27
On Wednesday, the clinic was slow. There seemed to be a feast-or-famine aspect to work here—we were either slammed, or we were twiddling our thumbs. So far my only patient had been a four-year-old hotel guest with a rash that was, I suspected, caused by a change in laundry detergent and not because he’d been stung by 999 invisible jellyfish, as he reported.
“That could be the cause,” I said somberly. “It’s unusual to find jellyfish in pools, especially the invisible kind. But if it is that, this cream will help.”
His mother smiled and thanked me, and I tousled the little guy’s hair, told him he was extremely brave and gave him a dolphin sticker. Another satisfied customer.
I went to the counter to fill out the forms. Gloria pretended I was invisible.
Okay, enough. “Gloria,” I said, “don’t you hate when two women have a really nice friendship going on, and then that friendship is ruined because of a guy?”
It took her five full seconds to look at me. “I’m sorry. I just happen to think that what you did to Robert was really horrible.”
“What did I do?”
“He was there for you when you went through this—” she made finger quotes “—‘bad time,’ and then you dumped him when he was the one who needed a little moral support.”
“Did he happen to tell you what my ‘bad time’ was?” I asked, also using finger quotes.
“No. He still respects your privacy. He said you were feeling insecure.”
“That’s one word for it. A man broke into my home, beat the shit out of me, tried to rape me and was going to kill me. With a knife.”
Her face drained of color, and her mouth fell open. It was satisfying.
“So yeah. I was probably a little needy after that. After I got out of the hospital. I was probably a little jumpy because they never caught him. As far as our breakup, that was all Bobby’s doing. Ask him about a coworker named Jabrielle.”
Gloria was frowning now. She started to bite a fingernail, then stopped.
“Here’s the last thing, Gloria. I’m glad not to be with Bobby anymore. I really am. I’m very happy these days. If you guys are having fun together, good for you. I honestly don’t care. But lose the bitchy attitude. Don’t be one of those women.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket, allowing me to exit on a high note. “Excuse me,” I said and walked to the lounge.
It was Audrey. “Hey,” she said. “Have you heard from Poe?”
“No. Isn’t she at the boatyard?”
“She was. She got a phone call, and she just flew outta here. She had her bike, and she was really upset.”
“Did she say who it was?”
“No. She just started crying and ran.” Audrey paused. “She was really, really upset.”
My free hand was clenched. “Okay, honey. If you see her or hear from her, let me know, okay? Thanks for calling.”
There was only one person who could have that effect on my Poe.
Lily.
I called my mom at the hotel, but Donna answered the phone. “She just went home, sweethaht,” she said. “Said she had to speak to Poe.”
My mother didn’t answer her cell. I called the house, but there was no answer.
Something bad had happened. Something with Lily. I closed my eyes and sent up a silent prayer to our father. Let her be okay. Watch over Poe.
Not that he’d been very good at watching over anyone.
I must’ve looked distressed because when I stuck my head in Amelia’s office, she said, “Oh, no. Are you all right?”
“I need to leave. Family emergency.”
“Call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Amelia.” I ran out to my little car, glad it was raining and I hadn’t ridden my bike. I drove as fast as I dared, my heart thudding, my brain shutting the door against any of the big, horrible thoughts that banged on it.
I got to Mom’s in record time and ran inside. My mother sat at the kitchen table, a notebook and the big old phone next to her.
“It’s Lily,” she said without preamble. “There was a fight at the prison. She stabbed another inmate.”
“Oh, God.” I sank into the chair next to my mom. “Is she okay?”
“The other girl had to go to the hospital. Should be all right. But...” My mother tilted her head to look out the window, and it was a few seconds before she spoke again. Her voice was steady when she did. “Lily’s in solitary. The fight added years to her sentence. At least five, the lawyer said.”
I closed my eyes.
My sister would miss the rest of Poe’s fragile childhood. Would miss her first date, prom, college applications, turning eighteen, maybe turning twenty-one. She’d miss Poe getting her license, falling in love.
“What did you tell Poe?” I asked.
“I didn’t get a chance to talk to her,” Mom said. “The lawyer called her first. I tried her, but she’s not picking up.”
