***
We lit candles and turned on the gas fireplace in the family near the kitchen. Dev volunteered to chop onions and I was humored to see him awkwardly hack at them. I don’t recall him ever being in the kitchen other than to snag a taste of whatever his mother was preparing.
I layered the chicken, spices and rice into a medium saucepan. Dev had taken a seat on the countertop next to me where I threw together a small raita, an Indian salad made from cucumbers, carrots and yogurt. It was a cooling complement to the spice and bold flavors of the biryani.
“You cook like a pro, Scarlett. Have you ever thought about going to cooking school? Maybe open a restaurant?”
I snorted. “Nope. Being a cook is what you do when you don’t have an education. And I’m determined to get one.”
“Maybe you could write about cooking,” he replied playfully. “It would seem a waste to not use this talent in some way. That’s all.”
“I am using it. I’m cooking for the people I…care about.”
I was going to say “love” but changed my mind.
Do I love him?
My heart said yes. But my mind cautioned me to wait until he showed his hand first.
We ate around the kitchen table by candlelight. The air in the house was already cooling as the winter storm fought its way inside. Dev ate with gusto and I never received so many complements on a dish.
I imagined cooking for him as his wife some day. The thought made me smile to myself.
We cleaned up quickly and then sat on the large Persian rug in front of the fireplace, the only warm place in the house. He had a book in his hand.
“I brought this for you. It’s a copy of the book I have in my room.”
“Ah, right. Now I won’t have to break in to read it.” I recalled the beautiful poetry from his room that night. I was curious about Sufi poetry.
“Would you read some to me, Dev?”
His eyes met mine in a brief but intense moment. He turned to a page and started to read.
“This is one by Rumi, a great Sufi poet.” He cleared his throat and leaned back on one arm, the other holding the book to the flickering light of the fire.
“With passion pray,
“With passion make love,
“With passion eat and drink and dance and play.
“Why look like a dead fish
“In this ocean of God?”
I chuckled. “A dead fish in the ocean of God, Dev?”
He smiled. “That’s not the point of the poem, Scarlett.”
“Okay, explain this great mystic Sufism. I’m listening.”
He put the book down and leaned in closer to me. “God didn’t give us desires so that we could repress them.” He kissed my neck. My breath quickened.
“Our appetites were made to be satisfied,” he whispered.
His lips met mine, softly, carefully. He kissed me with great restraint, as if he would scare me off. I shifted away, with a teasing smile. I liked the chase.
He scolded me with his eyes and then turned his attention to the book again. His voice was low and silky.
“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
“When you’re not here, I can’t go to sleep.
“Praise God for those two insomnias,
“And the difference between them.”
I let the words sink in, trying to get the meaning right.
He smiled seductively. “This particular poem has held special meaning to me since we started talking over the phone. I’ve lost many hours of sleep being away from you, Scarlett.”
He leaned over me again, his lips hovering above mine. “But being with you here is by far the superior insomnia.”
I felt like a junkie hit with my drug of choice as he explored my mouth with his. I reclined back against a pillow and he followed with his body, placing arms on either side of me, trapping me beneath him.
As we kissed, his mouth trailed down to the hollow of my neck. My breasts tingled in anticipation of his touch.
Don’t stop.
His hand lightly moved over my breast, tentatively. He looked up at me with his dark, piercing eyes.
“Scarlett, I should ask you something,” his voice husky, low.
I didn’t want to stop for a chat. I wanted him to continue.
“Yes?” I answered, softly, caught in the moment.
“Do you…want this?” he asked carefully, hoping I caught the meaning of his words. I did.
“Yes.”
He wasn’t quite convinced.
“Have you ever…done this before?” he asked again.
“No,” I answered, feeling a twinge of embarrassment. I knew I was inexperienced compared to other girls at 18. But there had been no one…like Dev.
He moved forward so that we were face to face, and leaned next to me on his elbow. I was suddenly curious: How experienced was he?
“And you?” I asked as I ran my hand down his cheek. He turned his face to kiss it while holding my gaze.
“I’ve been with women.”
“Women, as in plural? How many?” I was suddenly jealous. He was mine. I couldn’t imagine another girl touching him, kissing him…and sharing his body in the way I wanted to.
“A few, Scarlett. I can make a list later if you like.”
I turned on my side to face him. Never in a million years would I guess that we ever be lying on Mrs. Bashir’s Persian rug discussing our sexual partners.
“Or a spreadsheet, if that’s more efficient,” I quipped.
