The next morning, I swung the bar door open, letting it bounce back into the wall with a crack. I raised an eyebrow as Riley and Bianca jumped apart like they’d been electrocuted.

“Did I interrupt something?”

Bianca shook her head, and I tried not to laugh at the guilty expression on Riley’s face. Neither one said anything, but the look they shared told me everything I needed to know.

Throwing my bag and cardigan into my locker, I folded my arms across my chest. “You two have had something going on for weeks. Spill.”

Bianca’s huge eyes and messed-up clothes were enough to make me think they’d been doing more than just talking before I’d appeared.

An over-the-top grin replaced Riley’s guilt-ridden features, as he crossed the space between us and slung an arm around my shoulders. “It’s nothing interesting, just back-of-house stuff that need not concern you.”

I elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, sure it is.” I shrugged Riley’s arm off my shoulders, moving out of the way so he could get by me.

Bianca leant one hip on the bench, a smile spreading across her face as her eyes followed Riley out of the room.

“So that’s going well then?” I asked with a laugh.

She shrugged but then took a few quick steps so we were only a few inches apart. She clutched my arm, her eyes sparkling.

“It’s great. He’s great.” She cringed. “Sorry I didn’t tell you, though. Riley’s weird about it.”

“That’s okay. I’m just happy you’re happy.”

“Do Low and Jamison know?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

I shook my head. “I don’t think Jamison does. But Low and I have had suspicions for weeks.”

“Shit, really?”

“You weren’t exactly discreet that night at the club.”

“Does he care, though? I know we aren’t supposed to date...”

I gave her an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right? You guys are his best friends. He definitely doesn’t care. He’ll be stoked.” Not to mention he’d be a complete hypocrite if he did have a problem with it, considering what he’d been doing with me. We might not have been dating, but I’m sure the non-fraternisation clause in our contracts covered getting semi-naked with each other.

Her body sagged with relief. “Good, good. That’s good.”

“So will you two go public now? Or are you enjoying the sneaking around too much?” I wriggled my eyebrows at her.

She shook her head. “It’s not just the no dating rule…it’s—”

We both looked up as the racecourse door swung open, revealing Low and Jamison laughing together over something. My stomach gave a delicious little flip as a slow smile spread across Low’s face when he saw me. My eyes followed him as he made his way towards us.

“Riley used to be married,” Bianca hissed between gritted teeth. “And they have a kid he’s only just found out about.”

My head snapped back to her. “What!!!”

“Sssshhh!” Bianca dug her fingernails into my arm, her eyes seeking mine, and I registered the pleading look there before she dropped my arm. “We’ll talk about it later, but don’t say anything to anyone.”

She flashed Low and Jamison a tight smile and disappeared into the kitchen.

“What was that about?” Low asked, turning his head to follow Bianca’s hasty exit.

I wracked my brain, trying to come up with some excuse for why she’d been whispering and I’d been yelling. “Nothing. Bianca was just saying that The Notebook is on TV tonight.” It was a lame explanation, but not untrue—I’d seen the ad for it this morning before I’d left for work.

“So?” Jamison asked.

I wasn’t the type to get excited over a chick flick, but now I was committed to the lie. And as far as chick flicks went, The Notebook was a pretty damn good one. “What do you mean so? Haven’t you ever seen that movie?”

Low and Jamison both shook their heads.

I huffed. “Well, you should. It’s amazing. And I, for one, am excited about it.”

“Alright then,” Jamison said under his breath as he moved away from us and took his spot at the bar.

I could practically hear his eyes rolling. He glanced back over his shoulder, looking at me like I’d grown a second head. Oh well. Better he think me strange than for me to be the one to spill Riley and Bianca’s secrets. Because boy, did those two have some secrets.

“Ryan Gosling does it for you, huh, babe?” Low said, quiet enough for only me to hear.

I flashed him a flirty grin. “Maybe he does.”

Low winked. “Noted.”

A swarm of excited race-goers in their fancy hats and smart suits cut our flirting short. Low, Jamison, and I served through the first two races, too busy to do more than yell the occasional work-related comment to each other. But that didn’t stop my mind from whirling. After last night and this morning, Low and I seemed to be on the same page. We were in a good place, and I was desperate to keep it that way. I needed his sunshine to keep away my storms. I wanted my light to brighten his dark. We had a little of our original flirtation going, but with a deeper, more emotional undercurrent of connection. The slowly-slowly approach seemed to work best with him, and that was understandable. He had so many fears of his own to deal with, I didn’t want to be one of them. I could be patient and take this at his speed and give him the time he needed.

A crackled voice over the loudspeaker called the third race, and a thrill of excitement replaced my Low daydreams. On the TV monitors above the bar, handlers loaded the horses into the starting gate for the main event of the day.

“Look! There’s Lijah,” I called to the others.

The bar emptied as the crowd, betting tickets in one hand, glasses of wine or beer in the other, spilled out through the glass doors. Some pushed closer to the track to get the best vantage points for the race, others hanging towards the back, content to watch the big screen.

