Chapter Twenty-Two

Carter

When I arrive in Vegas, I’m exhausted. I call Claude to make sure that nothing’s literally on fire and go straight to my condo where I crash face down in bed. Alone. I know if Pepper were here beside me, I’d sleep. I don’t even feel that physically tired, just mentally exhausted, and after only a few seconds my lids close like iron doors.

By the time I wake up, the moon hangs high in the sky. My mouth tastes like an old shoe, and I hobble into the bathroom and gargle with water until the dryness fades. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I barely recognize Carter Caldwell. Dark circles smudge under my eyes, and my hair looks like Ryan Seacrest on crack. Rolling my eyes, I turn on the shower and stand under the hot water, soaping my body until I manage to wash the stale airplane funk off my skin.

I feel refreshed after my shower, so I pull on a pair of pajama pants and lope into the kitchen. The fridge looks good – there’s some leftover cold ribeye and bleu cheese – and I set to work whipping up a bleu cheese sauce on the stove. As much as I enjoy cooking for other people, I’ve always loved cooking for myself even more. I always thought that when I got a serious girlfriend, I’d love cooking for her too.

But what am I supposed to cook for Pepper, who doesn’t even like meat? My specialty? And I know I’m getting ahead of myself. She’s clearly not my girlfriend.

But I want her to be.

I slice the perfectly-rare ribeye into tender bites and plate everything. Carrying my late-night snack into the living room, I plop down on the couch and turn on the television.

Before I can find something decent to watch, my phone buzzes beside me. When I see Pepper’s name scrolling across the screen, I grin, and my heart kicks up a notch. Damn. No other woman has ever had this effect on me.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” She sounds subdued and quiet. Not herself. “You get back in one piece?”

I smile. “No, the airline lost my legs along with my luggage.”

“I feel exhausted too.” She clears her throat. “You doing anything?”

I glance down at the cooling steak. “No.” I spear a bite on the end of my fork and dip it in the bleu cheese. “Why?”

“Can I come over?”

Do birds fly, do bees buzz, do…

“Sure. If you hurry up, you might even catch me before I finish eating this steak.”

Pepper groans. Her faux-irritation makes me grin. “Yeah, yeah,” she mutters. “You’re always gnawing on some meat. I’ll be over soon.”

When we hang up, I wolf down the rest of my steak and brush my teeth. I pick out a nice bottle of wine and pour myself a glass, chilling the rest for when Pepper arrives. It seems to take no time at all. When I hear her ring the bell, it feels like we just got off the phone.

My damn hands are sweating by the time I open the door. To hide my nervousness, I bow in an exaggerated fashion. “Welcome. May I interest you in a glass of wine? Champagne and strawberries?”

“Oh, god, yeah, definitely,” Pepper says, pursing those lush lips. Dammit, all I want to do is take her in my arms and suck that fuller bottom one into my mouth. She yawns and rubs her eyes with both fists. “I’m really exhausted.” Is that a warning to keep my hands to myself? “I feel like flying back and forth is wreaking havoc on my sleep schedule. I’m used to staying up late, but good grief.”

“Wine usually helps with that.” I guide Pepper into the living room and hand her a glass of sauvignon blanc. She looks great, even though she’s only wearing jeans and a flowy top. Pepper takes the wine and drinks, closing her eyes and moaning. Watching her face relax looks almost sexual, and my cock twitches inside of my loose pants.

“So,” I say, sitting down on the couch and taking a drink of wine. “What’s up?”

Pepper swallows and pauses. “I asked Dante to release me from my contract.”

“What?” My jaw drops. “You’re kidding. You work fast.”

“No, I meant what I said – that I didn’t want to be associated with Dante anymore.”

“Part of me…you know what, never mind.”

Pepper frowns and takes a long sip of wine. “No, what? Tell me.”

“I thought he might try to blackmail you into staying,” I admit. “He’s not exactly known for ethical practices. Sic his cotillion of shady lawyers on you and all that.”

“Yeah.” She rubs the back of her neck. “You know, I had the same thought. He hasn’t done it yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a phone call tomorrow after he’s had a chance to strategize. You know, he actually offered to double my salary.”

I whistle. “Damn, girl. I bet that’s a lot of money.”

Pepper narrows her eyes and laughs. “Now you sound like Cody,” she says, shaking her head. “How is he, by the way?”

“We haven’t talked much since the release, but I think he’s doing well.” I’m not about to tell Pepper this, but I have a feeling Cody’s planning to be at the next Food Network competition, to support his sister.

With his rope.

“Good.” She looks serious for a moment. “Sometimes I worry about him.”

“What? Why?” I finish the last of my wine and pour myself another glass. Cody’s the last person anyone needs to worry about. Pepper holds her own glass out, and I fill it nearly to the top.

“You’re trying to get me drunk,” Pepper says, raising an eyebrow. “Well, it might just work. I’m exhausted and jet-lagged. I’m an easy mark.”

“And very easily distracted.” I turn to her more fully. “Why are you worried about Cody?”

“Oh, I’m not, really. At least, not right now.” Pepper takes a long swallow and leans against the plush cushions of my couch. “But you know – he’s wild. I always used to worry that he’d take some stupid dare and wind up dead. Or be gutted by an angry bull.”

“Yeah, he seems like the type who courts danger.”

“You have no idea.” She sighs. “When we were in high school, someone dared Cody to break into a bull auction and ride one of the bulls out to the auction block.” She groans at the memory, putting a hand to her forehead. “He actually did it too. The only reason he wasn’t arrested was because the auctioneer was a good friend of our dad’s.”

“Holy shit.” I burst into laughter at the mental image. “I can’t imagine that. It’s crazy.”