“Audrey Fletcher said she tore out of the boatyard, really upset.”
“Ayuh. I just got off the phone with Sullivan. I’m guessin’ she’s gonna try to get back to Seattle and see her mother.”
“Well, we live on an island, Mom. She can’t go far.” I took a deep breath. Thunder rolled across the sky. “Call Jake Ferriman and tell him not to take Poe anywhere.”
“Good idea.”
“Call the police, too. Just so they know. Have them alert the marina that a blue-haired girl might be trying to get a ride to Portland.”
“Smaht.” She gripped my hand. “Thanks, Nora. I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’ll check my place, okay? Maybe Poe went there.” I tried to sound calm, but in reality, I was trying not to throw up.
Oh, Lily. You were so close to getting out. You had only a few more weeks! What the hell have you done?
Mom got up and called Jake. I called Poe, but it went right to voice mail, so I left a message, then texted the same thing.
I know you’re upset right now. Call me, honey. I love you.
“Let me know if you hear anything, Mom,” I said. She nodded, and I went back to my car and drove to Oberon Cove, pulled into my little space and ran down the dock. Boomer jumped up from where he was lying on the top deck and woofed happily.
“Poe?” I said, bursting into the house. “Poe, honey?” I checked my room, her room. I’d picked her flowers the last time she slept over—three nights ago—and they were still there, dahlias and orange geranium leaves.
Rain started to fall, hard and angry. What did you do to my girl, Lily? How could you?
Poe wasn’t on the top deck, either.
“Come on, Boomer,” I said, and he followed me down the stairs, back into the car.
I called my mom, told her I was going downtown and would take a look around for Poe, check in with the storekeepers and lobstermen.
Wait a minute.
I called Sullivan. “Where’s Luke?” I asked tersely.
“He’s power-washing the Donovans’ sailboat. I can see him from here.” We both knew why I was asking. “Any luck yet?”
“No. Sorry, Sullivan.”
“It’s all right. You had to ask. I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Good luck, honey.”
The endearment brought tears to my eyes.
At the ferry, I showed Jake a picture of Poe I had on my phone—her and Audrey, from the sleepover—to make sure he knew who was missing. “I’ll keep an eye out,” he said, hitching up his pants.
“Thanks, Jake.”
I went into the bookstore and Lala’s and the restaurants, and asked the same questions each time. Have you seen this girl? She’s upset. Her name is Poe. Blue hair. Ask her to call her aunt or grandmother if you see her.
The last stop on the street was the general store and post office. I braced for Teeny Fletcher’s bitchery.
“Teeny, my niece—”
“I heard all about it. Audrey just called me.” She looked at me with that sour face. “Good luck finding her. Let us know if you need anything.”
I blinked. “Thank you.”
I got back in my car and gripped the steering wheel hard. Where else could I look? The high school? I guess she might go there. The grammar school playground, maybe? Boomer wagged his tail and snuffled my ear. “Not now, buddy,” I said, pushing his big head away.
I glanced out at the harbor. Tide was dead low, just about to change. The moon was full, so it’d be awfully high tonight.
And then I knew. I knew where she was.
I floored it through town, down Perez Avenue, past the high school, down Route 12, which had never made any sense to me, since the island didn’t have eleven other routes.
Past Mom’s house. Donna’s car was there. Good. I kept driving to where the road ended a few hundred yards past our place, at the edge of the state forest, got out and started running, Boomer cantering joyously behind me, jowls flapping, tail like a banner. The rain soaked my shirt, making it flop against my ribs.
I should’ve let someone know where I was going. But there was no cell service way out here, and I wasn’t going to waste time by going back.
Through the forest, my old friend. A blue jay squawked, ratting out my presence to all other wildlife. I saw a flash ahead—a fox, maybe, or a rabbit. I came out of the woods onto the rocks, my feet sure and fast, Boomer right beside me, the best dog ever, the Dog of Dogs. The waves were loud, the water dark gray.
There it was. Our cave.
“Poe!” I yelled. “Are you in there?”
