Oblivious... (Last Christmas Book 2) by Heather Mar-Gerrison (1)

Oblivious...

(Last Christmas #2)

Heather Mar-Gerrison

 

 

 

Kindle Edition

Heather Mar-Gerrison Copyright 2017

 

 

 

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronically or mechanically, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue

 

You’d think that living in the French Alps would be all fine and dandy and that every day was some kind of exotic adventure.

It wasn’t.

Let me tell you that most of the time I was bored out of my skull and waiting for my life to start.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating because I was pissed off that everyone else’s life was getting off to a flying start and I was stuck in first gear.... It would be fair to say that I was in a permanent bad temper these days and I guess I was just being churlish.

We lived in possibly the prettiest place on the face of the earth and I had the best parents and the best brother a guy could ever wish for. I probably had the best job in the world too but I wanted more. I wanted to go to uni.

Kane, my twin brother, didn’t have any such desires. He was totally into the family-run business and was perfectly happy to take it over and run it when Mum and Dad finally retired – which, between you and me, I couldn’t see them doing for a long time. Still, Kane wasn’t bothered. He’d got a great boyfriend in George, who had graduated uni this year and was in the process of moving out to live with us.

I wanted to experience what George and his best friend, Eleanor, who was also cousins with my best friend, Elliot, had. Freedom to do as I liked without having to run by a late night with the olds. It was such a ball-ache. And my parents were pretty liberal but I totally got the feeling that Mum judged me for not wanting to settle down. She totally had me in the same pigeonhole as my best mate, Elliot. But I wasn’t like Elliot at all. Elliot loved to play the field and was in serious danger of never settling down with his one and only but I was seriously looking for the one – I just couldn’t find her... I thought I might be lucky and find it to be Eleanor when she and George came home last Christmas, but we soon realised that we didn’t really have the spark that was so necessary in The One...

Maybe I was too picky, or maybe my idea of romance was too much like the movies – but I was such a sucker for the perfect happy-ever-after ending, when epic love didn’t immediately happen, rightly or wrongly, I just lost interest.

So anyway – my disastrous love life aside, I’d decided that studying international business as my degree would be a prudent move (I guess at the back of my mind I really did think I’d eventually have more to do with the business side of things with Kane, after all) and I’d applied and had been accepted at the University of Liverpool – and I was going in September...

 

*

 

Mum being Mum, insisted that I look for accommodation to share with someone else. “I don’t like the idea of you being all on your own in a room – your not a naturally solitary soul and you’ll just sink inside yourself and play on that damned X-Box thingy all of the time. You need company, Kurt – you’re a twin!”

I rolled my eyes and bitched about it for a bit, but in the end I had to agree with her – I really wasn’t a solitary type of guy. I did love company. Hell, it was a terrible wrench being apart from Kane – but Kane had George now and it was time, at twenty-three, that I grew a pair, took stock and got on with my life...

Anyway. I applied for an apartment to share and was lucky enough to get one. I had no idea who I was sharing with. All I knew was that I’d been put with another guy, which was totally cool. It really would be too much to hope that I’d be put with a hot woman. I guessed that I’d meet him soon enough and I was confident that I could get along with just about anyone...

 

 

Chapter 1 – Panicking...

 

Sebastian

 

“What if he’s a total homophobe?” I wailed to my mother, chewing on my bottom lip nervously to the point of being able to taste my own blood. Gross. “What will I do?”

She rolled her eyes at my obvious meltdown, “Honey, he’ll love you – everyone does.”

Not everyone. Steve Morley had absolutely fucking hated me as school. That one kid had made the last two years of my school life absolutely fucking unbearable. Thankfully, college had been a totally different ball game and I’d made some really great friends – boys and girls – who had adored me in the same way as I had adored all of them. “Yeah, right.” I bitched, “tell that to the homophobic arsehole, Steven Morley...”

Mum gave me one of her looks, “Sebastian.” She said in a voice that told me she was only just holding onto her patience.

I flashed her a smile, “Sorry.” I said, “I’m just really nervous.” I’d been to the bathroom more times than I’d like to admit to and my arse was feeling pretty damned tender.

She nodded, “I know, honey.” She said, “Now, are we packing these?” She held up a couple of brightly coloured thongs.

I snatched them out of her hand, feeling utterly mortified that she even knew they existed, “Oh, my God!”

She left my room, laughing. “Just hurry up.” She shouted over her shoulder, “We’ll be going in half an hour, young man. Or you’ll miss your allotted moving in time.”

I sat on my bed and stared around my room. It was my haven, this room. It was painted in navy blue and white and everything matched beautifully. I doubted my room at university would be anything like as nice. Still, I guess I could always accessorise...

 

*

 

Four hours later, it was apparent that I was going to have to buy paint, rugs and fairy lights just to make my room even half way decent.

Something my new roommate, Kurt, who was absolutely beautiful by the way, thought was really quite hilarious...

“Oh, man – you are so like my brother!” he chortled.

I raised my eyebrows, “You’ve got a gay brother?” Interesting. Younger or older? I’d always liked guys who were older than me by a couple of years... I wondered what he looked like...

He nodded, smiling fondly as he talked about him, “Yeah, Kane – he’s just like you with your penchant for accessories and shit.”

I smiled, “But you’re okay with it?” I asked, “And uh, with me I mean – you know – being gay?” It may well be the twenty-first century where we were all supposed to be tolerant and everything but there were still so many horribly ignorant people around – young and old alike...

He nodded, “Sure.” He said, “I’m totally down with the whole gay thing – I’m not gay, though.”

Well, if that wasn’t as plain as the nose on his face. I laughed, “I never thought you were, mate.” I said.

He grinned, “You’re not gonna hold it against me are you?”

Was he flirting with me? Hello... But no, of course he wasn’t flirting with me. He’d just told me that he was as straight as a die – and my gaydar had definitely not even so much as given a feeble ‘ping’ at him being anything like me. It was a shame because he was totally my type – dark hair, blue eyes framed with long black lashes and dimples to die for. My God, it was like spotting the best cream cake in the box only to find someone else had ordered it specially... totally unavailable... Oh well, there were plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

“Well, you’ve already made a difference in here,” Kurt said, “Fancy a pint?” he asked, looking at me hopefully.

I blinked, “Me?” I asked.

He frowned and made a bit of a show of looking around the room, “Well, I don’t see anyone else in here.” He flashed me a grin, showing off those magnificent dimples again, “So, how about it, Seb – are you coming with me?”

I nodded. He just called me Seb... Don’t read anything into it. He’s straight. Straight... “Yeah, definitely.” I said, scrambling off my bed where I’d just wound around my string of rather lovely multi-coloured fairy lights and shoving my feet in my Converses. “Just give me two minutes to do my hair.”

He nodded, following me to the bathroom and sitting down on the toilet to watch me while I ran a little wax through my hair and teased it back into shape, “Sure – take your time, Kane always does...”

I was surprised that he’d come to a different uni to his brother – even more surprised when he explained that actually, his brother, who was his twin brother (niiiice – gay and with his looks – phew! Shame he was already taken by the lucky bastard, George...) hadn’t come to uni at all and I almost died of shock when he said they were both twenty-three already.

“You’re twenty-three?” I asked. Wow, he was a total grown-up! He didn’t look any older than me.

He nodded, rolling his eyes, “It’s not that old.” He reminded me, “And yeah – I guess I’m what you might call a late developer. We live in France...”

“France?” I squawked in utter disbelief, “And you’ve come here?” I stared at him as if he’d lost his mind completely. France was so romantic and ever-so-slightly exotic... “You’ve actually come all the way from France?” He had to be crazy... “Are you mad?”

He just chuckled and shook his head, “No,” he said, “I’m just spreading my wings and getting away from my very close, very loving, very nosey family for a while.” He grinned, showing even, white teeth and my belly went a little funny.

Desperately trying to get the message through from my brain to my dick that this guy was never going to be interested in me in a million years, I smiled, “Oh, okay.” I said, “Where in France does your family live?”

I was assuming somewhere like Cannes or Monte Carlo or something equally as impressive and was actually quite relieved when it wasn’t.

He grinned, “We run a ‘small and friendly’ holiday park near the slopes and Dad teaches skiing. So do I when I’m home – that was my job before I came here. I loved it – but I just needed a break from it and I uh, I just wanted to know that I could actually do this. You know, living on my own.”

I brightened. I’d always wanted to learn to ski and I was visualising him showing me the ropes... his arms around my waist as he leaned down and whispered in my ear how to hold my ski poles. Hello! I was at it again. I gave myself a mental shake, “Really?” I asked, trying to slow my heart rate down a little, “That was your job? That’s so cool!”

He grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I guess it was pretty cool.” He acknowledged modestly.

I nodded. “I’ve always wanted to learn to ski.” Just thought I’d drop that one in there. Call me an opportunist by all means...

He grinned, “I’ll take you back with me sometime, then,” he chuckled, “and I’ll introduce you to my best friend, Elliot.”

I fluttered my lashes at him, “Elliot?” I purred, “I like the sound of that.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Nah, I couldn’t do that to you. He’d have you for breakfast.” He said. “Total man-whore if ever there was one – but he’s a great mate.”

Suddenly the idea of getting jiggy with the promiscuous-sounding Elliot didn’t seem all that appealing after all. I turned towards Kurt and held my arms out at my sides, “Well, I’m ready whenever you are.”

He looked at me in surprise, “What, no lip gloss? No hairspray? What sort of a gay guy are you?”

I grinned, “I’m the best kind.” I said with a wink, “I can be manly and fit in.”

He grinned back, “I like you already.”

 

 

Chapter 2 – Sebastian...

 

Kurt

 

Sebastian was really cool and I liked him immediately.

We walked down to the student union bar (Aptly named the SU Bar) and sat at a table near the bar with our drinks.

As we sat there, the place started to fill up with loads of girls and guys. They all seemed to be freshers, just like us and we got chatting to loads of them.

One girl in particular, Megan, was very friendly with me and I found that I was taking much more notice of her than I was of Sebastian, who had drifted off with some guy that was trying his best to get him to sign up to the LGBTQ society. Well, that was cool – he’d likely want to join that and meet up with guys who he could hang out with and go on dates...

The night wore on and the drinks were flowing and before long I found myself kissing Megan. She was really nice, chatty and intelligent – she was going to be studying English – she was also very confident and very friendly... “Do you have condoms back at your place?” she asked, running her fingers up my chest and making my heart rate increase.

I nodded, my dick springing to attention at the mere mention of the word ‘condom’. I hadn’t been with a girl for a while before I came out to uni and there was no way I was passing this opportunity up, since she was making herself so readily available, “Sure.” I said, probably with my tongue hanging out of my mouth, “Wanna come back with me?”

