ONE NIGHT STAND (A Billionaire Bad Boy Romance) by Bella Grant (24)

From the moment Billy walked in until the moment the door closed behind him, I could feel his eyes on me—like he was staking his territory. The feeling was alarming and fucking intoxicating at the same time.

“Was he hitting on you?” he finally asked.

Wamp wamp wamp, I thought.

“No.” I shook my head. “He’s like that with everyone.”

Kent was too well trained; he understood the lie in my denial. He decided not to push me. “Okay. But if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”

He took my hand in his. It felt so warm. I looked at him shyly, feeling pure again.

“Just remember. You worked so hard to be where you are now. Don’t let one situation with a client take that from you.” There was a subtle warning in his voice, and I knew he was right. I wanted to break down and cry. Professionally, I was in over my head. Personally, I was confused as all hell.

 

 

 

Katie

What kind of a person was I? I sat in my room at home, scrawling notes for my doctoral dissertation. I felt like a hypocrite as I wrote the words. As the days passed, my normally strong professional resolve was wavering. Feelings of guilt quickly turned to moments of exhilaration. The fact that such a gorgeous and powerful older man wanted me was not only terrible, it was delectable. I had decided that it was okay to feel these things as long as I kept them inside my own head. I didn’t really have much of a choice, after all. The idea of referring him to someone else kept springing in and out of my consciousness.

As a student, I was often instructed to refer to another colleague if anything even remotely unethical might be happening. That’s exactly what I should have done. I, too, am human, though. Paying that tuition bill and the next three in advance felt so good. If I told my boss what was happening, she’d report him for harassment and he’d be gone. Worse, I wouldn’t see him anymore. I was falling for him, and it had been such a long time since I’d felt this way for a man. When I saw his ungrateful fiancée in subsequent sessions, my blood would boil. I had a wicked sort of excitement at the thought that he felt the same way when he saw me with Kent.

He was jealous as hell. The sheer intoxication of this made me helpless. I imagined him pinning me up against the wall, and guilt would trip through my brain. Because I was guilty. Horribly guilty. The more I tried to stay away from the line, the more I wanted to cross it. He was like a siren, tempting me with his eyes.

No. You’re fine. You didn’t do anything. I tried to assure myself. Yet, the evil voice in the back of my head said.

I gulped. Was it really just a matter of time? Of course not. I would never cross that line. But I would admit it was fun to feel this way. On top of it, he was giving me money for school. I’d done some selfish things for my education, like moving far away and taking out a million loans. Spoiling myself with new shoes and a wardrobe so I could look good in graduate school and meet all the right people. This would be one of those selfish things, and I would never go beyond that. But that feeling—it was such an addiction. I wanted to bask in his wanting me and his possessiveness because I wanted him just as badly.

Only two weeks had gone by since our first session with Fiona, but the more I saw him during our sessions, the more and more my resolve faded. Each time I saw him in the newspaper or on the news, it would increase. I imagined myself in Fiona’s place, a place she didn’t deserve. She was just using him for his money, and I knew it. It would be unethical to tell him, though. Kent was right. He’d have to find out on his own.

My phone vibrated, and my heart leapt. It was him.

Carson Client: Doc, I need to go away on business. I don’t want to admit it, but I need some help on the trip. I’ve been too jumpy to do anything lately.

I took a deep breath and texted him back.

Katie Warren LPC: Mr. Carson, I do sometimes help clients through difficult trips. Can we do it from the phone, or do you feel that you need me to accompany you?

Carson Client: It’s urgent that you come for emotional support. Please don’t make me ask again.

Katie Warren LPC: Meet me at my office in two hours if you would like to discuss this further. I have a staff meeting shortly after.

Carson Client: OK. See you there.

People with his condition were jumpy and paranoid. It might really help him to have a trusted someone traveling with him to provide therapy and support. Of course, if we could do it by phone, that would be best. He could easily accuse me of abandonment, though, but his request was bizarre, so I was sure no one would blame me if I didn’t go with him.

Ugh. Who was I kidding? This was totally inappropriate. People would blame me if I did go with him, not if I didn’t. This was clearly crossing the line, and no matter what lies I tried to tell myself, I knew it well. This was not ethical or professional. If I had read about this kind of a thing in class, my professors would have pointed a finger at the counselor as being at fault.

Nonetheless, I was thrilled to see him. I put on my best red business skirt set and smoothed my hair. I applied red lipstick for good measure and put on my glasses. I looked hot and I knew it. I was trying to look hot for myself, of course, not for him.

Just keep telling yourself that.

I was glad I had my umbrella; it was raining heavily outside, one of those weird rains while the sun was still out. A beautiful rain. The train took forever, especially since I was nearly spilling out of my dress with anticipation. Everything around me looked the same as always, but I felt so different. The charge and spark that Billy fostered in me was like nothing I had ever felt.

My feet were sore by the time I got to the office. It was dark inside. He was waiting for me. The receptionist sat reading a book, looking bored and idle. I waved hello to her and got out the keys to my office.

“Come on in and get yourself settled,” I instructed.

I could feel his eyes on my back, much like I had that day in Times Square. Only this time, it was real. Guilty, delicious thoughts of him enjoying my outfit crept into my mind. I pushed them down and took a seat, resuming my professional role.

“Where are you going?” I asked him.

“California. My flight leaves tomorrow. I have a big deal to seal.” His face was pale and ashen.

“What’s going on in your head?”

“I thought I would try to let myself be vulnerable, like you said, so here it is… When I’m in a new place, I feel really out of control. I am jumpy and feel like someone is going to come up behind me at any minute. I wouldn’t normally ask this of you, but I need to make this deal happen.”

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. What was I going to do?

“Your trip is paid for, and I will pay your salary for that day plus extra,” he added.

Before, I thought he was just trying to get me into bed. Now, I wasn’t so sure of his intentions. My heart betrayed me by sinking. I snapped out of the sinking feeling.

“Okay, Billy. I’ll consider it.”

I should have said no. I should have pushed him away and told him that it was over and that I would have to refer him to another counselor. This was not professional and could have serious implications for us both, but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to say no.

He paused, a smile lighting up his face.

“What?” I snapped.

“You just called me by my name, Doc.”

My face reddened. Damn him for noticing. I hoped he didn’t notice my embarrassment, but his grin said otherwise. I cleared my throat. “Well, that is your name, isn’t it?” I stood up and paced my office. “I can only go with you if I can reschedule two of my other sessions booked this week.”

“I’ll pay them if I have to,” he said.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I can. While we’re here, though, we should have a session. Sound good?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. There’s some stuff I should probably talk about anyway.”

“Like?”

“You.”

I gulped. Oh, God. “What about me?”

“I can confide in you about anything without you telling anyone, right?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. But if it’s information that can harm you or someone else, I will have to breach that confidence.”

He laughed. “No. It won’t harm you, not in the least. It wouldn’t harm anyone else either, because I would never cheat on Fiona.”

“Okay. Go ahead.” I tried to ignore my thudding heart. Fuck.

“I’m jealous of something I saw a few weeks ago. At the coffee shop. You were there with that guy, and I thought about how lucky he was to have you.”

I tensed in my chair, my hand faltering around my pen. “Jealous of my colleague—that we were having coffee?”

“Yes. He doesn’t seem like he’d know what to do with you. You’re too feisty for him. I’ll have to bravely tell you that yes, it made me jealous.”

My heart raced with desire. I tried to remain objective and professional, but it was so hard when I looked at his big arms and bright eyes.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. This is also a form of transference. Did you get jealous in your other relationships?”

His eyes lit up as if in recognition. “Now that you mention it, yes. But I never had a reason to be. I can satisfy my women.”

I wrote down that there was jealousy in his past.

“I imagine making you scream with my tongue. Is that terrible?” he asked seductively.

“You are crossing the line. You can’t tell me stuff like that,” I warned him. I wasn’t sure who I was warning, though him or me. I was growing wetter and stickier by the minute.

“Okay.” He moved back into his seat.

“Anything else bothering you?” I asked.

“Yes. Fiona. I suspect something. I think there’s someone else,” he confessed.

I nearly dropped my pen. Now I really had to work hard to maintain my composure. “What makes you say that?”

“She’s different. Less aroused. She’s secretive about her phone. To tell you the truth, my son may be right.”

“Right about what?” I inquired.

“Right about whether or not she loves me for me or for my money.”

“What do you think?”

“My mother and Sophia are the only two people besides my son that I know love me for me.”

“That must be a hard feeling to deal with, considering she’s your partner,” I commented.

“It is. I wanted her to come on the trip, but I can’t allow her to see me like this. She thinks I’m broken, and every time I slip up, she’s there to throw it in my face.”

His demeanor changed. He was angry—venting. I let him continue, knowing how important it was for him to feel safe telling me all of this… as a therapist of course, not a lover. I recalled learning in class about dual relationships and how damaging they could be to the counseling process, and now I could see why.

“Nothing is ever enough for her. When I try to come to her for support—when I can bring myself to do that—she is never there for me.” He looked horribly dejected.

“Do people always have such high expectations of you?” I asked.

“My whole life. I’ve always been the hero. I have always taken care of everyone, like I told you before.”

“That must add a lot of stress for you. This business deal must be important, not only for your professional reputation, but for your personal reputation as well.”

He nodded gravely. “Yes. It’s vital that I make this work.”

I sighed, knowing very well that the one patient I had tomorrow was flakey and that the other one I had just made up. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

He smiled his beautifully white, picture-perfect smile. I wanted to choke on my coffee.

“Great. Everything is already taken care of.”

“What time will we meet tomorrow?” I asked. I tried to keep my voice neutral and even. I wanted to burst with delight, though. Going on a trip with a billionaire was not part of my job description.

That’s because it shouldn’t be. Because it’s wrong and unethical.

“If you want, we can meet here. Gretta, my driver, can take us to the airport, and we will go from there.”

“It’s an overnight trip, correct?” I asked with a cool tone.

“Yes. Today is Wednesday, right?” I raised my eyebrow at him. “I told you I feel like I’m outside of my body sometimes,” he told me, shrugging. “My sense of time is bad as a result.”

“Yes, today is Wednesday,” I informed him.

“Okay, then you’ll be back by Friday.”

“Good. I’ll see you then, Mr. Carson.”

 

***

 

The next morning, I felt like butterflies were fluttering all over my body. I felt like a child again, standing in front of my office with a single suitcase. It reminded me of my first trip to New York. Everything was new and threatening. I tried so hard not to give off an innocent vibe—which I knew was likely rolling off of me in waves. I didn’t want to be exposed to attack. I had to put my shield up so that none of those new experiences could change me.

Last night, I had wanted to speak to Kent about the trip. I wanted his coaching, his sanity. But I couldn’t talk to him. Instead, I coached myself, knowing that without strict adherence to a set code of boundaries, unique situations like these could get out of hand. Luckily for me, I had no intention of letting them get out of hand. I had huddled over my dissertation, looking at my steps on how to mend broken boundaries. This experience could prove to be valuable for my thesis.