No answer. If she wasn’t here, I had no idea where to look. But I’d keep on looking until I found her, damn it.
“Poe?”
Boomer barked.
I climbed down the rocks and went in, the cold, mineral smell of rock mixing with the sharp smells of the sea.
She was lying in the fetal position on the little plateau in the back of the cave, where Lily and I once told each other stories.
“Oh, baby,” I said, my feet crunching on the pebbles as I went to her. “I’m so sorry.” Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her against me, feeling her heave with sobs. She was so light, just like Lily had been. “I’m so sorry,” I said.
“How could she do this?”
“I don’t know, honey. I don’t know any details.”
“She stabbed someone! She’ll never get out now!”
I just rocked my niece and kissed her head. Boomer barked from outside, too wary of the water to come down. The waves were lapping at the entrance now. We’d have to wade out. “We need to get out of here, sweetheart,” I said. “The tide’s coming in.”
“I don’t care,” Poe said. “I don’t care about anything.” She curled against me as if warding off a blow, and her sobs shook in and out of her.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” I murmured. “I wish I had more to say than that, but I am. I know you miss her.”
A thin wail came out of Poe’s mouth.
“I do...but I don’t, Nora,” she sobbed, looking up at me, her face twisted in pain. “I told her the last time we talked that I wanted to stay here. That she should come back and live with Gran and we could all be together, and she said that wasn’t gonna happen, and I...I didn’t want to go back to Seattle. I told her I wanted to stay here, and now she’ll never get out, and part of me is...is...glad.” Her voice rose on the last word, going silent as she cried and cried and cried.
“Oh, baby,” I said, hugging her harder. I closed my eyes against my own tears and tried to think of something to say, something that would put things right.
There was nothing. All I could do was be here. The tide had risen enough that there was water in the mouth of the cave. Our pants would get wet, but who cared? I stroked Poe’s hair and her studded ear, and rubbed her back.
“I hated it here when I first came,” Poe said, pulling back from me and wiping her eyes, smearing her eyeliner. “It’s so boring. But it’s so...safe, too.” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to live with my mom. I love her so much, but I’m glad she can’t take me away. I’m a bad daughter. She must hate me. That’s why she stabbed that other person. So she wouldn’t have to be with me because she’s so mad.”
Poe broke down again.
“No, sweetheart. No. You’re the best thing she ever did, and she knows that. She’s always loved you so much.”
But there was some truth in Poe’s words. It wasn’t that Lily hated her own daughter...but somehow, in the wrong way, she was giving Poe what she needed, and making sure it couldn’t be undone. Stay in jail, and Poe was safe from her.
The same way my father had left us forever. Not to punish us...but maybe so he’d limit the damage.
Oh, Lily.
If there was any doubt my heart was broken, it was gone now.
When the water seeped into my shoe, I knew we had to go. I took a breath and looked up.
There were the words. My mouth opened.
Still here after all these years.
The memory flashed like lightning. A little girl’s hand, scraping words into the cave ceiling, tracing them over and over again. Our laughter bouncing off the cave walls. Lily’s hand in mine, her braids bouncing as we ran back home through the woods.
“Poe,” I said, “I think you should live with me instead of Gran.”
Her crying stopped abruptly.
“Yes,” I said. “I think that’s the best idea.”
“In Boston?” she said, her voice small.
“No. Here. On the island.”
It could work. I’d be full-time at the clinic. I had enough for a hefty down payment on a house. I had all that furniture in storage, just waiting for me to make a home.
Poe had moved enough in her life. She already had friends—well, one, anyway. She was already enrolled in school.
“Yes. Live with me. We can still see Gran all the time, but you belong with me, honey. Here on the island.”
Because I didn’t want to be the girl who’d left Scupper anymore. The one who had to run away to find herself. The one who—let’s face it—had been playing a part for a long time. Not completely; there were things about my Perez self that were genuine. But God, it had been so much work, that person in Boston! Bobby’s girlfriend, the organizer of outings, the most cheerful of the cheerful, the most hardworking of all. I’d been trying too hard for too long.
Here, I wasn’t perfect all the time, not so polished, not so concerned with making the world love me.