“No shit.” She takes a long swallow of wine, and I admire the graceful line of her throat. “I think he’s okay now, though. I mean, your sauce line seems to be doing well right out of the gate. Maybe he’ll settle down. I think as long as he gets a bit of fame and fortune, he won’t always be putting himself in danger.”

I try to imagine them as children. “I bet he was a really protective brother.”

Pepper wrinkles her nose. “He spent most of his time with our dad. They were always working together on the farm, bragging about the size of our beef cattle. It seems like another lifetime ago.”

“Yeah.” I can’t keep the smirk off my face. “I bet Raelynn didn’t dare associate with such cowboys.”

For a moment, I think Pepper’s going to get angry and storm out. But to my surprise – and delight – she laughs. Maybe she can take a joke after all.

“Yeah,” she says, shaking her head. “Raelynn was kind of a snot. It wasn’t her fault, though. She just had a weak stomach.” Pepper bites her lip and takes another sip of wine before setting her glass down on the coffee table. “I mean, you’d understand if you’d seen the kind of shit that I saw growing up.”

“I’ve never actually been to a farm, or a slaughterhouse. I did go to this restaurant once – it was next to an organic pasture – and you could pick the chicken you wanted to eat.”

Pepper’s jaw drops. “That’s horrible!”

“The food was delicious, but I guess now that I think about it, it’s kind of morbid, isn’t it?”

“Kind of morbid?” Pepper snorts and shakes her head. “Yeah, Carter, I’d say that’s about the bleakest thing I’ve heard.”

“So, what was it like?”

“What, growing up with Cody?”

“No, growing up on a working farm. I’m curious.”

“It wasn’t fun.” She chews her bottom lip, frowning at the memories. “The cows were so cute – especially when they were babies.”

I’m tempted to make a comment about how delicious veal is, but I bite my tongue. “I bet.”

“Yeah, I always loved the little calves.” Pepper’s voice is tinged with nostalgia. Then the dreamy look disappears, and she makes a face. “But I hated how they were treated. We separated them from their mothers much too early – the screams they would make!”

She shudders. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and make her painful memories disappear. As much as I don’t like admitting it, the image disturbs me. Makes me think of what I value in a different way than I ever have before.

“And don’t even get me started on when we slaughtered them.” She shudders again and closes her eyes. “I still have nightmares about it. They tell you that the animal doesn’t feel anything, that the bolt goes right through…but I know that’s not true. I was there. I saw it.”

“I’m sorry, Pepper. Sorry you had to witness that. Growing up can be brutal.”

She gives me a sad look. “It was brutal for you too.”

I lift a shoulder. “I didn’t spend a ton of time with my parents growing up. My mom died so young, and then my younger brother has special needs. So, my dad was usually occupied with him. Lincoln had a special school and a ton of extracurricular activities. When my brothers and I learned to drive, he was so relieved because it finally meant that we could help out.”

Pepper nods. “Yeah, I can see that. Dad was always unhappy that I didn’t want to spend more time helping out around the farm. I told him a couple of times that it really bothered me, but he said I’d get over it. I think he was secretly disappointed that he had me instead of another son.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I can’t imagine that. I’m sure he is really proud of you, just maybe not very demonstrative about it.”

“I don’t know. Whenever I cooked for him and my mom, he wasn’t very happy about it. I think he was relieved when I moved away to Vegas.”

“That really sucks,” I say, reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder. “I wasn’t very close to my dad, either, but we did have one thing that we’d always do together.”

“Oh yeah?”

I smile at the memory. “Yeah. Dad and I both loved to grill. He was the one who first taught me how to make the perfect steak. We bonded over that. It all seems like so long ago now, but I loved those moments.”

After her story about the horrors of the beef farm, part of me expects Pepper to sneer. But instead, she gives me a faint smile.

“That sounds nice. I never got to cook with my dad. He didn’t do much cooking in the first place. Mom did most of it, and then when I was in junior high, I started eating vegetarian and cooking my own meals. I actually had to get a part-time job and buy a small fridge for myself with a lock, because Cody kept trying to sneak bacon into my food.”

I laugh. “Ouch.”

“He was trying to be funny, I get it.” She smiles but it fades quickly. “Everyone just wanted me to lighten up. The more they pushed and poked, the harder I dug in my heels. But Cody just came across as so rude back then. I used to get so mad at him – I’d yell until I was red in the face. And then he’d just laugh.”

I squeeze her shoulder. “Teenage boys are assholes. I’m sure he’s not like that now.”

“Oh, he mellowed, for sure,” she says, those gorgeous grey eyes lifting to meet mine. “But at the time, it really stung.”

“Yeah. I bet.”

We lapse into comfortable silence for a moment. It’s strange – even though my dad was always so busy with Lincoln and my other brothers, he still found a way to bond with me. And thinking about Pepper, cooking sad vegetable dishes for herself while the rest of her family eats meat somehow makes me sad. She’s always been an outcast. In spite of the family rivalry between me and my brothers, we love each other and would have each other’s backs no matter the situation.

“I’m sorry you weren’t that close to your parents,” I say in a low voice and pat the seat beside me.

Pepper looks up, and her grey eyes meet my own with a touching kind of warmth. There is a moment of hesitation before she slides closer and I wrap a comforting arm around her, pulling her close.

“It’s okay,” she says in a voice that makes me want to hold her forever. “When I got older, I realized that the true family is the family you make for yourself. And I found that. Here.”

She snuggles up to me and tucks her chin in the crook of my shoulder. Before long, I hear her even breathing and know she’s fallen asleep.

As improbable as it is, in this moment, I’ve never wanted anything more than having Pepper include me in her found family circle.