Eric Steele wandered aimlessly through the warehouse. He idly noted the couches and king sized mattresses scattered across the floor, all covered in dark grey or red sheets and thick pillows. He nodded to himself. This would work. It was a good setup for tonight’s rut, far enough apart for privacy but close enough that everyone could put on a show or get some company if they wanted. It would look better when the lights were turned down and the last of the daylight wasn’t streaming through the windows, but everything was in good shape.

 

Once he would have obsessed over the details, needing everything to be perfect. He had always been a perfectionist, always gone above and beyond. Just getting the job done wasn’t good enough for him. But he couldn’t bring himself to care about the rut. His heart wasn’t in it anymore. He had more important things on his mind. And honestly, did it really matter? For as much attention as anyone would pay to the décor he could have tossed a few mattresses on the floor, turned down the lights and been done. The wolven males were the stars of the show. Everything else was just fluff.

 

Crossing to the side of the room, he found the bar, where a few of the off-duty cops were helping out by unloading supplies and setting up stations for food and drinks. He looked over the last of the preparations. Everything was ready. Cases of wine, liquor and bottled water were stacked behind the bar. Dozens of coolers stocked with sandwiches, appetizers and other snacks were sitting underneath the long row of folding tables. The cops wouldn’t drink much, if anything, but the human females definitely would. And the wolven would eat like a pack of starving beasts. They would be looking to keep their energy as high as possible tonight, that was for sure.

 

He grabbed a bottle of water and walked to the window, looking out into the parking lot. The first females were already there, lining up at the front doors behind a red velvet rope. The rut was was legendary, and no one who had been to one before wanted to be late. Muscular male wolven were starting to arrive as well, gliding through the parking lot with dangerous grace, intense eyes focused on the human females as they passed. He could hear the flirting, with some of the bolder females even calling out to the males. Everyone was ready to have a good time. He sighed. Thankfully his job was done. He had done what they asked of him. This would be a good rut, or as least as good as it could be with human females. It would definitely take the edge off for most of the males.

 

Not him though. He was done with this. He felt his face go stony, eyes icy and emotion draining from his features as he watched through the window. He saw how the females and males were looking at each other, nothing but raw lust in their eyes. He had spent every day of the last six weeks with the One True Mates, seeing the way those females looked at their males, the way they constantly touched their males and the way they loved their males with every fiber of their being. These human females didn’t even compare. The rut was meaningless. It felt cheap and dirty, at best a pale imitation, after seeing the reality of what the males could have.

 

And worst of all was seeing Alex and Rose. Eric had been in Serenity his whole life, working his way to the top, patiently waiting his turn, and that male hadn’t even been in Serenity for a whole day when he found a One True Mate. Seeing them together killed Eric. He wasn’t jealous of Alex, exactly, but all of a sudden he felt like he had a hole in his life. Something he hadn’t even known was missing, but something deep and important.  

 

He sighed, shaking his head, then looked back around the warehouse. It just seemed sad to him now. Fuck it. He was out of here. These males didn’t need him to have a good time. He strode over to the front door and shoved the double doors open. The females in line gave a small cheer as he walked out, expecting the party to start. But he ignored them and walked past, leaving the rope in place and walking away.

 

As he walked through the parking lot he heard a deep voice call out from behind him. “Steele! Wait up.” He turned, and saw a giant male striding through the lot, radiating danger. Unlike most of the males, he was wearing his full tactical gear, ready for the worst. None of the females tried to flirt with him, with most quickly looking away as he walked past. Eric tensed, but the male broke into a grin as he approached, and he slapped Eric on the shoulder when he reached him.

 

He nodded at the females in the line, ignoring the effect he had on them. “Steele! Are you ready to show these females a good time?” Eric just stared at him. He knew Mac was trying. He was a good guy, for a former asshole, but Eric was not in the mood to deal right now. He just nodded. “Mac.”

 

Mac continued, still grinning. “Come on, now that I’m off the market someone is going to have to make us look good.” The big male laughed. “It sure as shit isn’t going to be Trent and Troy. Might as well be the new KSRT.”