I was grounded again—until he pulled up in his fancy car. Through the tinted window, I could see his perfect face, framed by the window. His eyes jumped out at me. A woman with a kind face sat in the front. She waved in a motherly way, the kind of greeting a mother would give her children when she picked them up from soccer practice.

He opened the door and let me scoot over next to him. I was so close. My heart immediately went into a waltz, as it did whenever I saw him. I was suddenly self-conscious. Does my hair look good? My outfit? Does my breath smell? I tried to ward off these thoughts.

“Good morning, Doc,” he said. “This is Gretta, my good friend who doubles as my driver.” He winked. “Gretta, this is my therapist, Katie, who has been such a help to me.”

Gretta smiled a pearly white smile, and I could tell she’d had some work done on her teeth. It touched me that he had likely paid for it. He treated his employees very well. No matter how cold and gruff he could seem, he had a kind heart.

“Hi, Gretta. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Did he tell you I’m nothing but trouble?” Gretta joked.

“Of course.” We laughed, and I instantly felt comfortable with her.

I wondered what it would be like to be with him, as his partner and not his therapist. Could I really get used to this luxurious lifestyle? I certainly would always work for a living. I loved my line of work. But the idea of running off into the sunset with him was appealing. I would throw my degree away and give it all up for him—my degree, something I loved more than anything else, something I worked so hard for.

Then don’t risk losing it, I reminded myself.

My phone pinged. I glanced down to check my phone and ignored the email.

“You have two phones?” Billy asked. I looked up at him, noticing how very close we were.

“Yes. One for my personal life and one for my professional life.”

“Must get expensive,” he joked.

Was he hoping I’d give him my own private number? Well, fuck, I wanted to. He had no idea. I patted him gently on the arm, underestimating the effect touching him would have on me. Every single time any part of my body touched his, I burned hotter with desire.

“We have a lot to think about. Are you nervous about the trip?” I asked, trying to distract myself from the wetness welling up between my legs.

“I hope you like the plane. It’s one of the best,” he replied ignoring my question.

What did he mean by he hoped I liked the plane? This slipped my mind until I realized we weren’t heading to LaGuardia Airport. Maybe Newark Airport in New Jersey? I leaned back in my seat and tried to close my eyes, hoping this would ease some of the sexual tension I felt rolling off of us both in waves.

I was startled when the car came to a stop. I’d fallen asleep and looked outside in mild panic. This wasn’t any airport I recognized.

“Where are we?”

“We’re taking my private jet,” he said, as though he was telling me about the weather.

I looked at him, wide-eyed and confused. He laughed and patted me on the shoulder.

“You seriously thought we were taking a regular old plane? This is much faster. And way more fun.” He leaned forward a little. “Thank you, Gretta.”

“Yes, thank you. It was so comfortable I fell asleep!” I confessed.

“You two kids have fun!” she said and gave Billy a knowing wink. I blushed. Oh, God.

Billy looked so calm and important. When he walked into the building, everyone greeted him. I could tell they all genuinely liked him. It was easy to make a big deal over a rich guy, especially one so well liked.

A large sign read ‘Allen Carson Airport Terminal.’ The airport was pretty big, considering it was private. The whole place was covered in light gold tiles, and everything sparkled like it was new, or like someone had come in and washed the tiles with special care. The floors were covered in red rugs, and there was a generally happy vibe. No stressed-out workers and miserable patrons like at larger airports.

“This is my private airport. I give high-end clients this option if they prefer the privacy. I also have a service that’s a bit more affordable—for emergencies, of course. The place is named after my father, Allen.”

Everything he did was designed to make more money, it seemed. His mind had a strategic plan no matter what he was doing, which fascinated me as both his therapist and as a person.

“Were you close with your father?” I asked. I felt comfortable as a shrink. I wanted to be a shrink right now and not a surprised tourist.

“Yes. He’s actually still alive. Lives in the Bahamas with my mother. One of the things that drove me to find wealth was the ability to give my parents the kind of life they deserved. They both worked so hard when I was young.”

I was touched by this. “That must be where you get your work ethic from,” I replied with sudden clarity.

He really did take care of everyone in his life. It would explain why he had such a difficult time admitting he needed help.

He put his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a damn good doctor,” he said. I stiffened and moved away from his hand without trying to be insulting. Luckily for me, he laughed. “Who’s the jumpy one now?” he teased.

A well-groomed pilot awaited us. He looked young, probably my brother’s age. He smiled. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Carson. Ready when you are.”

This was such a casual flight setup. Should I be nervous? Truly, I didn’t know how to behave in this situation.

“What’s up, kid? We’re headed to San Fran today. You ready to fly?” Billy asked the pilot.

“Now that I’ve had the excellent coffee in the staff room, yes indeed.” The pilot seemed comfortable with the casual exchange.

“We have precious cargo today.” Billy grabbed my shoulders from behind. I was flush against him now. My face probably matched the rugs. “So be careful.”

The young man nodded and motioned us aboard. We walked through a loading dock from the building to the plane, for which I was grateful; the wind was cold today. The inside was just as luxurious as the terminal. The plane, too, had a light gold interior. The seats and carpet were red. There were four seats, two joined in the middle by a table with cup holders. The female flight attendant wore a red velvet outfit.

“Welcome, Mr. Carson. Miss.” She greeted us with a white smile. It seemed to be a trademark of Billy and his employees.

We sat near each other. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I must have looked ashen because the flight attendant looked concerned.

“Would you like something to snack on, Miss? Seltzer?” she asked kindly.

“Yes, please,” I agreed. It might be good to get some food in my stomach. I’d been so nervous this morning that I hadn’t eaten breakfast.

“Are you all right?” Billy asked.

“Yes. I’m honestly just impressed. It’s my first time on a flight like this.”

“I figured. But get used to it. Now that you’re a part of my team, you and your practice will have use of my services.”

“No way.” I shook my head, wondering if he was really interested in the practice or just interested in me. “We couldn’t accept that.”

And if my boss knew this was happening, I could lose my license.

“Trust me. Once I lay the plan out to your boss, they’ll be using my flights. I actually thought maybe we could become partners, and your people could offer my people coaching for business trips.”

“You’re so good at what you do. Brilliant actually. You see possibilities in things I would never dream of,” I said.

“And you’re good at what you do. I might like you, but I’d be investing in you and your company for a hell of a bigger reason than that,” he said.

I wanted to believe him. For now, I would. I wanted to enjoy this experience, and I wanted my boss to be excited by his proposition. Maybe I hadn’t destroyed all of the boundaries after all.

The flight took off. I watched out the window as the world fell. The attendant began serving us our drinks. I took a sip. It was the best champagne I’d ever had, a mixture of tart and sweet and perfectly bubbly.

“Did you eat breakfast?” Billy asked.

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll have my chef make us omelets and mojitos.”

“You have a chef on board?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah. He’s the best. His name is Mickey. Just order here.” He pulled out a tablet and a menu popped up. We ordered our food, and when it arrived, we ate in companionable silence.

I had barely finished eating when the pilot announced that we were only two hours or so away. “God. This thing is fast,” I murmured after a sip of minty mojito.

“Yeah. We move at light speed. I hope you like where we’re staying.”

“Where?” I asked.

“My own luxury resort.”

“I have my own private room, I hope,” I replied, a cold edge to my voice.

“Yes.” He chuckled. “Of course, Doc.”

Our knees brushed during the flight. I was wet. The champagne had hit me, and the mojito I sipped didn’t help. I imagined myself straddling him on the plane, my mouth all over his neck. He was a bit closer to me than usual, and I wondered what he was thinking.

Our flight landed early. It was hard for me to believe that we had left in the morning and arrived in the morning. The weather here was so nice and hot. We stepped out of the plane, and I had to pause for a moment to adjust my eyes. A rush of hot air and nausea washed over me. I tried to steady myself as I walked to the exit. Billy guided me down the steps gently. I allowed myself to lean on him. All of these new sensations and the hot air overwhelmed me, but I felt safe leaning against his body.

“I should have warned you. Flying on this thing takes getting used to. I used to always get sick, but I adjusted after the first couple of months. You okay?”

I couldn’t help but notice the concern in his voice. “Yeah. I’m okay,” I mumbled. Luckily, the nausea was ebbing. I allowed myself to linger under his guidance, savoring every minute of it.

***

The resort was huge, ten times the size of the large building that our office was. The décor matched the airport’s, only the floors were hardwood. I could hear an indoor waterpark somewhere and happy children chattering. A huge grand staircase separated the two sides of the resort, the leisure side and what I assumed were the guest rooms. There was an escalator in the middle for those who didn’t want to take the stairs, and elevators glided up and down. People in bathing suits milled around, and elegant hostesses handed out crisp, clean white towels.

“Everyone on your team has such perfect teeth,” I said, my mental filter almost gone after the excitement of the day. And the two alcoholic beverages.

He roared with laughter. “We have an excellent dental package.” He smiled widely.

“That’s why, then.”

“Welcome, Mr. Carson,” one of the men said. “We have your rooms ready.”

Everyone knew who he was. Who didn’t? I hadn’t, at first. I knew of him, but that was about all. I felt foolish. No time to worry about that, though. I was so curious to see my room.

Billy guided us to the elevator. “We have the penthouse suites.”

I nearly fainted again. “Okay,” I said. I had given up attempting neutrality in my voice. He looked delighted that I was in such awe of him. I honestly was. His lifestyle was like nothing I’d ever seen.

The bellman had to use a key to unlock the top floor. I understood why when the door opened and we walked directly in the suite. There was a great view of the city, and all the walls on one side were made of glass. The floors were white hardwood, and the couches were all red and silver. My mouth dropped open.

The bellman left us. I looked around and rubbed my eyes. “Is this real?” I murmured.

“Yes. These are my private quarters. Sometimes, I have my executive friends and family stay here,” he added casually. “Your room is in here.”

He opened the door to reveal what wasn’t a room at all, but a studio suite. It had its own little kitchen, huge bathroom, and living room. The door to my bedroom led off the main area. Decorated in lavender, the walls, the rugs, and the drapes picked up the color in a subtle and pleasing way.

“This is my mom’s favorite room,” he informed me.

“It’s beautiful,” I said, looking around. “Thank you!”

“Your reaction alone was worth it.” He chuckled. “Looks like I’ve managed to impress you. Just what I wanted.”

I put on my professional demeanor again. “What are the plans now?’

“My meeting is in a little over an hour. We will freshen up and go. Then dinner after.”

He left me to myself. I unpacked my suitcase into the lavender wooden drawers. I was still a bit nauseated. Luckily, the mini fridge—also purple but in a much darker shade—had fresh cans of ginger ale, among various fizzy drinks, energy drinks, and water.

I sipped one as I changed into my classiest business attire. Everything I brought looked so dowdy in this environment. I had to hide my suitcase, too, because it looked so dumb and out of place. I looked at myself in the mirror—a fancy one that allowed me to see myself from every single angle. I was, coincidentally, wearing a dark purple business dress suit. Pearls and earrings. Not one inch of my skin was showing expect my arms. I looked perfectly appropriate.

