CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emma sat at her kitchen island morosely stirring the oatmeal she’d made for herself after realizing she’d missed lunch... and dinner. After a very long day of mental torture, she was no closer to making peace with her decision. Niko’s words, Phoebe’s, her sisters’, all crowded into her head bringing with them a very large dose of doubt.
Had she made the mistake that everyone else thought she had? Emma worried.
She almost ignored the knock at her door. She didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to put on a brave face or listen to yet another person tell her that her coping mechanisms made her a coward.
However, her front door had enough glass in it that whoever was knocking had probably already seen her pouting into her bowl. She heaved a defeated sigh and shuffled to the door.
At least she could be certain it wasn’t Nikolai on her doorstep.
She was, however, completely unprepared for the man she did find there. Tall and slim, his blond hair was neatly combed in the style he’d worn since junior high. He stood in his green golf shirt with his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts.
“Mason?”
He rounded his shoulders. “Hey, Emma. I was just in the neighborhood.”
She hadn’t seen him in a year and wondered how it was possible to feel like she was meeting both a stranger and a ghost from her past. “What are you doing here?” She was gaping at him and didn’t know how to stop.
He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Do you mind if I come in?”
Still dumbfounded, Emma opened the door wider. “Of course, I’m sorry. I’m just… surprised.”
Mason walked past her. Hands still in his pockets he surveyed her living space. “Quite the change from your place in L.A.,” he ventured.
Emma mustered a soft laugh. “That’s an understatement.”
“It seems like a nice town, though,” Mason continued.
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Water? Wine?” Perhaps an entire bottle of liquor?
“Water would be great.”
Right, no caffeine after six, Emma remembered. It had been his steadiness, his sense of responsibility that had attracted her to him. He made plans. He followed through. Dating him had been a relief. If he said he made reservations, he had. If he promised to call, he would.
Emma filled a glass with ice and, remembering his preference, added a sliver of lemon.
“Thanks,” he said, accepting the glass and drinking deeply.
He looked nervous.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here,” he began.
“Very curious.”
Mason cleared his throat, his brown eyes darting around the room. “I’ve been thinking that we may have made a mistake when we ended things last year.”
Emma, fearing that her knees might give out, sank down on the couch. “What kind of a mistake?”
Mason sat on the opposite end of the couch. “We had a good, solid relationship, and I wonder if letting a move end things for us wasn’t the right choice.”
“I’m not considering a move back to the West Coast,” Emma said gently.
“No, of course not. Your family is here,” Mason shook his head. “I was thinking I could move here, live here, and we could—” he cleared his throat again. “I thought we could get married.”
Emma wasn’t completely clear on what happened, but Mason was suddenly leaning in and staring hard into her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah. Fine. Sure.”
“Because you haven’t spoken or blinked for a full minute.” He glanced at his watch to verify. “Closer to two minutes.”
“Uh. Fine. Yeah.”
“I’m sorry for springing this on you. You have no idea how sorry,” he said under his breath. “But it was something that needed to be said. Something that needed to be put on the table.”
“You think we should get married?”
“Emma, you’re an amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to have you.”
“What about your job? You’re a partner with the firm.”
“I could start my own practice. People in Blue Moon pay taxes, right?”
“Probably some of them, but I wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket.”
“Well, that’s something I could figure out. I’d move here, and you could stay with your family and keep your job. We could live here if you want.” He glanced around the cottage’s living space and drained the rest of the glass.
“What brought this on?” Emma asked, still feeling as if she’d been blindsided by a steamroller.
“Like I said, it was something that needed to be put on the table.” He put his empty glass on the coffee table and rose. “Okay, so I’m going to go.”
Emma stared up at him. “You just proposed, and you’re going to leave now?”
“You like to think things over. I wouldn’t expect you to just jump into something. It’s a lot to consider.”
Mouth still agape, Emma nodded. She walked him to the door and considered the possibility that she was asleep and dreaming all this. It seemed more likely than her ex-boyfriend flying across the country to propose a year after their break up.
He turned in the doorway. “You have my number if you want to talk.”
She nodded, mutely.
He scratched at the back of his neck. “Okay, well. It was good to see you, Emma. You look great.”
“Thanks, Mason. You too…”
And then he was disappearing across the lawn.
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Emma woke Sunday morning on her couch after a fitful night of mental debates. She’d nearly worn a trench in her bedroom rug from pacing and trying to understand all that had transpired in the past twenty-four hours.
Nikolai had told her he loved her. She panicked and ended their relationship because she didn’t see how they could make it work. Mason showed up out of the blue and proposed. Oh, and everyone she cared about told her she was a scaredy cat who ran when things got complicated.
