Tom passed Bailey the coffee cup. Bailey took a sip of the hot drink as he leaned against the van.
“Thanks so much. I really needed this.”
“Busy day?” Tom asked.
Bailey nodded. “Uh-huh. Thank God it’s nearly over. How’s your day been?”
“John and Phil are here. They’re inside with Cassie. We’re doing some planning for the renovations. If Phil has his way it’ll turn into a full remodelling project, and John’s just encouraging him, agreeing with everything he says and shouting down any opposition I raise. And Cassie? Jeez, that girl is full of ideas. She wants to rearrange the main room, moving all the furniture and changing the seating arrangements, and of course she’s going on about the live entertainment again.”
“And you’re not interested?” Bailey asked before taking another sip of coffee.
“No, no, I am interested. I think her ideas make a lot of sense, but I think I’m best focusing on one step at a time. Expanding hours of operation might not be feasible, and it’d mean more work for me.”
Bailey smiled. “Well we can’t have that, can we? More work for you means less of you for me. But seriously, you could consider Saturdays. Start small, you know? You already open nine to four, and the weekend crowd is different to the workday customers. You could try out the live entertainment idea with them, maybe during the brunch or lunch window?”
“That actually makes sense. Thanks, Bailey. And Cassie will be happy and get off my back.” He chuckled.
“Glad to be of service. Anyway, I’d better get this van open for business, and you better not keep your partners in crime waiting. Thanks for the caffeine boost.” Bailey handed Tom his now empty cup, moved behind the van, and opened the doors wide.
“Jesus Christ, Bailey,” Tom said as he peered into the back of the van. He laughed. “It looks like you’re carrying your whole life around in there. How many boxes of books do you need at any one time?”
The whole van was stuffed to overflowing with boxes. There was no spare floor space and the cardboard boxes reached the ceiling of the vehicle. There was no way Bailey would even be able to get to the boxes at the rear.
“I don’t— Oh.” Bailey followed Tom’s gaze, peering at the boxes as though it was the first time he’d seen them. “Yeah. I need to find some storage.”
“I can help you out.” He didn’t even need to think about it, the answer was so obvious. “There’s space in the storeroom inside, or if you don’t mind them being outside the main building, you can put them in the garage out the back.”
“Really?”
“Don’t look so shocked.” Tom chuckled. “Of course you can store them here. Isn’t it easier, what with the books being distributed from here anyway? You can replenish or whatever it is you do when you arrive each evening.”
“Are you sure?”
“Bailey.” He placed his hands on Bailey’s shoulders and looked into his eyes. “You don’t even have to ask. Of course I’m bloody sure.”
“It’s just that you do so much for me.”
Tom snorted. “It’s no skin off my nose, Bails. It’s only a storeroom. Okay, I’ll leave you to it then.”
He headed back inside, excited to reconvene with John and Cassie and get the plans for the cafe firmed up.
* * *
An hour or so later, Tom exited the building. He was impatient for Bailey to see his plans and hoped to lure him inside. Hopefully he’d been there long enough to have gotten all the library business out of the way for the night.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
The sound of Bailey’s loud swearing had him breaking into a run, unsure if the swearing was in anger or if Bailey was in some kind of danger. Whatever the cause, the sound of distress sent a chill through him. Tom rounded the van and came to a halt at the passenger side where Bailey was now seated on his arse, back against the metal of the vehicle. The doors were shut, the lights off, leaving Bailey sitting in the shadows. It was hard to make out his face in the dimness.
Tom crashed to his knees beside Bailey. “Jesus, Bailey, are you okay? Are you hurt? Tell me what’s wrong? Did someone do something to you?” The words tumbled out in a panic.
Bailey looked up, the building’s floodlight reflecting off the tears tracking his cheeks. “I’m o-okay.”
“Fuck, Bails. You’re not okay.” Tom grasped his cold hands. “Tell me what happened.”
Bailey glanced beside him. “I got a flat.”
“A flat?” Tom repeated in a monotone. He looked down to where Bailey indicated. “You got a flat tyre?”
“Uh-huh.” Bailey pulled one hand free of Tom’s and wiped his face with his sleeve.
“Jesus.” Tom couldn’t hold back the hysterical laugh as he tried to bring his heart rate under control. “It’s a flat tyre. Just a flat tyre.”
“That’s what I said. A flat tyre.”
“That’s easy fixed.”
“Easy? It’s not fucking easy. Nothing’s easy.” Bailey’s voice rose with every word until he was yelling. He scrambled to his feet and kicked the offending tyre. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He gave one more almighty kick before his shoulders drooped and he turned to Tom. “It’s all so fucked up,” he said in a small voice.
“What’s all fucked?”
“Everything,” Bailey said, utter devastation written on his face.
Tom pulled him into his arms, pleased when Bailey didn’t pull away, instead melting into his hold. “It’ll be all right,” Tom mumbled against Bailey’s ear. God, I hope it will be.
