Frankee stops in the hallway leading to the front offices. “We didn’t discuss the pay for the full-time graphic design position. Is it salary or will you pay me hourly?”
“I was planning to pay you with sexual favors.”
She giggles. “You already give me sexual favors.”
“Well, how about I give you a salary that doubles what you make now with insurance and retirement plus special benefits.”
“Special benefits that you don’t give to your other employees?”
“Oh, I definitely do not give these kinds of special benefits to my other employees.”
“Mmm. I like the sound of that.”
We exit the building and I put my key into the deadbolt to lock up for the night.
“Porter.”
It isn’t Frankee’s voice I hear, so I turn to see who called my name. It takes several seconds for my brain to recognize the woman and make the connection, but when it does, a rigor runs down my spine.
Fuck. If it’s possible for the past to reach out and slap the shit out of you, it just happened.
It’s her—my final one-night stand. The last one I had before Frankee and I started seeing each other.
This is bad. Really fucking bad.
“Hello there. Can we help you?” Frankee’s voice is bubbly. So eager to offer help to this woman who I’m sure she assumes is here on Lovibond business.
“I’m here to speak with Porter.”
Mother. Fucker.
“Oh, okay.” Frankee turns to me. “I can go on and get dinner started while you finish up here.”
“That would be great.”
“Burgers okay?”
“Whatever you want is fine.”
The woman waits until Frankee is in her car to speak again. Thank fuck. “Do you remember me?”
“Charlize?”
“Charlotte.”
“I remember you.” Unfortunately.
“Can we go inside to talk?”
And fuck? I don’t think so. “No need to.”
“This isn’t going to be a quick conversation. Trust me. You’d rather not have it in the parking lot.”
That sends up a red flag for sure. I open the front door and lead Charlotte to my office.
“Was that your girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend-about-to-be-fiancée.”
“Pretty girl. Was she your girlfriend-about-to-be-fiancée three months ago?”
“No.”
“Well, that happened fast.”
“I’ve known her for a long time. We recently reconnected. But I’m certain you didn’t come here to discuss my relationship with her.”
“No, I didn’t.”
There’s never been one woman to show up at this brewery because she wasn’t after something. “What do you want?”
She looks at me, unsmiling. She rubs her palms over her jeans. She’s nervous. And that makes me nervous. “I’m pregnant.”
No.
No.
No.
Fuck. No.
I rewind to that night in my mind. I had drunk a few beers, but I wasn’t intoxicated. And I didn’t fuck up when I put that condom on my dick. I did it the right way.
“Are you here because you think it’s mine?”
“I know it’s yours.”
I was at my buddy’s house for a cookout when Charlotte showed up with her friends. We had talked for less than two hours when she let me fuck her. She acted clingy afterward, so I disappeared as soon as she went to the bathroom.
I know. Total dick move.
“How can you be sure it’s mine?”
“There’s a narrow window for when I got pregnant. You were the only one I had sex with during that time.”
“You told me you were on birth control, and we used a condom.”
“Maybe there was a hole in it. Maybe I got a defective batch of birth control pills. I don’t have an explanation for how it happened. I only know it did happen, and now I’m pregnant with your baby.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“Of course, I’ve seen a doctor. I wouldn’t come here and tell you this if I weren’t positive.”
“Fuck.” I cover my eyes with my hand and shake my head, wishing, begging, pleading for this nightmare to go away. “Fuccck!”
“I know you don’t want this. Believe me, I didn’t either when I first found out. But I’ve had time to think about it, and I’ve decided that I want to keep the baby. I want you to be in its life. I want you to be a father to him or her.”
A baby joins two people forever.
I don’t want to be joined to this woman for the rest of my life.
I only want that with Frankee.
Only twenty minutes ago I was on the sofa inside of the woman I love, telling her that I want to be married to her. Want to put a baby inside of her as soon as she’ll let me. And she said yes.
But now all of that is going to be ruined. Because of a one-night stand. One fucking mistake I’ll never be rid of.
