Chapter Nineteen

 

Finnley

 

I was moved to my room just after lunch. Aven went home to shower, change and collect food for himself that was more edible than cafeteria crap. My meal had been basic and light due to surgery, and the nurse told me I could have a more regular diet at dinner once I knew I could keep everything down. Margret stopped by for a short visit and mothered me to death. When I attempted brushing off her excessive attention, she’d given me shit.

At close to two o’clock, a male nurse I didn’t recognize came into my room. He had dark-rimmed glasses, black hair, a goatee, and more muscles than a nurse should be allowed to have. I guessed he was close to my age or younger.

“How ya doin’?”

Why did everybody ask me that? I just had surgery, how did they think I was doing?

I shrugged. “All right, I guess.”

“The name’s Christian. They sent me in here to help you get up and try walking around for a bit. What do you say?”

“Let me guess, they sent the muscles in case I try to fall down.”

He chuckled. “You got it. Are you up to it?”

Not really, but if it meant I could go home, I’d do it. The idea of being in the hospital overnight made my heart flutter with anxiety every time I thought about it.

When I agreed, Nurse Christian came around to my bedside and lowered the rail. I was still attached to an IV since they’d told me it couldn’t be removed until I’d proven I could eat solid foods. Christian maneuvered the pole aside so it wouldn’t be in the way and pulled back my blankets to help me sit up.

All I had for my feet were flimsy hospital slippers. They paired nicely with the open-back hospital gown. I could see it already, my bare ass flapping in the wind as I strolled down the hall. Aven needed to hurry up and bring me some clothes.

I was weaker than I expected, and when Christian got me on my feet, I needed to cling to him for balance. My incision pulled, and I sucked in a breath as I fought to keep upright and not curl my body in that direction.

“Just take it slow. We’ll stick to your room for now, and in the morning, we’ll try more and see if you can go farther.”

I managed a pitiful two rounds of my tiny hospital room before beads of sweat rolled down my forehead, and my limbs trembled from exhaustion. Christian helped me back into bed, proclaiming I’d done well and encouraged me to rest. I ignored his promises that he would return the following morning so we could conquer the hallway. Muscles or not, I wasn’t sure I liked the man anymore. He seemed set on torturing me.

Alone again, I tried to ignore the heaviness climbing over my body and wanting desperately to pull me under. The longer I was without a distraction for my mind, the more aware I became of my heart’s rhythm and how it increased with each passing minute. Holding back my thoughts was becoming impossible, and with every thought of the impending evening, I wanted to scream and flee the hospital.

“You’re still awake?”

I shifted my gaze to the new nurse who’d taken over my care when I’d been transferred. She looked to be Margret’s age. Her dark hair was streaked with silver, but she had kind eyes and a soft tone.

“Not tired,” I lied, forcing my body to cooperate with my statement and look more awake.

“Well, I heard you weren’t a fan of sleeping, but it’s important for your healing. Here, let me close the blinds and make it darker in here. That should help.”

She crossed the room, and before I could object, shadows filled every nook and cranny. She clicked off the overhead light which left only the one behind my bed illuminated. My pulse responded instantly, and I gripped the sheets underneath me to try and steady my nerves.

“I’m going to grab you more pain meds since you’re due. How about you lower your bed and get cozy. I’ll be right back.”

My heart pounded as I darted my gaze around the room. Where was Aven? I couldn’t do it. Panic sat on the edges of my mind and threatened to overtake me. I was holding on by a thread, and I knew it. It was taking all my control to keep it at bay. My breathing had already increased and the fine hairs on my arms spiked with the extra adrenaline pumping through my veins.

The nurse bounced back into the room and handed me a small cup of ginger ale and another cup with pills. Two pills.

“What are they?” I asked as I examined the pill cup.

“Something for pain and something to help you sleep.”

I put the mini-cup on the bedside table and shook my head. “I don’t need them.”

“Nonsense,” she said, picking them up again. “Come on and take them for me. The best way to heal after surgery is to sleep it off.”

“No!” I said a little too harshly, my breathing instantly finding an erratic rhythm as my heart raced faster and faster. “Just leave me alone. I don’t need your pills.”

She rambled on with an edge of irritation, but I didn’t hear her. My blood pulsed in my ears too loud for me to concentrate. I was consumed with the dizziness that had swooped in around me and the fact that I couldn’t breathe. Being trapped in bed wasn’t helping, and I shuffled, ignoring my pain as I tried to lower the side of the bed so I could get up and move. I needed to move.

“What are you doing? You can’t get up without assistance.”

I gasped, my lungs screaming for air as I clung to the rail, trying to count and slow things down. One… two…

I can’t fucking breathe!

“Shit!” Aven’s voice broke through the quickly descending fog, and I searched for him in a panic. “Finn, I’m here.” Strong hands framed my face and pulled my attention into focus. “Breathe with me, baby. You can do it. Stay still, okay. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. You need to control your breathing. With me. Work with me.”

I listened as Aven counted, desperately trying to keep even with his excruciatingly slow pace. My lungs were thirsty for more and determined to suck faster, but Aven’s reassurance helped me find control. Steady. Commanding. He knew what I needed.

One. Two. Three. Slower. One. Two. Three.

The cloud of panic began to dissipate, and my mind cleared as Aven whispered encouragement, his forehead against mine, his voice the definition of calm.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes.

I nodded but refused to release him. He pulled back only enough to glance over my shoulder where I presumed the nurse was located.

“What happened?”

The calm, soothing voice she’d had when she first entered was laced with annoyance. “I brought him his pills, and he refused to take them. Then, he grew irritated and tried to leave.”

“Can you give us a moment?” Aven asked, his own irritation rising.

She didn’t respond, but his gaze moved, and I assumed he was following her movements as she left the room.

