Chapter One

 

 

 

 

He leaned back against the bar glancing around at his club, taking in his band of brothers. They weren’t the pansy-assed boys thrown in over their heads like the ones he’d left in Iraq. Nope, these were hardened men.

Men like him.

When he’d walked away from the army after two tours, he hadn’t known what to do with himself. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out that he wasn’t the same good ol’ boy Tyler Fenton that he’d been when he left home years ago. When he walked into the recruiting office in his small west Texas hometown to join the army, he’d never suspected that he wouldn’t return to pick up right where he’d left off, but what he’d seen had changed him. Going into the army at eighteen had twisted him in ways he never could have predicted.

That was how he’d ended up becoming ‘Buck’ Fenton. He thought of these men as his brothers because they were. Some were like him and couldn’t settle down after leaving the army and others had joined because their fathers had been a part of the club or because they were tired of bureaucratic bullshit.

Glancing over at Toot, he motioned for another beer. Fuck, that had been a long time ago. Almost twelve years now and not a damned thing had changed since then. He would be thirty-nine in four days. Fuck, maybe that was why he was sitting here remembering the day he left the army. The day he’d walked away from all the death he’d lived through for the six years he’d been there. Hell, at least he’d survived it, unlike the other ten men in his battalion. Well Roger had survived too but he was crippled, and not just physically either. Of course, Buck hadn’t really been mentally okay either and was likely just as fucked in the head as Roger was, only in different ways.

Running a hand over his buzz cut, the haircut being one habit left over from his army days he couldn’t seem to shake, he turned to look out the window near the bar. Seeing the Harleys parked outside the clubhouse, he thought about the time he’d spent trying to be the same man for his family.

Two weeks after climbing out of the car he’d rented to return home in, he’d gotten a job at the local packing factory as a manager. It hadn’t taken a month before he’d been fired. Not that he could blame them. It was frowned upon when you literally grabbed a customer by the throat and tried to kill him because the customer got in his face triggering a flashback. Buck took another swig from his beer, closing his eyes as more memories played out in his head. He had a fiancé back then, a sweet girl who’d baked pumpkin pies and made homemade bread. She’d been so disappointed when he’d told her about losing his job. She hadn’t understood what PTSD did to you any more than his momma did.

Buck wanted to be normal for her and his momma but it hadn’t been who he was any longer, and that had been clear from the moment he walked into the house he’d grown up in. All the pretty knick-knacks and doilies, and pictures of people smiling like their faces were going to break, had given him hives. He’d tried to go to a therapist for the nightmares and the sudden flashbacks, but it hadn’t helped. Nope, the nights spent drinking himself to sleep, worrying that he’d wake up screaming, had been hell for him, but they’d terrified his mother.

Fuck, nothing had helped.

He still had the nightmares but at least the flashbacks were gone now. Of course, he didn’t need bloody flashbacks to know that he was no longer a good man after ten years with the Grave Diggers MC. Maybe that was why his mind had stopped showing him all the horrible shit he’d done in the name of his country.

Fuck, did it really matter?

He was fucked up. Buck wasn’t too worked up about being part of an outlaw MC, even if it meant he was considered a dredge to society. He didn’t care what the fuck anyone thought about him or his brothers. Buck couldn’t figure out why he was sitting here reliving this shit tonight. Yeah, it still fucked with his head knowing he would always be that guy people in his little hometown pitied. He was the one everyone whispered about and he was a cautionary tale for young men who wanted to go into the service because he’d gone away to the army and come back a bad seed, a soulless man they all felt bad for because of who he rode with and the things he did for his family.

What the fuck ever.

Buck didn’t care. He’d seen enough shit over in those foreign countries to turn anyone’s hair grey and half the time the shit the club got up to wasn’t even half as bad as shit he’d done under orders from his commanding officers.

Buck shifted his ass on the stool trying to ease the tense muscles in his back and shoulders. He grabbed the second beer Toot set on the bar for him and took a long swig, wondering what the fuck was wrong with him tonight. He needed to quit thinking about this shit and get on with it for fuck’s sake.

“Hey Buck, when is the run tonight?” Joker yelled from across the room.

“ ’Bout twenty minutes or so when Choke gets here,” Buck called back.