I had no idea if Sebastian had gone back to our place with his own date but I figured that we had our own bedroom each – so, it wasn’t like he’d have to watch me getting it on with her or anything. And besides, he was totally cool with me being into girls. Just like I was totally cool with him being into guys. This was gonna be the best year of my life...

Megan didn’t stay over. Almost as soon as we were done, which didn’t take all that long, she was grabbing her clothes from around my room and making her excuses to leave.

“Can I see you again?” I asked. It seemed the gallant thing to do to ask to see her again. I just hoped once the alcohol had worn off that she really was as pretty as I’d thought she was in the club. Shallow, I know, but once the dick was on it, there weren’t really all that many thought processes going on other than getting laid...

She smiled, “Sounds like fun.” She said. She was pretty cool...

I had no idea if Sebastian was in or not but I was suddenly absolutely starving. I’d bought a loaf of bread and some butter as soon as I’d found the nearest supermarket earlier on in the afternoon. Mum had insisted that I go catered for the first year, which had been a brilliant idea since we were all thrown together to eat and it was the easiest way to make a load of new mates – however, it didn’t cover the middle of the night and I was always starving if I was awake after midnight.

I grabbed my boxer shorts and pulled them on and then I put my tee shirt on too. I didn’t want to repel Sebastian with my tattoos and piercings this early on in our friendship. Not everyone liked them...

I needn’t have worried. He was lying on the sofa in the lounge with his eyes closed and his ear buds in, nodding along to some music and mouthing the words silently. He looked so fucking cute.

I touched his arm, making him jump. His eyes flew open and he stared up at me in shock. “What?” he gasped.

I looked at him and it registered somewhere in the back of my mind that he was actually a whole lot prettier than the girl I’d just seen out. His eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel, framed with really dark lashes and his eyebrows were absolutely perfect – well, of course they were – he was gay. But it was his mouth that had my attention now. His lips were full and ever-so-slightly pouty. I think I was staring at them if I’m gonna be honest. Very kissable...

I grinned at him, pushing that last weird thought to the back of my mind where it belonged. “Fancy a slice of toast, mate?”

He smiled, nodded and sat up, “Ooh, that sounds good.” He said, jumping up and following me to the kitchenette, “Do we have any jam or anything?”

I shrugged, “I’ve only got butter unless you’ve got any?”

He checked his cupboard and turned to me with a beaming smile, “Good old Mum.” He said, “Raspberry, strawberry... or chocolate spread?”

I grinned back at him and we spoke in unison, “Chocolate spread.”

Six slices each later we were both finally yawning our heads off, “I’m gonna go to bed.” Sebastian said, pushing my legs off his lap where I’d put them as we sat chatting and munching toast. I’d always done that at home with Kane and it seemed the natural thing to do. It hadn’t occurred to me that Sebastian might think it was weird until he pushed them off – but we’d been sat like it for a good hour so...

I groaned. I was far too comfortable to move, “I think I’ll just stay here.” I mumbled.

Sebastian stood up and smiled down at me, “I’ll get your pillow.” He said.

Seconds later I had my pillow under my head and he’d tucked my quilt all around me, “Night.” He said, leaning down and dropping a kiss on my forehead.

I sighed happily. He was the best roommate. “Night.”

 

 

Chapter 3 – Kurt...

 

Sebastian

 

I got up and dragged myself to the bathroom, just like I did every morning. It was getting more and more difficult as the days were shortening. I wasn’t a winter person – I was all about the summer and the long days that had seemed to last forever when we were kids.

I looked into the mirror and groaned. Where had the tanned and gorgeous guy that I was in the summer gone? The winter always seemed to make me look washed out. At best I was pale and interesting but right now, I just looked ill. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin held absolutely no colour whatsoever. I needed to eat better, drink less and get more sleep. All of which were definitely doable. I just preferred the drinking and lack of sleep... it meant I was enjoying myself. Well, sort of. I actually preferred staying in with Kurt and eating pizza and drinking beer but I could hardly expect him to want to do that on a more or less permanent basis. He had his life to lead too.

I heard the door opening behind me and my eyes met with Kurt’s in the mirror.

“Morning, dude.” He said with a yawn, “Mind if I have a piss?”

I shrugged. “Sure.” I said, “I was just brushing my teeth anyway.”

I concentrated on brushing my teeth and tried my best not to think about Kurt standing behind me in nothing but his boxer shorts with his cock out.

He did this almost every morning; invading the bathroom while I was using it – and in various stages of undress – so you’d think I’d be immune to it by now but I really wasn’t.

The first time he’d done it had only been about four days in and I’d had to fight the boner I had going on for the whole time he was in the bathroom with me. That had been challenging. I was sure that he would be totally freaked out if he realised I was attracted to him and I’d been trying my hardest to hide my true feelings around him ever since. Let me tell you, it really wasn’t easy – particularly when he was so affectionate around me all of the time.

The fact that he didn’t find it at all inappropriate to walk to the bathroom already stripped down to his tiny boxer shorts for his shower every day should have been a massive clue that he was completely oblivious to the way I felt about him – and I guess I should have taken comfort in that. At least it meant things would never get awkward between us – but he really had no idea what he was doing to me when he walked back to his bedroom with the smallest towel known to man covering his modesty – mouth-wateringly semi-naked and giving my very own semi an unwelcomed boost...

I knew deep down that he was only treating me the way he would treat his brother and I tried so hard to stop myself from falling in love with him but it was completely futile. I’d already fallen – and I was hopelessly in love with him.

There was only one thing for it. I was going to have to start dating other guys in the vain hope that one of them might be the one to break the spell that was Kurt – but quite frankly, I didn’t hold out much hope...

 

 

Chapter 4 – Shock...

 

Kurt

 

The day started well enough. I’d got up, played on the X-Box with Sebastian for a couple of hours before he’d had to run off to a lecture and then, with butterflies in my stomach and feeling a little sick with nerves, I’d gone to meet Megan to tell her that I really wasn’t feeling the whole ‘friends-with-benefits’ thing we’d had going on since the beginning of the term anymore. It wasn’t that I wanted more either. We’d been dating on and off and had ended up sleeping together every time we went out for a couple of months but it really wasn’t going anywhere. If I was honest, I was just a little bored with the whole thing and I’d realised that I’d actually rather spend time on the X-Box with Sebastian than have sex with her – and I wasn’t stupid enough to realise that that wasn’t really the idea...

I don’t know why I’d been so nervous about telling her it was over because she was absolutely fine about it, which, if I’m honest, wasn’t great for the ego but I could hardly complain. I was the one breaking it off, after all.

I headed home with a lighter heart. At least I could concentrate on my studies now that I had no distractions...

It had gotten a lot colder just recently, reminding me strongly that the weather back at home would be worsening (or improving depending on your perception of good and bad weather) right now and they’d all be getting their skiing gear ready, and brightening up the holiday chalets for the first visitors of the season. Getting the holiday chalets ready used to be one of my favourite things to do. I loved decorating and picking out new duvet covers and curtains. Kane used to tease me about it, saying I was gayer than he was... I just liked things to look nice.

I looked around the apartment I shared with Sebastian with pride. Between us we’d transformed our little place in the first couple of weeks of being here and now it was a really nice space.

I felt a pang of homesickness as I thought about Kane. I really didn’t like being alone and I found that I was really looking forward to just hanging out with Sebastian. He totally got it – he was missing his sister and had a visit home planned for the weekend.

I stuck my key in the lock and pushed the door open.

I could hear moaning and groaning coming the lounge area. My first instinct was to go and see what was wrong but as I skidded to a halt in the doorway, it dawned on me that no one was in any sort of trouble – quite the opposite in fact. Sebastian had a guy round – and oh, my God. They were currently hard at a very full-on making-out session on the sofa. Ohh, fuck.

Sebastian must have heard me running in. He stopped snogging the nameless guy and looked up at me in alarm, as I just stood there, frozen to the spot like some sort of voyeur, unable to take my eyes off their state of undress and yet at the same time, feeling completely and utterly mortified by the fact that I was still there, just staring at them.

“Kurt...?” he finally prompted.

I jumped at Sebastian’s voice, but as soon as my eyes met with his, my feet suddenly decided to receive the message from my brain, that was screaming on the inside to run and I was finally galvanized into action – and I ran...

I turned and fled the room as fast as I could. I grabbed my jacket and my bag from where I’d just dropped them on the floor by the door and I scarpered, even though he shouted after me.

I had no idea where to go other than to the SU bar and I ran all the way there.

I ordered a pint of lemonade and I sat there, out of breath and shaking and just staring out of the window, wondering when I’d gone from being perfectly accepting of my gay best friend back at home and all of his boyfriends – not to mention my gay brother and his boyfriend – to being a raving homophobe when it came to my new best mate, Sebastian...

What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I so horrified by what I’d just witnessed – and why the fuck couldn’t I get the image of him and that guy, half-naked and all over each other on the sofa, out of my mind? Why was I angry about it? Why did it sicken me so much? I actually felt nauseous every time I thought about it. This had never happened to me before...

He’d had guys over since the beginning of term but I’d never reacted like this to any of them. Not that I’d really had to see any of them before they’d skulked off, never to be seen again – and I’ll admit I didn’t much like any of them – but I’d never felt so strongly about it before. What the fuck was going on?

I needed advice about the way I was feeling, and with Kane and George away together before the new season really got underway, in New Zealand, I had no other option. I called Elliot. I reasoned that he was the most out and proud gay guy I’d ever known, so if he couldn’t put my head straight, as it were, no one could.

“Kurt! Buddy!” his warm voice came through the receiver loud and clear and larger than life.

“Hey, Elliot.” I felt relief flooding through me that I wasn’t suddenly feeling bad things about him too, “I really need your help, mate.”

I explained the way I felt and he surprised me with the conclusion he seemed to have come to about it, “Do you think that you might be, uh, attracted to this guy?”

Attracted? Me? To another guy? Give me a break, no way... “No, mate.” I said firmly, “Sebastian’s a guy.”

Elliot chuckled, “Okay – I was just checking, what with Kane suddenly deciding at twenty-one to turn gay – I just thought that you might be a little slower than the rest of us to catch up...”

I frowned. I was pretty sure I didn’t fancy Sebastian. Sure we flirted but that was just because he was flirty and adorable and I found it amusing to play along.

“Have you talked to him about it?” Elliot asked, “Sebastian that is. Have you told him how it makes you feel to see him with other guys?”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I uh, no... No, I haven’t talked to him about it, because it only just happened. I walked in, saw them at it on the sofa and walked back out again.” Or rather ran... “I just freaked out. I probably would have freaked out if he’d been nailing a girl over the sofa, too...” Or maybe not, who knows...?

