Chapter Nine

Konrad thought of one thing and one thing only, even as he sat across from Pilar at L’Atelier for dinner that night. The kiss with Scottie. God, her lips. Her fucking lips… He wanted another chance to really show her what he could do. Did she regret it? If she did, it would gut him. For fuck’s sake, what the hell is happening to me? His stomach was in knots. A woman had never completely taken up his mind like this.

Pilar’s fork dropping on her plate caught his attention. “You’re far away,” she said.

“I know, love. Sorry.” He’d hardly touched his scallops, and they were his favorite.

“Is it work?” She leaned in, her low-plunging top framing her breasts perfectly. He gazed at them for a second, but, for the first time, didn’t feel desire to touch them, lick them. Put them in his mouth. Or any of the other things he’d done to them.

“Sort of,” he finally answered. Scottie was his temp, so technically it was work.

It was so much more than that, though. Also for the first time, he felt dissatisfied with his life. Not his businesses. They were growing faster than projected. Professionally, he was golden. Socially, he was very satisfied. His couldn’t ask for better mates. It was something else. It was personal. He’d felt lonely. After seeing Fabian and the change that reformed him into a new person, Konrad had this newborn desire to want something more than a rotation of women. He wanted what Fabian had, and that desire had come on quick, strong. Unbearably so. But when Scottie kissed him, he didn’t feel that longing. He felt excitement and a yearning that stayed with him even after she avoided him the rest of the day.

Pilar tilted her head, her gaze soft on his, waiting for more from him. “Tell me.”

An interruption saved him from having to say words out loud that he wasn’t ready to. He and Pilar turned their attention to the person standing at the table.

“Pilly,” a good-looking, well-dressed man said in accusation. He was younger than Konrad, and he didn’t look pleased. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Pilar glanced at Konrad, her eyebrows quirked. “I told you I had plans tonight.”

Konrad wanted to laugh. Obviously, this guy was on Pilar’s rotation. Leaning back in his chair, he felt an odd sense of relief at the turn of events.

“Who’s this?” the man asked, not looking at Konrad but pointing a finger at him.

Konrad didn’t care for that but let it go. This wasn’t his fight.

Pilar slapped down his pointed finger. “Esteban, this is my friend Konrad. Konrad, this is my other friend Esteban.”

“Other friend?” Esteban wasn’t impressed.

Konrad didn’t chuckle that time, gaining a pointed looked from the shafted Esteban.

“Yes.” She didn’t blink an eye. Good God, she was just like him. Konrad knew that tone. That look in her eyes. That dare-to-defy-and-you’ll-be-gone attitude. That was him.

“Nice to meet you,” Konrad said, holding his hand out.

Esteban ignored Konrad, which made Pilar even more furious. “You’re being very rude, Esteban.”

With panic tangling his voice, he demanded, “So what we talked about last night didn’t mean anything?”

Konrad felt bad for Esteban. His heart twisted with the display of emotion, but he wondered if he could ever show that kind of emotion. If he could make a complete ass of himself for someone. There was a freedom in it that Konrad never considered before. In fact, he’d always considered it bondage.

Pilar stood. “Excuse me just a moment, Konrad.”

Konrad leaned back in his chair. “Of course.” He watched them leave the table as he drank from his short glass of scotch. Immediately, he thought about Scottie again, wondering if she would show up to work the next day. He hoped to God she would.

After dinner, Konrad drove Pilar back to her private on-campus apartment for international students. She’d been silent instead of her usual talkative self. He parked and faced her, taking in the light catching her blue-black hair. Pilar’s eyes were dark like onyxes, but all he could see were Scottie’s hazel irises the second before his assistant put her lips on his.

“Are you okay?” she asked, taking him from his thoughts.

Konrad turned off the music. He needed to think about what he intended to say, how he intended to tell Pilar what their future would look like. “Yes. Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry about Esteban.” She sighed in exasperation. “He’s so persistent and needy.”

“Looks like it.”

“He’ll get over it.” She pushed her hair over her one shoulder and smiled at him. He knew that smile. It was her come-to-my-room smile. But he wouldn’t go in that time.

He couldn’t.

“I didn’t get to really talk to you.” He glanced down at her legs.

She uncrossed them, knees shifting in his direction. “I know.” Her eyebrows arched the more she focused on his face. “You aren’t okay, are you? Is it because I met your friends the other night?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not that.”

Her fingers moved over the console to touch his thigh. When he didn’t touch her back, she pulled away, a frown on her face. “What is it? Tell me.”

He struggled for the words simply because he’d never had to describe these feelings he was having before. “I’m going through something, Pilly. I don’t know. I need to pull away for a little while.” Or forever. He wasn’t sure.

“You don’t want to see me anymore?” Her eyes widened, but she wasn’t emotional the way Tamsin had been.

“I do want to. But not in the same way as before.” The struggle got to him. For the first time, he was raw in front of someone. “I need to put all this to a halt and figure out some stuff in my life. I still want to talk to you, though. I mean, if you still want to talk to me.”

Silence infiltrated the cabin. Not awkward though. It was light and comforting.

“Is it someone else? It’s okay. You can tell me.”

“No… I don’t know.” He shook his head. He could not stop thinking about Scottie. About their time together at the EaDo property. The kiss. He could not stop thinking about how much he wanted her, wanted to kiss her again.

“It’s okay, guapo. I understand.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

Before he knew it, she opened the door and closed it, leaving him alone in his car with just his thoughts. And all his thoughts were about Scottie.