I waited for Bill in his suite living room. He walked out of his bedroom wearing a black suit and a red shirt with a bow tie. He looked great. His eyes fell on me and lit up with admiration. “You could win the deal all by yourself, looking that good, Doc,” he said.

“Thank you, Mr. Carson. Shall we go?” I was nervous being alone in a room with him for too long.

He nodded, and we descended in the elevator again. One of his drivers picked us up. The limo was freezing. I allowed myself to inch my body closer to him for warmth. We rode until we were smack dab in front of a giant building, one I guessed belonged to him.

“Okay. You’re going to come in with me, but I’m not going to tell them you’re my therapist,” he said.

“What will they think, then?” I asked.

“They think you’re one of my assistants. A sexy one, at that. So don’t be afraid to flirt. Oh, and you’ll get commission if I get the deal.”

I nearly fell getting out of the limo. “Commission?”

“Yes. Five percent. Not a lot, but it’ll be a lot more than you make in a month at your job now.”

“Billy, I can’t accept that.”

“Aren’t we a bit beyond that? Besides, just use it for tuition. I think this might pay for at least half the year. Think of it as in an investment.”

I was beyond arguing with him; he was a great negotiator. I could see why he was so successful.

We rode the elevator up to the eleventh floor. Billy looked around before inviting me into his office. He closed the door. “Okay. Work your magic,” he told me.

I took a deep breath. “It’s not that simple. But I can help you relax.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “I’m game.”

“If it helps you, to begin with, you don’t look the least bit stressed, at least to an outsider. I can tell a bit from your shoulders, but I am trained to notice.”

“Sexy.” He grinned.

“Behave, Billy,” I replied firmly. He smirked and I continued. “I want you to talk out loud to yourself, in the bathroom. Tell yourself that no one here will hurt you and that you have nothing to worry about. Challenge your irrational thoughts.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Talk to myself? Don’t crazy people do that?”

“Quite the contrary. It’s a sign of sanity. It’ll also help train your brain to fight panic with logic. It’ll be weird at first, but it has instant results. Eventually, it’ll be like second nature.”

“Okay, Doc, or should I call you quack?” he joked. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it.”

“Good. Then I’m going to do a guided deep breathing session with you. After that, you should be ready.”

I waited for him while he did his mental exercise in the bathroom, trying not to giggle when I heard his booming voice pepping himself up. He came out of the bathroom looking calmer.

“Okay, that was weird. But I will admit I feel a bit better,” he said when he came back into the room.

“Now, sit back in your chair and close your eyes.” He looked at me skeptically. “Just trust me. Do you trust me?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Then sit back.”

He did as he was told, looking gorgeous in his chair. I cleared my throat. “Okay. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a clearing. A warm clearing with a stream bubbling in the background.”

People always said my voice had a sedative effect. It certainly did with him. By the time we finished the session, he was so relaxed he looked as if he could sleep. He looked at his watch.

“Okay. It’s go time,” he said.

I followed him into the boardroom. The entire city view provided a backdrop to the men chatting in their chairs. A few women were in the mix, looking tough and bold in their black pantsuits.

“Hello, ladies and gentleman!” He greeted them in a calm, confident tone. His anxiety had disappeared. “I trust you had a good trip?”

“Billy Carson!” A man greeted him jovially in a friendly German accent. “Cannot complain. First class, good service. A bit long, though.”

“This is my assistant, Kathleen. She will be taking notes.” I blushed, enjoying being introduced by Billy in such a personal way. I wanted him to say my name over and over again.

“To begin, we have to talk about the logistics,” he said, glancing down at the folder in front of him on the table. He was so damn powerful. He took command of the entire conversation. I knew of people who had an almost hypnotizing effect on people, but I had never met one before. Billy certainly had this effect. Everyone was entranced while he spoke, including me.

The meeting went off without a hitch. Everyone laughed, the sense of camaraderie clear among them. I didn’t exactly know what he was selling, but I thought it was a resort in Germany. As I looked at him, I felt honored to be on his right. He was such an amazing man, and the work we were doing was obviously paying off. I pretended to take notes on his meeting, really taking therapy notes to review later.

He sealed the deal, and I couldn’t have been more proud of him. Moments like these were why I became a therapist. They were priceless—to see someone overcome their fears, triumph over them, really. It was a process, but every victory counted. The executives filed out of the boardroom, leaving a trail of clicking heels and laughter in their wake.

“That was amazing,” I told him. “Congratulations!”

He pulled me into a big bear hug. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

We shared a genuine moment. I looked up at him, my cheeks red. His face was so close to mine. I wanted so badly to kiss him, but I pulled away gently.

“This is a time for celebration,” he said, clasping his hands together. “Do you like seafood?”

“Yes!” I said, showing my excitement.

“There’s a great sushi place. I’ve made us a reservation.”

“Let’s go.”

I wanted to pretend I was his girlfriend, but I had too much to lose and so much to gain. My guilt plagued me more, and I hoped the sushi place had champagne to make my inner noise go away. I was still in turmoil, trying to take it moment by moment. A part of me wondered if now was the right time to tell him about Fiona, if I was harming him by not saying anything. But the self-aware side of me knew I secretly just wanted him to myself. Until I could figure out if it was a personal desire or a professional need to protect him from harm, I would have to keep my mouth shut.

One of his limos pulled up. God, I could get used to limo rides. They were so comfortable. I fooled around with the controls, checking out all the options.

“Your curiosity is delightful to watch,” Billy said.

I smiled. “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s not a bad thing. It’s charming. I can’t wait to show you this sushi place. It’s sushi heaven.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” I said. I was starving, and we’d had a great victory that day. I could let myself celebrate. There was nothing wrong with celebrating.

The driver dropped us off at a dark, posh building lined with bamboo plants and little trees. It was, indeed, sushi heaven. In the center was a giant fountain. The whole place was covered in mirrors, and the lighting was dim and seductive. Soft classical music eased out of speakers that must have cost a ton of money. Waiters and waitresses wearing black hurried between tables, and the sushi chefs bustled to prepare the food. My eyes were drawn to the vast array of beautiful women, some in the nude and some walking around in black silk robes. I guessed they were models, because I saw some of the girls laid out on tables, food covering their bodies for the patrons.

“Are we using a model?” I asked. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“I knew you were an odd duck, Doc. I wasn’t planning on it. We can if you want.”

“Sure!” I said. I was excited. I’d never eaten food off of a human being, and I was curious.

“We have our own private room. I already have it set up for us,” he said

I was excited that white wine was poured and waiting for us. I took a gulp, enjoying the dry, tart taste. The room was lit up with what looked like a thousand candles. They bounced elegantly off the mirrored walls. Just when I thought I couldn’t be more impressed with his life, he proved me wrong. This was a unique experience.

“It took me a really long time to get used to bitter drinks,” I confessed to him.

“Were you a Malibu Bay Breeze type?” he guessed.

“Exactly.”

Our model’s name was Ramona. She was a pretty girl with tanned skin. Her full lips and doe eyes were delightful. She settled herself on the table in front of us, perfectly still and elegant.

“You like girls?” he asked.

Damn him. I kept my composure and said, “That is my business.”

The first time I had fooled around with a girl was in college. She’d invited me to do a math assignment with her. I’d accepted, knowing there was something hidden in her request. We’d ended up fooling around. I didn’t hate the experience, though I still preferred men.

The servers brought the sushi out. We ordered tuna rolls, avocado rolls, and others I’d never heard of. Ramona’s body was as still as ever and so clean. I felt safe eating sushi off of her. Eating off of another person wasn’t as weird as I’d thought. She looked so natural and pleasant. She turned over, exposing her pretty tan ass. We ate more sushi off of it. I couldn’t help but blush.

“Yeah. You’re definitely bi. You’re getting more excited about this than I am,” he said.

“Well. It’s easy. She’s beautiful,” I said, paying her a sincere compliment.

Ramona turned her head and smiled a pretty smile. I was stuffed by the time they brought out more champagne. A warm, relaxed haze surrounded me. I took Billy’s arm and thanked him. “This has really been an amazing time.”

“But it’s not over yet. I was thinking we could take a walk along the coast. Maybe have a session?”

“I hope I’ll be sober enough to do that. But sure,” I agreed.

We thanked Ramona, and he tipped her handsomely. I did get a bit jealous when he gave her a flirty smile, but she really deserved gratitude. She was great. To my surprise, she slipped me her number. I was shocked, but I accepted it, smiling brightly at her.

“She liked you,” he said. “I’m impressed.”

“Maybe she liked us both,” I joked, trying not to imagine having a hot threesome with them.

“Touché.”

I put my glasses on again, mentally prepping myself for a session.

“I love you with those glasses.”

“Thanks. I like them a lot.”

“That girl was lovely, but she ain’t got nothing on you.” Considering she was some sort of a model, I seriously doubted the truth of that. He was teasing, I was sure of it. Though I could admit that if I were a bit taller, I could be a model, too.

“You’re too kind.”

“Just honest.”

“I’ve never conducted a session at the beach. But it’s okay. It’s certainly a relaxed enough setting.”

“It’s one of my favorite places to go. Another thing that inspired me to be rich. I want to retire by the sea,” he said. He glanced at his phone and sighed. “Fiona has been bothering me all day. I have my phone on silent.”

“How are things with her? Have the sessions been helping?” I asked.

“Yeah, a bit. Only for me, though. I have more clarity.”

The sun was fading in the sky, staining the horizon with pink and purple hues. The salty seaweed smell of the ocean filled the limo as we drew closer and closer. We stopped. I squinted my eyes into the sun.

“Pick us up here in an hour,” he said to the driver.

“As you wish, Mr. Carson.”

This beach was no place for a therapy session—it was clearly meant for romance. Couples loitered on the beach, some carrying coolers of wine and picnic hampers. I was glad I had put on my glasses. They offered protection, a screen, so I didn’t try to enjoy this moment with him as though it were a sensuous one.

He looked ahead dreamily, watching the waves lap at the shore.

“The first time I came here, I was young. My parents wouldn’t stop fighting. The first time my dad walked out, I thought it would be the last. But he kept coming back. Somewhere down the line, he ended up with my mother again. They were always in love, but he was stubborn. They brought me here a lot. California has some bittersweet memories for me.”

We began walking side-by-side in the sand. “Did he have an issue letting someone take care of him, too?”

“Yes,” he said. “How did you know?”

“Certain behaviors are learned. Many of yours are,” I replied.

“I didn’t think you were psychic, Doc, but do share.”

I shook my head. “You’re much too open to let anything stop you from being vulnerable forever.”

He was quiet a moment. “You know, Doc, you have a way with words. Do you write?”

“I used to. Now I’m so wrapped up in this dissertation that I can’t stomach it. But back to you,” I said firmly.

“I hate when you do that,” he teased. “You don’t let me avoid anything, do you?”

