Chapter Thirteen
Axe
When Axe pulled into the parking space, he wrinkled his brow when he saw Baylee’s car in one of the two spots. She’d told him she was going to Aspen after her doctor’s appointment and she’d be home after dark, but she was already home and it was only three o’clock in the afternoon which meant that she wasn’t feeling well. Again. The knot that had been forming in the pit of his stomach for the past few weeks tightened. I hope everything’s all right with her.
The smell of gas and hot motors washed over him as he walked over to the elevators. He leaned back against the cold metal wall as the elevator ascended to the fourth floor. He’d stopped by the grocery store and picked up a quart of vegetable soup for Baylee and a meatloaf dinner for him. It seemed that soup was the only thing she could keep down most days.
Unlocking the door, the aroma of onions, garlic, and roasted chicken greeted him, and he threw his keys on the entry table and walked to the kitchen. Baylee stood by the stove stirring something, and the sight of her attempt at being domestic touched him and made the corners of his mouth turn upward. Baylee and cooking didn’t see eye-to-eye, and take-out and delivery dinners had been the norm since he’d asked her to be his old lady a few years back.
“Never thought I’d see you in that position,” he said walking over to her.
Baylee spun around, a wooden spoon in her hand and a thin cloud of steam rising steadily from a pot on the stove. “You’re home. I expected you much later.” She pointed at the bags in his hand. “Did you stop off at the grocery store?”
“Yeah. Vegetable soup for you and meatloaf for me, but what you’re making smells fuckin’ good.”
She took the two bags from his hand and unpacked them, putting the perishables in the refrigerator. “I’m making roast chicken, mashed potatoes, a tomato salad, and peas. Belle gave me the recipe for the chicken and potatoes, and Cara told me what to do with the tomatoes. The frozen peas had directions on the bag. It’s not so bad. It’s kind of relaxing.” She looped her arm around his neck and kissed him.
“Why’d you decide to cook? I mean it’s been over a year since you tried your hand at it.” His hand glided down her back, resting on her butt.
“And that was a disaster. I was really craving roast chicken and mashed potatoes. When Belle told me how easy it was, especially with these roasting bags, I decided to give it a try. I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”
“I know you do.” Axe rubbed his hands over her ass while kissing her deeply.
Giggling, she pushed him away. “I have to turn the heat down.”
“I like where the heat is taking us.” He turned her around and kissed her again. The hiss of water boiling over made Baylee jump and wiggle out of his arms.
Grabbing a rag, she pulled the boiling potatoes off the burner and wiped away the water. “I hope I didn’t burn them,” she said as she looked into the pot.
“I think you’re good, babe. Just lower the temp and put them back on.” Picking up the lid from the counter, he smiled at her. “Use this.”
“Maybe I should have you making dinner,” She took the lid from him. “Thanks, sweetie.”
“Did you go to the doctor today?” He took one of the mini carrots she had in a bowl and chomped down on it.
“Yeah. We can talk about it later. I have to concentrate right now. Why don’t you relax and watch TV? Dinner will be ready soon.”
Axe hesitated for a moment then went into the family room. He glanced over at her while she rushed around the kitchen, streaks of red painting her face from the heat of the stove and oven. He’d thought it was a little odd she didn’t tell him what the doctor said, but then, it was her first big dinner from scratch in over a year. He’d decided that even if the chicken was dry as a bone and the potatoes watery, he’d tell her it was decent. The fact that she was trying so hard hit him and pleasure and warmth spread through him.
A few hours later, he had Baylee snuggled in his arms, a fire snapping in the fireplace, and a comedy in the DVD player. Dinner had been surprisingly good and Baylee had kept beaming with each additional helping he’d taken.
He dipped his head down and kissed her hair. “You seem like you’re feeling better.”
“I am. I love this movie, don’t you?”
“Yeah. What did the doctor say? Was it the flu like you suspected?”
“No. This part here is real funny. I’ve seen When Harry Met Sally a zillion times, but it still cracks me up.”
Staring at her, he noticed she purposely avoided him, her eyes glued to the screen. She’s not telling me something. “What did the doctor say?”
“Axe, I’m trying to watch the movie. Don’t you want to see it? We can talk later.”
With the remote in hand, he hit Pause and set it down on the couch next to them. “What’s going on?”
Without looking at him, she answered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Did the doctor tell you something bad?”
“No. Just something unexpected.”
“What do you mean?”
Still staring at the frozen actors on the screen, she said softly, “I’m pregnant.”
Did she say pregnant? What the fuck? He tried to grasp what he thought he’d heard. Silence snapped between them. “What did you say?”
She pulled away from him and tucked her legs underneath her. “I’m pregnant.”
Fuck. That is what she said. “How?” Axe shook his head when she rolled her eyes. “I mean, aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yeah, but I still got pregnant.”