“Come on, let’s go watch.” Low grabbed his sunglasses from his locker and reached out a hand as he passed by me. I linked my fingers through his, pleased by the chance to touch him.

“All of us, or just your girlfriend?” Jamison asked with a wry grin.

My grip loosened in Low’s hand, expecting him to pull away, but he tightened his fingers instead, then shrugged.

“Sure, why not. Flip up the closed sign. There’s no one in here anyway.”

Riley whooped from the kitchen and pushed past me, dragging Bianca behind him. He stopped and planted a loud kiss on Low’s cheek. “Best boss ever. Should we take beers with us?”

Low shoved him away. “Don’t push your luck.”

The high-spirited crowd surrounded us as we filed out of the bar and formed a single line, following Riley down to the track barrier. The crowd was thick, but most people saw our uniforms and moved out of the way. We let them assume we were on official business. Low squeezed in next to me, as the last horse loaded into the barrier on the far side of the track.

My fingers found his and I squeezed his hand. “You nervous?”

“Nah.” He shook his head, then laughed. “That’s a lie. I’m surprised you can’t see my heart pounding in my chest.”

I grinned. Between the push of the crowd and the party vibe around us, not to mention Low’s presence, his hand warm in mine, I was hyped up as well. “She’s got this.”

He nodded, but then the gates flew open and eighteen thoroughbred horses exploded onto the track. I didn’t hear his reply over the yells of the crowd.

My throat tightened as the storm of horses thundered down the first straight.

“What colour is Lijah’s jockey again?” Riley yelled.

“Gold and blue,” Low and I both yelled back at the same time. He squeezed my hand.

Bianca, shielding her eyes from the bright sun, squinted at the horses still on the far side of the large track. “I can’t see her. Can you guys?”

“Not yet. They’re still too far away. There are too many of them with blue in their silks,” I replied. I glanced up at the big screen across the field. “Look!” I yelped as Lijah and her gold and blue striped jockey flashed onto screen. “She’s in third!”

Low stiffened beside me, leaning farther over the chest-high railing. “Go, go, go,” he muttered under his breath, as they rounded the back corner. “If she turns well, we could have this.”

Tension and excitement radiated from him. The horses were moving quickly, approaching the final turn, the noise around us increasing in decibels as the pack moved even closer to where we stood on the finish line.

“Go, Lijah!” Bianca screamed in my ear.

Adrenaline coursed through me as Lijah’s jockey got her in prime position to turn. I bounced on the balls of my feet and turned away to take in Low’s reaction.

“She’s got this; she’s good on the straight,” he gritted out. His teeth clenched, but his eyes sparkled with hope.

An agonised scream ripped from Bianca’s throat, cutting through me and raising goosebumps on my arms. I spun back, my gaze flicking over Bianca, who was staring at the pack of horses, a hand covering her mouth. The horse in first had gone down, I couldn’t tell why, and the horse in second, Yesterday’s Princess, had gotten caught up and was stumbling towards the rail. She tried to regain her footing while her jockey grasped at her mane, narrowly avoiding being thrown as the horse’s head dropped. Then, to my horror, Lijah, with nowhere else to go, careened straight into them and both horses went down in a tumble of limbs and jockey silks.

“No!” I sucked in a sharp breath, my fingers digging into Low’s palm. The rest of the horses thundered by the finishing post, but no one in the crowd cheered. They were eerily silent, all eyes on the three downed horses.

I held my breath as Yesterday’s Princess and the first horse to go down both staggered to their feet and skittered away, jockeys limping after them. But Lijah was still on the ground, thrashing around like a fish out of water. Bile rose in my throat.

Before I could even register what I was doing, I dug the toe of my shoe into the railing in front of me and hoisted myself up. Swinging my leg over, I dimly registered Low beside me, doing the same.

“Reese! What are you doing?” Bianca grabbed my arm, but I shook her off, landing my jump in a crouch on the other side.

“Let them go, B.” Riley’s words hung limp in the air as Low and I took off running for the track.

We hurdled another low barrier and I pushed myself to keep up with Low’s longer stride. She’ll be okay. She’s going to get up. I chanted the words in my head as my heart thumped in my chest and my breath came in gasps.

“Hey, stop! You can’t be down here!” A tall, broad man in a Lavender Fields security uniform ran in front of us, but Low sidestepped him. I pulled up short, knowing I wouldn’t get around the mammoth man without an explanation.

“Please, I’m a vet, and he’s the owner. I can help, just let me through.” The lie slipped from my lips without thought. I just needed to get past him, to get to Lijah and Low. The security guard’s eyes slid down my body, taking in my uniform, and he nodded, stepping aside. I took off running again. Ahead of me, Low slid down to his knees as he reached Lijah’s head and I crouched down next to him a moment later.

Lijah was clearly distressed. Her eyes wide, she made several attempts to stand, but each time fell back to the ground. My eyes ran over her heaving body, focusing on her legs. The unnatural angle of one made me wince. My stomach rolled as she moved, and the tip of the bone showed through her dark coat.