We chatted about one thing and another. Elliot was still going through guys like there was no tomorrow although he’d mentioned Cristian quite fondly a couple of times while we chatted. Cristian was a kid that used to tag along with us when we were younger – well, I say a kid – he was a few years younger than me, so actually he was probably around the same age as Sebastian and after seeing the way he was making out on the sofa with that guy, I could categorically confirm that he was no kid anymore...

Kane and George were planning their engagement party for when I got back at Christmas. They’d gotten engaged at George’s graduation and I’d been a little pissed off that I’d not been able to be there to support my brother for his big commitment but someone had had to stay behind to run the show that was the family business. Still, they were totally made for each other and I was really happy for them and I couldn’t wait for Christmas to see them all again.

I sighed as I finished the call. I was definitely not a homophobe. Well, not where my brother and my best friend were concerned, anyway...

I took a deep breath and tried to put the weird feeling of nausea every time I thought about what I’d heard and seen to the back of my mind. I wasn’t going to freak out about it. I wasn’t.

 

*

 

Feeling ten kinds of stupid and hugely embarrassed to have run and hid in the SU bar, I finally plucked up the courage to head back home. I had a stack of work to do and I really had to make a start even if Sebastian’s new boyfriend was still there. I just hoped they stayed out of my way. I really couldn’t deal with any more awkwardness right now.

I pushed the door open, a little more quietly than I had the first time. Silence. Phew. Maybe they’d had enough of getting into each other’s pants and had gone out or something.

I walked into the room and jumped a mile to find Sebastian sat on the sofa, chewing his bottom lip, which told me he was stressed, and looking very upset.

“Oh,” I said, shuffling my feet uncomfortably, “Hi.”

He looked up at me, a small frown on his really rather beautiful face, “Hi.” He said, “Where’ve you been?”

I blinked, “Uh, I was in the SU bar.”

“All this time?” he asked, his eyebrows getting higher up his forehead, “Why? I thought we’d said this morning that we were going to order pizza for dinner instead of going into the cafeteria.”

It was my turn to frown. We could still do that... “Yeah,” I agreed, “I know that.”

His frown turned to a scowl, which would have been cute if he wasn’t so obviously pissed off with me, “It’s half past eight.” He said flatly, “I guessed you’d had a better offer or something – and I ordered myself Chinese instead. I didn’t get you any because I didn’t know what you’d like or when you’d be back – or if you’d actually come back...” he trailed off, looking hurt and confused.

Things were definitely awkward between us now. There was no getting away from it. I’d really pissed him off. “Well of course I was coming back... I’ll uh, I’ll just have some toast or something...” I turned away from him and opened my cupboard to get my bread out. It was disappointing in comparison to pizza and a game or two on the X-Box but at least it was something. It was too late to go down to the cafeteria now anyway.

I hadn’t realised he’d followed me until he spoke, “Have I offended you in some way?” he asked.

Fuck. Why did he have to be so good at picking up on moods? I shook my head, not meeting his eye, “No, of course not.” I said, “I just needed to be on my own...” Fucking liar...

He wasn’t fooled, “It was because I had a guy over, wasn’t it?”

I shook my head, still not daring to look him in the eye – he’d see the truth there, even though I wasn’t even sure what that truth actually was. “No!” I insisted, “You can have anyone over you like, you know that...” I just had to get my head around my weird reaction to it. I had no idea why I’d reacted that way. No idea.

He sighed and shook his head, “I’m really sorry that you had to find us like that. I had no idea you’d be back so early and we didn’t actually plan on getting so carried away...” he trailed off, looking as mortified about the whole thing as I felt. “I’m so embarrassed that you had to see that. It will never happen again, I promise.”

I felt terrible that he was apologising so profusely. He shouldn’t have to apologise for getting it on with a guy. I’d done the same thing with Megan. It really wasn’t a big deal. I’d made it a big deal by reacting the way I had. It was my problem to deal with – not his. “Hey, it’s fine – no apologies required. I’m sorry for freaking out about it. I was just a little shocked. Seriously, mate – it’s absolutely nothing to worry about. It was just embarrassing, like you said...” Well, it was as good an excuse as any...

He smiled but it wasn’t one of his really beautiful grins that I loved. The ones that made his eyes almost disappear...

I smiled back. Something had changed. I just didn’t know what to do to make it right again. I was such a wanker. Why the fuck had I reacted like that?

 

 

Chapter 5 – Disappointment...

 

Sebastian

 

Mortifying. That’s what it was, never mind embarrassing. Mortifying.

I wouldn’t do anything to offend Kurt. Ever.

But I honestly never thought that simply kissing another guy in my own apartment (that I grant you, I shared with him) would be so offensive to him. And it hurt to see him react like that about it. Like, really hurt.

I thought he was totally cool with me being into guys. Hell, his best friend back at home was gay... and his brother was too – so why the hell was he so sickened by me being gay? And he was sickened. I could see it in his face. He was absolutely horrified by what he’d seen. Hell, he’d turned tail and ran he was so badly affected.

It had made me want to cry. It had totally killed the mood and Brynn had left soon afterwards with some stupid comment about me being more bothered about my roommate than I was about him.

Not that I was particularly bothered. We were just fooling around with each other anyway. It wasn’t going anywhere. We were more mates than anything else... And as pissed off as I was about his comments regarding Kurt, I couldn’t deny that he was right. Kurt was more important to me. Dating other guys wasn’t doing anything to dampen my feelings for him. Shit. I was so screwed. I’d managed to ignore rule number one – don’t fall for a straight guy. It was fundamental for a happy life – so why the fuck had I ignored it as soon as I met Kurt?

I sighed and banged my head down onto my desk in frustration. What the fuck had I been thinking of? Kurt was about as far removed from being a prospective boyfriend as it was possible to be. He was straight. And he’d virtually run from the room when he’d been faced with two guys kissing and touching each other. There was no way on this earth that he’d want to get romantic with me...

I called my sister, Michaela. She was a year younger than me and we were very close. I needed someone to have a good old moan to. I FaceTimed her.

“Hey, beautiful.” She said brightly, “I thought you were coming home last weekend. Have you met a hot dude that you just can’t be separated from or something?” She beamed at me hopefully, “When are you coming home?”

The truth was that I had met a hot dude that I hated being separated from and last weekend had come and gone with Kurt and I spending most of it together.

It was the first time I’d been away from home and I’d been making a conscious effort to stay put. I was afraid that if I kept running home that I’d never settle in properly – although being around Kurt all of the time had made things much easier – until he’d gone all weird on me...

“I’ll be home at Christmas like I said I would be,” I managed, fighting back tears that were threatening behind my eyelids. “And it can’t come quick enough.” I pulled a face at her, trying my best not to break down in tears.

She frowned, “What’s up?” she asked, instantly looking worried about me, “I thought things were going really well up there.”

I shrugged, feeling very close to tears. I hated that I cried when I was angry as well as when I was upset but I really couldn’t help it. “They were,” I said, “until this afternoon.”

I told her the whole sorry tale – not that it took long. It wasn’t like it was a saga or anything. I’d kissed a guy and my roommate had totally flipped his lid...

“Sounds like someone has a crush.” She said wisely.

I rolled my eyes. Well duh... “He’s straight,” I snapped, “so a crush is completely futile – I do know that...” All the fight went out of me, “but you’re right. I so have...” I let out a long sigh.

She laughed, “I wasn’t talking about you.” She said, “I was talking about your roomy – Kirk.”

Kirk? Did she ever listen? “It’s Kurt.” I corrected, “Kurt Swain.” His name sounded like a movie star – and with his looks he totally could be. I sat up a little straighter and peered at her closely, “But what do you mean?” My heart started to thump a little harder in my chest, “Do you honestly think he’s got a crush on me?” Could she possibly be right? Ohhh, wow!

She shrugged, “Dunno.” She said unhelpfully, “But why else would he react like that?”

I blinked. That really hadn’t occurred to me... but no. That would just be too wonderful – and as great as my life usually was, that was a step too far, surely...? “I dunno...” I chewed my bottom lip.

She leaned close to the camera and whispered, “Ask him.”

I gasped at her audacity, “Oh, my God! I can’t do that!” I said, flapping my hands in front of my face to try to stop myself from blushing.

She grinned at me, her eyes sparkling with mischief, “Yes,” she said, “You can.”

 

*

 

After having an internal argument with myself for about half an hour, I went back out into the lounge and sat down on the sofa.

Kurt had his work all spread out on the table at the other end of the room (makes it sound massive, but actually it was pretty small). He looked up at me and smiled, “Alright?” he asked.

I nodded, biting my lip. Jeez. I’d have no bottom lip left at this rate... How the fuck was I supposed to broach this tricky subject? In the end I totally bottled it, convincing myself that my sister had to be wrong. I had to face the sad truth that Kurt was not bi-curious or bisexual in any way as she was trying to suggest. He was just grossed out by two guys making out on his sofa, which was pretty damned unfair of him since I’d had to put up with seeing his tongue down that Megan girl’s throat for the best part of the whole of the first two months here. Thankfully that was now over...

“I think I’ll just go to bed.” I finally said after staring at the TV without even having the faintest idea of what I’d just watch for the past hour.

He nodded from where he was sat staring at the screen of his laptop, “Yeah, okay.” He murmured, “Night, mate.”

“Night.”

 

 

Chapter 6 – From bad to worse....

 

Kurt

 

I’d like to be able to tell you that I was only freaked out on that one occasion and that I was the model roommate for the rest of term but it would be a great big fat lie.

The fact of the matter was that I got steadily worse and worse with each guy that Sebastian brought back. Not that there were hundreds of them or anything. He wasn’t a dog. He was just popular.

The next embarrassing incident was when I’d gone out with a load of guys off my course and I saw Sebastian out with some of his friends off his course.

We’d not been going out together so much since my weird meltdown and things were a little awkward between us – and they only got worse... Here’s how it went down...

The music was thumping; everyone was having a wild time and getting tipsy on the numerous Jägerbombs and other such dubious drinks and generally everyone was having a good time.

Somehow or other, though, all the festivities seemed to be happening around me rather than me taking part. Maybe I was getting old. I was going to be twenty-four next birthday, which was ages away but still...

I’d seen Sebastian arrive with his friends and the awareness that he was in the club somewhere was beginning to bug me. Who was he with? Where exactly was he? Had he seen me? Was he avoiding me? Yes, I was driving myself insane...

I glanced towards the dance floor for about the millionth time and my eyes instantly found Sebastian dancing with the same guy that he’d been with the previous week. Clearly they liked each other then.

I sighed and took another swig of my drink. I didn’t like that guy for some reason. It made my skin crawl just to think of his skin on Sebastian’s skin. I curled my hand into a fist. I was beginning to feel quite violently towards the young guy and I really had absolutely no good reason to feel that way. Sebastian could dance with whomever the hell he liked. I didn’t have to like any of his boyfriends any more than he had to like any of the girls I happened to hook up with.