Bailey sniffed, then seemed to pull himself together. He straightened and stepped back. “Sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Tom said, “but I think we need to talk.”
Bailey nodded. “I know. I’ve wanting to talk to you for a while. Maybe we can talk later?”
From Bailey’s reaction to a simple flat tyre, there was something deeply troubling him, and there was no way Tom was going to let it go this time. He hadn’t followed his gut in the past when something told him there was something up with Bailey, but this time he listened to that inner voice.
“Want to come inside? I’ll send the guys and Cassie home, then you and I can head upstairs. I want to know what’s troubling you, Bails. Whatever it is, I’m sure we can sort it out.”
“That’s the thing, I always seem to be needing your help.”
Tom shrugged. “I’m not following.”
Bailey fidgeted with his jacket, not meeting Tom’s gaze. “It’s just—”
“Hey, guys. Need a hand?”
They both turned at John’s call.
“Sorry,” Tom whispered, biting back his annoyance at the disruption. “I told him about the boxes. He offered to help carry them out back to the storeroom.”
Bailey took a deep breath and gave a small smile. “No worries.”
“Hey, Bailey. How you doing, mate?” John asked as he approached.
“It’s good to see you,” Bailey said. “Thanks for giving me a hand with the boxes.”
“What are friends for?” John shook Bailey’s hand, a big grin on his face which, to Tom, looked like Bailey was doing his best to try and match.
It didn’t take long for Bailey to reopen the van and for them to move the open boxes from the front—the boxes with the current books the kids had been going through. Once they could access the back, Bailey climbed in and started passing out the large cardboard boxes. Tom took one and headed to the cafe, moving through the front where Cassie and Phil had their heads together over a notebook.
“Don’t get up, guys, we’ve got it,” Tom said, voice dripping with sarcasm, laughing when Phil gave him the finger. Yep, exactly as expected. “Let’s leave the boxes here,” Tom said, indicating the space against the newly exposed brick wall. “I need to rearrange the storeroom a bit to make room.”
Tom and John deposited the boxes and headed outside for another load. Ten minutes later they’d brought most of it inside, Tom surprised at how light some of the boxes were, especially given how heavy boxes of books usually were. Bailey was obviously spreading the load. Bailey locked up the van after they’d taken the last of the boxes and followed them into the cafe.
“What the hell is in this box?” Tom asked as he put it on top of the pile. “It’s rattling. I hope I didn’t break anything.” He opened the flaps.
“Stop!”
“Huh?” Tom looked up in confusion, but he let go of the box and stepped back.
“Sorry,” Bailey said.
“I thought you said it was boxes of books. This isn’t books, Bailey.”
Bailey paled. “I never said it was books. You just assumed it was.”
“What the fuck, Bailey?”
Bailey glanced away before taking a deep breath and facing Tom head on. “It’s stuff from my place, okay? I’m moving out so I’ve packed up most of the contents of my flat.”
“Moving? When?” Why was this the first he was hearing about it?
“Now. At the end of this week.”
What the hell? “Where are you moving to?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How can you not be sure?” Tom frowned.
“Because I haven’t found anywhere to rent yet.”
“Jesus, Bailey. Why on earth are you just telling me now?”
“Because I didn’t want you to know, all right,” Bailey snapped.
“Are you serious? Why not?”
“Because I feel like an idiot. I was hoping to have found somewhere before I had to tell you.” Bailey crossed his arms, his gaze darting to where John, Phil, and Cassie were seated, trying not to pay attention to the scene going on before them. Bailey turned back to Tom, lowering his voice. “Stop looking at me like that. That’s exactly why I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want you to look at me as if I had two heads.”
“At the moment I do think you have two heads.” Tom couldn’t make heads nor tails of what the fuck was going on. It didn’t make any sense that Bailey would have kept something like this from him. “I thought we were close, Bails. Why would you keep something like this from me? To be honest, I’m still confused.”
“I got evicted. There. I said it. Couple that with losing my job and surely you can see why I didn’t want to say anything.”
Tom reached out. Bailey was stiff under his touch. Tom’s chest tightened as Bailey lifted his chin and glared at him. God, he’s defensive. “You could have told me.”
“When? At Phil’s congratulations party? Perhaps right after Elliot announced he’d bought a house. Yeah, great idea!”
“So, what? You thought I wouldn’t understand.” Tom pulled at Bailey until he unfolded his arms and he could take one of Bailey’s hands in his own. The flesh was cold. “I thought we knew each other better than that. I’d never judge you.”
“Maybe I judge myself.” Bailey’s voice was heavy with resignation, as if he deserved to be judged and found deficient in some way.
Bailey’s hand trembled in his. He grabbed the other hand, rubbing the two, trying to bring back some warmth. “Fuck, Bailey, you’re your own worst enemy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think you’re fucking amazing—”
“I do too,” Cassie said from across the room. “Sorry, I shouldn’t interrupt, but you’re the most awesome person I know, Bailey.”
