1.
ELLIE
On the first day of filming, I was too nervous to eat anything.
By the time I got to the studio, I was so hungry I was terrified my stomach would be rumbling so loudly people would hear it on camera.
I'd never been on film before; not really.
There'd been plenty of stage productions at my acting school, and a five-second part in a commercial once, but other than that I was a complete newbie when it came to life behind the camera.
And I was going to be acting opposite Aaron Palmer.
Aaron Palmer, actor extraordinaire who had been acting in big budget movies since he was twenty years old. At nearly forty-five, he was a veteran.
And he was going to be my costar.
It was no wonder I hadn't felt like eating that morning.
I’d been an extra a few times, so I knew what to expect from producers and directors, about how to conduct myself.
What I was worried about was my ability.
My agent, Dana, had gotten me an audition for the new action flick. There hadn't been a lot of information about the actual film. All I’d known was that Dana said the pay was good, and this was a good gig if I could get it.
So, I’d turned up and read the lines, and within two weeks I’d been offered the part.
The money was more than I could really comprehend, and when I heard I was going to be acting alongside Aaron Palmer, I hadn't known whether to be excited or petrified.
It was a lot of pressure for my first part.
But I'd read the script through, and I was confident I knew my lines, especially for the parts I'd be filming on-set rather than on-location, since they'd be done first.
I just needed to remember to breathe, and I'd be fine. This was what I'd wanted my entire life. My parents had enrolled me in acting groups since my fifth birthday, and they'd always been telling me I could make it big.
It was finally time to prove them right.
I strode into the studio like I owned the place, and went straight for the selection of breakfast foods that were laid out on a buffet table. Of course food would be provided for me here; I wasn't just an extra who was mostly in the way anymore.
I was spotted immediately by the director, who came over to clap a hand on my shoulder. I almost choked on the croissant, and regretted taking such a big bite. "Hi," I said, holding in a cough.
"Ellie, I'm glad you're here. We want to get filming as soon as possible. It's going to be a tight schedule to get the on-set filming done, but the on-location stuff should be a walk in the park in terms of the time frame." He took the plate from my hand, even though I'd only taken one bite from my croissant. "Get yourself down to hair and make-up." He passed me a script even though I had my own annotated copy in my bag. "And make sure you're up to date on your lines. We're doing from pages seventeen to twenty-nine today."
I allowed myself to be ushered toward the hair and make-up department, my stomach rumbling, and unable to see why I couldn't have taken my breakfast with me.
I scanned the studio, but in the short walk from the entrance to hair and make-up, there wasn't a lot to see. The set was shut off still, and Aaron Palmer was nowhere in sight.
Inside hair and make-up, I found a chair with my name on it, and took a seat. Instead of being swarmed like I was expecting, an older woman came over with a polite smile. "Ellie Lyndon?"
"That's me."
"Excellent. Today's make-up is going to be simple—this is before your on the run phase begins, so you're still allowed to look civilized. We shouldn't be very long getting you ready."
I sat for a long while just listening to my make-up artist, whose name I found out was Nel, chatting about inane things like the weather, and what she'd watched on TV the night before. Then she came to the sudden realization that it was my first day on-set, and there were some things I might want to know. "Have you got any questions? I'd be more than happy to answer; I've been around these parts for decades now."
My head had been buzzing with questions for days now, but as soon as I had the opportunity to ask them, my mind went blank. "Have you worked with any of the actors before?" It wasn't just Aaron Palmer who was a big name. Some of the supporting cast were stars, too, and I was the only rookie.
"Oh, plenty. You know Den and Aaron have worked lots of films together, I'm the regular make-up artist for them." That she'd shortened the director's name to Den almost made me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. I couldn't imagine calling him anything other than sir right now. "They're both great people to work with." I saw her eyebrows pull together a little in the mirror, though. "Aaron might take a bit of warming up to, mind. He's not always the most approachable. He's not always the friendliest to people he doesn't know, either. But wow him on stage and you'll be his best friend in no time."
My stomach sank painfully.
He was going to base his entire opinion on my acting ability. It was fair enough, really. I was an actress. That was the point of me being here.
But I wasn't good enough to impress one of the best. Not on my first attempt.
Nel didn't miss my change in mood. "Don't worry about it. You'll do just fine, I'm sure of it."
That didn't comfort me.
Den stuck his head around the door a few moments later. "Are you just about ready?" he asked.
I looked at Nel, who nodded. "Just the finishing touches, then you can get her to wardrobe."
Dennis disappeared, and I looked back at Nel. "What about Aaron?" There were a couple of other cast members sitting in the behind-the-scenes room with me, but they hadn't made any move to talk to me or introduce themselves. I hadn't spotted Aaron since I first arrived, though.
"Oh, he's been in and out. He's always here early, wanting to get on with it before the cameraman has even shown up."
I'd been on time, but I suddenly felt guilty about that.
This was how he'd gotten to be a big star: he had dedication.
I should have been just as dedicated.
My parents always said that putting yourself out there, showing people that you meant business, that you cared, was the best way to get yourself known.
Tomorrow I would be here early. I would be in and out of hair and make-up before the other actors, and I'd spend the time waiting for them to get ready networking.
