Chapter 15
Today is Flynn’s day, the last day of my training, which includes a shit ton of pad work and grappling. It’s the best fucking stress reliever coming second place to knocking the fuck out of the punching bag, which was how I warmed up. Now, I’m ready to fuck someone up.
I should’ve gone to Whitney’s house last night after finding out she stumbled into Brian’s impromptu photoshoot, but after hearing she wasn’t interested in what I had to offer, I tumbled. I fell off the deep end, irate as hell and ready to quit the whole fucking thing. Frankly, I was pissed when Brian showed up. I told him I wasn’t in the mood, but being my manager and the one who calls the majority of the shots, my opinion was a lost voice.
I came back to the gym last night and unleashed a fury of rage into the punching bag. I knew the answers before wrapping my hands but I desperately needed to clear my thoughts. Whitney has permeated every space of my mind and she’s fogged my thoughts. But after releasing my anger, I’m more determined for her to see there’s a balance and she has to compromise…especially if I’m willing to.
Luke has sparred with me a time or two before. He’s more my size, half my experience, but fun as hell to fight with. He keeps up with me better than these other punks Daniel keeps coming up with. Luke rushes me and strikes with a left jab. I counter with a left jab and rock him with a right hook. He grunts, taking a step back and adjusts his head gear.
“Chill out, dude,” he mumbles past his mouth guard.
“If you can’t handle it, leave,” I grit out.
We’ve been at this since morning. Daniel and Flynn have switched me from grappling to sparring, to the bag, and then to weights. They always drag me over the fucking coals the last day of training.
But I’ve sparred. I’ve listened. I’m done.
“I’m done, man,” I tell the coaches, slipping out of the ring. “I’m not in it today.”
“You’re not leaving. We’re nowhere close to being done,” Daniel scolds, grabbing my arm.
I grit my teeth glowering at him before yanking my arm from his hand. “You’re wrong. I am done. I’m leaving. I’ll be on the plane tomorrow morning.”
I don’t hear a damn thing he’s bitching about behind me as I push out the door. I don’t care. Not today.
Doing what I should have done last night, I make my way to Whitney. Right when I step into her office, I feel it—a protective poignancy blanketing the air. Her office blinds are shut. Her door is closed.
Lily glances up, and as confident as she thinks she’s being, worry saturates her green eyes.
“Hey.” She smiles when she greets me. “She’s not in today.”
She should try rehearsing her words before shaking her way through them.
I lean my elbows against the tall desk. “How much do I have to pay you to tell me the truth?”
I watch her throat work as she swallows and she glances away for a fleeting moment. “She has several things going on this morning. I’m sure she’ll be in soon.”
I rest my chin in the palm of my hand, staring at her, watching as nervousness beads across her forehead. “As her assistant and her friend, I’m sure you know where I can find her. I’ve tried calling and texting, but I’m not getting a response. I’m sure she’d answer her assistant,” I try conning her.
She tightens her lips and shakes her head.
I glance to her door, pondering if I should bust through it and sweep my girl out of here, but this is her livelihood, something she’s worked so damn hard for and I’m not about to mess with it. I stand down off the idea.
I exhale a frustrated breath through my nose. “What time do you expect her back?” I ask even though I know she’s lying through her fucking teeth.
Relief saturates her expression. “I’m not sure.”
I look back to Whitney’s office door and then rap my knuckles on the counter. “Tell her I came by.”
I leave but pause outside at the last window and watch Lily enter Whitney’s office. I clench my jaw, but walk away anyway. Here isn’t the place to bring up our personal shit. I’ll respect her business.
But if she wants to play this game, she’s about to fucking lose.
I kill the engine and coast down the road, stopping just before her house. I wait for her by the mailbox when, just as expected, she steps out of her house right at eight. Mentally, I tsk her for being so on point with her schedule. She comes down her stairs with her phone in her hand and her eyes glued to it. She doesn’t look at her surroundings at all. It isn’t until she’s two steps down the sidewalk, when she shoves an ear bud in, and her eyes land on me. She gasps. Surprise splatters her expression.
“What are you doing here?” she bites.
“Running with this pretty fucking hot chick,” I answer.
“I’d like to run alone. Please.”
I shrug. “I’ll lag behind.”
She marches her little ass right up to me and cocks her hip. “I can’t not think if you’re with me.”
I smirk. “Am I the one you’re thinking about?”
She narrows her eyes and flails her arms off to the side. “I don’t want to think. It’s the whole point.”
I arch a brow. “If you’re running, I’m running with you. Go.” I nod. “You’ll never know I’m behind you. Promise.” I end with a coy grin.
She studies me for a moment, her hurt golden-brown eyes probing me. Anger rolling off her in waves. “Don’t fucking bother me.”
I lick my lips at the use of my language coming from her mouth as she strides off.
Her ass is phenomenal, each firm cheek bouncing with her pace as she lands her feet. Her legs are taking long strides as she thunders along the payment. I watch her body taunt me while I keep my promise and lag behind. I’m even staying quiet and not voicing my opinion about how gracefully beautiful she looks.