If this is true, Frankee is going to leave me when she finds out I’ve gotten another woman pregnant.
“You aren’t saying anything. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that this is going to cause me to lose the one thing I love most in this world.”
“I’m sorry for that. But please believe me when I say that I didn’t choose this. It just happened.”
If I’d been solely dependent upon her telling me the truth about the birth control pills, I would definitely be questioning the authenticity of that statement, but I was the one in control of applying the condom. It was from my stash. It isn’t possible for her to have sabotaged it.
This is a hugely unfortunate fuck-up.
“Do you have a father?”
Why does that matter? “Yes.”
“Are you close to him?”
“Yes. I’m close to all of my family members.”
“I don’t have that. I never did. I grew up without a father. I only saw him a handful of times in my entire life. And it was very painful. I could never understand why I wasn’t good enough for him to love me. My mother tried, but she was never able to convince me that there was nothing wrong with me. I don’t want that for this baby.”
I understand. No child should grow up feeling unworthy of a parent’s love.
“Do you want to be a part of our baby’s life?”
Our baby. Nothing about hearing her say that feels right.
“I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I need you to give me time to absorb this reality. Because right now my mind is spinning. I can’t answer any questions about what I want.”
“I don’t think that makes you an asshole at all. I understand you need to absorb it. And that’s fine. We have time to figure out what we’re going to do.”
At least she’s being reasonable.
“Do you expect your girlfriend-fiancée to tell you to turn your back on us?”
“I have no idea what Frankee is going to say.”
She reaches into her purse and takes out a sonogram picture. “This is your son or daughter. Your flesh and blood. Women may come and go in your life. But this will always be your child.”
This is your son or daughter. Your flesh and blood. But this will always be your child. Those words literally nauseate me.
“My due date is February twenty-fourth.”
“How far along is that?”
“Almost thirteen weeks. I know you’re going to do an Internet search the minute I leave, trying to disprove any possibility that you’re the father. When it asks you to enter the last menstrual period, it was May twenty-first. And you’ll see that the dates of conception would be anytime between May thirtieth and June fourth.”
I fucked Charlotte that first weekend in June. I know because Frankee came to work for me the following Monday. I don’t even have to look at a calendar.
“I’m going to ask for a paternity test after the baby is born.”
“That’s fine. I want you to take a paternity test. I don’t want you to ever doubt this child being yours.”
She gets up and reaches for a pad and pen on my desk. “Here’s my number. Call me when you’re ready to talk.”
After she leaves, I sit unmoving except for the beat of my heart and breath moving in and out of my lungs. I’m not sure how long I sit there, but it’s long enough to get a text from Frankee.
Frankee: Everything ok?
No. Everything is definitely not okay. And I cannot face her right now.
Porter: I’m sorry, baby. I’m going to be tied up here for a while longer. Go on home, and I’ll see you in the morning.
Frankee: Ok. I love you.
Porter: Love you too.
I don’t know how in the fuck I’m going to tell Frankee about this.
Her standards are high. I don’t see her being okay with marrying me when another woman is pregnant with my baby.
She’s going to leave me. I know it. She’s going to take off for Austin so fast my head will spin.
And why wouldn’t she? She’s a beautiful twenty-two-year-old woman who has her entire life in front of her. She doesn’t have to settle for a man who has knocked up some one-night stand. She can move on and find a man who isn’t having a baby with another woman.
I can’t talk to Tap or Stout about this; neither know about Frankee and me. And I’m damn sure not ready to tell either of them I’m going to be a father.
Fuck my life.
I call the only person on this earth I can talk to about what I’ve done. “Mom…” I can’t get that one simple word out without my voice breaking.
“Porter. What is wrong?”
“I’ve messed up. So bad.”
“Son, what have you done?”
Embarrassment. Shame. Disgrace.
I can’t believe this is happening.
“I was with this girl months ago. It happened before Frankee.”
I breathe in deeply. Once. Twice. Three times. Procrastinating.