That about summed it up.
She’d mapped it out from every angle, weighed the pros and cons, and finally come to the realization that she had only one option. She had to grovel.
Niko was right. She’d lived her entire life trying to protect herself from the pain of abandonment, and in doing so, she had been the one to walk away again and again. The walking stops here, she vowed. Today she would run.
She’d run to Niko’s arms and beg for forgiveness.
And after she groveled and begged and threw herself on Niko’s mercy, then she would find Mason, thank him for his kind offer, and turn him down. She’d known the moment she’d seen him on her porch that it was Nikolai Vulkov that she loved. There had been a time in her life when “safe” felt happy. But that time had passed, and she wanted more, so much more.
The June sun was warm on her face as it shown through her windshield. She pulled into the farm’s driveway, praying that he hadn’t packed up and left town last night. But a quick scan of the garage and barn showed the place was deserted. Niko’s bike was missing, too.
Shit. Well, if she had to drive to New York to say her piece, she would.
Emma smacked herself in the forehead. Sunday. Farmers market day. “Please be there,” she whispered as she turned around and sped out of the driveway, a cloud of dust kicking up behind her.
She kept chanting the whole way into town, not letting up until she parked on a side street and jumped out of the car. It was then that she realized she was still wearing blue plaid pajama pants. But that couldn’t be helped now, and she wasn’t turning around to go home and change.
Emma jogged the rest of the way to One Love Park where the farmers market was in full swing. The colorful canopies created a rainbow above homemade soaps and soups, hand woven socks, and fresh funnel cakes. The free-range petting zoo which consisted of farm animals milling about the park was, as anticipated, a wonderful disaster.
People called out greetings to her, but she was on a mission. He had to be here. She had to find him. It couldn’t be too late.
Through her watery vision, Emma spotted him. And the relief cut through her like an axe. Her entire body sang. Niko was crouched down, taking pictures of Aurora who was cuddling a struggling chicken that looked like it wished it could return to its free-range life. Ellery, decked out in her Frankenstein shoes and glitter skull t-shirt, stood nearby gnawing on her black fingernails and checking her watch.
“Nikolai!” Emma waved.
He glanced up from the screen of the camera he held, a frown of concentration on his face. When he saw her, something that looked like hope lit his eyes before he carefully put it away, returning his beautiful face to the impassive mask.
She was running now, looking like a hysterical idiot in her pajamas. She knew someone would be live streaming her breakdown to the Blue Moon Facebook group and didn’t care.
She was long overdue for putting herself out there, heart and humiliation be damned.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she gasped the words out. She gripped his forearms with her hands, determined to keep him here. She needed him to hear every terrifying word. “I was so wrong,” she began, her voice breaking a little.
“Mama, what’s happening?” Aurora hissed at Gia. Her sister held up a finger to her lips to shush the little girl.
“I spent my entire life trying to protect myself from hurt. I thought I wanted safe and stable and boring,” she let out a short laugh. “But in protecting myself from hurt, I ended up locking myself away from life… and love.”
Nikolai swallowed hard but said nothing.
“You saw me,” she whispered. “Really saw me. And you loved me, not just for the role I played but for the woman I am underneath all my fears, all my needs. You saw that hot mess clinging futilely to control, and you still wanted me.”
“So what are you saying?” he asked softly. She heard it, that slight hint of Russia woven into his words.
“I’m saying I love you, Nikolai. I want a life with you, whatever that may look like. I want to live a life of adventure with you. I want to be scared about losing you. I want to wake up sweating because you’re draped over me every damn morning. I want to be late to work because we got carried away. I’ll follow you anywhere as long as you promise to follow me, too.”
Nikolai looked down at the camera in his hands. He pulled away from her grip, and Emma felt the first punch of fear. But he handed the camera to Aurora.
“Kid, I’m going to want some good pictures of this, okay?”
Aurora nodded solemnly when he looped the strap over her head. “That button right there. Got it?”
“Oh, God, please don’t break that, Roar,” Gia whispered under her breath.
Nikolai straightened and took Emma’s hands. Her heart sang with hope, with love, with all of the feelings she’d ignored for so long.
“What made you change your mind?”
“Someone proposed to me and offered to let me make all the decisions in life from here on out.”
“You’re engaged?” There was fight in those beautiful dark eyes of his.
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Emma heard Ellery chanting softly as she swiped her hands over her pale face, dislodging her heart shaped sunglasses.