“Did you forget to take it?”
“No. It’s not foolproof, you know. Addie said the same thing happened to her and Chas with Hope.”
“But we talked about kids and decided we didn’t want them. Fuck.”
“I know. I didn’t plan this, Axe. It just happened.”
“How did you let it happen?”
Baylee narrowed her eyes. “Me? You’re responsible for this too. And if you wanted to make extra sure, you should’ve worn a condom.”
“Are you nuts? I’d never wear a rubber with my old lady.”
“Well, there you have it. Don’t you dare blame me for this.”
“It’s just that we didn’t want kids. Fuck. I don’t know what to say.”
Baylee’s chin trembled. “You could say you’re happy and give me a fucking hug.”
Axe knew that’s exactly what he should do, but he wasn’t happy about it. The shock of her pregnancy shook him to his core. Thoughts looped around in his mind until there was no room for anything else. Thoughts of the unknown: how will it be with three instead of two, would he be a good dad, how would it affect their sex life.
Baylee jumped up from the couch. “I didn’t expect this either, but that’s the way life turns out sometimes. I have our baby growing inside me, and when I think of it that way, I’m happy. You’re acting like a first-class asshole!” She rushed down the hall toward their bedroom. The slamming door echoed around him as he sat there unable to move.
I don’t know jack shit about being a dad. I had a shitty one. His dad was never the father he needed him to be. Axe had always known him to be a cold and heartless person. Ever since he could remember, his mother and father communicated through fighting. To him, it seemed like they brought out the very worst in each other, each of them backing up the other’s vices like they were virtues. Boozing, gambling, and cheating consumed the household, and at a young age, he was left to fend for himself emotionally. The only thing he could count on when he was growing up was that neither of his parents would be there for him. They were too busy worrying about themselves. Thinking back on it, the only thing they’d had in common was their selfish streaks.
What if I’m like my parents? My dad split when I was nine, and he never contacted me again. How the fuck does a father do that? What if I do the same shit? How the hell could Baylee be pregnant? Damn! I never thought this would happen. Instead of happiness, anxiety, apprehension, and dread twisted his insides. He knew he should go to Baylee, hold her close, rub his hands down her back, and tell her it would be all right, but he couldn’t. A large part of him wanted the status quo. He didn’t want a baby coming between him and Baylee. They’d fallen into a rhythm and he loved it. With a kid around, they couldn’t be as free to love and fuck whenever and wherever they wanted, and he wasn’t sure he liked changing those dynamics.
All of a sudden the room grew hot and suffocating like the walls were closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t sit there anymore. He had to move around, breathe in some cold air, and get the hell away. Grabbing the car keys, he opened the front door and took the elevator to the parking garage. He backed the car out and headed to the clubhouse. He needed to have some shots, talk shit with the brothers, shoot some pool, and not think about anything. He needed a sliver of his old life back.
When he walked inside, the brothers yelled out his name, surprise registered on many of their faces to see him mid-week at that hour in the club. A few of the club girls waved at him, their faces lit up with huge grins.
“How’s it going?” Cruiser asked as Axe came over to the bar.
“Good. I thought you were working at Dream House during the week.” Axe picked up the shot Skinless placed in front of him.
“I am, but I traded nights with Helm. He’s got some shit going with his girlfriend on Sunday, so I’ll work for him. Is your ol’ lady tied up tonight?”
Axe shook his head. “No. Just needed some fresh air and my brothers. Wanna shoot some pool?”
“You got the money to pay when you lose your ass?” Helm chuckled, picked up his drink, and ambled to the back of the room. “I’ll rack them up. Solid or stripes?”
“Solid.” Axe lit up a joint and inhaled. This is what I fuckin’ need. A joint, a shot, and playing pool with a brother. Diapers, sleepless nights, and an exhausted old lady weren’t on his agenda. We talked about this. We agreed we didn’t want kids.
“You take the first shot, dude.” Helm took the joint Axe offered him.
Axe hit the ball so hard that some of the brothers across the room raised their heads from between the club women’s legs and stared at him. After he hit the first ball, nothing was on his mind but winning the game.
It was well after midnight when he entered the bedroom, his eyes fixed on Baylee’s sleeping form. He ducked into the bathroom as quietly as he could, washed up then went over to the bed and slid between the sheets. The room spun around even with his eyes closed, and he knew he should’ve stayed at the club instead of driving home, but he didn’t want to leave Baylee alone.
Emotions still whirled inside him like a cyclone spinning round and round, bringing him down. He turned on his side and punched the pillow underneath his head as he tried to get comfortable. Closing his eyes again, visions of rocking horses, his parents fighting, holidays without his father cluttered his mind driving him crazy.
Soon the booze took hold and blackness slowly erased the images until there was nothing but darkness.