35

Marin didn’t know when he was coming. Or if he’d changed his mind. Or if it’d be weird and awkward when he came back. Things had been so easy and comfortable on the phone these past few weeks that now it had her nerves gathering. They’d talked until all hours of the morning, opening up every door they had inside them, stripping things bare. Being honest. Being real. Being dorks.

And even though he’d been the one going through therapy, they’d tackled a lot of her fears, too. The fear of her genetics. Her fear that she wouldn’t be enough for Nate as he got older. Her worries about doing a good job at The Grove. They’d laid it all out there.

But she didn’t know if that would translate to real life, how that would feel when they saw each other again.

If they saw each other again. She hadn’t had another text in the two days since his photo on the bridge and he hadn’t called. It was driving her to goddamned distraction. So when she finished up dinner with Nate and saw him off to work, she went back to the X-wing to work late, anything to keep her mind off what might or might not be.

Ysa and the social worker who’d been helping out while Donovan was gone had long left for the night. All the hallways were dark and quiet except for the humming Exit signs and occasional safety light. She’d gotten used to this dead version of the X-wing. The first few nights she’d found it a little spooky, but now she found it peaceful. She could get a lot done, and it felt better than sitting in her empty house. This made her feel like she was doing something productive.

She studied case files, read the books they recommended to clients, researched the toys and devices they had on hand—though, some of that research she, of course, had to save for home. But tonight, she planned on going through some of the videos they prescribed to clients. She’d made it through a list of instructional ones for couples. Now she was on to the ones they recommended for straight-up arousal issues. It probably wasn’t the best plan of action, considering how pent up she was lately. Even light flirting on the phone with Donovan could key her up like nothing else. But she’d had a client today who’d needed one of the videos, and Marin hadn’t known which would be the best fit. She hated not knowing.

So after making herself a cup of coffee and getting a pack of powdered donuts from the vending machine, she’d settled onto the couch in her office and cued up a video on the tablet. This one Donovan had marked as a top five in effectiveness for female clients based on feedback. She hit play and took a long sip of her coffee as the movie started.

In an instant, she could see why this one had made the favorites list. The actor in it was very easy to look at, which she’d found was a rarity in most of the porn out there. He wasn’t overly tan or too muscle-bound. He looked like a hot guy next door. In fact, that was the role he was playing. The quiet guy next door who caught his pretty neighbor sneaking into his pool for naked late night-swims. The plot was ridiculous, of course, but the way he reacted to this transgression was pretty captivating.

Marin found her skin warming as the guy bent the woman over his knee for a good, hard spanking by the side of the pool. Her memories infiltrated the image. She could almost feel the sting of Donovan’s hand the night he’d done that to her, could remember how her body reacted.

Damn, this had been a stupid, stupid idea. Her body was already pulsing with deprivation, and there was no way she’d scratch that itch at work, even if no one was here. She’d learned that lesson in the sleep lab all those years ago.

But right as she was about to hit stop on the movie, she heard something out in the hallway. A little tap, tap. Footsteps? Something falling off a desk? She couldn’t tell but it’d made her heart jump into her throat. She tried to hit stop again on the video, but the screen wasn’t responding and the movie kept playing.

“Shit.”

She tossed the tablet to the other side of the couch and got to her feet. If someone was out there, she needed to know. Last time this had happened, she’d found a mop in the middle of the hallway, victim of a strong gust of the air-conditioning and a cleaning-supply closet door left ajar. She expected as much this time.

But when she stuck her head out of her office, she saw nothing amiss. “Hello?”

Her voice echoed down the hallway, and she had the brief thought that she was acting like a too-stupid-to-live horror movie heroine, calling out for the bad guy so he knew exactly where she was. Here I am! Come and get me, crazed serial killer!

But of course, that was ridiculous. The Grove was like Fort Knox with all the high-profile clients they had here. There was a guard at the entrance and pass codes to get into the buildings. High walls. No press was getting in and no guy with a hockey mask and a knife either. Still, she had to rub chill bumps from her arms. Nate’s penchant for scary movies had given her imagination way too much fodder. She gave one last listen, trying to pick out anything that sounded off.