Sebastian finally spotted me sat alone; the next second he was marching across the dance floor with his new boyfriend trailing behind him in bewilderment.

“Kurt!” he exclaimed, beaming at me, “What are you doing here all on your own?”

I shrugged, “I’m not really on my own,” I said defensively, “I came with the guys off my course but you know what it’s like. They’ve all found someone to lurk in dark corners with.” I forced a laugh that I really wasn’t feeling.

He cocked his head to one side and gave me a sympathetic look, “Aw, babe.” He said, “You’ll never find someone sitting all on your own here, hiding. Come and dance with us.”

I shook my head, frowning at him. I wasn’t hiding from anyone. I was just drinking my pint. “Nah, I’m good.” I said.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, “Sure?” he asked, smiling at me appealingly, “I don’t dance too gay – I promise you’ll still look manly.”

 His smile was adorable and I knew he was just teasing but it was making me feel uncomfortable with that guy behind him listening in. “No, honest.” I said, “I’m just fine – you go and enjoy yourself.”

He pouted, “I can’t enjoy myself when my best friend is looking so damned miserable.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’m not miserable.” I insisted, “I’m fine.”

He sighed affectedly, “Fine.” He said, “I’m just going to the bathroom – but when I get back, I want you to have a dance with me – just one – and then you can come back here and be ‘fine’ on your own for the rest of the night!”

He flounced off, leaving his nameless friend and I looking at each other.

“So, you’re his roommate?” The guy asked.

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“I’m Jonny.”

I grimaced. I don’t care what your name is, jog on, loser. “Right.” I nodded, forcing a smile, “I’m Kurt.”

He nodded, “Oh, I already know what your name is,” he said bitchily and rolling his eyes, “It’s all I ever hear. Kurt this and Kurt that.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Well, if you don’t like it, you know what you can do, don’t you?” I snapped. Oh, Fuck. I was on it again. Why the fuck was I being so rude?

He shook his head, “Not fucking likely,” he scoffed, “Seb’s the best lay I’ve had in months.”

His words made me want to throw up. I narrowed my eyes at him and before I knew it I was squaring up to him and snarling in his face, “He’s not a fucking piece of meat.” I growled, “Have a little respect for him.”

He took a step back, his eyes widened with surprise, “Sound’s like someone’s a little jealous.” He said.

I shook my head, “Don’t be ridiculous.” I snapped, “I’m just his best mate and I don’t like the way you’re talking about him. He’s a real person with real feelings and you’re damned lucky that he’s chosen you to spend his time with. He’s not just a quick fuck.”

He stepped right up to me and got in my face, “Well, not to you, clearly,” he drawled, “But that’s all he’ll ever be to me. And I’ll be thinking about you, on your own back at your flat while I’m nailing him later and hearing him shout my name as he comes.”

No fucking way... I didn’t even think about it. My fist had connected with his smug face before I’d even begun to process all the thoughts that were racing through my brain.

The next second I’d been dragged out of the club by the bouncers with a warning that I’d not be allowed back in again if I tried to gain re-entry so not to even attempt it.

Like I’d want to... Rubbing my knuckles I turned and headed home. I doubted the skanky boyfriend would tell Sebastian what had happened to his nose, but Sebastian wasn’t stupid and I was pretty sure he’d be asking me some pretty awkward questions when he arrived home. I only hoped he’d forgive me for not staying to dance with him...

 

 

Sebastian

 

I’d really tried to keep things normal between Kurt and I after his really bad reaction to finding me and Brynn on the sofa together but nothing I said or did ever seemed to make things any better and it would be fair to say that we just avoided each other for most of the time, which was really sad but I couldn’t see how I could make things better.

I thought we had a chance to get things back on track when I saw him on a night out. I was with Jonny who I’d hooked up with the previous week. He was kind of cool and we’d hooked up a couple of times. It wasn’t really going anywhere and we were just having fun. We’d just met up in the club and had started dancing together when I saw Kurt sitting on his own.

After trying to get him to dance with us I’d realised that the few drinks I’d already had were having an effect on my bladder and I’d had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I was determined to get him to dance with me when I got back – but it never happened...

I came back from the toilets to find my date holding a tissue to his nose and swearing like a sailor about my ‘boyfriend’.

I was completely bewildered. What boyfriend? “I don’t have a boyfriend.” I said indignantly, “I’m not the cheating type,” I added primly, “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I like bed-hopping.”

He snorted rudely, “Oh, fuck off Sebastian.’ He said, “That guy’s all over you like a rash every time he sees you. You must have given him the come-on at some point. He was actually warning me off you.”

“What guy?” I asked as I was looking around for Kurt. Where the fuck had he gone?

“That twat, Kurt.” He said, “He smacked me one and got thrown out.”

I turned and stared at Jonny in utter shock, “What?” I gasped. Kurt was warning him off? What the fuck was he doing that for?

“He obviously fancies you.” He said flatly, “And I’m not into sharing. Either you tell him to back off or just fucking go out with him!”

I blinked. If only... “I’ve uh, I’ve gotta go.”

 

*

 

Kurt had gone to bed by the time I got back so I couldn’t talk to him until the next morning.

With a flash of genius inspiration I started to cook bacon. No one could resist the smell of bacon... He appeared in about ten seconds.

“Bacon?” he asked, looking at me hopefully.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “You get yours when you tell me what happened to Jonny’s nose.”

He went red, “He was disrespecting you.” He said sullenly, “I didn’t like it.”

Well. I hadn’t expected that. I looked at him, “He was disrespecting me?” I asked, “How? What did he say?”

He went, if possible, even redder, “He said you were a good lay, that you were nothing but a quick fuck and that he didn’t think you had any sort of future.”

I blinked. He might have put it crudely, which had clearly offended Kurt, but in all fairness, he’d got it bang on the money – because that was exactly the way I felt about him too... “Okay.”

Kurt frowned, “Okay?” he echoed, “What’s okay about that?”

I shrugged, “Well, it’s not like I’m in love with him or anything – we’ve just been messing around.”

Kurt scowled at me, “Well, I think you should choose better guys to mess around with – he’s a right wanker.”

Suppressing a smile I nodded. “Okay,” I agreed, “Good idea.”

 

 

Chapter 7 – Mother of all situations...

 

Kurt

 

I tried my best to keep a lid on things – and to just ignore the fact that Sebastian had a more active sex life than I did for a while but it really wasn’t all that easy. Things came to a head one day when his latest piece of meat, who’d actually stayed the night, which had really grated on my already tattered nerves, tried to strike up a conversation with me.

I have no idea what I said to him but it was unforgivably rude and so damned obvious that I was pissed off that he was there at all.

Sebastian was quite clearly really pissed off too – with me – and as soon as the guy had left he turned on me. His eyes flashing with anger and hurt, “Okay, I’ve put up with you being a prick to every guy I’ve ever brought here for long enough.” He took in a big shaky breath, “I’ve tried to ignore it. I’ve held my tongue and apologised to all of them for your bad behaviour, making excuses for you when there really is no excuse. Just why the hell are you being such a total and utter arse?”

I stared at him helplessly. His chest was heaving and his cheeks were pink. He was clearly annoyed that he even had to bring it up and I felt absolutely terrible. I shrugged, “I have no idea.” And I really didn’t. All I knew was that I didn’t like it one little bit. I hated the thought of all those guys touching him... using him and I really didn’t like imagining what they’d done to each other in the privacy of his bedroom. It was none of my damned business for starters... But I just couldn’t stop myself from wondering. I felt that I was sick and perverted for feeling that way about it and I was really beginning to hate myself.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily before spearing me with his penetrative gaze again, “Do you have some sort of problem with me sleeping with other guys?”

I stared at him. What the fuck? Other guys? What was that supposed to mean? Other than me? My heart started to beat a little faster. I shook my head vehemently. I had no fucking clue what my problem was but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him think I had a problem with him dating because I didn’t... Well, not really... “Uh, no.” I said, “Why would I?”

He threw his hands up in the air, clearly even more pissed off with me than he already was, “Then what the fuck is your problem, dude?” he cried, tears actually starting to fall, which seriously messed with my head. I just wanted to gather him in and hug him all better. “Because you’re ruining my fucking life!”

Oh, my God. I was ruining his life? Fuck me. I was a terrible person... “I’m so sorry.” I gasped. I had no idea what else to say.

He was upset and rightly so and I hadn’t heard the last of his pent up frustrations with me yet. “You know – you could have a little more consideration.” He wiped his eyes angrily and scowled at me, “I was always nice to your girlfriend or whatever it was that you had going on with Megan. I’m not asking you to become BFF’s with any of my boyfriends but jeez – why were you so fucking rude? He’ll never want to come round again!”

Good, he didn’t deserve you... “I’m really sorry. You’re right. I’m being a right dick and I have absolutely no idea what’s the matter with me.” I looked at him sheepishly.

He gazed back at me, giving me what I can only describe as a withering look and in that moment I had no idea why he was still talking to me. I was being a prize prick, “Fine.” He snapped, “Let’s forget about it then.”

I nodded, thankful that the subject was going to be dropped. I’d made enough of a tit of myself for one day. Sebastian must have thought I was some sort of psycho... “Okay.” I agreed. I headed for my room. I really needed to get away from him for a little while. I had to try to sort out my jumbled emotions that were constantly bubbling under the surface these days. I was a wreck...

Sebastian popped his head around my door after about an hour, “I’m uh, I’m go over to Brynn’s.” he said, “I think we maybe need a little time apart, anyway.”

I nodded, “Okay.” I said, “I guess I’ll see you later?”

He rolled his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. I’d clearly totally wound him up. “Look, Kurt. I don’t want to ruin things between us. You’re my best friend here and I don’t want to jeopardise that. I won’t bring him – or anyone else – here again...”

I nodded, “Fine.” Sounded good to me. Just him and me against the world...

“I’m assuming that you’re okay with me staying over at his tonight?”

I had to keep my poker face but on the inside my heart was sinking that he was going to start something up with Brynn again. We hardly saw each other anymore and I knew it was my fault with my stupid reaction to his dating. And it was also disappointing because I had hoped that he might come out with me and the guys from my course. It was Thursday night and we often went to the nightclub in town that was a frequent haunt of the students of the uni. We usually had a dance and a few drinks and then headed back, picking up a pizza or something on the way. I didn’t really fancy going alone again. So it looked like I was staying in on my own... “Sure.” I said, “Enjoy yourself.”

He nodded. “I’ll maybe see you tomorrow, then?”

I nodded, “Sure.” I said again. I was beginning to sound like a broken record...