Choke was the president of their MC and the boss for everyone here, including him. Buck was a lieutenant and second only to the president and vice president of the club. It allowed him a lot of freedom and he’d worked hard for the past ten years to get where he was. He didn’t answer for much and did whatever the fuck he wanted for the most part. The only rules were that he couldn’t betray the club and he had to defer to the vice, Shredder, and the prez, Choke, which meant there weren’t many rules. It was a damned good thing because Buck liked it that way.

“So no time for pussy then?” Joker asked, his arm wrapped around a sweetbutt who giggled and rubbed her bare tits on his arm.

“Depends on how fast you can get it done. No fucking around and being late but you think you can do it in fifteen minutes, go for it,” Buck yelled back.

“Hear that, sweet thing? Let’s go fuck real fast,” Joker said and began tugging the sweetbutt over to the couch nearby.

Buck shook his head. That boy was always thinking with his cock and one day he was going to fuck up because of it. Not that Buck didn’t like a good fuck; hell, he’d had a sweetbutt less than an hour ago in his room upstairs and he’d sure as shit took longer than fifteen minutes. He couldn’t say that he hadn’t had a quickie before but he preferred to take his time when he had a woman beneath him.

He stuck to whores or the free pussy because his head was too fucked up for anything serious. He wasn’t interested in long term unless it involved a few thousand g’s and a new gun. He wasn’t the relationship type and hadn’t been since he broke it off with that sweet little hometown girl whose heart he’d broken when he’d walked away. Still unsure why he was thinking about Lane and their inevitable break-up tonight, he glared at the beer in front of him.

“Hey, motherfucker, move. I’m trying to play a game here,” Dice roared.

Turning to see what the hell was going on, Buck watched Dice shove Hazard out of the way of the TV where he was playing some new shooter game he’d bought last week after gushing over it like a teenage girl. Buck shook his head; Dice got all bent about a fucking video game if he was interrupted or someone got in front of his TV. Most of the time it was entertainment for the group, who hung around throwing stale popcorn at the screen and teasing Dice when his character, a burly looking dude with a scar on his face, died under a hail of bullets.

It was funny that the six-foot man with a lean frame and a pretty baby face—a face he was still teased about—chose to create a beefy man with an ugly mug and scars as his avatar. Buck watched Dice kick Hazard’s leg and command him to quit being a dick. He shook his head because that move would end up making Hazard work at being even more of a dick. Buck snorted a little at the two men’s antics before turning back to glance out the window again. His hand rubbed absently at the paper label on the beer bottle, his mind sliding away from the heated argument that was now going on behind him and back into the past.

He needed to call his mother, he realized, because he hadn’t called her in over two months and she’d likely be worried. Those calls never went well and he tended to avoid them as much as possible only because he hated the lectures and the updates on how he should come home because of this or that happening. She was always telling him about the job openings in Round Top and reminding him that he should go straight and stop rebelling like a child throwing a tantrum. Round Top was a little town with an artsy-type community with antique markets and bake sales and it made him nauseated to think about living there again. She was always talking about how Lane—his once-fiancé—was single again and would love to get back together with him. Ha, as if he would know what to do with that innocent girl he remembered. He would chew that sweet bit of candy up and spit her out a bitter used up woman. Yeah, no thanks, Ma.

Buck felt a soft hand rub over his lower back and turned to find Tracy, the sweetbutt he had been fucking an hour ago, standing behind him. She smiled coyly at him and rubbed her impressive breasts against his arm. Her soft blonde hair was curled lightly and hung to her shoulders. He watched her purse her plump red lips. Buck knew what she wanted and grinned before he reached out and slipped his hand into her shirt to pinch one of her hard little nips. He’d fucked her against the pool table in the game room an hour ago but she was apparently still horny.

“Didn’t get enough earlier, huh?” he asked.

Tracy shook her head and he grinned; she loved nothing better than a good hard fuck. Buck was always more than willing to give it to her and had done so on more than one occasion. He shoved the thoughts of Lane and their fucked up relationship out of his head. Women like Tracy were what he understood now. Buck knew she had lived a hard life and she understood that him fucking her didn’t mean he’d marry her—she was definitely not a girl who thought sex meant love and a happily ever after.

“No, and you’re leaving soon. You going to be back early enough to take care of me later?” she asked, her red lips pouting as she began rubbing her hand over his semi-stiff cock.