The film was still playing low behind her from the tablet and the cry of an orgasm filled in the quiet. No sound came from the hallway.

Okay. Nothing to worry about. She could finish the movie or maybe give up on that and work on some case files.

She turned and headed back in the office. But before she could take more than a few steps, an arm was wrapping around her waist and another clamped over her mouth. She screamed into the hand.

“Shh, Rush. Don’t want to let anyone know what you’re up to in here.”

The sound of the familiar voice crashed through her, the scent of him registering a second later and slicing through her instinctual fear. Donovan. She wanted to cry. She wanted to cheer. She wanted to see his face and kiss it all over.

“I can’t believe I leave you on your own for just a few weeks and this is what I find you doing, watching dirty movies at work.” His voice was low against her ear, playfully accusatory. “Were you going to touch yourself? Were you checking the hallway to make sure you were alone?”

She shook her head in his grip, her heartbeat ticking up.

He pressed his nose to the curve of her neck and inhaled. “God, I’ve missed you, Rush. Missed you like fucking air.”

The longing in his voice nearly undid her. She closed her eyes and let all that feeling move through her. All that ache.

He brushed his lips against her shoulder. “I love hearing your voice on the phone. But it doesn’t give me this. The scent of you. How your skin flushes when I touch you. How it feels when I taste you.”

Marin swallowed hard, heat pooling in her. She’d worried it would be awkward. She’d worried that time would change things. She’d pictured stilted conversations over coffee when he came back. Uncomfortable questions about how therapy was, how he was feeling, where things stood. Slow, plodding steps. She’d been dreading that part so hard her stomach had hurt every time she thought about it. But she should’ve known better. Even from thousands of miles away, Donovan could read her.

He wasn’t going to give her a chance to be awkward, to overthink things, to undo what they’d forged over the phone. He was going to do exactly what she needed to shut her mind off and turn her body on. He would make her shameless.

His hand slipped away from her mouth, his quickening breath tickling her neck. “Tell me now, Rush. I want you more than I can put into words, but you know I’ll listen. I’ll always listen. What color is the sky?”

She sucked in a breath. So much time had passed. So much had happened. But suddenly it felt like nothing, like a blink, a flash. He was gone. But now he was here. Here. Everything that had been askew shifted and locked into this new place, this perfect place. Like everything inside her had been waiting for this one moment all her life. She’d fallen for Donovan a long damn time ago. But it’d never been the right time. Or the right place. Sometimes she’d wondered if it’d been the right life. Now it was. And she was done talking.

“Trapezoid.”

She felt him smile against the curve of her neck. “That isn’t a color.”

“That’s how much I care about the sky right now.”

“Mmm. Be careful.” His grip on her tightened, the edge is his voice sharpening. “The doors to this floor are locked, and I have Lane standing guard. He won’t come in no matter what he hears.”

She could feel him growing hard against her, sending hot desire racing up her spine.

“I’m feeling pretty crazed for you right now. You could be putting yourself in a lot of danger, Rush.”

Everything had gone liquid inside her, and her heart had decided to set up camp in her throat. But there was no fear. Only pounding, urgent need. “Playing it safe is overrated.”

Donovan spun her around at that, his blue gaze colliding with hers and breaking her open inside. God, she’d missed him. More than she’d wanted to admit to herself. So much so it almost hurt to look at him. He brushed his lips over hers in a slow, reverent glide. “Yes. It is.”

And she knew then he wasn’t talking about sex games or role-plays in that moment. She heard it in his voice and saw it in the naked expression on his face. She’d spent her whole life playing it safe, but so had he. No more. Neither of them knew what the future would hold. They all had ghosts and demons and challenges. Everyone did. But there’d be no more running. They’d take each other’s hand and plunge into the unknown together. That’s what life was. That was living.

That was love.

He cupped her face, tracing her cheekbones with her thumbs. “Guess it’s time for us to be amazing.”

She smiled, the slow, sweet rush almost too much to hold all at once. “I think we already are. Always have been.”