He looked at me for a moment, as if he was going to say something else but then he changed his mind and left. It was only after he’d gone and I was running the conversation back through my head that I realised something. He’d been checking that I was okay with him sleeping with Brynn. Well, of course I was. I had no claim on him. They were both free agents – and both gay. I was straight. Of course I was okay with that... Wasn’t I?

I sat at the table for ages going over everything in my mind. I thought I was okay with him being at Brynn’s but the truth was that out of sight didn’t automatically mean out of mind and I felt sick to the stomach at the thought of him being someplace else and being screwed by that guy – or for him to be screwing him. I had no idea what gay guys did behind closed doors... Well, okay, I guessed it wasn’t a whole lot different to what I did with girls, but still... Hell, I’d listened to enough stories from Elliot to know that there were men who preferred to bottom than top. I didn’t know what Sebastian’s preferences were and seriously, it was none of my business... but I couldn’t stop myself from wondering.

I was more concerned that he hadn’t known Brynn for all that long – sure they’d dated a few time but it wasn’t like they spent a whole lot of time together – and he’d never been over to his place overnight before – therefore he had no idea what sort of a guy he really was. And now – because of my utter stupidity – he was somewhere else. Somewhere that I couldn’t take care of him if something went wrong. Fuck. I was a bag of nerves until he turned back up the next day.

 

 

Chapter 8 – Going home...

 

Sebastian

 

Kurt was going to drive me slowly insane. Of that I was quite sure.

I got back from Brynn’s to a stony silence. It was like I’d cheated on him or something. I’d have been quite chuffed if I’d thought he was jealous and that he wanted me to be more than friends, but there was nothing at all about his demeanour to suggest that. It was so confusing. He couldn’t be homophobic. His brother and his best friend were both gay. So what the fuck was his problem with me all of a sudden?

I couldn’t take anymore. I really had to get away for the weekend just to put some space between us.

He wasn’t exactly happy about that either, when I told him – and that was confusing too.

“You’re leaving me again?” he asked, looking really hurt and bewildered.

I nodded, “I’m going to see my parents and my sister.” I said gently, “I haven’t been home since September.” I was very aware that he hadn’t either and that it was pretty much impossible for him to, what with how far away his family lived – but it was really easy for me to get home and I really couldn’t wait until Christmas – I had to get away from him to save my sanity. It was just a couple of hours train ride. If we’d been on better terms, I’d have invited him home to meet them all but since he was the one I was escaping...

“Well, it’s alright for some,” he grumbled, “It’s not like I can just hop on a train to see my parents...”

I sighed, “I didn’t go last time I was planning on it in favour of a night out with you.” I reminded him softly, “But I’m really missing them and I need to get some space...” I need to get way from you, to sort my head out and to try to fall out of love with you...

He nodded, “Of course you should go and see them – take no notice of me. I’m just being a grumpy bastard.” He smiled, but I could tell it was forced – his beautiful dimples weren’t present, “I’m just gonna miss you, man.”

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest at his words. “I’ll miss you too,” I said. And it was true. I would miss him. What I wouldn’t miss was the way I felt every time I saw him. That jolt of awareness every time our eyes met. If I could only look at him and not feel desire... It was killing me. As was the hope that his feelings for me were stronger than that of being just a mate...

Because really, my sister was right – there were only two explanations. He was either a homophobic wanker – or he was jealous.

He hated every single guy I ever met. Not that there were loads of them or anything but it wasn’t just my dates. He was like it whenever I was with a guy and happened to cross paths at uni too, which was pretty often now that I came to think about it.

His smile was usually like the sun on a cloudy day – absolutely breathtaking and beautiful to see. But his scowl was pretty damned menacing and it was that face that I was beginning to become more familiar with. Fuck. What the hell did I have to do to make him smile?

I had to go home. We needed some time apart. We’d gotten too close and for me at least it was blurring the lines between being mates and something else – something I couldn’t have. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing him from my life altogether so I decided some space was the best medicine all round...

 

*

 

At least my family were delighted to see me. Dad gathered me in a massive bear hug as soon as I stepped off the train, “Oh, my beautiful son!” he cried, “Good to see you!”

Mum was right behind him, “Oh, you’ve lost weight!” she fretted. I really hadn’t. If anything I’d gained a couple of pounds from all the crappy pizza I was eating as comfort food after hours...

Finally, there was Michaela, grinning like a Cheshire cat, “So?” she asked as soon as she let go of me, “What did he say?”

I shook my head, “I never asked.” I admitted, “I totally bottled it.”

Mum and Dad were walking slightly ahead of us, but Michaela wasn’t one for keeping things to herself and they were clued in too.

Dad turned with a grin, “If he’s jealous, mate – he’s definitely into you.”

I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t want to take relationship advice from my parents – that was just weird...

Mum smiled, “Is he handsome?” she asked.

I felt my face heating up. Try fucking beautiful. “He’s decent enough.” I replied. I didn’t need to discuss the merits of my straight roommate with my overly enthusiastic family. It was just too damned depressing.

Michaela had seen pictures of him on Snapchat though, “Decent?” she squawked, “Mum – he’s gorgeous!”

Mum smiled, “Then I hope he works out what he’s feeling for you, honey.” She said, “A lot of young men think they’re straight because it’s what’s expected from them by their parents...”

I shook my head, “His twin brother is gay, Mum.”

She smiled, “Well, there you are then.” She said, “If they’re twins, surely they’ll both be attracted to the same thing.”

I sighed, “They’re not identical – and I don’t think it automatically means they’ll both be straight or both be gay anyway...”

She patted my shoulder, “He’s got to be blind if he doesn’t think you’re the most beautiful man that he’s ever laid eyes on.”

I rolled my eyes. What were these people not understanding about the word straight? “He’s into girls, Mum,” I bit out, “Girls.”

Dad narrowed his eyes, “Oh yeah?” he said, “And uh, how many girls has he dated since you’ve known him?”

I frowned, “Uh, well, just the one that I know of...”

He raised his eyebrows, “Uh-huh,” he said, “And how long has he been without a girlfriend?”

“Well, I dunno really...” I trailed off. I hadn’t really thought about it before but the truth was that he hadn’t dated anyone as far as I knew since he and Megan stopped being friends with benefits... That had been around the middle of October – it was before Halloween because he and I had gone out with a load of his mates for Halloween...

Dad was grinning at me knowingly. “Hang in there, buddy.” He said, “He’ll work it out soon enough.”

I had a great day with the folks but I had lectures again on Monday so I had to leave again the following afternoon. Mum was tearful, which in turn made me tearful too as it always did.

Dad was a little more stoic but only a little bit... “Stay in touch, son.” He said, “And don’t worry about anything – it’ll all work itself out.”

I nodded. “Thanks Dad.” I managed to croak out.

He patted me on the back and I boarded the train. I took a deep breath as I sat myself down. I was going to have to talk to Kurt. I still had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to him, though...

 

 

Chapter 9 – Misery...

 

Kurt

 

I’d never felt so damned miserable in all my life.

I had no idea how to put things back on track between Sebastian and I and found that I was spending far more time out and about than I was back at our apartment.

I couldn’t deny that my physique was definitely benefitting from it. I was hitting the gym almost every day on my way back from lectures. I’d also joined the five-a-side football team and I’d joined a couple of other societies just for something to fill up the weekends. I couldn’t go home and hanging around the apartment just wasn’t an option anymore since things had gotten awkward.

And it wasn’t like we’d fallen out with each other or anything. It was more like we’d forgotten how to talk to each other. In short, it was awful.

 

 

Sebastian

 

Things didn’t really get any better once I got back. Kurt wasn’t there when I got back from the station, which I was kind of relieved about.

He turned up after about half an hour. He was all sweaty and between you and me, he looked absolutely ravishing.

My dick took an interest immediately, which was embarrassing. Not that he noticed or anything but I knew.

“Oh,” he said, smiling at me and showing those adorable dimples that I’d not seen in a while. “You’re back – good weekend with the folks?”

I nodded, “It was lovely.” I said sincerely because it really had been lovely to see them all, “How’ve you been?”

He shrugged, “Oh, you know – I’ve been at the gym and working...” he stood there, looking like he wanted to say more but unsure what to say and then he turned away, “Anyway, I’d better go and get showered. I’m all sweaty.”

I nodded. I could see that he was all sweaty and I was, one, trying my best not to imagine other ways in which we could be getting very sweaty and hot together and two, trying not to imagine what he’d look like in the shower. Seriously. It was ridiculous. He was straight. He wasn’t ever going to want me.

Things settled down a little over the next couple of weeks and I really tried my best to make things better between us, too. I hadn’t taken a guy home in a while – more for the fact that I just wasn’t interested in anyone that any other reason. The only problem was that I now had more time to spend back at the apartment alone with Kurt and I wasn’t sure how to act around him anymore. Without having hook-ups to distract me from my real feelings it was even harder to be around him. I’d been staying out for as long as possible before heading home for weeks.

We didn’t even socialise together anymore. One, because I couldn’t trust myself once I’d had a few drinks to stop myself from saying something embarrassing – and two, because he was still being unpleasant to my friends and I really couldn’t risk them all being mortally offended and wondering why the hell I wasn’t asking to be re-homed by myself or with someone less judgemental... But I still wasn’t sure if he was judging me poorly or if it was something else that neither of us seemed willing to explore. I missed him. We’d been so close. We’d gone out almost every weekend together before he’d gone all weird on me.

“Well, it’s pretty obvious to me that he fancies you.” My friend Brynn, who I’d briefly hooked up with earlier on in the term, said. “It’s not unheard of you know – some guys just fall for other guys even when they’ve been straight their whole life.”

Well, it wasn’t obvious to me and I totally didn’t go along with the ‘gay for you’ crap he was spouting. I shook my head, “No, he doesn’t fancy me.” I argued, “I’ve asked him outright.” It wasn’t technically true. I hadn’t got the balls to actually come out and ask him if he had feeling for me that were more than just mates. I was too scared of the answer, which I was absolutely convinced would have been a vehement ‘no’. I wasn’t at all sure that I was ready for the disappointment of him saying what I already knew – that he didn’t fancy me one bit and he was just disgusted with my lifestyle for whatever reason he had...

Brynn was adamant, “But you said his brother was gay, didn’t you?”

I nodded, “Yeah,” I agreed uncomfortably, “I did.”

“And his best mate at home?” he was like a dog with a fucking bone.

I nodded again, letting out a massive sigh, “Yeah.”

He snorted, “He’s in the closet, mate – and he fancies you. Jealousy – that’s what his problem is.”

Great... He fancied me and was in total denial about the whole thing. That really helped... not.

 

 

Chapter 10 – Christmas...

 

Kurt

 

The Christmas break came up far too quickly for my liking – and definitely before Sebastian and I had made any real headway with getting our friendship back on track. I had no choice than to go home though. Mum had bought me the plane tickets and there was no way I was going to miss my brother’s engagement party anyway. Sebastian was going home too so it wasn’t like I’d be leaving him behind or anything...