“Shh, Lijah, it’s okay.” Low’s voice wavered as he tried to calm her.

“It’s her front leg,” her jockey said unnecessarily. We could all see what the problem was. “Maybe one of the back ones too. I’m so sorry, Low. I don’t know what happened. She came down so awkwardly.”

“Where’s the damn vet?” Low snapped at him. He ran his palm down her neck and spoke to her in hushed tones whenever she lay still enough to let him. She threw her head and tried to stand again, and I watched Low’s heart break right there in front of me as he used his body weight to hold her down.

I touched his shoulder. “Low...”

He shook his head. “I know, I know. Why isn’t the vet here yet?”

I crouched beside him, letting my hand rest on his back. His breath shuddered in and out, as he tried to keep control of himself.

“He’s coming.”

Low nodded.

Four men dragged a large, folding green screen over to us and opened it up, shielding us from the stares of the crowd. My eyes filled with tears. Watching Lijah suffer like this was unimaginable. The guttural noises she was making made my stomach roll and bile rise in my throat. I would have given anything for a euthanasia syringe in that moment. Because that was the only way this would end. There was no coming back from an injury this severe. But instead, there was nothing I could do but stand there, offering nothing better than useless sympathy.

A man carrying a small black doctor’s bag rushed around the screens. His eyes scanned Lijah’s writhing body, taking in her injuries and her panicked noises before shaking his head, dropping to his knee beside Low, and rifling through his bag. He came up with a syringe.

“Don’t look,” I said in Low’s ear, but he shook his head.

“I need to.”

With sorrowful eyes, the vet looked at Low for permission. When Low nodded, he plunged the needle into Lijah’s neck, and within moments, the life faded from her big brown eyes, her body settling back to the ground for the last time.

A sob full of pain mixed with relief ripped from my chest. I’d grown up on a farm. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen an animal I loved put down, but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. Low’s hand stroked Lijah’s glossy, sweat drenched neck long after she stopped moving.

“Goddammit,” he swore under his breath. His eyes, full of unshed tears, met mine, and the depth of pain there made me wince. Whatever I was feeling, it had to be a hundred times worse for him.

“Low, we have to move her. I’m so sorry,” the vet spoke up.

Low nodded and we both stood. I wrapped my arm around his waist and after a moment felt his settle over the back of my shoulders. I was sick to my stomach as we watched Lijah’s body being loaded onto a tractor trailer and wrapped in a tarp. The crowd was quiet as the tractor rumbled off the track, and the green screens came down.

Suddenly conscious of a thousand sets of eyes on us, I ushered Low off the track, and we made our way back to the bar. The whispers and comments of the crowd followed us.

“Oh my God, Low,” Bianca cried when we got back to the bar. She threw herself at him, and I stepped out of the way to let her hug him. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”

“Me too, man.” Riley’s normal exuberance was missing, his eyes downturned.

Low gave them both a stiff smile as Jamison pulled him in for a hug. Low’s shoulders slumped in Jamison’s embrace, the fight to keep himself together visibly going out of him, and the rest of us went quiet, averting our eyes to let the two friends have a moment alone.

Low pulled back and wiped at his eyes. “I need to go home. I can’t be here right now.”

“Of course. We’ve got this,” Jamison answered.

Low pulled his wallet and keys from his locker. “Thanks. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He paused in front of where I was hovering.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head. “Stay. I just want to be alone.”

Ignoring the pang of hurt his words created, I nodded. “Okay.” I reached up and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

The incident was all anyone spoke about for the rest of the afternoon, and the rest of the day’s races had a subdued feeling about them. I had trouble focusing on my customer’s orders, and I was snappy with the morbid curiosity of a handful of people who questioned me about being on the track when they’d put Lijah down.

God, Low had to be in a world of pain right now. My heart hurt that he hadn’t wanted me around, when all I wanted was to make things better for him. In that moment of hesitation before he’d put his arm around me down on the track, I thought I’d felt a little piece of him slip away. Felt him shutting me out again. Just as I’d thought we’d found some stable ground, the earth had dropped out from under us.

Beneath all my worries over how this would affect Low, there was also a spark of anger. But I wasn’t angry with him. I was angry at myself. I knew I couldn’t have done anything more than the vet had, but the fact I hadn’t been able to put Lijah out of her misery ate at me. Frustration coursed through my veins every time a whispered comment had me reliving the moment where I’d had to sit by and do nothing, like a useless lump. I didn’t have the necessary piece of paper to do a job that mattered. To have a career with purpose. More than anything, I wanted to be out there, helping those beautiful animals, not be stuck behind a bar or watching from the sidelines.

It wasn’t the first time I’d had these thoughts since quitting uni, but the anger was always replaced by guilt. My father’s words rang in my ears—I didn’t deserve to walk or ride, didn’t deserve to live my life without paying the consequences of what I’d done. Not when my baby sister would forever pay those consequences for me.

But this time, the guilt didn’t consume me. Maybe it was that my anger burned hotter than normal, consuming me as easily as wildfire. Watching that beautiful horse suffer and die just metres from me would do that.