Here on Scupper, people knew me.
After all this time, I was really myself.
And so was Poe. She didn’t stomp all the time, she’d let go of a lot of her anger, she had conversations with people, a job, a friend and a genuine sweetness.
This was where we were meant to be.
“Are you sure?” she asked, her blueberry eyes full of hope.
“Completely. I love you, you know.”
“You do?”
“I do.”
She hugged me, the poor little bird, and I hugged her back, long and hard. “Come on. Gran’s a wreck. We have to get back.”
The tide was up to my knees now, the mouth of the cave halfway full. “Looks like we’re gonna have to swim for it,” I said. Our phones would be ruined, but who cared?
“I don’t think so,” Poe said.
“Well, it’s that or drown.” I smiled. “You can do it. I’ll be right there next to you.”
And so we waded in, holding hands, the numbing water stealing our breath, and on the count of three, we went under and pushed off, kicking and reaching. Though the salt water stung my eyes, I opened them to make sure Poe was right there with me.
For just a second, she was Lily, my lost sister now found in her daughter, baptized anew in the harsh bite of the clear, cold Maine ocean.
* * *
My mom was fine with Poe living with me, even if her eyes did fill with tears when I told her.
“I guess that’s a good idear,” she said.
“I’ll still see you every day, Gran,” Poe said, pulling the blanket closer around her shoulders. My mom insisted on wrapping us both up tight, and Donna was making coffee.
“Well, you don’t have to come every day.”
“I will. I promise.”
“By the way, Gran is dating someone,” I said, tilting my head at Donna. “Mrs. K and she are a couple.”
Poe’s eyes bugged out. “I have a lesbian grandmother? Oh, my God, I’m so cool!”
We all laughed, and I ruffled Poe’s wet hair. Boomer’s tail wagged, and he smiled his Dog of Dogs smile, glad that his womenfolk were all right.
Over the next few days, I made plans.
Amelia was more than happy that I’d be staying. We talked about benefits and hours, and I went back to Jim Ivansky, the real estate guy who’d found me the houseboat. Too bad I couldn’t afford to buy that. Asked him to keep an eye out for a little house in town. I called my practice and gave notice and said, of course, I’d come back to visit. Roseline cried when I told her, then gave me some news of her own—she was newly pregnant, and just because I’d be living in Maine didn’t mean I was getting out of godmother duty.
Sully...Sully gave me that ovary-destroyer smile when I told him I’d be staying.
“Don’t get cocky,” I said. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“No, no, I’m just a happy side note here.” He kissed me. “Very happy.”
We still hadn’t slept together—well, the right way, that was. But the girls were going to sleep over at my mom’s this weekend, so hopefully that was about to change.
Five nights after I found Poe in the cave, I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. The area code, however, was 206.
Seattle.
“You have a call from an inmate at Washington State Women’s Correctional Facility,” the recorded voice said. “Press 1 to accept the call.”
My hand was shaking. I pressed 1.
“Lily?” I whispered.
For a minute, there was no response.
“Tell her I’m sorry.” My sister’s voice, which I hadn’t heard in years, cut my heart in half. “I’m so sorry. Take care of my baby, Nora. Take care of her better than I did. I had no business becoming a mother, but I love her, and I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t be better.”
“I will,” I breathed. “I swear it, Lily. I’ll take good care of her.”
“I know you will,” she said, her voice breaking. “I know.”
Tears poured out of my eyes, and I pressed my lips together. “She loves you, too,” I said. “She loves you so much.”
The sound of my sister crying had always gutted me.
It still did.
I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. “Are you okay, Lily?”
There was no answer. Of course, she wasn’t okay.
“Hey,” I said, my voice wobbling. “Guess what I found? In the cave. Remember? Remember what you wrote?”
There was no answer.
“You wrote ‘Nora and Lily, together forever.’ Remember that? I’ll send you a picture of it,” I said.
“I never... I never showed anyone our cave. I never did.”
I bit down on a sob. “I love you, Lily. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
I kept saying it until she hung up so softly I didn’t know the connection had been cut. And even then, I kept saying it.
I love you. I love you. I love you.