He lowered his head, putting his mouth to hers, and poured all the longing from the time apart into the kiss. Lips clashing, tongues twining, breath mingling. Their hands moved everywhere, mapping each other like they’d worried they’d forgotten each peak and valley. Like they were afraid one of them would dissolve into an apparition. Like they would wake up. How many times over the last few weeks had she dreamed of this and woken up? But none of that happened. Just hungry, breathless kissing and whispered, desperate words. He was back. They were good. They were amazing.

And they couldn’t wait any longer.

When Donovan couldn’t get his hand successfully up her shirt, he grabbed the collar of her blouse and yanked. Buttons went flying and plinked onto the wood floors. All of her breath whooshed out of her, the glimmer of violence like a heat flare to her system. He cupped her breast with a hot hand, panting his words as he kissed her neck. “Don’t think I can be gentle.”

She tilted her head back and moaned as he bit her shoulder. “Good.”

Whatever he wanted he could take. She wanted him to take it. Donovan growled and divested her of her bra, making her nipples go taut in the cool air, and then his mouth was on her, sucking and nipping and making shocks of electricity move straight downward. She gripped his hair in her hands, tugging hard and losing her own hold on control.

“Fuck yes,” he said against her skin. “Hurt me, Rush. Show me how much you need this right now.”

He guided her against the wall and kissed down her stomach, making her belly jump and flutter. She didn’t let go of his hair. It’d been so long since she’d been touched and the adrenaline was making everything weak. She could dissolve into a puddle any second. “Please. Please.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” He fumbled with the button on her shorts and then yanked them, along with her underwear, down and off. His thumbs grazed her over her crease, and they both groaned at how obviously turned on she was. “Every night that I stroked myself, I thought about you like this. So hot and sweet and open for me.”

The back of her head tapped against the wall, the need to come like a hammer pounding at every one of her senses. She was burning up from the inside out.

Then his mouth was on her and fingers plunged deep and streaks of light moved behind her eyelids, everything going multihued and blurry. Oh, God. She held on to his hair like it was her only rope over a ravine. His tongue lashed her, teeth grazing her, everything imprecise and messy. Ravenous. He was off leash and devouring her, like he couldn’t help but glut himself on her. He grabbed her thigh and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder, spreading her open even wider and his tongue moved at her entrance. Licking her around his fingers, the sound of her arousal and his wet mouth the lewdest, sexiest soundtrack she’d ever heard.

“You’re gushing, baby,” he said in between kisses and licks. “I could eat you all night like fucking candy.”

She dug her heel into his back, shameless now, riding his face and putting him where she needed him. She gasped out her response. “As long as there’s cock involved somewhere on the menu.”

He laughed, a surprised bark of a thing, and he stroked his fingers against her swollen flesh. “I fucking love that about you, Rush. You blush so pretty, but you’re so goddamned dirty beneath that.” He tucked two fingers inside her. “And I promise. Cock will be heavily involved in tonight’s activities.”

“Excellent.”

“But right now you’re going to come for me. You’re going to come hard on my face and then I’m going to fuck you over that desk. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you bent over for me.”

She didn’t have time to respond because then his mouth was on her again and his fingers were pumping and any thought she’d ever had in her life drained out of her brain. All that was left was sensation and need and the pulse, pulse, pulse of her clit beneath his lips and her pussy around his fingers.

Her gaze locked on the bookcase across from her. All her textbooks, her bound research studies, all her academic awards. It was the bookcase of a studious, diligent woman. A woman who had stayed on the smart, safe path. But reflected in one plaque she could see herself and Donovan, her leg thrown wantonly over his shoulder, that dark head between her thighs like she was the most decadent meal of his life. And the two things seemed to merge into one. The respected doctor. The sensual woman. She could be both. She would be.

Her eyes fell shut as Donovan hit her sweet spot and everything fell away. His hair turned to hot silk between her fingers and every nerve ending on her body lit up. She came with a loud cry and rocked her hips against him, unashamed to take. And he gave her every bit she needed, sending her flying, and holding her up when she started to coast down.