 

Eric laughed as well, the sound grating in his ears as it came out more harshly than he had intended. He sighed. He knew he shouldn’t take things out on Mac. “I’m done with this Mac. Done.” He shook his head, looking back at the human females waiting in line. He tried to be objective. They were all beautiful, and a few were even drop dead gorgeous. Despite the cold most of them were showing a lot of skin. They were ready for a good time. But to him the whole scene just looked sad. It wasn’t enough. The worst part was that he knew now it would never be enough.

 

Still staring at the females he continued. “It’s like I’m standing outside, staring through the window of the best restaurant in town, somewhere everyone is dying to go, lining up to get in. I’m watching, and I’m ravenous. I’m starving to death, but not only can I not get inside, I can’t even get the scraps. Not even the leftovers. There’s nothing to tide me over. All I have is the taste of dirt and ash.” He turned to stare at Mac, meeting the other male’s eyes. “It’s not enough anymore.”

 

Mac stared at Eric, his grin long gone. The big male nodded in understanding, then clapped his hand on Eric’s shoulder. His voice was solemn, all traces of his earlier joking gone. “I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been there.” He paused, deadly serious now. “But it’s all worth it. Trust me. I know it will be worth it for you. Your One True Mate can’t be far now. You deserve it more than anyone.”

 

Eric snorted and shook his head. This day was officially surreal now. A heartfelt pep talk from Mac was too much. What was the world coming to? He thought about Alex and Rose again. As if deserving had anything to do with it anyway.

 

He looked back at the line of females and shook his head. He needed to get out of here, needed to clear his head. He had the night off for the first time he could remember. Sure, he was supposed to be at the rut, but he needed to let his wolf out. He needed to let his instincts out and forget about the world for a bit. He glanced up at the heavy grey clouds overhead. A long run through fresh snow would be more of what he needed.

 

“Thanks Mac.” He appreciated Mac’s effort, but it was time to go. He clapped the other male on his shoulder and started to walk away when Mac called after him.

 

“Eric. Wait. There’s one more thing. I can’t let you go that easily. You know better than that.” Mac laughed again, enjoying Eric’s discomfort now. “Wade wants to talk to you. He sent me over here to get you.”

 

Eric froze as he heard Mac mention Wade. He slowly turned back to Mac. Mac pointed. “He’s over in the diner across the street.” Then the male winked at him, of all things, and turned and walked away.

 

Eric scowled after him for a second. He didn’t feel as bad about taking his mood out on Mac now. But then looked across the street towards the diner. If Wade was asking for him something was serious. Well, there was no point in waiting. He might as well face it. He squared his shoulders and walked through the parking lot towards the diner. He laughed grimly to himself. Maybe Wade could lift his mood. Or at least give him some hope.

 

____________________

 

The diner was slow even though it normally would have been packed with cops and firemen, and even some brave locals enjoying the best kept secret in town. What would they think if they knew they were surrounded by wolven and bearen shifters? He reconsidered. Maybe this place wasn’t the very best kept secret in town. But today even the bravest locals knew to stay away and the diner was empty except for the KSRT.

 

As Eric walked in he looked across to the wall along the far window, where a male with silver hair and a powerful presence sat alone in the last booth. He was watching the warehouse across the street through the window. The other booths along the wall held three more powerful males, each dressed in full combat gear like Mac, each with the same aura of danger. He knew why the diner was empty now. Even if the rut and the threat of heavy snow hadn’t been enough to keep people away, the presence of Deputy Chief Wade Lombard and half the KSRT were enough to chase off anyone that didn’t need to be there. Even he wouldn’t have been there if Wade hadn’t summoned him.

 

Eric crossed the room, nodding to his new KSRT teammates as he passed, then slid into Wade’s booth. Wade regarded Eric silently for a few minutes, as if he was weighing something in his mind. Something only he was capable of understanding. Eric felt himself growing even more uncomfortable. This was the reason he hadn’t wanted to come. He tried to match Wade’s calm, but being in Wade’s presence always made him feel jumpy, insecure and eager to prove himself, in a way that nothing else did. Nothing shook his confidence like this male.