And it was great to see my brother and George – and the engagement party definitely made it worth my while being there.

I realised once I was stood at the bar with a pint, chatting to my brother and George that I wasn’t in the slightest bit bothered by guys kissing guys all around me. In fact I absolutely loved seeing how happy George and Kane were together and my heart was bursting with love and pride for them as they hosted the campiest party I’d been to ever.

Elliot sidled up to me as George and Kane went to dance. He didn’t seem to have a boyfriend tonight, which was a first as far as I was aware. “Sorted things out with your mate Sebastian yet?” he asked.

I sighed miserably and shook my head. I’d been valiantly trying to forget about Sebastian and what my weird feelings towards him meant but Elliot wasn’t one for letting sleeping dogs lie and he wanted me to talk it out with him. “Come and sit down and tell me what’s been going on.” He took my hand and led me to a table that was empty. He sat down opposite me and looked me right in the eye, “What does this guy mean to you?”

I didn’t say anything but the word that sprung immediately to mind was everything. Wow. When had that happened? I hadn’t actually been aware that my feelings for him were actually feelings of love and desire and that I was reacting the way I was because I was consumed with jealousy that the other guys were getting something from him that I sadly wasn’t... Fuck. How on earth had I missed that?

Kane and George came ambling back over from the dance floor at that point and sat down opposite us, “How’s it going?” Kane asked, slightly out of breath from his rather vigorous dance moves.

I shrugged, “Meh. You know.”

Elliot grinned, “He’s just realised something he hadn’t figured out before.” He said.

Kane frowned at me, “What are you on about?” he asked.

Good question. I hadn’t discussed any of my weird feelings with my brother – not because I didn’t want to – well, maybe that was part of it. I’d always been the ‘straight’ brother. I’d always felt that it had been expected of me somehow. For Mum and Dad to have at least one of their kids straight. I don’t know why I even felt that way – no one was pressuring me... Hell, my best friend was gay. Jesus, I’d been so damned blinkered... I turned to him, “How did you know you were in love with George?” I asked, “You’d been crushing on Elliot here for years – so, how did you know?”

Elliot sat there, grinning all over his face. Kane raised his eyebrows at me, clearly wondering why I was asking all of a sudden and then he turned to George. His smile turned all gooey and he took his hand in his and turned back to me. “It was like magic.” He said, his voice cracking a little. “Elliot was my best friend – just like he was yours and we’d all grown up together and yeah, I fancied him but I think I fancied him because I knew it was safe, you know?”

I frowned and looked at Elliot. What? No! I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about! Elliot clearly did though, he was nodding along seriously which totally blew my mind. Who the hell had he been crushing on for years then? Never mind – I’d ask him another time... “I’m not with you.” I said because, honestly, now really wasn’t the time for not getting the answers I desperately needed.

Kane smiled, “I never really thought Elliot and I could go the distance if we did give things a go – and yet I didn’t seriously think we could have a one-night-stand and go back to being mates either – it was just nice to fantasise while I waited for Mr Right.”

I nodded. I could relate to that. I’d always been looking for Mrs Right... I’d been looking in the wrong place of course. Hell, I’d been on the wrong highway for years and it was only now that I was away from him that it was dawning on me just how strong my feelings for Sebastian really were...

Kane was talking again. “Obviously I’d noticed George when he was on holiday and met up with Elliot the first time but when he came back the second year, I can’t explain what happened to me. It was like, boom! My palms went sweaty, it was hard to breathe and I just didn’t want to be anywhere else than in the same room as him – even though it was making me feel sick to my stomach to see him and Elliot with each other...”

Oh, my God...

“I’m just grateful to Cristian for his party games.” Kane chuckled, “Although I was shitting bricks that George wouldn’t want to kiss me.”

George laughed softly, “You had no idea.” He said, “I’d gone on holiday, absolutely desperate to rekindle things with Elliot – and then Kane appeared and my whole world exploded into colour. I swear angels sang.”

Kane laughed, “You’ll know when it happens, Kurt.” He said, “You won’t want to be anywhere than with her, and you’ll be happy because she’s happy...” He said.

I nodded. I already knew... I was happy when Sebastian was happy. I was stressed out when I could see I was stressing him out. Hell, I never wanted to be apart from him. He was on my mind constantly... “It’s not a her.” I blurted out, “It’s a he and he’s perfect – and, fuck I’m in love, guys. I’m in love!” I stood up, almost knocking all the drinks over as I nudged the table in my haste to get moving. “I’ve gotta go.”

 

*

 

After the initial euphoria of realising that I was in love and that the person I loved was the most beautiful human being on the whole fucking planet, panic ensued – because he’d gone home too – and we had four fucking weeks of being apart. I couldn’t wait that long. Hell, I needed to tell him how I felt right now... before he found someone else.

Because as sure as eggs were eggs I would never recover if he actually got a serious boyfriend. The few hook-ups he’d had had almost killed me. I swear I had an ulcer...

Kane and George were called over by some of their friends before they got any further chance to question me about my new-found gay status and they left – both looking a little shell-shocked by my revelation. Elliot pulled me back down, “Have you got his phone number?” he asked.

I nodded, “Yeah.” I said, standing back up. I had no idea what to do with myself. I was so desperate to talk to him.

“Go and give him a ring. Explain what you’ve been feeling...” I’d already got up out of my seat and was heading for the door, “and tell him you love him.” he yelled after me.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around with my mouth hanging open for a moment. I couldn’t have heard that right... I walked back to the table and stared at him, “What the fuck has happened to you since I’ve been away?”

He shrugged, “Dunno.” He said cagily.

I raised an eyebrow, “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” Someone that means something...

He shrugged again, his face a mask of indifference but I’d known him for too long to actually believe he wasn’t covering his true feelings. The last time he looked like this was last Christmas when George had realised he had stronger feelings for Kane than he had for Elliot and so had Kane. Elliot had realised too late that George could have been so much more than a fling and he’d lost him.

It looked like cupid might have scored again... if Elliot didn’t do his usual routine of screwing everything up.... Fuck, it looked like Elliot and I had a fair bit in common...

I wasn’t going to lose Sebastian though – well, not if I could help it. I headed back for the exit. It was time to call him – and to tell him exactly how I felt about him.

 

 

Chapter 11 – Moment of truth...

 

Sebastian

 

“So here it is, Merry Christmas...” The music was belting out and everyone was singing their hearts out, arms around each other and most of them completely pissed. I looked around and sighed. I was nineteen years old – almost twenty and in the prime of my life. I should have been singing and dancing and getting absolutely bladdered along with the rest of my mates but I really wasn’t feeling it.

If I was going to be completely honest, the club scene had always felt a little forced to me and at this time of year it was just plain nauseating with all the festivities.

I much preferred cosy nights in, cuddling on the sofa with a nice bottle of wine to share and something decent to eat.

I sighed. Since when had I turned into such a scrooge? The truth was that I would absolutely love every tinsel-strewn second of messing around with mistletoe like all of the guys around me if I had someone I loved to mess around with...

I checked my phone for the millionth time, desperate for it to get to midnight so I had the legitimate reason of it being after midnight to feign tiredness and to escape. I was surprised to see that I’d missed a call from Kurt. My heart leapt. What was he calling me for?

I hurried towards the exit. The cloakroom area was much quieter than the dance floor.

I pressed the button to return the call and held my breath.

He answered within a second, “Hello?”

There was a lot of noise at his end of the call and my heart sank. Had it been nothing more than a pocket-dial? “Kurt?” I asked hesitantly.

“Seb?” he yelled my name down the phone, almost rendering me deaf.

Wincing slightly, I replied, “Yeah, did you call me earlier?”

“I can’t hear you, Seb – just a second. Don’t hang up!” he yelled down the phone. I held the phone away from my head. With bleeding ears (well, okay – total exaggeration) I waited for him to find somewhere quieter. Where the hell was he? Seconds later he was back with me and I could hear his gorgeous voice perfectly well again, “Seb?”

“I’m still here.” I assured him, “Did you call me earlier on purpose or was it a pocket-dial?”

He chuckled, “No, no – I definitely called on purpose...”

I waited. Okay... “What were you calling me about?”

Silence again. I was just about to give up and cut the call when he started explaining himself and I was stunned into silence...

“I uh, I’ve been talking a lot to Elliot since I got home.”

I bristled. I didn’t know Elliot but Kurt talked about him a lot and I was jealous that he had such a close relationship with the gay sex-god. “The man-whore?” I asked a little bitchily.

He chuckled, “Yeah, the very one.”

“Okay.” I know I sounded a little jealous and I could have cut my tongue out with a spoon. Idiot! He’s straight! He’s never going to be into you! Wake up!

“And he made me realise something. God this is so hard when I can’t see your face...”

Trying not to imagine what might go hard when he looked at my face, I prompted him to continue, “Go on.”

“I’m sorry that I’ve been such a dick recently.”

I blinked. What? “Okay – you haven’t been much of anything lately – since we’ve not been hanging out.” And it’s been killing me...

He sighed, “Yeah, I know – there’s been a reason for that. I think I’ve been suffering a lot with something that I didn’t really recognise – you see it’s never happened to me before...”

I frowned. What the fuck was he talking about? “And what’s that?” I asked.

He took a deep breath, “Jealousy.”

I rolled my eyes as my heart sank down to my rather fabulous Dr Marten boots. Great. So it was nothing more than him having a dry spell and me having a few hook-ups. Perfect. I swallowed down my disappointment and tried to go for an upbeat answer, “There’s really no need, mate – it’s probably just easier for gay guys – there are fewer of us for starters – we’re all in the LGBTQ society and guys like no strings sex. It’s a no brainer mostly. I’m damned sure there are plenty of hot girls that are happy to hook-up too – you just need to find them.”

Silence again. I took my phone away from my ear to make sure we were still connected. I was calling France after all... According to my phone we were still connected, “Kurt? You still there, mate?”

He cleared his throat, “Uh, yeah, yeah I am – I didn’t really mean that, though...”

My jaw dropped. Realisation was beginning to dawn on me, but it was too fantastic and so unbelievable that I couldn’t quite comprehend it. “What are you trying to tell me, then, Kurt?” I asked, my voice cracking. My heart was thumping in my chest ten to the dozen. If he was about to tell me what I hoped he was trying to tell me this would officially be my first and possibly only Christmas miracle. If I’d totally got the wrong end of the stick then this was gonna crush me...

He was silent for a second and then he shocked the hell out of me, “Are you busy tomorrow?” he asked.

I frowned, “Well, no – but it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow...”

He laughed, “Yeah, I know what day it is.” He said, “Mum’s gonna be so pissed off with me for not being here at Christmas but that’s just too bad...”

