Welcome to my humble abode, boy. The voice was deep and gruff, ancient and wise. When the younger man remained by the doorway, tense and unmoving, the shadowy form shifted, and a dark but vague outline of an arm stretched towards him. “Come on, Christien. Sit by the fire and warm yourself. We’ve known each other for quite a while, so no need to be shy.”

Death, the billionaire thought dully. It really was Death. He walked forward slowly, his every step heavy. Death’s parlor was exactly as he imagined it would be. Vast but cozy, masculine but inviting, with paneled walls of mahogany, leather furniture, and an old thick rug by the fireplace.

He was finally here, where Death was, and he felt…nothing.

Fire crackled under the alcove as he took a seat, and he sensed Death turning to face him from the shadows.

Go on, Death said calmly. Ask it.

And so the billionaire did. “Am I dead?”

Do you want to be?

He used to. Once, it was all he had thought about. An end to the seemingly endless days of emptiness that lay ahead of him, and freedom from having to pretend second after second---

And now?

The billionaire wasn’t even surprised that Death heard his every thought.

Do you still want to die, boy?

Slowly, the billionaire heard himself say, “But I don’t want to hurt her.” His voice was bleak. “I don’t want to stay in her life until I’m certain I won’t want to kill myself---”

Yes or no, boy.

“What about the test results?” he grated out. “They all predict that I’m going to kill myself eventually. So wouldn’t it be better if I left her now---”

YES OR NO, BOY.

Something exploded inside of him, and he heard himself roar, “No!” And it kept exploding and exploding until he realized it was his heart beating back into life.

There you go. Death smiled at him from the shadows. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

The billionaire’s fists clenched. “You don’t fucking understand. What if I hurt her? What if I change my mind---”

It’s you who don’t understand, Death interrupted with a sigh. You’re thinking of so many what ifs, worrying about hurting your little rainbow, that you no longer see the trees for the woods.

“Stop talking in riddles, goddammit.”

I’m not.

“Then will you just fucking tell me---”

But you already know.

The billionaire angrily rose to his feet, roaring, “What the fuck does that even mean? Can’t you fucking see that it’s not just my life at stake here? I don’t want to be with her, I don’t want to keep loving her if I’m only going to hurt her---”

The questions you ask are the answer you seek.

“WHAT THE FUCK---” The billionaire’s powerful form shook with frustration. Why couldn’t Death just give him a fucking straight answer? Why couldn’t he just make it plain and simple? He would either kill himself or not. He should either leave Kharis now or not. It used to be that simple, that black and white---

And that was when it hit him, and the billionaire jerked.

It has finally dawned on you, hasn't it?

The billionaire couldn’t speak.

Everything used to be simple because coming with me was all you could think about.

“Yes,” the billionaire whispered.

It was the only thing you used to ask. When should you end it? When?

The billionaire’s eyes closed.

But it’s different now, isn’t it? Now, you worry about whether your love is real, whether your love is enough, whether you can protect her to the end---

And that’s your answer right there.

The billionaire swallowed hard. “But the test results---”

Gonna let a piece of paper dictate your life, boy?

“But I keep hurting her---”

Because you loved her, and loving her made you want to push her away before you could hurt her even more.

The shadows surrounding Death started to recede, and light began to filter in, obliterating the room inch by inch until he was slowly surrounded with a blinding wall of whiteness.

Last chance then, Christien. Do you want to come with me now?

* * *

Christien had been in the hospital for five days when he finally regained consciousness, and the first thing he saw was…her. Kharis’ long blonde curls fell loosely over one shoulder, and she was bent down on the side of his bed, fast asleep. He shifted slightly, not wanting to wake her up, but even so she stirred, her eyes slowly drifting open.

A moment later, she shot up to a sitting position, her large brown eyes filled with concern. “You’re awake!”

“Just now.” The billionaire’s voice was scratchy, and Kharis immediately poured him a glass of water and helped him up to a sitting position so he could take a sip. The first few sips had him coughing, but his throat eventually adjusted to functioning again, and the billionaire was able to drink the rest.

He watched her as she took the glass back from him and placed it on the bedside table, all the while feeling like he was about to burst with everything that he wanted to say, everything that he wanted her to know and feel.

Imaginary or not, every word he had exchanged with Death was vivid in his mind, and when she turned to face him, he could no longer bear it. “Kharis---”

But instead of letting him finish, she asked rather quickly, “H-how are you feeling?”

Something was wrong, he realized, and Christien’s blue eyes narrowed. “I’m as good as I should be.”

“I’m glad.” She flashed him a smile of relief that seemed genuine enough. But even so, his uneasiness grew.

He tried again. “Kharis---”

Fear flickered in her eyes at his tone, and he swallowed hard, realizing then that she already had an idea of what he wanted to talk about---

And she obviously didn’t want to hear it.

His fists clenched. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes jerked away from his.

“I haven’t touched her in years.”

A small nod, and an even smaller voice as she whispered, “I know.” He saw her own fingers clench against her lap. “Freddie and your friends talked to me, but even if they hadn’t, I know…you w-wouldn’t have hurt me to that extent.”

But he had still hurt her. She might not have said the words out loud, but he heard them all the same in the painfully halting way she spoke.

And it hurt.

It goddamn hurt because all he had wanted was to love her.

“I’m sorry.” The low, ravaged words were torn out of him. “I know I should’ve ended things with Karo---” The other woman’s name on his lips made her flinch, and the billionaire’s chest clenched in pain.

She looked at him then, and her eyes – ah, God, her eyes. It would have been better if she were crying now because at least it would mean he hadn’t completely taken away her ability to feel.

“Why d-didn’t you?” And her tone was as dead as her eyes, and God, it was almost like looking into his past self, the way he had been when all he had thought of was death.

“B-because that’s what I don’t understand. You say you h-haven’t touched her in years---”

“I wasn’t lying,” he said fiercely.

“So w-why didn’t you just end things?” she asked brokenly. “And w-why didn’t you tell me about her? Why w-wait until things could get s-so much worse---”

It was the same question that Freddie had once asked him, the same question he hadn’t known how to answer then---

But after meeting Death---

And only when it was too late---

“Because I wanted to see if I could stomach hurting you,” he admitted rawly.

The words had Kharis whitening.

“I was thinking if I could stomach hurting you, then it allowed me to pretend I didn’t really love you. I was so damn used to not caring for anything, but I was terrified to believe that I had really found that one person I could love---” He swallowed hard. “And it’s you, Kharis.”

But she only stared at him, and his voice grew desperate. “I do love you.” He thought of what the test results predicted of him, and his voice became hollow. “For better or for worse, Kharis. I love you.”

And still, she didn’t speak.

“I love you, Kharis. I love you. I love you---”

“I know.” Her words were barely audible, but in them were everything else she wanted to say, and the billionaire whitened.

She knew he loved her. She believed he loved her.

“But it’s not enough.” Raising his gaze to her, he said dully, “Because that’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

She didn’t speak. She didn’t have to. The smile that broke over her lips said it for her.

A smile of innocence lost---

A smile that told him goodbye---

A smile of rainbows that would never paint the skies again.