“And?”
“The girl just came to see me. She’s pregnant, and she says it’s mine.”
“Oh shit. You have messed up.”
“I know, Mom. I know. Frankee is…” It’s one thing to think the words in my mind, but saying them is so much worse. “She’s going to leave me over this.”
“Oh, Porter.”
“We’ve been talking about getting married and having babies. She’s already told me she wants to. I was going to propose to her soon. And now it’s all ruined. She’ll never marry me when there’s another woman having my baby.”
“Definitely not a motivator for saying yes.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell her about it. She’s going to hate me.”
“The one thing you have on your side is that it happened before her.”
“Would that have mattered to you if Dad told you he’d gotten someone else pregnant?”
“I can’t lie. I would have moved on. But times are different today than they were then. Most families are blended these days. It could be something she’s able to accept.”
“I know Frankee. She isn’t going to be accepting of someone else having my child.” She has a very concrete picture of what marriage looks like. And it doesn’t include being a stepmother.
“Do you think the baby is yours?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. The timing sounds like it is, but I won’t know for sure until it’s born and we do a paternity test.”
“I taught you and Cade to wrap it.”
“I did. And I wrapped it right.”
“Do you trust this woman to tell you the truth?”
My mom is going to flip out when I tell her this. “She was a one-night stand.”
“Well, I hope she was a damn good lay because the few moments you had with her are going to be the reason you lose the only girl you’ve ever loved. I am so pissed off at you right now.”
“I know. I’ve messed up bad.”
“When are you going to tell Frankee?”
We were planning to talk to Scott tomorrow after work, but there’s no way we can do that without my telling her about this first. “Soon. I guess tomorrow.”
“I think I know how this is going to end, but please call me and let me know how it goes.”
“I will.”
“I love you, son. And I pray it works out.”
“Me too.” But I’m not holding my breath.
* * *
“You're acting weird today. Are you that nervous about talking to my dad?”
“About that. We're going to need to postpone again. There’s something you and I need to discuss.”
“Okay. What do we need to discuss?”
“I don't want to have that conversation here.”
She laughs. “You can't say that and then expect to not have that conversation here.”
I grasp her hand. “You need to come with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“We've only been at work for an hour, and you already want to leave to go have sex? You’re turning into a real nympho.”
I stop in the hallway before we get to the front door. “No, Frankee.”
“O… kay. You're starting to sort of freak me out.”
I don't reply because I have no reassuring words for her.
She knows something is up, and neither of us says a word on the drive to my condo. The tension is so thick it feels like a blanket wrapped around me. Closing in on me. Smothering me.
We enter the condo, and she stands next to the sofa with her arms wrapped around herself as I sit at the end.
“Sit down.”
“I don't want to sit down.”
I lean forward with my head in my hands, my forearms resting on my thighs. “Fuck, I don’t know how to do this.”
“How to do what?”
I don't reply or look up at her.
“You're scaring me, Porter.”
I get up and go to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. I press my nose to her hair and inhale deeply, savoring the moment because I know this could be the last time I ever hold her this way. “I love you so much. I don't think you really know how much.”
“Please tell me what this is about.”
I can procrastinate no longer.
“The woman who came to the brewery last night.”
“Your business associate?”
“She's not my business associate.”
She stiffens in my arms. “Who is she to you?”
I release her because I know she’s going to fight me if I don’t.
“I had a one-night stand with her a few months ago. But I swear it happened before you. There's been no one else since you.”
“Okay. I knew there were women before me. I don't like it, but I can handle that as long as the past stays in the past.”
“The past isn't staying in the past.”
“Did you tell her we were together?”
“Yes.”
“Why did she come to see you if she was a one-night stand?”
This is it. The moment that is forever going to define the rest of my life. “She's pregnant.”
Frankee stares at me, and I swear I can see the blood draining from her face. “Say the rest of it. Say the rest, so I can hear it come out of your mouth.”
“She says the baby is mine.”