“No. Now tell me more about your father.”

He shrugged. “What’s there to say? He has a hard work ethic, and he’s pretty stubborn.”

“How often would he leave?”

“Every couple of months or so. He never actually cheated on my mom, but he would have these weird friendships with other women. He couldn’t get enough of being the hero. Maybe that’s why I can’t stop.” He stopped in his tracks and turned to me, cupping my chin gently with his hand. I couldn’t move, paralyzed by desire. His eyes were more exquisite than the stars in the sky beginning to peek over the rainbow horizon.

“Thank you so much for today. But more than that, thank you for everything. You’re a truly incredible young woman. You’ve helped me so much—today’s success wouldn’t have been possible without you. I’m not sure how I can ever repay you.” He breathed in quickly, as if to stop himself.

“Therapy is supposed to help,” I said. “I’m just doing my job.”

“Come on. You’re good at what you do. I’ve only been seeing you a couple of weeks, and I’m able to leave my house at night. Do you know what that means to me?”

He looked so alive —so full of energy. I’d never seen him like this before. Maybe I really was helping him after all. I could get used to his being like this. I wanted so badly to kiss him, to feel his mouth all over mine. But I didn’t. I pulled away gently, trying not to make him feel rejected.

“You have nothing to repay. This is my job. You getting well is reward enough. Now, tell me more about your childhood.”

“What’s there to know? I had a pretty normal life.”

“Your father leaving doesn’t sound normal,” I challenged him.

He sighed. “It wasn’t. But it made me strong.”

“The kind of strong that means no one can take care of you?” I countered.

“Exactly.”

He let me in this time, and I knew that our work together was paying off.

“I never saw the world the way other people did. I didn’t understand the whole working nine-to-five thing just to get by. To me, it simply wasn’t real. I started my own business when I was fifteen, mowing lawns. By the time I was twenty-four, I had taken a lot of business risks. I was a millionaire by thirty.” He was boastful.

“What are you hiding from when you tell me about your money?” I challenged him again, pushing through the veneer.

He sighed. “You’re good, Doc, you’re good.”

“So spill,” I teased, drawing him out.

“I’m ashamed that you saw me nervous before the meeting.”

“It’s my job to see you nervous; no need to be ashamed. You should be proud of the way you handled it. Having post traumatic stress disorder and being around unfamiliar people can be hard, but you did it.”

I knew him so intimately I wasn’t sure I could ever see him the same way again—but it was a good thing. In his secret vulnerability, he was even more powerful and beautiful. We sat in a calm, relaxed silence as the driver took us home. The smell of the sea still clung to my clothes.

He took my hand gently. It was such an innocent move that I accepted it. I smoothed out his big fingers in mine and gave them a squeeze. When I looked up at him, his eyes were closed, a soft smile on his face. I’d never seen him so relaxed.

 

***

 

Night had completely fallen by the time we reached the hotel. The bellman left us alone. There was an awkward silence as we stood in front of the elevator. He actually looked a bit nervous. He turned the lights on and sighed.

“Phew. Thank goodness that deal is over. I’m set now.” He was trying to distract himself. He might be flirty, but he was a loyal person. He wasn’t the type to cheat on his partner. “Would you like a hot drink before bed?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied, trying not to think about how dangerous a situation it could be, drinking alone in a room with him. Not because he would harm me, but because the sexual tension building between us was so thick it was nearly visible, almost like smog.

He gave me my drink. Hot brandy with cinnamon. It was good.

“We should have had our session in here,” I said. “It’s a good spot.”

“Well, I don’t mix business with pleasure.” Liar.

“A session on the beach? I can tell.” He smiled but didn’t take the bait. “I haven’t drunk this much since I was in college,” I said, trying to change the subject.

“Which was what, four years ago?”

“A long time ago, Mr. Carson. A long time ago,” I said. We both chuckled, enjoying each other’s company. “You know,” I said, the brandy starting to go to my head. “I get so inspired when I’m around you.”

“How so?” he asked.

“My whole life, I’ve really wanted to be somebody. I’m almost there now, but when I’m with you, I feel like anything is possible. Suddenly, I know I can own the world.”

Billy sat beside me. He took my hands in his and stared deeply into my eyes. “You always have been something, and there’s no limit to what you can be. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, and caring young woman.” His mouth was so close to mine that I could feel it tickling my nose.

We began to lean in, my heart spiraling out of control. I pulled away sharply and stood up. “It’s getting late. I have to get to bed if I’m going to prepare for the jet ride home tomorrow.” I didn’t meet his eyes again. If I did, I would be sleeping with him tonight. “Good night, Billy,” I said softly.

“Good night.”

His phone rang. He picked it up, and I could hear Fiona’s snappy voice on the other end. Happy for the chance to escape, I quickly closed the door to my room and locked it, as if that would keep the thoughts of him away. I had almost crossed the line tonight. The idea that he was sleeping in the next room was more than enough to keep me awake. Luckily, I had come prepared. I took out the dildo I’d meant to throw out—the one I had unleashed all of my sexual frustrations on before. I threw it on my bed like a lover.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” I said to the dildo. “Thank you for saving me from a terrible mistake.”

I used the beautiful shower to wash, soaking myself in lavender soap. The scent of it relaxed me even more than the brandy, which was seeping into my veins. I thought perhaps I could wash this desire off of me. It didn’t work. Nothing seemed to work, and the closer I was to him, the more I wanted him. Badly.

He was still outside on the phone, his voice louder now. Fiona and he were arguing. Probably about me. Unless he hadn’t told her, which was very likely. He wouldn’t want anyone to know he needed emotional support.

I went into a fantasy—one I wanted to be real. In my fantasy, I would open the door and grab the phone out of his hand. It would shatter against the wall, but it wouldn’t matter because he could just buy a new one.

“Billy! “Fucking take me!” Fantasy-Me screamed.

Fantasy-Billy growled and ripped my clothes off. We’d kiss and scratch each other until we were naked. I envisioned him bouncing me up and down on his cock, his legs splayed wide on the couch. I wanted to fuck him until the sun came up. I didn’t care if he could hear me come. I hiccupped in orgasm, my body writhing on my bed. I drifted off to sleep, the lights of the city my lullaby.

 

***

 

Experiences really can change you. After the trip, I was rejuvenated. I had clarity. I needed to break things off with Kent—which was ridiculous because we were never actually in a relationship to begin with. I thought he was great, but I wasn’t in love with him. He didn’t make my heart hammer the way Billy did, and though I had no intention of pursuing Billy, that’s what I wanted in the future. It’s what everyone deserves. Sometimes safety isn’t better than sanity.

Only two days had passed since our trip to California. Kent agreed to meet me at the coffee shop where we had our first date. He looked so sad in his raincoat; he likely already knew what was going to happen. I had told him about the trip when I’d asked him to meet. He cared about me too much to tell on me, but he knew well that after going on that business trip with Billy, there was no going back to pretending that what he and I had shared was real. I could never be with Billy, but I certainly could not pretend to feel that strongly about another man. Kent wasn’t the one for me.

It was ironic because, in truth, he was the perfect man. He was kind and considerate, as well as an excellent professional. In another place and time, we could have been great together. He just wasn’t for me, especially now. The feeling of safety he gave me was great, but for me to grow, I would have to push past my safety zone.

This trip with Billy taught me that to become someone, I had to dream big and go far. Being with Kent was not settling in any way, except emotionally. I could risk hurt, if it was for someone who could hurt me as much as I could them. With Kent, I always had one up on him and I knew it.

He hugged me in greeting. I wanted to cry. He had my coffee ready for me, steaming up our table.

“How did the trip go?” he asked. He looked at me with a hard look—a disapproving look.

“It was incredible,” I told him. “We took a private jet, and California is great. It’s still kinda warm there.”

“Are you sure you don’t need more supervision?” Kent asked.

I wasn’t sure if he was serious or joking. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Keep such great boundaries.”

“This question coming from the woman with a groundbreaking dissertation?” he joked.

“No. Seriously,” I insisted.

“Because it’s the right thing to do, Katie. That’s all. It’s just right.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I added cream and sugar to my coffee, wanting to drown myself in it. He was right. What was I doing?

“What’s wrong?” He took my hand.

“We need to talk. That’s why I had you come here,” I began. I took my hand from him gently. He looked down and folded his hands on the table. He knew what that meant.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” he asked at last.

What?” I looked up, not the least bit surprised he knew what was going on.

“Are you…” he mumbled, “having an affair with him?”

“No. Never,” I said. I was angry now. “How could you think that of me?”

I moved to stand up and leave, but he stopped me. “Please. I’m sorry. Sit down,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean that. I mean, when you love someone, your thoughts get crazy sometimes. You know?”

There was knowledge in his eyes, the kind of look you get when you know who you are and exactly what you want. I wanted to deny the truth, to pretend his eyes didn’t tell me that he meant what he said. That he loved me.

I wanted to fall off my chair with guilt. I shook my head, looking down. “Oh no…” I muttered. “Oh no, oh no.”

“Oh no what?” he asked, an edge of hurt to his voice. “You couldn’t possibly not know that I love you.”

The room was spinning. I wanted to get up and leave. I didn’t foresee this being so bad.

“Well, it actually is a surprise to me,” I said. I had known he had feelings for me, but love was a bit strong. I hadn’t known him more than a year. I pictured all of those nights sitting in the waiting room, doing paperwork together. Laughing over coffee. Running around the city together. It suddenly made sense, that look in his eyes whenever he’d see me. And now, the look of pain and sacrifice.

Love. That was a strong word, after all, an emotion I could say I only felt for a handful of people on this earth. Like Billy.

No. Not like Billy, I scolded myself.

I looked out the window. I imagined all of the times we spent in this area, having fun and passing time. Really, that’s all I was doing with him. Passing time. My eyes welled up with tears of hurt and guilt. Who had I become?

“You’re a great friend, Kent. The best I’ve honestly ever had. But…”

“Here it comes. The ‘but’ part. Just give it to me straight,” he said urgently.

I took a deep breath, my voice shaking. Knowing you were about to destroy someone with your words was never fun. I tried avoiding it at all costs in my life, but unfortunately, it was sometimes a necessary evil.

“I just don’t feel the spark,” I confessed.

His face was tight with hurt. Each of the words made his head droop lower and lower. Tears welled up in his eyes. He wiped them and tightened his jaw. He was too proud to cry in front of me.

“You’re a great friend, too,” he said, his voice shaking. “I enjoy having you as a friend and colleague, but I honestly wanted more. Is this really what you want?”

Oh no. The bargaining phase of denial. I wanted to run away, far away. Hurting him was not part of my plan. Even now, he was so calm. He had such great composure. I took his hand, and he accepted it, squeezing mine. “Never mind. I always knew you didn’t feel that way about me. I just needed to know for sure,” he said at last. “When you invited me here, I knew it was over. But it never really began, did it?”

His eyes looked so sad. I wished I could go into his brain and turn off his feelings for me. I wished we didn’t have to hurt people we cared about so deeply.

