on her voice and fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“Not tonight. I need to finish some work.” I begged off, and she pouted.       “Hey, don’t blame me. It’s your mother that’s telling me to do all of this.”

“She’s building your famous career,” Moira defended Marilyn and I couldn’t help but to chuckle.

“I need to follow her orders in that case. Lunch this week?” I asked as I looked at her with the heater blasting warm air on me.

“Fine. Paint something pretty.” Moira drove me home and parked at the curb, giving me a hug before I opened the door. I hurried through the rain and into my building, shivering all the way up my stairs. I entered the dark apartment and closed the door, hanging my coat on the way to the bathroom for a hot shower.

I dressed in pajamas and clipped my hair up once I was done. I walked to the windows and watched as the rain poured against the glass, rolling down to the lower level as I watched. It was lovely, but I couldn’t enjoy it the way I used to. Rain was soothing to me as a kid and I spent hours listening to it fall on the roof.

Tonight, it just made me feel lonely.

I crossed my arms over my chest and turned to go to bed. I just wanted to watch a movie and fall asleep for several hours. I didn’t think about the fact that the sheets would smell like us and frowned as I propped up my pillows. I pulled the curtain back, so I could see the rain as it fell, dropping into the bed as I found something to watch on TV. I settled on a movie and sighed as I tried not to think about Brandon having fun at the casinos. He was probably drinking and meeting tons of gorgeous women as they hit on him. The idea hurt but he had that right. There would probably be some type of explanation when he came home as to why we weren’t going to work out.

I woke up in the morning and turned to my right to go back to sleep. The rain was still falling, and I blinked as I forced myself to be tired. I had a painting to do, but I felt off today. That’s what I got for thinking that dating was a good idea, especially when it was my agent’s son that was consuming me. I should have stuck to the plan to just work on my career.

I made it out of bed to make something to eat and drink coffee, feeling listless. I needed to get past this and paint my ass off, so I could support myself in a few months. I didn’t have to keep this loft through that though I did like it. I knew that I could paint anywhere.

I wandered over to the canvas, still dressed in pajamas. The rain was coming down steadily and I hoped for a moment that Brandon had the same weather and that it was ruining his trip. It felt good to be petty for that small second and I sat on the stool and eyed the progress on the painting so gar. Brandon had already provided the highs that churned my creativity and I idly wondered if the lows would work the same way. There was only one way to find out.

A couple hours later, I set the brush down and blinked at my new creation. It was edgy in tones of red and dark grays and blacks, resembling a night sky. It was gorgeous, and I set it aside to dry before setting up another blank canvas.

I spoke to Mom for a while, leaving out any details about Brandon. I filled her head with tales of New York and the direction my career was heading, smiling when I told her about the family that was supporting me here. “We need to come and see you when the weather is better,” she sniffled as I wiped the tear from my cheek.

“It’s a lot different all the time. Beautiful though.” I admitted as I looked out at the brightening sky. “It rained for hours yesterday. It sounds good against the windows.”

“You always loved the rain. I had a hard time keeping you in the house whenever it started up outside,” she remembered as I smiled. Life was easy then when I was a kid. I didn’t know what heartbreak felt like.

We ended the call and I read the email from my father that I received every couple of weeks. It was mainly to check in on my progress. Dad knew that I had talent, but it was hard for him to imagine creativity being a paying gig. His guilt spoke volumes though, and he offered it money to make me try to forget my childhood. I knew that he was a lot of the reason why I held myself back from men and relationships. What happened with Brandon was stunning and caught me completely off guard, but here he was off with friends after lying about the trip. Was he so different?

I worked on another painting in blues and purples, creating a sunset. The colors were darker than they should be, but it worked for me. My final one for the weekend was of a little girl in the shadows, seated with her arms folded over her legs a few feet away from a sunny meadow.

I woke up to Monday morning and stretched. I looked at my phone but there was nothing on the screen. I had no idea when Brandon was returning to the city and I reminded myself that it didn’t matter. I was supposed to have lunch with my friends and I showered, getting ready for it before I walked the few blocks to the restaurant. I chose some skinny velvet jeans and a clingy olive-green sweater with boots, slipping my coat on before leaving the apartment.

Lunch was filled with chatter about the holidays since it had been that long since we’d seen each other. I played mine down to a Christmas spent at the home of my agent and nothing else. There was nothing more to say. Tommy was watching me the entire afternoon and held me back when the others left. “Can I take you to dinner sometime?” He asked as I stared into his hopeful eyes. Tommy was attractive with fiery dark brown eyes and wavy dark blonde hair, quite gorgeous if I thought about it.

I’d always told him no before. I used the reasoning that I was focused on my career, but Brandon broke through my walls. Would it be so terrible to let Tommy in? As opposed to a womanizer, he was a good friend that had my happiness in mind. “I think I’d like that.” My face broke into a smile and he widened his eyes.

“Seriously?” He asked, and I nodded. “Tomorrow.”

“That sounds great,” I replied as he shook his head slowly.

“Can I give you a ride home?” Tommy offered as I glanced through the windows to the rain. “I can’t have you getting sick for our date.”

“Sure.” We walked out to his gray Toyota and I watched as he opened the door for me. I had no idea what I was doing, but he deserved a chance. I wouldn’t move as quickly as I had with Brandon, but Tommy deserved my time. I felt that way even more when I got a Google alert about Brandon, opening the new link to see him surrounded by several beautiful women at a restaurant in Atlantic City. Based on his smile, he wasn’t missing me, and I pinched my eyes closed.