Frankee squeezes her eyes shut, and her erratic breathing causes her chest to shudder. Her eyes are closed, but tears still form in the corners. They drop down her face onto her shirt, forming dark spots on the fabric.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I swear to God, I would take back that night if I could.”
“Do you think it belongs to you?”
I inhale deeply and slowly release my breath. “It’s possible.” I hate admitting that.
Frankee sits on the sofa and covers her face with her hands. “We were in such a good place, and this ruins everything.”
“It ruins everything only if you decide it ruins everything. We can still be happy.”
“You’re having a baby with another woman. That puts a huge damper on our love life.”
“It happened before you.”
“You said that already. But guess what? The consequences of you fucking her—your baby being inside her—are happening right now.” Frankee shakes her head. “You're not a dumb teenager. How did you let that happen?”
“I do not fucking know. I was careful.”
“Not fucking careful enough.”
“She has asked me to be a part of the baby’s life.”
“A paternity test would rule you out if you’re not the father. I can’t imagine her asking you to do that if she isn’t confident that the baby is yours.”
I hadn’t considered that. “Where does this leave us?”
“I don’t know. My head and my heart are on an out-of-control emotional roller coaster. I can’t think because all I want to do is puke.”
“We can get through this. I know we can.”
“I consider myself a strong person, but I don’t know if I can handle someone else being pregnant with your baby. That’s a tough one for any woman to endure.”
“It’s killing me that I’m hurting you this way.”
I can’t lose her over this. She means too much to me.
I drop to my knees on the floor in front of her. I will beg her to stay, with no shame, if that’s what it takes. “I love you, Frankee. I don’t want to lose you over this. Please don’t leave me.”
Tears stream down her face. “Another woman is having your baby. Not me. You can’t imagine how that breaks my heart.”
“We can still get married and have babies, just like we talked about. This does not change that.”
“I wanted to be the one—the only one—to give you babies. Knowing that she has that part of you growing inside her… it taints it for me.”
I press my forehead to her knees. “Please don’t say that.”
“I can’t help it. It disgusts me to know she’s pregnant by you. Think about if the roles were reversed and I just found out I was pregnant by a one-night stand that happened right before we started dating. How would that make you feel? To know that some other man had a part of himself growing inside me?”
That thought sickens me. And it’s just a thought, not a reality. “I would lose my fucking mind.”
“When you said that you wanted to see me holding your baby, I never imagined its mother would be another woman.”
Hearing her say that breaks my heart down the middle.
“I fucked up. No doubt about it, but this doesn’t have to be the end of us. We could come out stronger on the other side because we survived this hurdle.”
“It’s a big hurdle, one I’m not sure I’ll be able to get over.”
“We can do it together, baby. I know I’ve let you down, but we can turn this around. I’ll do whatever it takes if you’ll just give me the chance.”
“That’s the thing. This isn’t a case where you need to right a wrong; you haven’t wronged me. This is about me and whether I can come to accept your having a baby with someone else.”
I grip her hips and press my face against her lap. “I wish it were you having my baby. Fuck, it should be you.”
“But it’s not.”
And it may never be. Because I have fucked up that badly.
“Let’s not go back to work.”
“I don’t think I can go back to work. But I also don’t think I can stay here.”
“Don’t say that. I need you to be here with me now more than ever.”
“I need time—and distance—to figure this out.”
“How much?”
“I don’t know.” She leans away from me. “Can you please take me to my car?”
Again, we don’t speak during the drive back to the brewery. I hate every second of the silence. But what I hate more is watching her get into her car and drive away, not knowing when—or if—I’ll see her again.
She needs time. And I owe her that without being in her face.
Porter: Take off the rest of the week.
Porter: I’ll take care of everything.
Porter: I love you.
No response. Maybe because she’s driving. Maybe because this is it.
Fucking incredible how one small moment can change the entire course of your life.
I’m losing the one thing I love most in this world. I feel it happening. She’s slipping through my fingers. And there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop it.