“Okay, I’ll create a PowerPoint Presentation of all the women I’ve seduced and email it to you first thing. Any other pertinent information you need from me?”
“Just one more thing.”
“Anything.”
“Were you in love with any of them?”
He thought for a moment before answering.
“No, I don’t think I was.”
“You don’t sound very sure.”
“Time reveals truths that weren’t obvious before. I don’t believe I knew what love was until…now.”
As soon as the words were off of his lips, he gently pushed me on my back and leaned into my body with his. He kissed me hard, hungrily this time. I kissed back, passionately…with a deep need to satisfy my appetite.
My arms raked his back…I desperately needed to feel his warm skin underneath.
Reading my mind, he pulled off his sweater and shirt, revealing the chiseled muscle of his chest. He leaned over me, hungry, in a trance, and efficiently unbuttoned my blouse.
I lay there, a willing victim.
Like Rhett that fateful day at the creek, he looked like he wanted to eat me alive. But this time I wanted him to.
His hand brushed over my bra. So close…but not close enough. I reached behind my back and unclasped my bra. He helped to undress me from it and set my bra down next to blouse.
It suddenly occurred to me that I was naked from the waist up…and I fought the temptation to cover myself with my arms. Instead I watched him look at me, studying my breasts, my pale skin. Before I could wonder what he must think of my humble chest, he spoke.
“You’re beautiful, Scarlett. Perfect.”
He slowly traced a pattern down my chest and over my breast with his hand. Then he leaned onto me, his naked chest against mine. He kissed me hard on the mouth and then traveled down my neck and stopping at the firm nipple of my breast. He kissed it softly, then suckled, the warmth of his mouth sending new sensations throughout my body.
A soft moan escaped my mouth. I wrapped my hand behind his head as confirmation of my approval. He moved up my body, kissed my ear and whispered.
“Scarlett, are you sure you want to keep going? I should warn you that I don’t think I could stop myself if we continue like this.”
I could feel the hardness of his arousal pressing into me. I suddenly thought about birth control, diseases and all the other things that my high school sex ed class had drilled into my head. It was a mood killer, but I didn’t plan to get pregnant at 18.
“I’m sure. But I don’t have anything…for protection.”
He kissed me quickly and smiled slyly.
“I have something. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything, my love.”
My love. He called me his love.
The fire danced in shadows around the room as he pulled my jeans down over my hips. I instinctively held my knees together for modesty’s sake.
“Scarlett, I’m going to help you relax…so you’ll enjoy this more.”
“Okay. Care to elaborate?” I was instantly nervous.
“Do you trust me?”
I looked up at him, his eyes full of desire, full of…love.
“Yes.”
He reached for my white lacey panties—my best pair, thank god—and carefully pulled them off. I almost stopped breathing I was so nervous lying there, completely naked. I duly noted that he still had his pants on.
Not fair.
His eyes moved over my nakedness.
I wondered, did I look alright? Did I look like he expected? My pubic hair was a slightly darker shade of blonde, and sparse. Were my thighs too big? My stomach flat enough? Did I miss a spot shaving my legs this morning?
In answer to my silent distress, he lifted my left leg to his mouth and kissed the inside of my knee. The he smiled devilishly at me as he cradled my naked thigh in his hand.
“Your legs are very long, Scarlett. It will take me some effort before I reach my destination.”
I tried to steady my breathing as I melted in his hands.
“And where is that?”
He scrunched up his face while looking up and down my leg and pretended to make a serious mental calculation. “About twenty-four and a half kisses from the tip of your toe.”
I said nothing in reply but exhaled the breath I had been holding while awaiting his answer.
He began his journey, his lips soft and teasing on my skin, and I started to feel the way he saw me at that moment: beautiful, young, soft…entirely female. All traces of my previous self-conscious anxiety seemed to evaporate as my primal desire for him—and the pleasure his warm, skillful mouth promised to give—took over.
“Twelve…” he breathed into my skin, followed by kiss number 13. I started to squirm as he made past the halfway point, the anticipation slowly killing me in the most delicious way.
“Twenty-four…” he finished, his face buried in the crook of my thigh. He threw in what I assumed to me a tiny half kiss before landing at his destination, and I moaned in reply, my back arching at this new delicious sensation. He moved his tongue expertly, building my pleasure and ripening my body for what was to come.
It was nirvana.
There was nothing else I could give him, nothing more I could show him of myself. It was the most intimate offering we both made to each other in that moment.
My breathing quickened as the tension built in my belly. He moved faster with his mouth in response to my delirium.