“I know it’s cliché to say it isn’t you, it’s me, but that’s really the case here. You’re incredible, but I just don’t see you as more than a good friend,” I said. “I don’t know if it’s too much to ask, but could we be friends one day?”

He smiled grimly. “I don’t think that’s out of the realm of possibilities, but I need some space. I’ll call you in a couple of weeks.” He got up, very business-like. He left money on the table for the coffee and a tip. “I don’t meant to be rude and leave you here, but it’s too painful for me to stay any longer.” His voice was trembling.

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. “Thanks for the coffee.”

He left without another word. The people next to us stared rudely. “Fuck it,” I muttered. I got up and left, too. The wind whipped through my hair as I stepped outside, and the city suddenly looked big and cold. I felt good about myself for the first time in a while, though, because this was the first ‘right thing’ I’d done in a couple of months.

A feeling of freedom came over me because I was being authentic. I wasn’t hiding anything from myself. Now that this was done, I had to refer Billy to someone else. The money was great and I was in love, but this was wrong. I would just have to bring myself to do it…somehow.

Next session. That’s right. I tried to ignore the fact that I sounded like an addict who was going to use their drug of choice for the last time.

But I’m not an addict. I’m a trained professional.

I opened the notebook I had with me, looking at all the notes about Billy. I might as well have drawn hearts and flowers all over them, because they weren’t coherent. Good thing it was Saturday, because I needed to be alone. I couldn’t see any patients. I had to sort this out in my head

I took the train, not really sure where I was going. I wanted to lose myself in the murmur of the people with their lives so different from mine, their lives encased in endless stories. If I could close my eyes, maybe I could fade into a situation that was different. Maybe I would open them and I wouldn’t be helplessly in love with Billy the Billionaire. I wouldn’t have just broken my best friend’s heart. Maybe.

When I got off the train, Billy’s eyes met mine. The billboard still featured him. I couldn’t help but smile.

 

 

 

 

Bill

Coming home was cold. The weather was frigid, and so was my heart. Katie had kept her guard up our entire time together, and I understood why. She was a good person who had a hard time crossing the line. I was glad we hadn’t. I had no intention of hurting Fiona like that. I could be a dog—I could flirt and look, but I’d never crossed that line in my life. And I’d had opportunities. So many floozies and hussies throw themselves at you when you have money, pulling up their skirts, trying to give you a whiff of their garter belts. I could see through it, luckily. Only because I was street smart, though. I knew well that I was not as smart as the doc said I was.

I wasn’t sure what my actual intentions were. I’d never been so swept off my feet in my life, not since Sophia. I cared for Fiona, and she was a lot more than a warm body to me. She could be kind, sexy, good. I thought she could be everything at one point, but lately, she’d been distant… like she was hiding something. And Katie? Well, Katie was a different story. Off-limits.

How come I couldn’t get her out of my head, then? The image of Katie in her purple skirt kept flickering into my mind. I imagined her at the beach, the sun fading in her beautiful brown eyes, making them a crisp golden color. I remembered the safety I felt, the lack of shame. No one had ever made me feel the way she did, and it wasn’t because she was my therapist.

I wondered where she was and what she was doing. My thoughts often drifted to her when I saw something I thought she’d like. I always heard that people in love felt like their other half was in everything and everywhere, but it was really true. She was.

The night she’d been in the suite, I could have sworn I heard a vibrator. I’d tried to push my ear up against the door without being too obvious, but the wood was too thick and I could barely hear the hum of cars outside. I’d jerked myself off feverishly in the shower, nearly crying from the frustration and tension.

Snow drifted by my window as I looked out at the city, a place that had become my home. For the first time in a long time, I felt a wave of safety wash over me. Some of the symptoms of my panic had faded, and I didn’t even need to take a pill. I’d been trying to meditate and do my ‘homework’ assignments. There was a knock at my door, and I didn’t jump. Not one bit, which was wonderful. I turned around, totally calm and poised. The Billy the Billionaire kind of poise that I had missed.

“Come in,” I said. I cleared my throat.

It was the kid, the one I’d almost slugged in the bathroom. I rarely felt embarrassed, but that’s what I felt now. “Mr. Carson,” he said nervously. “I have our annual report for you f-from accounting.”

I smiled warmly at him. He loosened up a bit, surprised by my friendliness. “Please, sit down. I was hoping to get the chance to talk to you.”

“D-did I do something wrong, sir?” he asked. His voice cracked.

“No. Not at all.”

He looked around my office, wide-eyed and inexperienced.

“I have a son around your age,” I began. “And I’ve always taught him to apologize when he did something wrong.”

“Oh yeah? That’s good,” the kid replied. He clearly had no idea what to say to me.

“I’m sorry about a few weeks ago in the bathroom. I wasn’t myself. Are we cool?” I asked.

He looked surprised, but a small smile rushed across his face. “Of course. It’s okay. No need to apologize.”

“Oh, but there is a need. Just because I’m the head honcho doesn’t mean I’m allowed to be an asshole. Although, I do think you have to be somewhat of an asshole in order to be the head of anything. But never forget your heart. Don’t forget that,” I said.

His face was glowing. He put the report on my desk. “Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“No. Just take an extra hour for lunch.” I threw twenty bucks at him. “On me. Consider it damages.”

He nodded quietly, grinned at me, and said, “Thank you! I will.”

He left me to my thoughts. I felt a surge of happiness. I was glad I made that right. I showed a side of myself to him that was vulnerable, but I was starting to learn that it was okay to be vulnerable sometimes. My heart was starting to heal.

Fiona: What time are you gonna be home tonight?

I thought it odd. She never asked this question.

B. Carson: The usual. See you then babe.

Fiona: K. Don’t rush home or anything. I’m cooking dinner. It’ll be ready late.

So many alarm bells went off in my mind. Why was she telling me this? What was her fucking problem lately? I tried to calm these thoughts. It wasn’t actually that weird of a question for her to ask. Lately, I’d had a lot of weird instincts about things. She had nagged me too much on my trip. She had nagged me in a way that made me think she was up to something. The easiest way to see someone’s intentions is to figure out what they think yours are.

She’d maxed out another credit card. Hard to believe, because how could one broad spend that much money? The other two were maxed out, and there were hefty debt limits on them. It was hard to keep up with her wants and needs, but she always made me feel loved. Made sure that home was comfortable. When I’d first met her, I was so flattered to have the affections of a younger woman that I didn’t ask too many questions. My mind was bleeding and weak from losing Sophia, but I was waking up from my fugue state.

Waking up never felt so good—like a cold splash of water to my face after a long drunken night. With this realization came a lot of pain, though. Life wasn’t as good or simple as I once thought. Getting what I wanted in the business world was so damn easy, but figuring other things out never seemed to work. Until now, anyway.

“I guess seeing a shrink can actually help,” I said to myself. I looked at my picture frame, a picture of Zach and me. Suddenly, I wanted to speak to him. Where had the time gone? Before I knew it, he’d be going off to college. He was my family, my son, and my best friend, despite everything else. Feeling so strongly about Katie had made me realize that, and though we could never be together, I was happy to feel like me again.

It hit me then, sitting quietly in my office. I loved Katie. I loved someone I could never have. The sorrow of this, mixed with my own guilt, nearly brought me to my knees. I fumbled on my laptop, trying to immerse myself in my latest business deal gone right, one I couldn’t have gotten right without her.

“Okay, Billy. Talk out loud to yourself. You’re being ridiculous and irrational. All is well. She’s your shrink. Fiona is your fiancée. It’ll be okay.”

Talking to myself didn’t work this time. I just felt crazy. I wondered if it would ever work. Likely not—this was some quacky shit. So I tried to mediate. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. I breathed slowly and imagined myself on a beach, but thoughts of Katie flooded my mind.

“Damn it,” I said.

I pulled up her therapist profile online. A pretty picture of Katie popped up, the first one I’d ever seen. Her hair was pulled back and her glasses were on. Was I being obsessive? Maybe a little bit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I should never have taken her on that fucking trip. I mean… damn, how hot was she? I could never get a sushi model with Fiona. She’d claw the girl’s eyes out. But Katie? There was something sexy about her confidence and open-mindedness. Was I comparing them now? Fuck.

I reached for the phone and dialed Zach, who would be out of his program. He didn’t exactly attend a regular school. He was in an online program that met twice a week. The program was for gifted students. I didn’t believe in having him sit through the drudgery of high school. I’d hated that experience and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The phone rang a few times before he finally picked up.

“Dad?” he asked. He was starting to sound like me.

“What’s up, champ?” I asked.

“Uh. Heading to the antique shop with some friends. Gonna see if I can get some deals.”

“Don’t worry about it. Get whatever you want.”

“But Dad! Haggling is the best part!” he joked.

“You take after me in that regard. What are you doing after?”

“Fiona and I got into a fight again, so I’m probably going to eat out.”

“Mind if I join you after I drop some stuff at home?” I asked.

“Are you okay, Dad?” he asked. Having a smart child was great, but it could be annoying when you were trying to hide your feelings and shit.

“A man’s life is complicated, son. What can I say?”

“Well, I say yes to dinner. Fiona is trying to cook, and we all know how that will turn out.”

“Oh, boy. Yeah. I do,” I replied. “Okay. Meet me in front of my penthouse building around eight… and text me when you’re there.”

“Gotcha.”

We hung up. I imagined how proud Katie would be with me for hanging out with my son.

Shit. Would you stop thinking about her? I thought to myself.

No one has ever affected me like this. I straightened my tie and smiled at myself in the mirror. I could see the sadness in my eyes. There must be more to life than my musings. Where would I go for dinner? This whole area reminded me of Katie.

Get yourself together, Billy.

I met Zach in front of the building after dropping off some stuff and changing into jeans and a hoodie. He was starting to look like a man, tall and muscular. I was so proud of him. I ruffled his hair. “What’s up, kid?” He carried a knapsack. “Do I even want to know what’s in there?” I asked.

“It’s just a skull. You guys are so uptight.”

I sighed. “You really don’t like her, do you?”

We began to walk. A small Chinese place would do. I put up my hood, not wanting to be recognized and gawked at. I enjoyed the looks and stares because they validated me in some way, but not when I thought people might be able to see through me.

“No. I don’t. I’m sorry it hurts you, Dad, but I don’t.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust her. She’s judgmental, and all she does is use your money.”

“It’s more than that. She’s kind and caring. She’s good to me.”

“Maybe she’s good to you because she has to be,” Zach countered. Smart kid.

 

 

 

Katie

I wouldn’t tell Billy about Fiona. I was sure he would figure it out himself, and as much as I was in love with him, I knew it was wrong. And it was time to let go. That trip was too good, too beautiful. It felt too natural. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and I felt like a fool who had been exposed. Every single crack and crevice in me was open, and I had nowhere else to go. I had dreams of him standing in front of the door at the hotel. I wanted him to come in, not to have sex, but to just hold me. I wanted to let him feel my warmth. I wanted him to feel how much I loved him.