Emma shook her head and laughed. “No! He offered me everything I thought I wanted, except…”
Nikolai squeezed her hands. “Except what?” he demanded, his voice rough with emotion.
“Except you. He wasn’t you. I can have everything I thought I wanted in life, and it won’t be enough. It won’t even scratch the surface because what I really want is you.”
He was reeling her into him. His hands skimmed her hips, pulling her against him. “So you’re not engaged?” he clarified.
She shook her head. “Nope.”
Ellery bent from the waist and exhaled sharply. “Thank freaking God!”
Emma pointed at her. “I’m going to finish this first, but then you’re going to tell me why you’re watching this like a live-action soap opera.”
Ellery flashed a guilty smile and gave a little curtsy. “Carry on.”
Emma turned back to Nikolai and continued. “I don’t want to be just friends. If you’re interested in a full confession, I doubt I ever did. From day one, you’ve fascinated me, and I couldn’t wait to spend time with you every single day.”
“Then what do you want?” Nikolai asked, tracing his fingertips over her tear-stained cheek.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “I want to choose you every damn day. Even when it’s hard. Even if one of us wants to give up. I want to fight and win and love you. I want to do this every day for the rest of my life.” Emma brought her lips to his, sealing her words with a physical promise. His mouth heated under hers, stealing her breath and tasting the salt of her tears. She knew she was where she belonged.
He pulled back just the slightest bit, and she fought for her breath. “Say the words, Emma,” he demanded.
She brought her hands to his impossibly beautiful face. “I love you, Nikolai. I love the havoc you’re going to wreak on my life.”
“Our life,” he corrected.
“So, you still love me?” she worried her lower lip between her teeth. She needed the words from him.
“Emma, I have a confession to make.” His voice was low, serious. “It might change how you feel.”
She took a breath and then another one. She wasn’t running. Not this time. “Okay. What is it?”
“I took one look at you yelling at a vendor on the phone and went into free-fall. I was never going to let you friend zone me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let you run away from me.”
“Sneaky bastard,” Emma murmured. “I love your diabolical nature.”
“And I love every damn thing about you, Emmaline.”
“Even my crazy?”
“Even your crazy,” he confirmed.
“Thanks for not giving up on me,” she said, raising up on her tip toes for another kiss.
“Thanks for not making me regret this next thing.”
“What next thing?” Emma asked, suddenly nervous again.
“Remember how you hate grand gestures that should have been joint decisions in the first place?”
“Oh, hell, Niko. What did you do?”
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The house that had teased at the back of her mind, the one she’d seen herself making breakfast in, spending lazy mornings in, had a bright red sold sticker slapped over the for sale sign.
First came the bitter tinge of disappointment that someone else had had the guts to go after her dream. Then came the dawning of realization.
“You bought it? But we just made up!”
Niko pulled a key ring from his pocket and handed it over.
“Keys?”
“These are yours. I told you I would fight for you.”
“I broke up with you,” Emma gawked at him. “What was your plan?”
“I witnessed something amazing yesterday afternoon, something that I want to be a part of, something that you’re already a part of. So I decided that I’d buy your dream house here and torture you with my presence for the next year or so before I wore you down again. I’d show up at dinner every Saturday night, run into you at the gym, you know, the original plan.”
“You really do love me.”
“It’s about time that starts to sink in.”
She stared at the keys and back at the house. “I can’t believe you’d do this for me. The things I said to you—”
“And the things I said to you. Let’s just see if we can handle our disagreements a little more maturely in the future.”
“You don’t think they’ll all be that bad, do you?”
“Us? No. Of course not,” he said, giving her that devil’s smile and pulling her into his arms.
“You’re totally lying right now, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
“Probably.”
“It’ll be an adventure,” he predicted.
“And not just in the bedroom,” she said with a wink.
Niko scooped her up and she laughed. “Let’s go check out our new home.”
“You’re supposed to do this to the bride,” Emma said, looping her arms around his neck.
He bounded up the front steps of the porch. “Oh, we’re getting married.”
“Is that your idea of a proposal?”
“What? Are you expecting a puppy?”
“I was at least expecting the question!”
He slid the key in the lock and pushed open the front door. “Why? So you can agonize over it for weeks on end torturing both of us when you know there’s only one answer? I think it’s easier to just tell you we’re getting married. Now, you can just get used to the idea.”
Emma slapped his chest. “Nikolai, getting married is a big decision,” she argued. “One that we both should be part of!”
The little yip of delight took her by surprise, and when she spotted the ball of yellow fur tumbling over giant feet toward them she gasped. “Oh, my God!”
“Yeah, well, so is getting a house and a dog,” Niko shrugged.