My time in costume was a quick one. This scene only required a pencil skirt and blouse, and some stilettos that were going to kill my feet by the end of the day.
And then I was finally going out onto the set.
I was finally face to face with Aaron Palmer.
I'd seen so many pictures of him, seen him in so many movies, that I'd expected seeing him in person to be underwhelming. He wouldn't be photoshopped or airbrushed in real life. He wouldn't have favorable lighting or filters.
But somehow it made him even better.
Here, standing before me, he was real.
Sure, there was a little bit more grey in his stubble than in the pictures, and his pores were bigger than that GQ photoshoot, but he was still gorgeous. He was still standing there in an expensive, fitted suit, his back straight and his arms folded in complete confidence as he chatted to the producer.
For a moment, I was starstruck.
I stood, and stared, and was forced to remind myself that I wasn't a fan who had snuck onto his set to get a glimpse at him. I was here as his peer. I was his colleague. I was acting alongside him.
And I was positive the last person he would want to be acting alongside is someone so childish they can't look past the fact there's someone famous standing beside them.
So, I approached them with my head held high and a polite smile on my face.
Aaron noticed me immediately, and smiled back. It showed the dimple in his cheek, and I was certain it was genuine. "You must be Ellie."
I shook his hand, my grip firm. "It's an honor to be working with you."
"From what Den's said, the honor is all mine. He speaks highly of you."
I fought down a blush, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. "I'm glad to hear it."
"He wouldn't just pick up anyone. He's always been fussy."
Unlike Nel's reassurances, Aaron was making me relax. He was right: the director wouldn't have picked me if I had nothing to offer. There must have been something he saw in me that made me good for the role. "How did you find the scene we're filming today?"
I'd read it so many times it was seared into my brain. It was just a quick, basic scene. An easy one to start the filming off with. Aaron's character and I would be meeting in the bar. Our first meeting in the film. There would be some banter, some tension.
I was ashamed to admit how disappointed I was that there was never anything romantic between Aaron's character and mine. I would have given anything to kiss him at some point during filming, no matter how fake it was. His lips were full and tempting and I would have fucked up that take so many times, so I could feel them on mine again and again.
"It's a good one to start off on. A good way to settle into the characters. And a good way for us to get to know each other better, to see our characters meeting for the first time," he said.
"I thought so, too."
The producer, who I'd forgotten was even there, gave a nod to Aaron and left us alone. "I assume you've watched a lot of Den's movies before."
"Every one." I'd seen an unreasonable amount of them simply because Aaron had been starring, but when I'd landed the audition, I'd made sure to watch every single movie he'd directed and studied the style and tone to try and match them.
"Then you know what he likes his leads to be like. Fiery. Full of tension." He took a step closer to me, and my breath seemed to whoosh straight out of me. He was almost standing with his chest pressed against mine. With my stilettos on, our faces were on nearly the same level. I only had to tilt my chin a little bit to be looking straight into his dark blue eyes.
I met his gaze head-on, even though my heart was pounding and my palms were clammy.
I was an actress and I could bury how hot and close to me he was.
"Full of tension. I think we can pull that off," I teased, tempted to raise my hand and press it against his chest, but bottling it at the last minute. I might not have any romantic scenes with Aaron, but in Dennis' films there was always the hint of something more in his leads' relationship. It always seemed to be written between the lines that at the end of the film, when the bad guys were beaten, the leads would be going home and fucking each other senseless as their reward.
We stared at each other for a moment, my lips parted slightly, and Aaron's gaze dropping to them for just a second.
Then he pulled back abruptly, returning to his power stance, suddenly seeming a lot taller than me. "I think we can pull that off, too." He seemed pleased by whatever he'd just seen, so I focused on trying not to become a flustered mess.
I'd have gotten over this in a couple of days, but I couldn't just meet Aaron Palmer, have him so close to me and eyeing up my lips like he was actually considering kissing me, without feeling hot under the collar.
It would all seem normal soon enough.
"I confess I'd never heard your name before," he said. "What productions have you been in?"
I was surprised he'd never looked me up to see what he was going to be working with before he accepted the part. I faltered now under the question. "I've got to be honest, too. This is the first big production I've ever been in."
"But the smaller ones? It might be something I've heard of."
My back was practically folding in on itself as I tried to make myself small, and wished I wasn't wearing the heels. "I've been in a couple of commercials, and stage productions at my acting school."
Aaron's light-hearted mood seemed to fall off the edge of a cliff. He stared at me, eyebrows pulling together, and glanced at where Dennis was stood across the room, disbelief in his face. "This is your first acting job—ever?" It wasn't disbelief in his tone, it was distaste.
"Yes." I wasn't going to elaborate more than that, and I wasn't going to try and defend myself. I'd had the audition, and I'd been picked. It was as simple as that.
Completely closed off now, Aaron just nodded. "We'll see how this works out, then."
And he went straight toward Dennis, no doubt to have words about his casting decisions.
I watched their conversation with a croissant to comfort me, and felt a few inches smaller every time Aaron spoke.
Getting him to change his opinion about me was going to take some impressive acting, and I was determined to prove I'd earned my place on this set.