But he didn’t give her long to stop spinning. Before she’d caught her breath, he stood and lifted her into his arms. He hadn’t taken off his button-down or even unfastened his pants and she was a naked, wet mess in his arms. She couldn’t find it in herself to worry about it. She reached up and touched his stubbled jaw. “You’re good at that.”

He smiled, his lips still shiny from the pleasure he’d given her. “You look drunk. You going to fall asleep on me, Rush?”

She dragged her nails along the edge of his jaw. “No, you promised me something, doctor. I expect to get it. I’ve been waiting a long time.”

Possessiveness flared in his eyes. “I’ve been waiting my whole life.”

Warmth spread through her, and Donovan set her on her feet and gave her a soft kiss. Then he turned her around. The desk loomed in her view. It was a new one. Eli had replaced the other as promised. But all of her mundane office things were on it. Files. Papers. Supplies.

Donovan shoved it all to the far end and then stepped behind her. The sound of his belt being undone sent a hard shiver through her. He grabbed her hands and drew her arms behind her back. The belt wrapped around her wrists as he secured her arms. The feel of the leather against her, the snugness of the restraint sent her blood fizzing.

He brushed the tip of his nose along that sensitive spot behind her ear. “Every time you sit at this desk from now on, you’re going to think about what I’m about to do to you. You’re going to get warm and wet while trying to do your work. You’re going to want to touch yourself. It’s going to be torture. And I’m going to love it.”

He pressed a hand to her back and guided her down. Her naked skin pressed to the cool surface and everything went extra sensitive. She closed her eyes, a fresh wave of arousal going through her. He checked the tightness of the belt and then went over to the cabinet.

“What are you doing?” Her breaths were coming sharp and fast by the time he returned.

“I think I left you with an unfinished list.” She jolted when he gripped her thighs, spreading her stance wide. “Easy now.”

One careful finger brushed over her back opening. Her entire body tried to clench. “Oh. Oh.”

He teased her oh-so-gently, activating sensations that made her toes curl in her sandals. “I seem to remember a particular fantasy I wrote for the study that you left copious notes on once upon a time. The handwriting was so messy on a certain part that I knew your hands hand been shaking. And the ink had been smudged. Like wet fingers had touched it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus on not making a sound, on not letting him know how he was affecting her.

Donovan’s blunt nails raked over her ass cheek. “Oh, how many times did I stroke my cock with thoughts of that? The quiet girl down the hall had taken my fantasy about a woman getting held down for anal sex and had touched herself over it? Do you know what that did to me? Thinking about what you might have done to yourself?” He pushed his erection against the seam of her ass, the denim of his jeans coarse against her and making everything even more sensitive. “Did you try a finger here? To see what it might feel like?”

Marin bit her lip so hard she worried she’d cut it. She knew exactly which scenario he was talking about. She’d been shocked and appalled and ridiculously turned on by it. At eighteen, she hadn’t even realized women did that. But God, it’d put ideas in her head. And she had touched herself, had learned how sensitive that part of her could be. She would’ve never admitted that out loud.

Until now. “Yes.”

The sound Donovan made in the back of his throat—like pain and pleasure and everything sexy and wonderful rolled into one—made her admission worth it. “Shameless. Who could’ve imagined?”

“You made me that way.”

He shifted and something nudged against her sex. Something smooth and cool. “Tell me again the color of the sky.”

His voice sounded strained now, tense. He was riding an edge.

“It’s green, Donovan. It’s always green with you.”

He let out a breath and then pushed whatever he’d been teasing her sex with forward. It was small, slid in easily, and partially curved around the outside to press against her clit. She groaned when the vibration started.

She screwed her eyes shut, breathing hard. She felt too keyed up already and a vibrator was going to send her over again quickly, but then cool liquid slid along the crack of her ass. The unusual sensation had her brain honing in on that one spot, forgetting the pleasure the vibrator was stirring.

She shifted restlessly against the desk, the ticklish feeling both sensual and maddening. The overwhelming ache to be penetrated everywhere at once was new but desperate. Her senses had been dialed to eleven and now they wanted to be at fifteen. She wanted Donovan to have everything she had to offer. She’d given him her virginity. Now she wanted to give him another of her firsts. She wanted him to be all her firsts.

