December

“What are you doing, Slater?” We’re in the field where we first parked back in the summer. He’s got his old truck parked there, along with the cooler I recognize from that first date of ours, a blanket laid out in the back.

There are candles everywhere on the ground, lights strung up on poles that I didn’t notice before. He’s standing in front of everything, his profile backdropped by the soft glow.

It’s a cool night, enough so that I had to wear a big jacket and gloves. His breath comes out in puffs of white when he talks

“I wanted to surprise you.” He gives me the smile. The one that travels all the way from the top of my head, down to the bottom of my toes. The one I never thought I’d be able to call mine again.

“This is a huge surprise,” I laugh, even though I can already feel a rush of emotion bubbling up in my throat. “What do you have up your sleeve?”

“So many things.” He grins so hard that the dimple he sometimes has in his right cheek pops deeply.

“Do tell.” I walk slowly toward him when he holds out his hand.

“For a long time, I couldn’t understand why you told me yes and then broke it off when I asked you to marry me before. I swore before all that was holy I’d never put myself in that situation again. Promised myself that I’d never stoop so low to ask you a question you could say no to again. I held strong for the last few months.”

There’s a stinging at my eyes, and I know tears aren’t far behind. “What changed?” I ask him softly.

“The prospect of going back to Birmingham and living my life without you when you’ve been so deeply engrained in everything I’ve done for the past few months. I kept telling myself I could handle it.” He finally gets to me, cupping my cheek in the palm of his hand. “But I don’t think I can. I don’t want to face a season of uncertainty without you. I don’t know how my knee is going to hold up for sure.”

“It’s going to be amazing,” I interrupt him, and I say those words because I believe them more than I’ve ever believed anything else.

“Thanks for the confidence, sweetness, but that’s what I’m talking about. I need the positive influence, I need you there if things go to shit, I need you to celebrate the good times. Bottom line is I just need you, Malone. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

He stops, takes a breath, and I use that moment to ask what’s been bothering me. Maybe I shouldn’t, but this had been our problem before, and I don’t want it to be our problem again.

“What about me? What do I do when you’re playing your ass off?”

His eyes twinkle in the muted light. “You take control of my charity, you do your PR thing that you’re so damn good at. I trust you implicitly.”

“Even when you probably shouldn’t because I broke your heart before? Because I didn’t know what I wanted? Didn’t know how I could live supporting you without wanting something for me in the process?”

“Even so-” he bites his lip “-there’s room in our lives for both me and you to work. We can make this work.”

“Can we?”

“Baby, we can.” His voice is strong, sure, and I almost believe him, but there’s something holding me back.

I can see she’s weakening, can tell she’s close to letting go of the fear she’s always felt, that she would lose herself if she became my wife. I get it now, and I hope that I’ve presented it in a way that will encourage her to say yes. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if she says no.

“I’m not promising you perfect, and I’m not promising you easy. I did that last time, and I realize how stupid that was of me. How unrealistic it was. Perfect and easy aren’t love. Love is being with someone when they’re at their weakest. It’s helping them up when they’re down, being their strength when they have none. You’re that and so much more for me. I want to be that for you.” I carefully get down on my knee, showing her that I can.

“Without your support, I wouldn’t be doing this right now. You and I both know this is true.” She grins at me.

Reaching into my jeans pocket, I grab out the ring I designed for her a few weeks ago, when I decided I wanted to do this. Carefully I lift it up to her, present her with everything I’ve ever wanted to give her, and pray to God she says yes. “I had this made for you a few weeks ago. The smaller stone to the side, is the one from your original ring. The bigger stone is brand new. It was important for me to include our past and present to deal with our future. All of it has brought us here to this moment, it’s made us who we are right now. I love us, and while I know we have work to do, I know if we do it together, nothing is gonna break us apart. Malone Fulcher, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you do life with me?”

For long minutes, I wait for her answer. As I keep waiting, I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. When she opens her mouth, it’s almost like I know she’s going to say no.

“I need a minute to think.”

And with those words, my world comes crashing down for a second time, thanks to one woman. I don’t pay any attention to her request for time to think, all I hear is this isn’t a good idea, and it makes me feel dead inside.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea?” I parrot the remark, feeling a coldness in my body that’s never going to go away. “Twice you’ve done this to me.”

“Slade, wait, let me explain.” She grabs hold of my jacket and I throw her off. I can hear the tears, but I harden my heart against them.

“Twice I’ve tried to give you the world.”

“Your world, without a clear plan of how I fit into it,” she argues, but I put my hand over her mouth.

“No, no explanations this time. I can only be a dumbass twice for you. The hesitation was all I needed.”

Even though I drove her, I don’t give a shit about how she gets back. She can drive my old truck with no heat or air and hundreds of thousands of miles on it. I walk over to my SUV, get in, and throw dirt as I drive away.

“Slade, stop!” she screams, but I keep going, because I won’t be made a fool of again.

For the second time in ten years, I leave Willow’s Gap in the inky blackness of the night and don’t look back. The sheer amount of messages she’s left on my phone do nothing to change my mind. In fact, I delete them before I read or listen to them.

The only thing waiting for me is an empty penthouse and a long stretch of highway. Maybe that’s the way it’s gonna be for the rest of my life…

Kneeling in this field, tears streaming down my face, I can only think of the day at the ballpark. When he promised.

“I don’t want it to end badly,” I whisper standing on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his, loving the way he tastes, soaking up his affection. “Promise me you’ll give me a chance in the end, if I freeze, promise me you’ll give me a chance.”

“Why would you freeze?” He looks like he can’t understand why I ever would, and I guess he wouldn’t. He’s never had to live in the shadow he’s created.

“Because I’ve never thought I was good enough for you, and it would kill me if others thought I was with you because of what you might be able to give me. With you I have to think things through, I have to know I won’t be sliding by on just my looks and your money.”

His fist tightens in my hair. “You’re one of the smartest people I know, and if other people can’t see that, then fuck them.”

“Fuck them?” I grin.

“Fuck. Them. I promise, I won’t let you freeze.”

But here I am, answering his question with a whispered yes, crying my eyes out in a field, after he’s just broken the one promise I’ve ever asked him to make.

In the end, I froze. But he lied. The only question I have is what am I going to do about it? Am I going to let this ruin me? Ruin us? I sob, sob my heart out for what feels like hours, then I open my phone, looking for the first flight to Birmingham, because I’ll be damned if I let this happen again.

Flight booked, I call the one person in town I know will have my back.

“Cherry? I need a ride to the airport. It’s an emergency…”

I square my shoulders, hop in Slade’s truck, and vow to myself I’ll change our destiny this time. That’s possible. Right?