I gasped. He was going to miss Christmas with his family to come and see me? No way... “You can’t do that...”

“I can.” He said firmly, “And I will. Clear your schedule. I need to see you. I need to be with you – I’ve got a lot that I have to say...”

Oh holy crap! Now I was panicking...

 

 

Chapter 12 – Realisation...

 

Kurt

 

My heart was lighter than it had been since... well, since forever actually.

I went dashing back into the party and headed straight for Kane and George. I had to explain to them first. They’d both surely think I was completely mad, but I didn’t think I was. I thought I’d heard something in Sebastian’s voice that I’d been blindly ignoring since we’d first met... I hoped I’d heard something anyway or I was going to feel pretty stupid tomorrow.

Kane whirled around as I shouted his name, beaming at me and still holding George’s hand, “Hey, bro.” he beamed at me.

I beamed back at him, “Hi.” I said, “It’s been absolutely brilliant seeing you both so happy – but I’ve gotta split.”

He nodded, “I knew you’d say that.” He grinned, “You’ve found your soulmate.”

I nodded, “I have.” I agreed, “And I can’t wait for you to meet him. I’ll bring him back for New Year’s.”

He nodded, “I can’t wait to meet him.” He gave me a hug, “I knew you were gay.” He whispered in my ear, “You were far too good to be wasted on girls!”

I chuckled, “I’ve gotta tell Mum next.”

George and Kane both sucked a sharp breath in over their teeth, “Good luck with that,” George murmured as Kane snorted in amusement.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “You’ll need it.”

Mum was a bit of a mama bear and she really wasn’t going to like me disappearing on her this close to Christmas – but there was nothing I could do about that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Sebastian and I wanted the rest of my life to start as soon as possible... He was what I’d been looking for my whole life. It just took me a while to realise it.

“See you at the New Year’s Eve party then.” Kane slapped me on the back and George gave me a hug.

I nodded, “Look after Elliot, won’t you.” I said, “I think he’s fallen for someone.”

Kane raised his eyebrows, “Oh, yeah?” he said, “Who’s the lucky guy?”

I shrugged, “I have no idea – but he seems pretty smitten. Anyway – I’ve gotta go and tell Mum...”

I swallowed nervously and headed across the room to my Mum and Dad...

“Darling!” Mum stood up and gathered me up in an expensive smelling hug.

I hugged her back and buried my face in her neck, breathing in her wonderful scent. “I have to leave.” I said as I pulled away, “I’ve fallen in love and I’m leaving for the UK on the next available flight.” I said.

She gaped at me, “What?”

I nodded, “I’ve got to see someone who is really important to me. I have to tell that person that I’m in love with them.”

A slow smile crept across her face as she gazed at me, “Really?” she asked in delight, “Who is this lucky person?”

I grinned at her. Kane and George had clearly not gotten around to telling her what I’d told them yet, then, “His name’s Sebastian – he’s the guy I share the apartment with.”

Mum smiled and Kane, who had sneaked up on me as I explained things to her, grinned, “We all knew you’d been fishing in the wrong pond before, mate.” He said.

I shrugged, “Yeah, maybe.” I agreed but I wasn’t so sure. I’d never fancied any other guys before. And I hadn’t even realised that I fancied Sebastian, until Elliot had spelt it out for me. I’d fallen in love with him as a person first and foremost – and that was what had confused me.

Mum leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I can’t deny it,” she said, “It’s a bit of surprise for me.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I know,” I chuckled, “it shocked the hell out of me too.”

She laughed, “When will you be home?” she asked, “Are you bringing him back with you after Christmas?”

I nodded, “I could do that.” I said.

She smiled, “Do that.” She said, “I want to meet this magical creature that has turned my son into a romantic man.”

I grinned and nodded, “I’ve always been romantic – I just hadn’t found the one.”

 

 

Chapter 13 – Perfection...

 

Sebastian

 

I was like a cat on a hot tin roof waiting at the airport for Kurt to arrive.

Mum had kindly dropped me off but I’d told her not to wait for us – we could catch the bus back. I figured we’d have a lot to talk about – and we could do that in the airport Starbucks...

I checked the board for about the millionth time. His flight was on time and as I looked at the board it confirmed that he’d landed. He’d be coming through those doors in a matter of minutes assuming he travelled light because he wasn’t like me. He was a jeans and white tee shirt kind of guy. Rugged. Sexy... He didn’t need twenty different bottles of moisturiser and cleanser and the like that I packed...

As predicted, he came through the arrivals entrance a couple of minutes later. He looked nervous and his eyes were darting around looking for me. I stood on tiptoes and waved.

His dark eyes met with mine seconds later and his face split into a massive grin. He picked up his little wheel-on case and broke into a run over to me.

Dropping his case on the ground he picked me up and whirled me around before planting me back on my feet and pressing his lips against mine in a chaste, but surprisingly passion-invoking kiss.

I gazed up at him in a bit of a daze. Finally I found my voice, “You, uh, you said you had a lot to talk to me about?”

He nodded, “Yeah.” He agreed, “I have. I’ve been a total dick.”

I smiled. “Have you?” I asked, “I hadn’t noticed.”

He narrowed his eyes at me but he was smiling, “Shall we get a coffee and I’ll try to explain?”

I nodded. Suddenly the cheesy Christmas tunes that were being played in the coffee shop weren’t so irritating and the smiling couples around me weren’t annoying me quite so much anymore. Funny, that...

I found us a seat over by the window so we could watch the people passing by with their cases, all excitedly going to different places and waited for Kurt to come back from the counter with our drinks. He’d bought himself a Camembert and cranberry sandwich and he’d got me a lemon and poppy seed muffin. Oh, my God. He knew me so well. He was perfect. That was what he was, utterly perfect...

He sat down opposite me, looked me in the eye with his unbelievably blue eyes and then he started to give me the lengthiest explanation in the history of lengthy explanations...

“...and I was so confused by the way I was feeling. Honestly Sebastian, I totally mistook my jealousy of seeing you with all of those guys as homophobia. I really thought I’d turned into some sort of freaky homophobic monster – I was even afraid to call my brother in case I’d gone all weird on him, too.”

I laughed, “Oh, Kurt. You’re adorable. I really hadn’t got you pegged as the jealous type.”

I shook my head, “I’ve never had anything to be jealous of before. Truth is, I’ve never found anyone that made me feel the way I feel when I’m with you before. You make me feel so happy, Sebastian. I’ve never been happier than when we’re together and I know I’m a total dork for not realising what it was that I was feeling around you – until I saw you on the sofa with that guy... Honestly, I felt sick to my stomach when I saw you both...”

I felt instantly ashamed – if I’d only known... “I’m really sorry...”

He shook his head, “You have nothing to be sorry about. I didn’t know that I was jealous. I had no clue what my feelings were – or if I did, I was doing a bloody good job of ignoring them. But the truth is – I’d fallen in love – with you. I love you Sebastian.”

I was crying by the time he’d finished, “Oh, God, Kurt. I love you, too.” I whispered, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands, “You have no idea how much I’ve imagined this happening one day. It’s like a dream come true.”

He smiled, “It is.” He said, reaching across the table and taking my hand in his and looking at me with love and hope in his eyes, “So, will you go out with me, Sebastian? Will you be my boyfriend?”

I nodded, “I will.” I said, “I definitely will.”

 

 

Chapter 14 – Christmas kisses...

 

Kurt

 

Okay. So I’d laid my heart bare and told him how I felt about him – but apart from that little press of my lips to his that I really couldn’t stop myself from doing, I still hadn’t kissed him. And I was freaking out about it. How did you kiss a guy? Was it just the same as kissing a girl? Of course it is... you fucking dick. Stop stressing about it, grab him and kiss him!

We were walking through the airport to the main entrance, which led down to the bus stop. There were a few people around but no one was taking any notice of us. My inner voice was getting louder with its insistent kiss him, kiss him, I stopped and pulled him into me, “Can I kiss you?” I asked shyly.

He smiled up at me, “Of course.” He said tipping his face up to mine, “I thought you’d never ask.”

I took a deep breath. Was my breath minty fresh enough? Suddenly I was frozen with fear.

Luckily, Sebastian wasn’t backwards at coming forwards. He smiled, reaching around my neck with his arms he pulled me down to him and our lips met... perfectly.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I pulled away in a bit of a daze. Wow. That had been some kiss... “Sebastian Kennedy!” I exclaimed, “Where did you learn how to kiss like that?”

He smiled up at me and shrugged, “I’m a boy from the valley.” He said, “We learn all sorts of stuff where there’s not a lot else to do – the internet coverage isn’t so great so we have to make up our own entertainment.”

I grinned, “I don’t believe that for one minute.” I murmured, rubbing my nose against his affectionately.

He smiled, “Kissing is one of my favourite activities.” He said, “I could happily kiss you all day.”

“Fuck.” I said, “I’ll never get my degree at this rate.”

He chuckled, “Me either,” he said, “But at least we’ll be happy.”

 

 

Chapter 15 – Meeting Michaela...

 

Sebastian

 

We finally got back to my house a couple of hours later. I wasn’t putting off introducing him to my parents – I just wanted him all to myself for a little while before they fell in love with him too.

I’d shown him around the town a little and we’d gone for a walk in the park too. It was one of those beautifully crisp, frosty days where the sun was too low in the sky to warm you – but did a bloody good job of rendering you almost blind all day long.

“I hope it snows.” I murmured, “We could build a snowman.”

Kurt grinned at me, “Complete with snowballs.” He joked.

I chuckled, “I built one upside down once – never occurred to me to give it balls and a cock though.”

Kurt laughed, “Well, there’s a first time for everything!”

We were getting closer and closer to home now and I was beginning to get nervous. What if they didn’t like him? What if he didn’t like them? Or my house – he lived in the fucking Alps for chrissakes... What the fuck had I been thinking? We weren’t exactly poor but we sure didn’t run a multi-million business...

Kurt took my hand in his and turned me towards him, “What are you freaking out over?” he asked.

I blinked. How the fuck did he know that? “I’m not freaking out.”

He nodded, “Uh, yeah you are.” He argued, “Your bottom lip is bleeding.”

Shit. I wiped my mouth and sure enough, there was blood on the back of my hand, “Oh, fuck.” I muttered.

Kurt pulled a tissue out of his pocket and dabbed my mouth gently, “You’re gonna have to stop doing that,” he murmured, “I hate seeing you hurting yourself.”

I sighed and leaned a little closer to him, “You can kiss me better,” I whispered.

He nodded, “Oh, you can count on it.” He said.

We were at the front door before we knew it. “Nice house.” Kurt commented, making me blush.

“You’re just saying that. I’ll bet yours is a whole lot nicer.” I said.