 

Wade looked to be almost sixty, but Eric knew he was much older. His thick silver hair and knowing eyes gave him a commanding presence, an air of authority that could not be denied. And the things he knew. He had secrets no one else did. Eric broke eye contact and turned away, looking out the window towards the rut. It was getting dark quickly as the sun dropped behind the buildings. The human females were heading inside now.

 

Wade finally broke the silence. Whatever he had been considering, he must have finished. “Eric. Thanks for coming.” Eric turned back to Wade and nodded. As if he really had a choice. “Yes sir.” Wade continued. “I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling you wouldn’t be staying for the rut tonight.” He paused, waiting for a response, but Eric was silent, waiting for him to go on. Wade sighed.

 

“Eric, I wanted to talk to you tonight so I can level with you. I know you’ve been struggling. I know things are tough right now. But I need you to know something. I think the world of you. You are one of my very best cops. I’ve been trying to bring you onto the KSRT for a long time now, and I’m thrilled to finally have you onboard.”

 

Wade paused, waiting for that to sink in. “But believe me when I say this. I know that even though the KSRT is the best job we have, the most important and the most rewarding, it’s also the hardest. By far. And not necessarily for the reasons everyone thinks. It’s not the danger. Hell, we crave danger. We seek it out. But what’s truly hard is the exact opposite. It’s being so close to everything you want, but not having it for yourself. It’s seeing your teammates with their One True Mates everyday, then going home alone.”

 

Eric lowered his eyes, once again unable to keep eye contact with Wade. He didn’t know what to say. Wade had him cold. He wished he wasn’t that transparent. He also wished he could do the job without thinking of himself, but Wade was right. Light but it was hard to see the others with their mates and realize exactly what he was missing out on. He had never planned on that part. Never understood what it would be like.

 

Well, there was one thing he could say. The right thing to say. If Wade had that much confidence in him he needed to live up to it. To keep living up to it. He clenched his fists, flexing them over and over. Then he steeled himself and looked back up at Wade, meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry sir.”

 

Wade sighed. “Eric. Son. I’m not disappointed with you. Like I said, I know how hard the job is, how hard it is to be in the position you’re in. I also know that you’re up for it.” He reached across the table and grabbed Eric’s flexing hands with one of his own, stilling them. “I can tell because I know you so well. But no one else on the team can tell how hard it is for you. They all look up to you and the example you set. You’re a natural leader and I’m proud of the work you’re doing with the new team.”

 

Eric blinked. Of all the things he expected from this conversation that had not been it. He felt small tears well in the corner his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t as hard as he thought he was. But Wade was proud of him!

 

Wade let go of Eric’s hands, then grinned and continued. “So don’t beat yourself up. Keep up the good work. And don’t worry. I have a feeling you aren’t too far from a One True Mate of your own.”

 

Even though Mac had said the same thing, it was different coming from Wade. Wade was a citlali, with a special connection to Rhen, so if Wade had a feeling Eric was going to believe him. Hope flashed through Eric’s entire being. He couldn’t help but smile. A One True Mate of his own. His felt his face lit up just thinking about it. That was the dream. He hoped Wade was right. He felt lightness spread through his body, like a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders, a weight he didn’t even know he had been carrying.

 

Wade smiled back at him, warmth covering his normally stern face. “Now get out of here. Forget about the rut and take some time for yourself. Enjoy your night off. You deserve it.”

 

Still smiling, Eric pulled himself out of the booth, then stood tall and gave Wade a quick salute. “Thanks Chief.” He turned to walk away, nodding to the other KSRT males as he passed, and saw them grinning. Well, they should be grinning. They were the lucky ones, with mates already. They knew how incredible it was. But if Wade was right, and please light let him be, Eric would know soon as well. He strode out of the diner, reinvigorated, and couldn’t help the smile that still lit up his face.