I sat in my home office, looking at the rows and rows of antique books. My bulletin board was still covered with notes for my dissertation. I read the third boundary point out loud to myself as I typed, working on my thesis. “Boundary Point, Stage 3: By this stage, the counselor will have either remedied the transgression by taking actions or transferring the patient, or the counselor will continue to violate ethical boundaries. If the latter occurs, the counselor is likely to lose professional integrity and more, and the patient is vulnerable to harm in many emotional areas.”

Had I crossed this point already, or was I just standing in the doorway? I took a sip of my coffee and wiped my mouth. I had to get dressed, had to do something to distract myself from this turmoil and longing. I hadn’t known what longing was until I met Billy, but it was there at all hours of the day, pricking me like a splinter I couldn’t reach, irritating me like a rock in my shoe that I had to shake out.

Even my own thesis, the culmination of my life’s work, couldn’t stop me from thinking about him. I shook my head and wracked my brain for ways to get him out of my head. I looked over at an antique vibrator on my bookcase and had a great idea.

I would buy a new vibrator. You see, vibrators have memories attached to them. The new vibrator wouldn’t. I could release my pleasure and focus on starting anew. I would get myself off, and it would keep me away from him.

***

Everything in life moved so slowly lately, perhaps because I was quietly counting the moments until I would see Billy again. The train trudged on, and the conductors looked more miserable than ever. I drew my coat closer to me and put my hood up, not wanting to be bothered by anyone and have to listen to their troubles. Today, my only session had been cancelled. The only thing to do was indulge in a little selfishness. I learned that sometimes, a girl had to be selfish if she were to make it through the helping profession, a profession that could be inherently selfless in so many ways.

I looked at my phone, an empty feeling in my heart. Kent usually texted me. I hadn’t heard a thing from him. Why should he text me? I broke his heart, and he had a big heart. It must have hurt worse as a result.

The cool air of the Grand Central terminal almost knocked me over. The train was so warm in comparison. California had been even warmer. Sweet thoughts of the ocean and the beach seemed double the distance away.

The routine of taking two trains was nothing new to me. A lot of people asked me how I did it and said that one train ride would be enough for them. When you wanted the benefits of the city without the commitment of living there, however, you had to make some sacrifices. Losing my mind on the train was one of them. In truth, it was time to think about my life, something I didn’t get to do very often during the day.

I could spend all day in Times Square, just looking. I was still a tourist here in many ways. I found it hard to believe that there were people who had always lived here and were used to the fast changes, the bright lights, the flashes, and the mystique. I knew my destination well because I had almost lost the nerve to go in a few times. The place still offered a peep show, as well as toys and porn.

The men at the counter eyed me as I walked in. Perhaps they were scouting for talent. A long staircase illuminated by dull light stood in the center, where the working girls went and from which horny customers left. I saw a man zipping up his pants and looking around. When he met my eyes, he almost ran in the other direction.

What land is this? I thought.

“Hello. What are you looking for today?”

“Just browsing,” I said, not sure if I wanted him to help me find a toy. Still, my curiosity was growing. I wondered what the women looked like, what they wore. I looked up the stairs.

“Want to go up? Go ahead,” the man said as though he’d read my mind. He gave me a smirk, half perverted and half amused.

Anything to get away from him. I climbed up the stairs and was greeted by a bunch of scantily clad women in glass cases, dancing. It was like a human aquarium, and the girls were the attractions. The black and white tiled floor looked like a chess game. My eyes almost fell out of my head. There was a coat rack and a coffee maker in case you wanted a caffeine buzz before jerking off. One of the dancers, wearing a purple bob wig and matching lipstick, beckoned to me seductively. Like a moth drawn to a flame, I sat in front of her booth, not sure what I was about to do.

“Got any advice on dildos?” I asked. It just spilled out. Some of the girls began laughing.

The purple haired dancer gestured to the slot. I put forty or so dollars through the slot to be polite. Now that I knew Billy, money seemed less important. I used to do hours of work for forty bucks, but I was spending it like I couldn’t care less. I’d lost some solid ground, and I wanted to get it back under my feet.

Once the money was in, she became animated. Almost like a wind-up doll.

“You just break up with your man or something?” she asked in a thick Brooklyn accent.

I nodded. “How did you know?”

“Any time a woman comes in here by herself looking as down as you do, we know there’s a reason. I mean, this is a pleasure palace.”

“You like girls?” One of the girls in the other booth asked. She also wore a wig, but this one was more believable, a long black one.

“Not that I know of.”

She eyed me up and down seductively. “Too bad. Do you like fleshy dildos or hard ones? Do you have a preference?”

I was genuinely impressed with her knowledge of sex toys. “Um. Hard. Not fleshy,” I said, blushing.

“I knew this girl was bi,” the black haired girl said. “Straight girls love fleshy dildos. Ones that stray can go either way, but they usually end up with the chrome ones.” She winked at me.

This was like some kind of a messed up slumber party, one filled with giggling women and talk about boys. The lights in here were bright, and everything smelled like cleaning fluid and cum. I was beginning to feel light-headed.

“Get the Ribbit. The newest one. Once you have that, there’s no need for a boyfriend. Seriously,” the purple-haired girl said with a wink.

I nodded, leaving as quickly as I could before I threw up. The smell was too much. The air downstairs was much cooler. Dildos mostly looked the same to me, but the Ribbit was an exalted one, the packaging covered in light and pictures of women moaning and smiling. I hoped it would bring me pleasure. God knows I needed it.

I rushed to the counter with my purchase and nearly dropped all the money Billy had given me. The man looked at the money and looked me up and down like he thought I was a stripper or something, which left a distaste in my mouth. I had respect for the women upstairs but none for him.

The great thing about NYC is that there are so many bars to choose from. I wanted a drink before using this vibrator on myself ASAP. I stumbled into a bar with my purchase concealed in a black bag. The bartender barely looked up as I sat down. Once he did, he did a double take. I was used to people doing this when they saw me. Being attractive wasn’t that big of a deal to me, but I could be totally honest about it.

“What can I get you today?’ he asked. “Oh, and can I see ID?”

I gave him my ID, used to this kind of treatment. “Vodka on the rocks,” I said. “And a shot of whiskey.”

“Any preference?” he asked as he began putting ice in the glass.

“The strongest one you have,” I replied. I took a swig of my vodka, almost choking on it.

Billy would be proud of me, getting a bitter drink like this. I realized I was thinking of him again. The agony that coursed through my body was all consuming. I left my card on the table, and the bartender put the shot in front of me. I tilted it, feeling the warm, spicy liquid fill my throat. It was good, a distraction. I knew what I needed to do now. Like a sex addict, I wanted release.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Here’s my card. I need to use the bathroom.”

“No problem. Do you need me to close this out for you?”

“Yes. I’m not feeling well, so I might be a while.”

I closed the door to the bathroom stall. There was writing all over the wall, and another woman in the bathroom. I didn’t care. I needed to come, to forget him. I jammed the box into the trash and pulled out the vibrator, wiping it clean with some napkins before shoving it furiously inside of me.

I imagined him pressing me up against the wall, his mouth all over mine. The vibration synced with my heart, and I sat on the toilet. The woman in the bathroom scuttled out quickly. I didn’t care if she knew what I was doing. I didn’t care if the police broke in and arrested me for being inappropriate in public. I would laugh hysterically and allow them to take me away, maybe to the mad house, because I was clearly losing my mind.

I began to come, and I had to lean back on the toilet as my body shook with all the desire I’d felt over the past few days. It would feel good, one day, to be done with this infatuation so I could have my soul back. I started to sober up, sitting there, tears streaming down my face from the strength of my orgasm and the shame that came from mentally fucking myself with Billy.

My phone vibrated.

I dreaded answering it. It might be Kent, and I’d have to console him. I didn’t want to console anyone but myself, as terrible as that was. I sighed and looked at my phone.

My heart nearly stopped. It was Billy.

 

 

 

Bill

I didn’t know what I would find when I went home. I’d had a good dinner with Zach, and for the first time in a while, I was in a good mood. Zach ascended the stairs to his room, and I followed him up to mine almost like I was in slow motion. This house had to go. It brought back too many memories. I was drowning in all the memories as if they were an ocean. I don’t know why I kept it—maybe because I just hadn’t known how to let it go. But it was okay to be vulnerable—I was learning that—so being open to a new home would be the next step in my healing.

But would Fiona like it? Tonight I wanted to embrace her and make everything right. I wanted to pull her back to me, close some of the distance we had between us. I wanted to eventually feel safe in my vulnerability with her. I didn’t hear Fiona’s seductive chatter until I was nearly at the door. I stopped, my brain warning me before my heart could get there first.

“I’m glad you like my new panties, baby. I bought them on his card,” I heard her say. Who was she talking to? A deep voice murmured in the background. It sounded like she was using her webcam to talk to someone.

My heart sank as she spoke again. “It’s just a matter of time before he loses his mind and I get all the money. We can really be together then.”

Lose my mind? What the fuck is she talking about? I wondered. I could hear the man now, very clearly. He sounded younger than me and had a scumbag voice.

“The old kook has lost his mind, huh?” he asked and laughed. “Does he know I’ve been fucking you in his bed? If he did, I think he’d really need a shrink.”

“He’s already seeing one remember? I had to go with him,” she said in a voice I didn’t recognize—a cold, nasty one. A robotic voice, one that was flat and knew what it wanted. And apparently what it wanted wasn’t me.

I slammed the door open. She stood nearly naked in front of her camera, talking to some dark-haired man on the computer. His eyes moved and focused on me. He murmured, “Fuck.”

I wished I could have punched him in the fucking face. He ended their call, and she quickly shut the computer off as if that would quell the damage of what I could never unhear. I shook my head and began to laugh. If she thought I was crazy, fuck it; I could show her my crazy now.

“B…Billy!” she stuttered. “I didn’t realize you’d be home so early.”

“You told me not to be. I guess I know why now,” I replied, laughing. I put my hand over my eyes, trying to forget this, trying to steady myself. “I was right. Zach was right,” I said flatly. I turned and sat down on the bed, staring at the wall. My heart was numb and my eyes would have welled up if my pride would have allowed it. “What I don’t understand is why you wasted my time. You know I wouldn’t have sent you off without money, protection. You know that,” I said, my voice monotonous. I had to protect myself now, because she would never have the satisfaction of seeing me vulnerable. Some people just didn’t deserve to see you like that.

“It’s not what it looks like. He’s just a friend. Well, we’ve had sex a lot lately, but…but…”

Her dumb words were falling flat on my ears. I didn’t care who the hell he was, just that he was. Just that there was someone else, someone—a human, a guy—outside of our relationship who shared these moments with her.

“I always knew, I think. Because you were so obvious. And I tried to ignore it because I cared about you,” I said. I couldn’t hide some of the hurt in my voice. “The difference between us, though? I have always at least been fucking honest with you. I flirt, yeah. I’m not perfect, but I could never have done this to you.” I raised my voice a bit.