His fingers coasted down the backs of her thighs and he spread her open. She’d thought she’d been vulnerable to him that first time over a desk, but this was so much more. Every secret place of hers was there for the taking.

He smoothed the lubricant over her, massaging her, and making everything crave touch as the vibrator did its work against her clit. The need for release beat at her like crashing waves but she would need more. This wouldn’t be enough. She needed the edge. Her teeth clenched. “Donovan. Please.”

“You don’t want me to rush this, gorgeous. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He pushed a finger inside and she moaned, the pressure and sensation making her ears ring. But she rocked back against him. He thought she knew all her secrets but he didn’t. He didn’t know that she’d made good use of that toy cabinet. He wouldn’t hurt her. She’d felt what her body could accommodate already.

“Fuck me, Donovan,” she panted, her hands flexing in the bindings. “I can handle you.”

He gripped her hip, and she could sense how hard it was for him to be acting with restraint. She didn’t want that restraint. She wanted the chains cut. She wanted to go into that sexy, dark place together.

“I read that fantasy. I know what happens next,” she said, the words coming hot and fast now. “I’m not scared of you. Take me like that. I crave it, too.”

She thought he would balk again. But then his fingers were gone and the sound of a condom packet being ripped open filled the room. She could feel his heat behind her as he stripped out of his clothes.

And then he was spreading her open and the head of his cock pushed against her opening. It felt impossibly big, too much. But she trusted her body and she trusted him, breathing and forcing her muscles to relax.

He thrust forward, slow but unyielding and after one fierce show of resistance, her body gave, opening to him and lighting her up from the inside out. They both made desperate sounds. Hers sharp, his belly-deep and gravel-laced.

“That’s what you crave, Rush. To be fucked hard in the ass? To be forced?” The words were like bullets. His thrusts sliding long and deep.

“I crave you.”

He grabbed her hips with hard fingers and dragged her back onto him, seating himself to the hilt. Her eyes wanted to roll back in her head. But everything felt aware, alive, amazing.

She let out a long groan. “Fuck.”

That’s all he needed. The green light. He went for it then. Like the fantasy. Hard and rough and so goddamned wonderful she didn’t even recognize the sounds she was making. She didn’t know what to focus on, everything felt so lit up. But it was all good. So very good. Her skin went slick and slid along the desk, the vibrator humming, and his cock filling her.

The girl who had once turned red even thinking about these things now was begging for it, feeling every bit of it, loving it.

And when they each came a few minutes later, their sounds echoing off the walls of her office, she knew then why she’d waited all those years. Somehow her subconscious had known all along. She hadn’t waited because she was too shy or too busy or too innocent. She’d waited because a regular guy wouldn’t have been able to keep up with her. She’d waited for this. For him.

She’d waited for the real thing.

And now she had it.

They didn’t talk much as they got themselves and the office back together or while they walked back to his place. But they didn’t need to. She felt content and calm and right.

And when they curled up in bed later that night, the photo of San Francisco gone from the wall, Donovan put his lips to her ear, his arm wrapping around her. “I hear her in the hall. I don’t know who she is or where she’s from. I didn’t know she was listening. I didn’t know she could hear my secrets. But I see how she’s looking at me. I know she sees how turned on I am. And she thinks it’s from my work. She thinks it’s from what she heard. She thinks it’s for something else. And maybe it was at first. But it’s not now.” He gathered her against his chest, his words soft against her senses. “Because I’ve never seen a more beautiful girl. And I’ve never been looked at the way she’s looking at me. Like she sees who I really am. And when I talk to her night after night, it’s over. I’m done. I know in that moment that even though I don’t know how it can ever be, how I could ever be right for her, I want her to be mine. I want to believe in fate and fairy tales and happy endings.”

Tears gathered behind Marin’s lids.

“I want to believe in The One.” He kissed her hair and breathed her in. “I believe.”

The bigness of feeling moved through her like tremors. She turned in his arms and looked into those blue eyes and felt that love resonate in her bones. And she knew then that whatever life threw their way, they had it. They would be okay.

No.

They would be amazing.