“Talk to me.”

“I need to go home. I can’t be here.”

“Finn, you can’t just leave. How come you didn’t want your pills?”

“She told me I needed to sleep. I told her I wasn’t tired, so she brought me a sleeping pill with my pain med. Aven, I can’t.” Tears surfaced before I could blink them away, and he shushed me and held my head to his chest.

After a minute, he pulled back and rounded my bed to the table. He picked up the med cup and shook the two pills into his hand. “Which one is the pain pill?”

“I don’t know.”

Aven pursed his lips. “I’ll go find out for you.”

“Don’t bother. I’m not taking anything they give me.”

Aven dropped the pills into the cup and pulled down the bar on the bed before sitting. “And why is that?”

“Because I don’t trust anyone here. Besides, how do I know you aren’t going to trick me into taking a sleeping pill, too?”

I met Aven’s eyes and hated that I felt that way toward him, especially since he was the one source of calm I had. But, I felt like shit and was still hurt by what he’d had a hand in doing down in the ER. I knew he was doing what he thought was best for me, and I also knew he’d probably stoop to whatever means necessary, including sneaking sleeping pills into my system, if it meant getting me better.

The hurt reflecting back at me was real, and it stung like a bitch, almost as much as my incision. But, he’d hurt me, too. “Whatever you may believe, Finn, I wouldn’t do that.”

“You already did.”

“Finn.” He shuffled closer and took my hands. “What happened downstairs was for your safety. You were a danger to yourself. If your appendix had ruptured…” He shook his head as his eyes glistened. “Finn…” He stroked my cheek as he found composure again. “I love you. I’m on your side. Believe me.”

“Then please take me home.”

“I can’t.”

His words cut into my heart, and the reality that I was stuck at the hospital became more and more frightening. I’d never make it through the night without losing it. If that happened, they’d probably stab me in the neck with a needle again.

“Can you stay with me?”

“I’ll make that happen somehow.”

Aven helped me change into proper pajamas, and I was grateful he’d brought ones with a tie waist since an elastic band would have cut into my incision uncomfortably. At dinner, I was given a creamy, tasteless soup that could have been anything. I didn’t ask and just drank it down because I was too hungry to care.

Aven encouraged the nurse to bring me Tylenol for my pain since those came in individual blister packs with the name written on them. She was less than friendly anymore, and I was grateful for shift change when it came at seven.

Evening crept in, and because I hadn’t slept since I woke from surgery, I was dragging and felt the pull to let go. However, my mind just couldn’t accept it. I didn’t know how Aven swung being allowed to stay the night, but I didn’t ask questions.

The single bed was small, but he sat beside me and encouraged me to lie my head on his chest while we talked. I knew what he was doing, and so long as I kept on track with our conversation, I was fine. However, when I caught my eyelids drooping, the kick-start of adrenaline seeped into my bloodstream and made me fidget.

Aven felt the shift and immediately kept me in place, almost restraining me to his chest.

“Breathe through it. Listen to my heart. Count and match your breathing to mine.”

I struggled but managed to work my way through to the other side. It continued like that for hours, until, at some point, I lost the battle.

I awoke the following morning to a nurse clattering around in my room. Another nurse I didn’t recognize. Aven shifted out of bed to allow her to take my vitals. When she was finished, she addressed Aven.

“Dr. McDonald asked me to let you know that Dr. Kelby is in the building today if she’s needed.”

Aven nodded, and as the nurse left, I turned to him. “What was that about? Who’s Dr. Kelby?”

Aven pursed his lips and reached for my hand. Immediately, I knew I wouldn’t like the answer.

“She’s a psychiatrist. I was hoping you’d maybe be willing to meet with her.”

 I opened my mouth to protest, but Aven cut me off.

“Before you say no, why don’t you give her a try? What’s the worse that can happen? If you don’t like her approach, then forget about her, and we’ll try other options. Finn, can you do this for me? Please. You need help.”

The idea of voicing my fears, owning them and making them real to a complete stranger went against the grain. Wasn’t it enough to feel completely humiliated on my own? Why did I have to drag other people into my ridiculous problems? It was bad enough Aven knew.

“Finn?” Aven lifted my head with two fingers under my chin. “Do you love me?”

I laughed before I could stop myself and shoved his hand away as I tried to wipe away the tears that had formed. “Don’t you dare.”

“What,” he said, ducking his head so he could look me in the eyes. “You can play that card and I can’t?”

I pinched my lips together and met his gaze, but my smile escaped against my will. “I hate you right now.”

Aven’s own grin monopolized his entire face. “You’re smiling through tears. Do you? Do you really hate me?”

The gleam in his eyes was full of the love he had for me, and I’d seen it long before he’d ever admitted it was there. The good fun fell away, and a seriousness slipped in.

“No, I don’t hate you.”

He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, teasing but not kissing. “And?” He drew the word out while staring deep into my eyes.

“And you’re relentless.”

“Because I love you,” he said, taking the promised kiss and drawing it out longer than was probably appropriate for where we were.

When he broke the connection, his gaze was all over my face, a look of awe all over his own.

“You know how I feel,” I whispered.

“I need to hear it.”

I wet my lips and found his dark, chocolate brown eyes before giving him what he needed. “I love you, Aven Woods, you know I do.”

His smile was beautiful, and it was all for me. My heart raced with joy for a change, and it was exhilarating.

“Then will you do this for me?” he asked. “Please.”

“Okay. I’ll try.”

He stole my next breath with a kiss that was equally inappropriate and suffocating. My body didn’t seem to care that it was post-surgery, and before he teased me too far, I pulled off and pushed him back a smidge.

“I’m injured, you know. Behave. Considering I can barely walk ten feet without hurting, I know that ain’t happening anytime soon, even if you did break me out of this prison.”