She’s focused, completely lost in her own little world with her earbuds in. I have no idea what she’s listening to, but at this pace, it’s something quick.
We finally round the corner and head up the lighted asphalt path under the trees she likes so much when she stops and twists toward me, ripping her earbuds out. “What do you want, Ryker?” she grinds out breathless, anger still seeded deeply in her eyes.
I stop a distance away from her. “You.”
She drops her arm to her side. “For how long? Until someone else more interesting comes along?”
I frown. “I’m not that guy.”
“Yeah? I thought so too.” She looks away and then back to me. “A man like you isn’t interested in a woman like me.”
“You should know very clearly what I’m interested in,” I state simply.
“That’s just it. I don’t,” she snaps more hurt than pissed. “One minute I think you’re all about me. You cut up with me. You do the sweetest things. You say things like you’ve rehearsed them and you touch me like you have way too much experience.” She rubs her forehead, aborting wherever she was going with it.
“I want you,” I repeat.
She glares at me with a curled lip and then pushes back off.
“I answer you and you run away,” I shout after her. “Maybe it’s you who doesn’t know what they want.”
She stops again, rotating toward me. “Because I’m not supposed to be attracted to a man like you.”
I grin. “You’re attracted to me?”
Okay, so I thought picking with her would crack a smile, loosen the mood. Boy, am I fucking wrong. I just threw gas onto her fire.
She balls her fist at her side. “Who isn’t attracted to you? Everyone is and you know it.”
“Doesn’t mean I act on it,” I remind her. “I’m where I choose to be.”
“Are you?” she fires off caustically. “I know what I saw. I stood there long enough to see, to feel everything I knew better than I should. You’re where you choose for the moment.”
I shake my head. “You saw a spontaneous photoshoot I had no fucking idea was happening until everyone showed up. If you had stayed, you would’ve seen I left alone. If you had come to me, you’d see those models mean nothing to me. I would’ve left with you.”
“How can I compete?” The anger melts from her and her voice breaks.
Up until this very moment, I’ve held my promise and kept my distance, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow her to feel this way without comfort. I step to her, grasping her hand…mainly to keep her from taking back off.
“Is that what this is about? You don’t think you compete?”
She blinks the tears from her eyes. “Your lifestyle and mine are very contrasting. I could never be comfortable with what I saw.”
“Then you be my model. I’d rather have your hands all over me—”
“It’s not that easy, Ryker. I’m not a model, therefore, I have to withstand seeing that again and again. Don’t you get it? I don’t care for the very thing you love. Any of it.”
“Because I haven’t taught you the schematics of it. You haven’t gotten to experience it. I want you with me,” I tell her.
She doesn’t say a word and I take to the silence, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. “Whatever this is between us, has me, Whit. I want to be with you. Just you. Forget the other girls. They don’t mean anything to me anyway.”
Her gaze flares infuriated, like I just hit the wrong switch. “Other girls?” She rips her hand from mine. “You’re fooling yourself if you think there would be anything between us.” She takes off in a full-on run.
What a fucking sucker punch.
“You’re lying to yourself if you think there isn’t,” I shout, sprinting after her. After a few strides, I catch up and lift her, yanking her into my chest by her waist. “There aren’t any other girls. There never has been. I meant the models,” I grit frustrated. “Have you ever thought why I might be interested in you?”
She fights against me—pushing away and shoving my chest, but I don’t let go. Her body finally goes limp. “Please let go of me.”
Very fucking reluctantly, I do as she asks.
She wipes the tears off her cheek before blinking up to me. “I’m scared of you.”
How brittle she sounds almost bring me to my knees. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
She drops her view. “You terrify me. There’s no way I can live up to your expectations. I’m just a small-town girl who has an insane crush on you, someone who could never feel for me the way I feel for you. You’ll break my heart. And I know this more certain than the ground I’m standing on.”
I furrow my brows. “You don’t know—”
“I do,” she interrupts me with a soft cry. “Yesterday shattered me. It hurt to see that. I can’t set myself up for heart break and I know it’s the very thing I’m doing if I allow myself to stay around you. If you respect me like you say you do, you’ll know I’m far too delicate. I just want to be happy.”
“And I want to make you happy.”
She exhales vanquished. “Your life is fighting, Ryker. The adrenaline, the thrill, the women. You love it. It’s your passion. It’s my competition. I’m not an insecure person, but seeing what I saw last night destroyed a part of me. I’ll never be able to contend with any part of it. I’ll never be okay with knowing the man I love endures pain and has the possibility of getting seriously injured. I’ll never be able to accept that. Your heart lies with it. You told me no holds, no hesitations, and to say exactly what I need to say. Well, I’d be a damn selfish bitch to get in the way of your dreams, of everything you’ve worked so damn hard for. So I’m saying what I need to say. I don’t want to be with you. Now please, leave me alone to heal.”
Her despairing gaze lingers. We exchange no words. And then she shoves off.
For the first time in a very long motherfucking time, I’m rendered mute. My chest crumbles watching her disappear into the distance as my jaw just fucking clenches tight. My traitorous feet cement me to the ground. My brain, trained for quick reactions, ceases and I let her leave without doing a fucking thing about it.