8
HOLLY
I don’t get a chance to sit down and talk with Sash about my disaster until the next day after work. I invite her over for one of our weekly chats, which is usually accompanied by Chinese takeout, a cheesy romcom in the background and a bottle of wine. I run her through the disaster date, and she sits there carefully while hanging on my every word, eating slowly while my own food goes cold.
“I basically ended up running out on him, and we were close—I mean we were super close to doing it.”
Her brows raise and she mumbles through a mouth full of noodles. “Sex?”
I nod. “We didn’t even end up going for drinks like we’d planned, there was this raw energy pouring off his body and I just couldn’t keep myself away. Fifteen minutes after the dance class finished I was on my back with his head between my legs.”
“How was his head?”
I close my eyes and nod slowly. “Put it this way, I’ve never been with a guy and had an orgasm before. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm like that before, even by my own hand.”
Sash about drops her food, opting to put it down on the side, clearly deciding that my story is more enticing. “So he goes down on you, gives you this mind blowing orgasm—”
“Yup.”
“Then he pulls his dick out, and by your account it’s as big as everyone says it is—”
I nod.
“And just as he’s about to take your pussy to pleasure town… you freak out and run for the hills?”
My head drops into my hands and I groan. “I’m a fucking idiot aren’t I? What’s wrong with me?”
Looking up, I see Sash staring at me while slowly shaking her head. “I don’t know girl, but you can bet I’d have jumped his bones if I were in your position. What’s going through your mind?”
“I’ve never been that ‘hit it and quit it’ type, you know? I’m not the type that can just mindlessly fuck something. I need a connection.”
“But you said there was a connection.”
“Sure, but he’s the Fling King—he doesn’t do connections does he? It’s just fucking and then… then he’s gone.”
“I don’t know sugar.” Sash picks her food back up again and digs back into her noodles. “From the sounds of things it was pretty steamy. He called you beautiful. I’ve heard enough about Notorious Nate to know that he’s not much of a talker in the bedroom.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s all action baby. That’s one of his things. Once you get down to it, it’s just you and his body, it’s like his mind isn’t even there. That’s why girls like him so much, he’s like a living, breathing sex doll.”
“He doesn’t talk?” I sit forward on the couch, feeling slightly confused.
“Not from what I’ve heard. He doesn’t even stay over. He just gets in, has his fun and then he gets out. There’s a bit of banter before and after, but he’s not one to butter up girls during. That’s just not his style.”
I freeze. He definitely did that with me. He was laying the compliments on thick and fast.
“So you think he might have actually meant what he said about me? I’m… beautiful?”
“It’s almost like I’ve been saying it the whole time we’ve known each other. But no, you have to hear it from a man first before you believe it.”
I blush. The thought that Nate actually meant those things makes me feel special. Could it be that they really weren’t lines? That’s what he actually thinks of me?
“There’s the experience gap though as well. My history in the bedroom isn’t exactly stellar, and he’s… well—he’s—”
“The sexual terminator.”
We laugh. “Yeah.”
“Stop worrying about it so much honey. You just need to let your mind go and relax. It sounded like he was enjoying himself too, even if you did put an early end to your session.”
“Why am I being such a fucking idiot about this?” I say while letting out a long sigh.
“Maybe because you’ve never actually met a guy that you like before now?”
“You really think I like this guy?”
“I don’t think, I know. Girl, you’ve been a completely different person since this Nate walked into your life. If you think this random encounter is anything other than destiny, think again.”
We leave the conversation there for a bit, letting the chick flick in the background recapture our attention for a while. Sasha is a hopeless romantic. She thinks there’s someone for everyone. Love at first sight and ‘destiny’ are just two of her many beliefs. I’m not sure what I think about any of that, but I do know I definitely feel something for Nate. It’s part of the reason I’m so hesitant to open up to him.
“I guess I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. If I really like this guy, then I need to know he likes me back first before I open myself up to the idea of being intimate with him.”
Sash raises a brow, and I can tell she’s holding something back.
“What?”
“I love you Holly, but you have to remember who you’re dealing with here. Nate isn’t just some ordinary dude. People call him Notorious for a reason. He’s got his attention kept on you for now, but if you’re holding out for something more than a fling, then you might want to find another guy. His track record does not point toward settling down.”
“But you think I should fuck him?”
“I think you should do whatever makes you happy. You’re not the type to have sex with random guys, I know that, and it’s fine. I’m slutty enough for the both of us. The point is, you can still have fun with Nate and it doesn’t have to be some long term thing. You could have fun for a bit. There are shades of gray between a one night stand and a relationship.”
I twist a lock of hair around my finger as Sash puts it all into perspective for me. Maybe she’s right, and I’m giving this all way too much thought. I only wanted Nate to be a distraction from Lucas in the first place. If Nate can provide some short term happiness to me, then what’s wrong with that?
I just have to remind myself not to get attached to him in the process. I can have fun without falling for somebody, I just have to keep my emotions at bay.
That’s all I have to do.