He shook his head, “Not really.” He said, wrinkling his nose, “Since it’s part of a Bed and Breakfast complex. I’d much rather live somewhere normal like this.”

I beamed at him, “Well, my home is your home.” I said, “And speaking of – we need to sort out accommodation for next year.”

Kurt grinned, “I’ve already started looking.” He said, “And I think I’ve found somewhere close to the uni – we can go and check it out when we go back.”

I smiled. Wow. We were really going to live together again... This was the best Christmas ever.

Before I’d even managed to find my key, the door was flung open and I found myself looking into the gleeful face of my sister, Michaela.

“Yo, bro’!” she exclaimed, “Merry Christmas!”

I shook my head. “Let us in, then.” I laughed, “This is Kurt my, uh...”

Kurt stuck his hand out and shook Michaela’s hand vigorously, “Boyfriend.” He said firmly, “The word he’s looking for is boyfriend.”

I sighed happily and leaned against the wall just looking at him.

Michaela chuckled, “Bless him,” she said, “he just can’t quite believe it.”

Kurt smiled at me, “Neither can I.” he said, with just as much of a sappy grin as I had.

Michaela rolled her eyes, “Oh, man.” She groaned, “have I got to watch you two blowing kisses to each other across the room all Christmas?”

I shook my head, “No,” I said, “Because we’ll be in my bedroom doing it in private.”

She grinned slyly, “Yeah, right.” She said, “Like Mum’s gonna let you do that!”

Kurt looked at me in alarm. I shook my head at him, “She doesn’t mean that Mum won’t let us sleep together.” I said, “she’ll be totally cool with that – what she means is that Mum’s never gonna want to leave us alone.”

To be fair, the look of alarm only increased. I laughed. “Come on – I’ll take you up to dump your stuff and then we’ll get a coffee and I’ll show you around.”

I really wanted to kiss him again – and maybe a little more than that – and it wasn’t going to happen with Michaela around...

 

*

 

Kurt followed me into my bedroom. “Oh, this is nice.” He said.

I turned and smiled, “It’s cool isn’t it?” I asked proudly. I loved my room – it was masculine and classy and yet pretty all rolled into one.

He nodded, “Very cool.” He said, “Would you kiss me again?”

Would I kiss him again? Hell, yeah I would! I grinned, “Is that a trick question?” I asked.

He chuckled, “Just come here and kiss me.”

“I thought I made you want to throw up when I kissed boys.”

He nodded, looking at me a little sheepishly, “Yeah, well,” he said, “Seems I don’t have that problem when it’s me you’re kissing.”

I chuckled. He was so adorable. “Oh, Kurt, I sighed, “I love you.”

He smiled, “I love you, too.” He said, “Kane was right...”

I raised an eyebrow, “You told your brother about me?”

He nodded, “Yeah,” he said, “Of course I did. And I asked him how he knew that George was the one.”

I blinked. Wow. I was the one! I don’t know why that shocked me so much. I’d known that Kurt was the one for me for months but I was still totally floored. “And what did he say?”

He shrugged, “Oh, I don’t know – something about feeling happy and grounded and that life was perfect with him in it – totally made sense to me – because it was exactly the way I feel about you. That was when I called you – right in the middle of the gayest engagement party you could ever imagine.”

I smiled. “I’m so glad you did.”

He nodded, “Me too – now are you gonna kiss me or what?”

Well, that was an invitation I really couldn’t refuse...

 

 

Chapter 16 – Christmas with the Kennedys...

 

Kurt

 

Sebastian’s family were truly lovely. They were very welcoming – obviously all of them adored Sebastian and I really couldn’t blame them one bit. He was absolutely the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Their Christmas morning was totally different to what I was used to – and in a really good way too.

Sebastian woke me up at the ungodly hour of six am with a big kiss and a beaming smile, “Morning gorgeous.” He whispered, “He’s been!”

I blinked in the half-light of the lamp on Sebastian’s side of the bed, “Uh?” What the fuck was he talking about?

Sebastian giggled, “Santa!” he whispered loudly, “He’s been! Look!”

I rubbed my eyes and dragged myself up into a sitting position. I shivered in the slightly chilly air of the early morning, “Pass my hoody.” I mumbled, still wishing I was sleeping – I was having the best dream...

Sebastian bounced around like a puppy on speed or something and the next second I was being enthusiastically wrestled into my hoody. “Come on, Kurt!” he whispered excitedly, “Let’s open our stockings!”

Stockings? What the hell? I’d got one too?

The next second, a big, bright red felt and flock stocking was thrust into my lap with a jolly faced Rudolph face beaming up at me, complete with a very red nose. Okay...

I looked at Sebastian enquiringly, “Is this off you?”

He shook his head, “No.” he admitted, “I’ve got my gift for you in my wardrobe. This is from Mum – and Dad of course but he won’t have had anything to do with whatever the hell she’s put in there. He always looks mildly bemused when Michaela and I thank him for our gifts.”

I chuckled. Were all dads the same? Probably...

I took out the first rather badly wrapped gift, “I hope it isn’t a box of condoms,” I muttered, “I’ll never able to look her in the eye again.”

Sebastian snorted, “She wouldn’t do that... Well, I don’t think she would.”

I unwrapped it. It wasn’t condoms thankfully. It was a stick of deodorant of my favourite, Chanel Bleu. “Oh, my God!” I showed it to Sebastian.

He grinned and held up one the same, “I told her you loved it as much as I did.”

“Oh, wow, that’s so generous.” I thought about the box of biscuits I’d bought at the airport for his parents and cringed a little, “I really have to get them something for putting me up over Christmas.”

Sebastian shook his head, “She’s delighted that you’re here – she’s delighted that we’ve met and that we’re happy together – believe me, you being here is all the gift she needs. She loves her kids and she wants us to be happy.”

I nodded. That made perfect sense and it was really all my Mum wanted for me and Kane too, “Even still – I need to get them something other than that crappy box of biscuits.” I muttered.

Sebastian laughed, “Dad loves biscuits – particularly shortbread.”

Well, hallelujah! At least I got his favourites...

Once we’d finished opening our stockings – and crashing Michaela’s room to see what she’d got too, we all made our way (sleepily in my case) down the stairs to where the tree was twinkling with all the presents underneath and looking terribly inviting. This really was the way to do Christmas morning. Sebastian and I would definitely keep this tradition going when we had our own place... I smiled to myself as that particular thought went through my mind. I was already planning our future together in my mind and it really wasn’t freaking me out.

Eventually, Mr and Mrs Kennedy came down the stairs, still in their pyjamas and they opened the gifts they’d got for each other before they both disappeared off into the kitchen to get the dinner ready – apparently, Mr Kennedy was a bit of a control freak over Christmas dinner and insisted on doing it all by himself – with his wife to keep him company.

Sebastian came to sit down on the sofa next to me while his sister sat in the armchair that faced the TV, snap-chatting her mates and pretty much ignoring the pair of us. He smiled at me, “Hey, you.” He said, “Are you gonna call your brother?”

I nodded, “In a bit – they won’t be up yet – we don’t do Christmas quite as early at home.”

He giggled, “Yeah, we’re a bit weird...”

I shook my head, “I love it – this is the best Christmas!”

Sebastian went a little pink but he looked really pleased. “I have your gift here – wanna open it?”

I nodded, “I’d love to.” I smiled back at him. “My gift for you is still upstairs, I forgot it.”

Sebastian jumped up and took my hand, “Then let’s go back up and we can open them together.”

My dick twitched in my pyjama pants. Alone time with Sebastian in his bedroom? Fuck, yeah. That sounded like a great idea...

 

 

Chapter 17 – Best Christmas ever...

 

Sebastian

 

“I can’t wait to show you what I’ve got.” I said excitedly.

Kurt snorted, “And I can’t wait for you to show me.”

I turned around and grinned at him, “Naughty.” I said, but even as I said it, I could feel my body beginning to respond to his words and I’ve got to say – I started to feel every bit as horny as he was if the expression on his face was anything to go by. Hungry – that was his expression and a thrill went through me to know he was feeling that for me.

And no sooner had we gotten inside my room, his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me to him. “Come here,” he said gruffly before treating me to a heart-stopping kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth like he’d never tasted anything so delicious. My mind was a glorious blank. Nothing existed but him and me and this absolutely amazing kiss. I knew we’d gone back to my room for something but I couldn’t remember what it was – must have been to kiss...

I sucked on his tongue, tasting him and totally luxuriating in the sensations I was being treated to, His tongue sliding against mine, duelling with mine in a sort of erotic dance...

I groaned into his mouth, “Oh, Kurt,” I murmured, “You feel amazing.”

He grunted his agreement and continued to kiss me, almost to the point of me forgetting my own name.

I had to pull away to get a little air and to get my head back in the game. “Wow.” I murmured as I gazed at his mouth. His lips were slightly swollen and shiny from our rather dirty kisses. He’d never looked sexier.

I took his hand, “Come on.” I murmured.

I manoeuvred him across the room from the door over to my bed. Pushing him gently down onto the mattress I lowered myself over his beautiful, hard body and slid my hands up his body – because, well, why the hell not? Seriously, I’d never felt so turned on in my whole life...

“Sebastian,” he breathed, “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

I grinned, “Thanks – so are you. Now lie there and enjoy yourself. I’m gonna suck your cock until you come.”

He stared up at him, disbelief all over his face, “What?” his voice cracked as he spoke.

I smiled and nodded, “You’re gonna love it.” I was very confident that he was going to enjoy it if the bulge in his pyjama bottoms was anything to go by – and just from a couple of kisses.

 “Let’s get these off you.” I murmured, pinging the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, “I can’t really do what I’ve been thinking about all morning with those on.”

He nodded and pushed them down his legs in a second.

I grinned. Someone was keen... “Now that’s impressive.” I said, eyeing the bulge in his boxer shorts, “I used to fantasise about blowing you in the shower every time you came in the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth.”

His jaw dropped slightly and he looked up at me with lust-glazed eyes, “Fuck, Sebastian,” he groaned, “I wish you’d said something at the time – I might have woken up to the way I was feeling about you.”

I grinned and shook my head, “Nah,” I said, “If I’d offered to blow you in the shower back then you’d have freaked out entirely. We needed time away from each other to figure it all out.”

He nodded, “Yeah, you’re right – but we definitely fit – we always have – from the first day we met.”

I nodded, “Yeah, we have.” I agreed. I couldn’t help stroking his cock as we talked to each other and his breathing was definitely quickening. His cheeks were pink and he was looking up at me lustfully.

I smiled. Man, his cock felt good through his boxer shorts but I really wanted to feel the real thing. “Lift up, I want these off too.”

He smiled and lifted himself off the bed and shimmied himself out of his boxer shorts. He dropped them off the side of the bed and settled himself back down, looking slightly self-conscious for being naked in front of me.