She was crying now. She didn’t look pretty when she cried. I was too disconnected from her to notice. She looked like a young, scared, spoiled child who was about to have her allowance taken away.

“Just take your bank account and go,” I said. “Why the fuck are you here, anyway? It’s clear you’re miserable. That you want my money. Well, fine. But please don’t bother taking up space, sweetie, because we know that’s all you’ve been doing,” I said dryly.

She cried harder and began throwing things. I tried dodging some of the items, but one of them, her heaviest purse, socked me in the head.

“If you’d loved me more this wouldn’t have happened. Do you know how fucking boring it is being your woman?” she sputtered through tears. “I have to hear about all of your stupid shit—your ex all the time. You want to bang your therapist by the way, so don’t be a damn hypocrite.”

I got defensive. “Don’t you bring her into this. Nothing has ever happened between us. But you and this guy? Well, a lot has certainly happened. Oh, and in our bed? Really?” I roared.

“Oh, and Zach? she mocked. Zach wants to be right. He never liked me.”

I scaled everything down, trying to distance myself so I could walk away, feeling nothing but cold, wanting nothing but for her to go. “He’s a good judge of character. He used to get it from me, but now that I’ve met you, I’m not so sure I can hold a candle to him.”

“Billy, please,” she cried. She wrapped her arms around me and sobbed.

I was rigid, feelings of hurt and betrayal flooding through me, the kind of feelings that make your heart sink and make you fucking numb. “Stop,” I said gently. I pushed her away from me. “It’s okay now. You can go. I don’t see the point in pretending anymore.” I got up, leaving her on the bed to cry. “Let’s face it—it’s more exhausting to you than it is to me. Just go.”

She sputtered, tears falling unchecked. I couldn’t look at her anyone. I left without another word, closing the door gently behind me.

Zach stood in the hallway, an eyebrow cocked. “Dad?” he asked.

Fiona began screaming again, throwing everything in the bedroom.

“See if you can stay with Gretta tonight. I won’t be home,” I said.

He nodded knowingly. He was so mature sometimes. I ruffled his hair again and said, “You were right.”

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to get out of this house and take my power back, as Katie would say. Yeah, that’s right, take my power back. I needed space, and I needed to think about what my next step would be. I would treat this like a business deal gone horribly wrong.

I got into my car and it rumbled to life. I was going to my hotel, where I had been heading when I’d been mugged. I was going to take the car, but then I was going to walk the rest of the way. I was going to have a session with Katie.

B. Carson: Katie, it’s me. Something bad happened. Need a session. Meet me at the Ritsy Hotel off 32nd.

Kathleen Warren: Okay. Just stay calm. See you soon. I’m in the area.

I roared down the street; Fiona in the window. She was still throwing things and screaming. Even now, at the end of the day, things were all she really connected with. Maybe it was because of some void, but that was no longer my issue. Once someone cheated, it was over. Once they fucked someone else, I was done. I had no time for such nonsense. Not me, Billy the Billionaire. I was better than that, and I really believed it now. No one, not even that stupid robber, could take that away from me. He was sitting in jail, and Fiona? Well, she was in her own prison. Nothing could make her happy or would ever fill the void she tried so hard to fill with my shit.

I made my way onto the highway to Manhattan. I rolled the windows down and blasted rock music, feeling like a king again. I knew what I was going to do. Tonight, Katie would be mine. By the end of the night, the cat would be out of the bag, and I could begin my new life, one of feeling okay again.

I parked my car, leaving it in the dim parking garage. I had the best parking spot, of course. All I had to do was flash my ID, and they let me through. I owned everything, and now I could own my own heart again—my truth. There was value in that.

I realized, walking down the street in Manhattan, that my fear had been lifted—at least for the most part. Some of it was still there, but that’s because the freedom of accepting my reality for what it really was overshadowed everything else.

“Suite 11. I’ll have a guest,” I said at the counter. They gave me the keys and let me go up. People knew I was not to be spoken to when I was on a mission, and I was on a mission now. Nothing would stop me. Not my fake morals, not her code of ethics—because what we had was real, and I knew that for sure now.

For once, I knew everything would be okay and correct because it was meant to be. Fate existed, and I think I was fated to meet Katie at this time in my life, to heal and to grow. I hoped I could help make her dreams a reality. But first, I would make her mine.

 

 

 

Katie

This was the way it was supposed to be, because this is what I was supposed to do. No matter where I was during the day, I wanted to go to him. This mystic pull kept us glued, and I was a bit braver because of the alcohol. My mind rushed through my memories with him, my thoughts of him. He needed me, and I wanted to be there—not only as a therapist, but for a deeper reason. When you love someone, the need to get to them is as urgent as trying to save someone who is drowning.

I was relieved that I’d worn a sexy outfit tonight, intending to go out. I felt dumb walking around with a purse with a dildo in it, but no matter. He wouldn’t see it. He couldn’t see this sad side of me, even if it was obvious—my stockings were ripped and my pussy was still wet from pleasuring myself.

I hoped I was sober enough for a session with him. Yeah, I was sober enough. The drink was already wearing off. I hoped he was okay. That everything wasn’t as devastating as it seemed.

I knew where the hotel was. I’d seen it from a distance, never imagining I would meet anyone there—let alone someone I knew in my heart was the love of my life. A tragic love that would take me years to get over, if I even could. Tonight, I would break off the sessions, and he would see another therapist tomorrow. Everything would be okay, and I could be a good person again.

I stared up at the building, knowing that once I entered, things would never be the same. I would be a different person all together, and I was okay with that. What are you saying to yourself? You’re just seeing a client. But I knew better.

I walked to the counter. “Mr. Carson is expecting me.”

They gave me the keys to Suite 11 and I raced to the elevator. As the doors closed, I thought there was really no turning back from this point. I took a deep breath and continued. I was ready to make this right, for his sake. All for his sake.

 

 

 

Bill

I waited for her, sipping a drink. I was calm, totally calm, the way I used to feel before a business deal. No, the way I could be again, thanks to Katie’s guidance.

She reached the door, looking wind-washed and beautiful. Her stockings were ripped; she looked like someone out of a sex scene.

“Mr. Carson,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“A lot. Glad you’re here.”

I closed the door behind her, eyeing her up and down. She was mine now. I strutted over to her, very business-like. She moved to meet me, probably to shake my hand. As she reached out for my palm, I took hers and pulled her towards me, bending her over the desk of the hotel. My mouth met hers, demanding and hungry.

She moaned in surprise. She pulled her head away from mine, nearly crying. “W-what are you doing? This is wrong.” Tears ran down her gorgeous face, but I could see the blush building in her cheeks. I knew she wanted it, but I wanted to make sure she was okay with crossing this line. She gasped. “I need to leave.”

I shook my head and kissed her again. This time, she was a bit more receptive to my advances. She allowed my tongue to enter her mouth, accepting it completely. But she managed to pull her head away again.

“Please. Stop.”

Hearing those words, I released her gently and stepped back. We both caught our breath, the dim light in the hotel setting the tone for a breathtaking scene. To my surprise, she began to sob.

“Billy, we can’t see each other anymore,” she said.

“Why the hell not?” I asked. “Is it about Ken, or whatever his name is? You have got to be kidding me if you’re going to compare a fucking alpha to a beta. You just can’t.”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, that’s not it.”

“Then what?”

“Because you don’t understand how toxic this therapy has become for you. You haven’t studied it. My God—I’ve taken advantage of you, haven’t I?”

I roared with laughter at her words. “You? Taking advantage of me? Baby, if anything, I’ve been trying to catch you off guard all along.”

“No… You’re vulnerable. You’ve experienced trauma. You don’t understand the power a therapist has over a client, and I cannot abuse that power. So I have to go, now.”

I shook my head. “You said you don’t like bullshit, so we might as well be honest.”

“Okay. Go ahead.” She sat down, her shaking slowing a little.

“You were never my counselor, and we both know it,” I said.

“What do you mean?” she asked

“That relationship has never existed for us, and I never felt as though you were anything but the woman I wanted to make mine,” I informed her.

“But that’s wrong. I had power over you.”

He shook his head. “I picked you because you looked like Sophia. I know it was wrong, and I won’t even justify it. I never gave you that kind of power over me as a therapist. All the power I handed you was because I wanted you to be mine. I just didn’t know it.”

“R-Really?” she stuttered through her tears.

“You didn’t do anything but be you,” I said. I took her beautiful head in my hands and smoothed her hair. “I am not harmed. But I am horny,” I growled, running my hand through her hair a little more roughly.

She gasped weakly and accepted my advances. The walls were toppling down now, and we were two feral creatures who wanted the sins of each other’s flesh.

“Besides, it’s a little late to be anything but that now, isn’t it?” I breathed into her ear.

“What about Fiona?” she asked.

“I found her cheating on me. I knew it all along in my heart, and you did too, I think.”

She pulled away. “How could you tell?”

“You’re not good at hiding a lie. I could tell once that session was over that you knew something. But you were too honorable to tell me. It’s been over for a long time. Meeting you didn’t influence that. Her cheating made it final, though. It’s too late to lie anymore. We need no secrets,” I said, pulling her to me.

 

 

Katie

His breath was all over my body. Everywhere. I was paralyzed with desire. As soon as I saw those intense green eyes, I knew what and who he wanted. I knew who he wanted me to be. He was so close to my ear. His hot breath tickled me and sent shivers down my spine. I’d never wanted another human being so much in my entire life. It was purely physical—animal, even.

“Yes… it’s too late,” I agreed. Suddenly, I was exactly that, an animal. A sensual and hungry animal with intense physical needs. He would be my lion, and I would be his prey.

“Do you want this?” He breathed into my ear.

“Yes. Yes…” I sighed into his shoulder, smelling his cologne. Wanting this gorgeous older man to take me, to ravage me, in any way he wanted. I didn’t care. Tears ran down my face because I was sinning, and God, I loved every minute of it.

“I want you to beg for it,” he said in his deep, sexy voice. I looked up into his handsome face and began begging repeatedly. He smiled, his brilliant white and perfect smile, and pressed his mouth to mine in an almost endearing way.

Boundary Point, Step 4: This boundary is characterized by the harm that comes to the patient when aforementioned ethical boundaries have been violated. By this point, the counselor should be prepared to surrender his or her professional license and judgment in a court of law may be necessary. The patient, having experienced further harm, usually needs further counseling, but will have extreme difficulties in trusting a new, supposedly neutral party.

I’d written the last part without taking it very seriously, but that part of my brain was off now. I was at the point of no return, so I might as well enjoy the ride. He took his jacket off and wiped the hotel desk clean with his hand.

“Don’t worry. I won’t cost you your job,” he whispered to me. “But you’re going to have to be quiet, Doc.”

“Uh huh,” I replied, not recognizing my voice. Moisture was dripping down my legs like a mini waterfall. He undid his belt and his pants, shaking them off hastily. I unbuttoned his shirt, savoring his rough skin, finely aged like wine. I ran my tongue all over it, trying to take in every inch of him.