“Don’t know,” Buck said, unwilling to commit to anything when he wasn’t sure he’d be in the mood to fuck her later. Not that telling her he’d come to her room would mean he couldn’t blow her off if he didn’t feel the need, but he tried not to be a dick most of the time. That was the reason he rarely had an issue getting one of the sweetbutts—or hell, any woman—to let him in their pants. She pouted and squeezed his cock, her breasts pushing into his hand as he rubbed over her nipples enjoying the soft flesh. “Please?”

His other hand slipped under her shirt to cup her other large D cup tit and tug on her stiff bud, seriously considering agreeing to fuck her when he returned. Pushing up the shirt to look at her breasts, he was about to lean forward and take one into his mouth when he paused. He was distracted from Tracy’s tits by another woman who pulled out the barstool next to him catching his attention. He dropped his hands from Tracy’s tits and turned to look at Margo.

“Go away, skank,” Margo growled, her hand waving at Tracy to leave as she sat down next to Buck at the bar. Tracy let out a huffy whine that made Buck’s slightly stiff cock deflate—he hated whining—and jerked her shirt down, glaring briefly at Margo. She didn’t talk back because Margo was Gunner’s old lady and she knew better than to sass her. There was a hierarchy in the club even among the women and old ladies out-ranked sweetbutts like her so she just moved away from Buck without speaking.

“Come by if you want when you get back, even if it’s late,” Tracy called over her shoulder as she moved away from the bar and headed towards the upper floor, likely to find a prospect who’d fuck her because she was horny.

“You could do so much better than these nasty whores, Buck,” Margo said, frowning at him as he watched the way Tracy’s ass swayed back and forth as she walked away.

“I’m sure I could if I wanted to but you know me, Margo, only interested in a quick fuck.” Buck knew he was likely not the only man who received the third degree from Margo about needing a ‘good’ woman. “Besides, good girls give me hives.”

Margo was always disappointed when the men she was friends with preferred the company of whores to nice girls like herself but she also understood how the club worked. Free pussy was a part of the life and most old ladies just hoped like hell their old men respected them enough not to take advantage of the offerings. Margo was one of the lucky few whose old man would sooner cut off his dick than hurt her by screwing around with other women.

It was a fact that the club didn’t usually allow old ladies to wander around the clubhouse unless their old man was with them but tonight was different. Margo was here because she had to be—with Gunner off on a run tonight it was the safest place for her to be. Their rivals, the Tricky Dicks MC, had threatened her life a few days ago because she was the reason one of their men had been beaten to death by the club a week ago when he’d tried to lay his hands on her in a bar she’d gone to with a few of the girls.

Buck knew she felt guilty that she was causing trouble even if it hadn’t been her fault because she was a sweet woman. She really wasn’t meant for this life but Gunner had fallen hard and fast for her over three years ago. The two of them had fought long and hard to make their relationship work and despite a few times during the first year when they’d broken up, they made each other happy.

Margo was likely one of his favorite old ladies in the club because she didn’t annoy the fuck out of him like most of them did. She didn’t give her old man shit about the week-long runs or the shit the club got into like most of the women here. She also rarely complained and he loved that about her. He was sure her naturally calm no-nonsense personality was one of the reasons Gunner loved her so much.

“You really need a good woman to straighten you out and one day when you meet her I’m going to remind you that you said that too.” Margo laughed, motioning for Toot to give her a beer and then turning to look at him.

“You likely won’t ever get the chance, sweetheart, ’cause that’ll be a cold day in hell. I’m not looking for long term—ever,” Buck said firmly before taking a sip of his beer.

“Sometimes it happens when we aren’t looking, Buck. Look at me and Gunner. Do you think either of us thought meeting at a church picnic would change our lives? Trust me, your day will come, I would bet my life on it. You’re not the type to stay alone forever,” Margo stated as she lifted the beer Toot had handed her to her lips, a slight smile playing around her mouth.

Buck didn’t know why the cold shiver raced down his spine but he didn’t like the odd sense of foreboding that he felt at her statement as he glanced outside seeing Choke pulling his bike to a halt. He finished his beer and said his goodbyes but that odd feeling didn’t leave him for hours after his conversation with Margo and he didn’t like it one damned bit.