Then it hit me.
Waves of delicious warmth radiated from within me. I couldn’t stifle a primal moan, and I nearly screamed his name as I dug my fingers into the back of his head ensuring he would not move away and disrupt my gratification.
And it was over, the pleasure faded from me. My body pooled on the rug, liquid and languid. Dev reclined next to me, stroking my hair, kissing my neck.
“Scarlett, did you like that?” he asked, the stupidest question of the year.
“No, it was horrible. You’ll have to do it again,” I teased through my satisfied smile.
“Your wish is my command. But I should let you know that I’m so aroused right now, it’s bordering on painful.”
I tugged at his belt and kissed him, letting him know I was ready for what would come next. His hand unbuckled and unzipped faster than mine could. He tugged his pants off. My eyes were closed when I realized we were both naked now, lying face to face next to each other. Did I dare open them? It was exhilarating…and nerve-wracking to think what lay beneath.
What do I do now?
Dev grabbed my hand and moved it down his body, showing me what he wanted. He let go and I hesitantly explored on my own…his taunt, firm muscles of his stomach, and then below, I found him, his hardness smooth against my skin. He was bigger than I could have guessed, and I had brief moment of panic when I realized what would happen soon. I glided my hand carefully down his length, in wonder and rapture at his nakedness.
He moaned at my touch, his breath hot in my ear.
“Scarlett—god—that feels so nice.”
I thought he would pass out, he seemed so overwhelmed by my touch.
He pulled my hand away. “I need just a moment, my love,” he uttered, reaching for a pocket in his pants. I looked away, not caring to watch the mechanics of the operation, as he opened the package and put the condom on.
In a moment, he was on top of me, supporting himself with his arms so I wouldn’t be crushed under his heavy weight.
I could feel him between my thighs, and I instinctively opened them wider.
“Scarlett, this might hurt a little. I’ll try to go slowly. It’s important you tell me what feels good and what doesn’t.”
He kissed me and then stared intensely into my eyes, gauging my reaction to his approach.
I felt him enter me—it did hurt.
I whimpered.
He kept his eyes locked on me while holding back a bit.
“My love, I’m sorry. I’m trying to be careful,” he whispered.
The pain slowly gave way to an intense desire to feel him inside of me—all the way inside. I moved my hands down his back and pulled him to me.
“I’m ready, Dev. Please…I want you.”
He didn’t need me to ask again. He obeyed instantly, moving deeper inside of me. It was pleasure and pain married together in some primal dance performed since the beginning of time.
I sighed in release.
“Dev…”
He kissed me, feverishly. It seemed as if he morphed into some wild animal, lust overtaken his body.
“Scarlett, you feel so good,” he breathed into my neck. “Please, stop me if it hurts.”
He moved his hips with mine. It was a new sensation, merging our bodies together in this way. It felt amazing in the deepest part of my being, truly becoming one with him in this physical act. I rocked with him in a smooth, wave-like motion, our breathing synchronized and heavy.
It wasn’t long before his body stiffened and his climax overtook him. I stared into his eyes as they were possessed in heady pleasure.
We rested in front of the fireplace, the storm raging on outside. Dev made us a bed of blankets and pillows, and brought me some hot tea to drink. Like in my dream, I mused to myself.
“Are you sore, Scarlett?” he asked, tracing his finger over my breast. I tried to feel if I was.
“I don’t think so. Should I be?”
“It wouldn’t be uncommon if you were. It won’t be as painful the next time. It will feel even better…I promise.”
I smiled. “The next time, Dev? When will that be?”
“Anytime you want, my love. I am your slave.”
He kissed my neck and I melted at his touch. Would I always feel this way with him?
We made love again, but this time he didn’t move as carefully or restrained. It was primal and animalistic…and delicious. He watched my responses intently, and touched me in ways that brought me over the edge in pure bliss with him. I could have died in his arms, content that I had lived enough for my 18 years, if the future had not promised more of the same with him.
Finally spent, we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms sometime in the early morning hours.
As I drifted off, I felt safe, secure, loved and treasured…for the first time in my life. With his arms around me, I was…a complete woman, complete in my heart, completely in love.
Sometime in the wee morning hours, wrapped up in each other and drifting toward sleep, I heard him whisper.
“I love you, Scarlett.”
I knew at that moment I loved him back.
But that knowledge could never have prepared me for what happened next.
It must have been late morning when I woke to him shaking me.
“Scarlett, wake up. I think my family is back.”