Tom turned his head and smiled at her. “Thanks, Cass. I think Bailey needs to hear how great he is a bit more, because it doesn’t seem to have sunk in.”
John spoke up. “And if being made redundant makes you a loser, then you’d better induct me to that club. I lost my job this week. It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve been given notice. The company is downsizing. Does that make me a less of a person than I was last week?”
“Wh— No, of course not,” Bailey said.
“Good.” John nodded. “I’m sorry you’re in a bind, Bailey. It must be tough, but I know you’ll be all right. You’ve got friends and more importantly, guts. You’ll get through it. Anyway, I’m going to head out. I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Me, too,” echoed Phil. “Sorry about your apartment, Bailey. Let me know if I can do anything to help. Cassie, do you need a lift anywhere?”
“That’d be great.” Cassie grabbed her bag and jacket and walked over. “I mean it, Bailey. You’re the best.” She gave Bailey a quick kiss on the cheek, and patted Tom on the shoulder before following the guys out the door.
In the silence, Tom was left holding Bailey’s hands. They were still cold despite the fact Bailey was now inside. “C’mon. Let’s go upstairs.”
Tom pushed Bailey towards the door to the apartment before quickly locking the door, arming the alarm, and flicking the lights. Upstairs he ran a bath, adding a good dash of bubble bath, and almost had to manhandle a quiet Bailey out of his clothes and into the warm water.
Bailey still hadn’t spoken as Tom knelt by the bath and ran a soapy washcloth over his chest. His eyes were closed and his breathing steady. The shivering had stopped and colour had returned to his face. Tom soaped the cloth and dragged it across Bailey’s slippery skin, leaving a line of soap suds along his arm. As he drew the cloth along Bailey’s other arm and across his chest, he thought back on everything Bailey had said. God, he’s kept a lot of secrets.
“Are you angry?”
Tom looked up in surprise at Bailey’s words, finding Bailey’s grey eyes focused on his. He shook his head. “No. Not angry. I’m disappointed.”
Bath water splashed everywhere as Bailey shot up like a bullet. “I knew—”
“Hold on a minute. Just listen.” Tom held him down, stopping Bailey from standing. Once he was sure Bailey wasn’t going anywhere and he had his attention, he started talking. “I’m disappointed, but not for the reasons you probably think I am. I’m disappointed that you felt you couldn’t confide in me, that I’d judge you, but more than that, I’m disappointed that your own sense of self-worth has you feeling this way. You’re a good person, inside and out. You aren’t defined by your job, or where you live, or even if you have either of those things. You’re defined by the way you don’t let life’s challenges stop you from helping other people, from giving back. And you are the most amazing man I know.”
“You really think that?”
“Fuck, Bailey. I don’t just think that, I know that.” Tom leaned up on his knees and kissed him gently. He drew back and looked him in the eyes again. “Look at the way you helped me. For a long while there I thought I was a complete failure, that I’d fucked up so badly that I didn’t deserve any good things to happen, but you came along and showed me that we can’t let past mistakes or things outside of our control dictate the rest of our lives. Or were you just yanking my chain?”
“Never. You deserve every happiness.”
“Then I deserve you. And you deserve me. You’re it for me, Bailey.”
Bailey reached up, placing his palms on either side of Tom’s face, pulling him in for another kiss. This time the kiss was forceful, entirely led by Bailey, who seemed to want to devour Tom. Water dripped down his face, trickling under the collar of his shirt, but he ignored it as he did the puddle he was kneeling in. A little water was a small price to pay.
They finally came up for air.
“I’m sorry,” Bailey said, still holding Tom’s cheeks, their faces close.
Tom chuckled. “You’ve really got to stop saying that, Bails. I mean it.”
“But I am. Sorry I let it get this far. I wanted to talk to you, I really did. It’s hard to explain. I knew you were the one I wanted to talk to. I knew you’d listen and give advice and support me whatever happened. At least in my heart I did. But my damn head had other ideas. I can’t promise my doubts won’t surface again, but I can promise I’ll do my best to overcome them.”
“And no more secrets?”
Bailey nodded. “No more secrets. And in the spirit of honesty, I have a secret I should tell you.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” Bailey’s voice was sure and strong.
Tom filled with warmth and he couldn’t hold back the smile. “I’m glad, because I love you too, Bailey.”
Bailey grinned. “Tomorrow we can talk about all my shit for as long as you want. We can talk about my dysfunctional relationship with my father, my lack of a job, and the fact I’ll be out on the street in a couple of days.”
“You don’t think we should talk about that now?”
“Nope.” Bailey smiled, a smile so wide his eyes crinkled at the corners. “Right now I have other plans.”
With that he hauled Tom into another kiss. Water and bubbles went everywhere, and his clothes were soaked. It was a mess. But no matter how much of a mess they found themselves in, Tom knew that he and Bailey would come through with flying colours. All it took was love and facing life’s challenges together.