FIFTEEN
Corinne
I’ve decided it’s a sickness, love. Or lust, as it may be.
I dreamed of Jordan for years, built him up to be this god among men who’d whisk me way on his fine steed one day and spoil me like the queen I’m destined to be.
Seems he’s merely the devil in disguise, getting his kicks by ruining the lives of those he touches.
And yet all I can think about is him.
That body.
His touch.
The wicked smile he has before he blows my mind.
The intensity he displays while he’s lost I thought.
When he thinks I’m not watching.
I’m always watching, and that right there is the problem. I’m addicted to him. To his secrets, to the mystique … to the lie.
Perhaps if I learnt the truth it would kill the dream? Maybe that’s what I need to do? Remove the rose tinted glasses and dig below the dirt to see what rots beneath.
A gentle knock at the door breaks me from my stupor. I’ve sat in the same spot since Chase and Jordan left, wine clutched in one hand, his shirt bunched in the other.
Yeah. I shamelessly inhaled until his scent barely remains.
Like I said—I’m sick.
“Coming.” I unfold my legs off the sofa, and make my way to the door.
A small flame burns in the hope it’s him. But I know better than to expect him to beg.
He’s too proud. That compromise over Chinese was as good as I’d get. I should have said yes, but I was conflicted having Chase there. It’s silly, but I still want my brother to be proud of my choices in life. Sending Jordan away was one of those.
I unlatch the door, and lean against the wall as I pull it open. It swings to a stop revealing Chase again, but this time he has backup.
“Are you mad at me?” Sarah asks, worry in her eyes.
“Of course not.” I smile sadly, holding my brother’s gaze when she moves in for a hug.
Her arms circle me, careful not to knock the wine still in my hand. “I was worried about you, girl. You never hang up on anyone.”
“Because it wasn’t me that did it.” I chuckle sadly. “He was concerned.”
“With what?” She pulls away and moves into the apartment, Chase silently following.
I down the last of my drink as I shut the door. This is bound to warrant a second glass.
“He could hear you giving your opinion and thought it was upsetting me.”
“Was it?” She drops onto the sofa, Chase choosing to lean against the windowsill.
“A little. But you had god intentions, hon.” I hesitate with the wine bottle poised over the glass, and then set the vessel aside.
Fuck it. Tonight calls for drinking from the bottle.
“You’re awfully quiet now,” I snap at Chase as I settle beside Sarah. “Anything you’d like to explain?”
His lips press into a thin line as he sighs. “I never wanted you involved in any of this.”
“And yet I am. So how about you stop the big brother thing, and tell me what I got myself into?” I take a swig from the bottle.
His eyes harden at my hobo behavior. “It started after school, when we were barely fourteen. We’d hang out and fuck around trying to get access to adult sites without paying.”
“You dirty little boy,” I sass.
He shakes his head, un-amused. “Anyway, we managed it. Which, as you can imagine, was like the jackpot for teenage boys. But then I got busy with football and after a while Jordan and I just didn’t hang out as much anymore.” He lifts a hand to rub the back of his neck. “His coming to my party? That was like a last ditch effort at salvaging what we had. We were so distant that I never knew he kept up with the hacking, moving onto more serious things.”
“When did you find out?” I shift to allow Sarah to tuck her arm under mine as she settles against my side, watching Chase.
“Second year out of college. He got in touch, in a bit of a bind. He’d harvested credit card info using the wrong IP address. It got linked to a hack he’d done six months earlier and he was facing some serious fraud charges.”
“But you got him off them. Why?”
“Guilt. I felt as though if I’d been a better friend in school he wouldn’t have withdrawn so much and got into this mess.”
“He had a bad upbringing?”
“Adequate.” Chase shrugs. “There was care, but no love. He had what he needed to survive.”
Hell. I guess that explains why he got so touchy about it. “What about now?” I ask carefully. “What does he do now?”
Sarah reaches for the wine. “I’m laying bets on it not being much better, given who he runs with.”
“Who’s that?” Chase asks, eyes narrowed.
She takes a swig, and then passes the bottle back before answering. “Perry Whelan, and a guy connected to the Black Devils MC.”
“I knew about Perry, but …” Chase shakes his head. “Corinne, just stay away, okay? If he gets in touch, tell him you’ve changed your mind about all of this and let me know if he gives you trouble.”
“I can’t.” Because despite what I’ve learnt it doesn’t change how I feel about Jordan. If anything, it makes me want to see him more.
There’s obviously so much more I’m yet to learn, and I’d rather do it from him.
“Please,” Sarah says, tilting her head to look up at me. “He has dangerous connections, babe. Play it safe.”
Play it safe. Isn’t that what I did dating Aden? Isn’t that what I’ve done so far in life?
I’ve always been the good girl. The one our parents praised as having a level head. Being caught at work with Jordan? It stirred something in me, and I liked it.
I felt a little rebellious.
A little carefree.
And a whole lot alive.
“I’ll be careful. I promise.”
Just not how they think.