“I’ve wanted to do this forever,” he growled.

He pulled my legs apart and looked hungrily at my panties. It was the most arousing look a man had ever given any part of my body, including my face. My eyes widened as he got on his knees so his head was level with my crotch.

“I’m going to warn you. Once I touch you with my tongue, you’ll never want to have oral sex with another man. I’m just that good. Are you sure you want me to proceed?” he joked.

I looked into his green eyes and nodded, willing him with my hand. He pulled my panties to the side and began kissing the inside of my legs, breathing all over my clit. Every hot puff of air was tantalizing. He ran his finger gently around my labia, pressing slightly into the delicate folds. He removed his hand to taste some of my juices, his eyes never leaving mine. He used his big hands to pull my hips closer to him. By this point, I was squirming, nearly begging him to touch me with his mouth.

His tongue smoothed across my folds. He inhaled sharply, keeping my panties to the side with his big fingers. “You smell so good, baby,” he said.

I was so thankful I’d used my lavender soap today. The thought was immediately erased as his tongue touched my clit. The sharp wave of pleasure that ran over me almost knocked me straight off the desk. His mouth was like a massaging tool—it squirmed and slithered up and down my pussy, dancing around my clit. He put his mouth gently against me and began licking and sucking in a perfect rhythm.

I moaned. He looked up, putting his wet hand to his lips, which were now dripping with my lubricant.

“Shhh, Doc. You don’t want to get in trouble, now do you?” he whispered.

“I know how to help with the noise,” I said. I pulled him up gently, crawling backwards onto the desk. I pulled on the elastic of his boxers.

“I want to suck your cock while you lick my pussy,” I said feverishly, my face red with desire.

He positioned himself between my legs. His cock was already rock hard.

“Before we go any further, I want to undress you, baby,” he demanded. He pulled off my skirt and my panties. “Such a pretty body.” He ran his hand over my stomach before ripping off my blouse—actually ripping it off—with his hands. “Toned, flat stomach. Perfect, small boobs.” He breathed, kissing my legs.

You’re not so bad yourse—” I didn’t even finish before he pushed his cock into my mouth and began licking my pussy again. I was right—this did help with the noise. You could barely hear my moans as he tormented my swollen clit with his sexy mouth. He groaned into my pussy as I began to deep-throat him.

Just when I thought I was about to come, he lifted his mouth and began kissing my legs again. I sighed in exasperation, pulling him out of my mouth, a thin trail of pre-cum trailing out.

“I was about to come,” I gasped.

“I know, just trust me, baby,” he said.

He went at it like a fucking expert. When he put his mouth on me, the intensity was amplified tenfold. I arched my back off the desk, but he kept pushing my hips down, completely exposing me to his mouth.

 

 

 

Bill

She sucked cock like a champ, that was for sure. I was jealous, imagining the number of cocks she must have sucked to get this good. She sucked better than women I’d paid to do it, and regrettably, far better than Sophia had. Her mouth was like a suction cup of fucking pleasure. She ran her tongue over my head perfectly and gobbled me down whole. She ran her pretty little tongue around the edge of my balls as she deep-throated me.

I began thrusting lightly, enjoying the buildup. I slipped my tongue off her clit and poised it over her wet hole, pushing gently and circling around her tender spots. She took me deeper in her mouth, breathing heavily. Her body began to squirm again. I knew she was close to coming.

I gently brushed the tip of her anus with my finger as I began furiously rubbing her clit with my hand. She nearly shrieked. I pushed my cock deeper into her mouth as she began to come. I pressed my finger onto her clit, intensifying the orgasm, my other finger pressed firmly against her little asshole. I was hitting all the right nerves.

She was sweating, and her pretty body left sweat marks on the desk. I pushed her hips down again and began sucking on her sensitive clit, willing her to trust me. A minute went by, and she was squirming in orgasm again.

“I warned you,” I said, lifting my mouth from her pussy. “Once you go Bill, you can’t ever get head again.”

She began stroking me as she was sucking. This wasn’t how I was going to come. I was going to have her and come all over her fucking body.

 

 

 

 

Katie

He was right. I couldn’t go back. From this point on, my career was over. I had heard of people who did stuff like this—men who married and blew their entire lives on just one little moment of pleasure. I finally understood how coveted and valued that moment could be. It could be worth so much that giving everything else away would be worth it.

As I came all over his mouth, I knew this pleasure was worth every code I’d broken, not only with the counseling association, but with myself. I looked into the mirror across from the desk, not believing I was actually watching Billy and me sixty-nining right in front of my eyes. But we were. This was real.

I lost track of my thoughts as the second orgasm hit me. I intended to suck him off as a reward, but he wasn’t having it. He turned me around sharply so I was lying flat on my stomach. His big, hard cock was just inches away from my hot opening. I didn’t ask if he had condoms, and I honestly didn’t care if he did, or where I was, or what time it was. All I wanted was to feel every inch of him inside of me.

“Look at the mirror,” he said. “I want to watch your eyes while I fuck you.”

This sent shivers up and down my spine. I nodded and did as I was told, losing myself in his crystal green eyes. He grabbed my ponytail roughly, pulling the band out, and let my hair fall all over my face.

“You’re such a pretty cocksucker. Let’s see how good your pussy feels.”

He entered me fast and hard. The whole length of him, big and strong, filled me all at once. I exhaled roughly, tears streaming out of my eyes. Oh my God—it felt so fucking good. I wanted more…more…more.

“M-More.”

“Shhh,” he said. “Just take it like a good girl, sweetie. Daddy is going to make you come so fucking hard.”

He pulled my hair. I wasn’t used to sex this rough. Hell, I wasn’t used to sex this primal. I never would have allowed it normally, but there was something natural about the way he was taking me. The names he was calling me—God, everything that was usually off-limits for me had suddenly become amazing.

I began rocking my hips into him. He moaned in pleasure. Someone outside must have heard us, but I didn’t care. Right now, I wanted to be his, with all of the crime and shame that being his meant.

“Do you like it, baby?” He groaned, pumping in and out of me. Every time he exited me, a huge wave of pleasure and pressure would build up inside of me. He was angling himself perfectly, hitting my G-spot every single time.

“Yes…” I whispered. “Fuck, yes!”

He pushed me back down so my ass was in the air. He pulled me closer to him, working his way in and out of me, his huge, muscular arms looking as beautiful as ever. The room started to spin, and I was beginning to lose myself in orgasm.

“I’m coming again,” I warned.

“Come for me, Katie. Come,” he hissed. Just hearing his words sent me over the edge. The pressure that had built up finally released, and my pussy quaked with an intense orgasm. As I came, he angled himself deeper.

“Oh, God. Oh, God.”

“Come for me again, baby,” he ordered.

I didn’t have a choice. Another orgasm rushed over me, even harder than before. I tried to keep my eyes open to look at him, but all I could see was a tidal wave of green—his eyes, the lights. I bowed my head and shook against him, my legs going weak.

He lost it, too. He turned me around so quickly I barely knew what was happening. He came all over me, his thick white cum shooting in waterfalls all over my face and body. I opened my mouth to catch some of it, wanting to taste him. Greedily, I licked his cum.

 

 

 

 

Bill

I’d lost so much to her, and all of it was good. I wanted to lose myself all over her. I wanted to orgasm and mark my territory in the most primal way possible. She came again, all over my cock, which increased the level of pleasure I felt. My own orgasm was close. I looked down at her and almost had to close my eyes because she was too hot to handle.

I lost it and shot my seed all over her, and she lapped up every bit of it she could reach. We lay afterwards, wrapped in each other on the bed, wet with each other’s fluids. She breathed next to me, calmly.

“I was trying to heal you, but I ended up loving you,” she said.

“You did help heal me. I was able to walk to this hotel. This was the one,” I said.

“The one you were walking to when were robbed?”

“Yeah. My whole issue was the shame of being vulnerable, but thanks to our sessions and meeting you, I learned it’s okay sometimes.” I breathed in the scent of her hair. I wanted to bask in it for eternity. “You did heal me.”

“So… what now?” she asked.

“I have big plans.”

“I’m not a business project.” She was teasing, I could tell.

“No, but you are mine,” I said.

“I never thought anyone could have me. But I guess you’ve won the deal. The deal of my heart.”

“Doc, you can be so corny,” I replied.

She hit me with a pillow, and I laughed. “So can you.”

I loved how we could argue like kids, and I loved how I could be vulnerable. For once in my life, I knew it was okay to let someone take care of me. I had a long way to go, but I was beginning to heal. I kissed her neck, and we fell asleep to the hum of traffic outside.

 

 

 

 

Katie

5 Years Later

I thought happy endings were crap and didn’t exist, but they do. My happy ending had been lasting for a blissful five years. I looked down at our child, now four years old. Jasper had my eyes and Billy’s hair. I held his hand. Zach held his other. We giggled as we swung him up and down, and he laughed in response. I’d never been so happy or grateful for anything.

“Where is Dad, anyway?” Zach asked.

“We’re meeting him for dinner after his meeting.”

Zach and I had gotten along nearly flawlessly since the first time we met years ago. He’d grown up into a fine young man and enjoyed college immensely. He had his own apartment now, not that I minded his collections. It was odd, but someone related to Billy could never really be normal. Zach had helped me build my antique book collection. It was now two rooms large and growing. Our shared love for antiques held us together.

Much to Billy’s delight, Sophia and I got along famously. He had finally reached a place where he could talk to her again. It was great to meet the woman who had taught him so much about love, and I realized our similarities were significant.

Our son, Jasper, was growing up to be a well-rounded, well-educated child. He was starting school soon, and it would be a hard milestone for me to deal with. I was already having a hard time with him going to preschool, but Gretta had been helpful, taking him to and from his appointments.

Gretta and I had grown close. She needed help when her son went off to college, and she would talk to me about how I could survive sending my young son off to school. We had coffee.

I fit flawlessly into Billy’s life, and no harm has come to him.

Fiona apologized to Billy a couple of years later, and they were on speaking terms for a while. She admitted he wasn’t for her, and he still treated her well. I was glad there were no hard feelings.

Kent and I were friends again as well. Shortly after me, his high school sweetheart came back into his life. We laughed about the whole thing now, happy our lives had led us where they did.

We met Billy at the restaurant, the one he first took me to that night all those years ago.

He still looked great, even if he was in his fifties now. I felt more in love with him every day.

“Hello, Dr. Carson,” he said. I really was a doctor now, so I couldn’t scold or correct him. Billy had put me through school, and I was now a psychologist.

“Hello, dear.”

We put Jasper in his high chair, and I smoothed his hair. Zach was on his phone, as usual. I looked around at my new life and sighed in happiness. Billy was more open than he ever had been, and our love grew and grew every day.

I looked at Billy the Billionaire, whom I had grown to love and know so intimately. I wouldn’t give these years back for anything; everything was right in the universe.

 

 

*** THE END ***