I gulp the 200-year-old aged whiskey and wonder to myself just how much of an asshole the people at JFK have to think I am.

I'm coming back to New York City from St. Albans and I need to land now.

But the problem is that I recently got a larger fucking plane to fly around in. Gift from my brother, Silas.

But that plane isn't going to be able to land at any of the available private airports in and around New York City.

That's right, love. It's too big to land at Peterborough. And it can't land anywhere in New Jersey.

Which means, it's going to need a commercial fucking airport.

Which means with diplomatic immunity that's afforded to me as Prince of St. Albans and as a member of the Royal Family, I am totally within my fucking rights to tell the fuckers at the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey that manages JFK to clear a fucking runway.

There's only one problem.

"They're working sir, but they have a problem clearing the runway and it's going to take at least another two hours," my manservant Jacques is telling me. "They request we carry on a holding pattern till then. Keep ourselves entertained."

Jacques says the last bit with a fucking smile. He knows what I like to do on planes. I usually drink a whole fucking lot and have sex with as many fucking women as possible.

But I didn't bring any fucking women with me this time. It was primarily a state visit with my brother, the King.

I was actually surprised that I was summoned from New York.

"Connor," he said, walking with me down the royal gardens. "Six months ago after the incident where you got caught fucking the stripper, Dad thought it was best to send you to be the kingdom's representative to the UN. With the Constitutionalist party gaining traction, we need you now more than ever" Silas said to me. I nodded. I don't know he's so worried about the Constitutionalist party … I think it will die off. But he was right about the stripper. That's what had happened all right.

I got an apartment once I got to the city in Turtle Bay, overlooking the East River. And I brought the party and a whole new level of fucking debauchery to Midtown East.

"But the hope was that you'd learn your lesson and dry out," Silas says. "It turns out, you've only grown wilder."

The two of us shared a chuckle and then Silas told me that Mom and Dad were watching. Like any good brother who just became King, he was watching out for his younger brother the Prince.

And I mean, Silas had had his wild moments in the past.

Same as I'm doing now.

"Your Highness?" Jacques asks me. "Should I tell JFK we'll be okay?"

See, now this here is the problem, love.

You see, I am 6' 3" of blonde haired, blue-eyed, perfectly chiseled European royalty from the last remaining monarchy in Northern Europe. I have an 8-pack set of abs and a ripped body with muscles that literally ripple. A cock that’s 12 fucking inches and dangling from my legs. Why the fuck do you not look surprised at that?

Well, you know what will surprise you? When I pull out this bad boy from my pants and you see how thick and wide it is. About as thick as those Coke cans you Americans like drinking from.

World famous artists have tattooed on my body and my ink is a fucking masterpiece. The Museum of Modern Art wanted me to pose still as an exhibit once, and I agreed, but a fucking hottie came over and tried to get me to stop being like one of those robots and she began to stick her hand down my pants.

Let's just say the fucking robot didn't last. And the invite from the Met was declined after patrons began to watch the redhead and I start to fuck.

But with all of that, I still try to do right. And I remember Silas' words.

Be more responsible.

The problem is, I have a meeting in an hour.

With a PR firm, of all people.

You want to guess what they're being hired for?

Yup, you guessed it. To clean up my fucking image.

So, some fucking desk jockey who never got a chance to be a fucking pilot and wants to exercise his fucking power wants to keep me up in the fucking air, that's fine.

This prince does shit different.

"Where are you going?" Jacques asks me as I start running to the aft compartment of the 747. "Your Highness, it's only 2 hours. You really don't have--"

"Jacques, tell JFK that you'll land whenever they tell you that you can, but that the Prince is not going to be on board," I tell Jacques as I take off my shirt and my pants.

Yeah, love, I know what you're staring at.

Let's pause for a moment while you stare at my cock.

Here, I'll even grab it's thick shaft through my boxer briefs and give it a nice little tug for you, yeah? That's 12 inches of man meat. 12 inches of pussy pleasing power. Lust muscle. Fuck stick. Ready for the next victim.

Twelve fucking inches. But we'll talk more about this later, because I need to put on my flight suit.

"I really hope you would reconsider, sire," Jacques says to me once I zip up the suit.

Fuck that.

"I'll see you at the condo," I say with a thumbs up.

"If you survive," Jacques says with a droll voice. Don't roll your eyes at him, love. He's been with me since I've been a wee boy.

"Open it," I order and Jacques latches onto a harness in the compartment to prevent getting carried away and pushes a button.

The aft compartment opens up and I shoot out into the fucking sky.

That's right. I shoot into the sky.

I have the destination coordinates for where I need to go near the UN plugged into my wrist tracker and it shows me the bearings I need to get to from where I am. I begin making course corrections, all the while trying to keep the fear of seeing the ground getting closer and closer from overwhelming me. My heart's racing at 2,000 beats a minute and I know that with one wrong move, I would just be the former Prince, having to be scraped up off the sidewalk. The tabloids would talk about how the Prince of the Party lived hard, and definitely died hard.

My wrist indicator starts beeping and flashing red. I'm too far off course! I begin to panic. If I don't correct myself in time, the parachute won't open properly. I focus. The ground keeps coming closer and closer.

Just when I seem ready to consign myself to death, I manage to hit a jet stream and am able to angle my body to move just right. I glide several yards north and change my trajectory so that I'm spot on. My wrist indicator goes from red to green.

Time to deploy the chute.

I tug at the drawstring and the chute pops out. But in my struggle to get the proper bearings, I had waited too long. This is going to be a rough landing.