Chapter 25
Noah
A moron hears that fair judgments are made in Hades.
Since he has a case in court, he hangs himself.
–Philogelos (The Laughter Lover)
The next day, I took off from being the Beast of Din City and didn’t touch a notebook. I didn’t need to make a list. I knew who had to die. Butterfly’s face dwelled in my head more than I would ever admit. In these visions, I choked until mucous and blood squirted out of her eyes.
In the bathtub, Mary Jane kissed me. “This is so relaxing.”
Warm water caressed my skin. “Yes. It is.”
In the background, music played.
In that moment, a female reggae singer bragged over a rugged beat, “Me wine the waist pon him like so. Yeah, mon. Me tell you, he don’t ever go. Yeah, mon. Even when the night glow. Yeah, mon. Me tell you, he don’t ever go. Yeah, mon.”
Rays of sun streamed into my spacious bathroom. It was a symphony of simplicity—no clutter or color, just empty space and white walls with spotless wood flooring instead of carpet. My massive tub was in the floor. It could fit a three-hundred-pound man and even more. Crusher had tested that out when he oversaw installing it. No shelves or pictures cluttered the wall. There was one sink and an oval mirror that hung above it.
“Me wine the waist pon him like so. Yeah, mon.”
In front of the tub, a floor-to-ceiling window served as the wall and presented a view of Din City’s downtown. Remarkably elevated, no one could see me, but the sparkle of the lights and movement below kept me connected.
“Me give him dat real love. Me give him dat real love. He grip me so hard, when me give him dat real love.”
I needed to approach the war from another angle and had to admit that Vinese’s cards had shaken me. Had me thinking differently about it all. According to Vinese’s reading, I couldn’t battle Butterfly with death. I had to dig deeper and figure out this love thing that Vinese talked about.
So, I stayed home and spent time with my queen.
I could get used to this.
On a darker note, Mary Jane had woken up screaming that morning, mumbling about dead bodies and vomiting chains. Tears had streaked her face. She’d done her best to wipe them away and pretend like everything was okay, but I knew that my life and these weeks had changed her. She’d told less jokes. Throughout the morning, she was jumpy and her hands shook when she thought I wasn’t looking.
She must have had nightmares last night. I need to remove her from this shit.
Ignoring the city, my men, and Butterfly’s antics, I stayed with Mary Jane all day and took care of her. Sometimes when a person went through shit, they just needed someone by their side, holding and loving on them. I’d never done it for anyone else, but Mom would always say that.
Mary Jane was mine now. Somehow, I’d learned to love her more than I loved myself. Somehow, she’d submerged inside of me, and taken my mind, body, and heart over. I’d told her I loved her, when I’d never said those three words to myself. I feared for her safety, when I’d never even gave two shits about my own life. I shed tears in front of her, when I’d never cried over any of my friends’ deaths.
She was mine now.
How had things changed so much?
I had to take care of her. And what else could I do when it was certain that my stubborn woman would get into trouble on her own? And what was better than being in her space? What other person would I want in my bathtub?
Mary Jane. Mary Jane.
All those times I’d laughed at fools that fell in love and now I understood the concept of passion in the most addictive way.
The beat picked up as the singer continued to boast, “Jah know. Me body take control. Jah know. Me wine the waist pon him so slow.”
Mary Jane had me lost in her love with no help in sight. What else could be said? I’d spent my entire life trying to rule the world and here the softest and sweetest woman reigned over me.
There was just one problem. My life would eat her up and chew away that laughter until there was nothing left. Another year on the streets and she’d be dead inside.
She’s already having the nightmares. How am I going to fix this? Plus, I have to deal with Butterfly. And I have some abused singer in my apartment, trembling and silent.
The chick wouldn’t take off that rainbow gown. The only person she let close to her was Mary Jane, and even that wasn’t guaranteed. Mary Jane gave her breakfast, but she cowered away from Mary Jane during lunch. There was something off about the singer. Never talked, mumbled, or cried, only stared at us with terrified eyes and remained in the corner. For whatever reason, the chick wasn’t a fan of me. Anytime I walked into the room, she dove for the floor and hid her face. I had no idea why she would fear me. Maybe it was because she watched me kill people in that brothel.
Crusher peaked in every hour to check on her. I was sure his monster face didn’t soothe her. Personally, I thought Crusher and Mary Jane were crazy. They claimed she sang beautifully. I doubted it. When Mary Jane finally convinced the girl to eat, I dragged my baby back into my bed for some more loving.
When her body couldn’t take anymore, we lounged in my oversized bathtub, marinating in lavender scented water.
“Jah know. Dat man don’t ever go.”
“Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing!” Mary Jane placed a crown of bubbles on my head and laughed. “King Noah. The Beast of Din City.”
I frowned as bubbles dripped down my face. “You do realize that I’m going to have to get rid of my Beast title now?”
“No way.” She put more bubbles on my ridiculous bubble crown. “Why?”
“Really? You can’t think of any reason?” I pointed at my head and bubbly ears and cheeks. “Nothing comes to mind?”
Her giggles filled the room. “Nope.”
“You’re turning me into a square-ass dude that sits under his woman and lets her primp him.”
“What?” She made a show of appearing shocked.
“You ordered me to put my guns up.”
“Because it didn’t make sense to bring them into the bathroom. You’re taking a freaking bath.” She dried her hands and lit the joint that she’d rolled for us. Of course, Fuji had copped the weed. Of course, I’d torture him in a way that she wouldn’t know.
Mary Jane continued, “and guns scare me.”
I wiped the bubble crown off of my head and sank deeper into the water. “You’re going to have to get used to the guns.”
She took a hit off the joint and blew smoke rings above her. “Nope. You’re going have to get used to love.”
“Me give him dat real love. Me give him dat real love.”
I tensed, thinking about how her words were so close to Vinese’s. “What did you say?”
“I said you’re going to have to get used to love.” She puffed some more and handed it to me.
I waved it away. “No. I don’t fuck with weed any more. I did back in the day. Besides, I’m already hooked on one type of Mary Jane. No need to get addicted to both.”
“Funny.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m actually serious.”
“Even funnier.”
“Go back to what you were saying about love.”
She quirked her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Last night, I had a sort of. . .advisor tell me that in order to save myself, I had to choose the light. The person also said something about love.”
Vinese’s card flashed in my head—a queen with no eyes, covered in thorny roses, and holding a skull and sword.
“Your enemy sits in the shadows plotting your demise,” Vinese had said. “You’ve allowed this for some time, ignoring the problem for too long. If only you can take off the blindfold from your own eyes, look in the past, and see the solution.”
Mary Jane inhaled some more. “Does this have to do with Madame Butterfly?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmm. I’ve had some questions about all of that, but you’ve been so busy and—”
“Questions?” I asked.
The song ended and changed to a slower tune with no lyrics. Mary Jane flicked ash on an empty plate that had been stacked with chocolate strawberries. “So Butterfly clearly loves you in some sick way, but you don’t love her?”
“That’s not a question.” I raised my eyebrows. “Right?”
“Of course, it’s a question.”
“Mary Jane, you’re the only woman that I’ve ever loved, besides my mother.”
“But what’s your history with Butterfly?”
“Nothing special.”
She blew two more circles. “Butterfly is trying to kill me and everyone else to get to you. I would say it’s a pretty big deal.”
“Why is everybody so hung up on this imaginary love affair with Butterfly?”
Mary Jane’s face turned cruel and scary. “Excuse me?”
“What did I say?”
She exhaled out more smoke. “Everybody thinks that you two have a love affair going on? Seriously?”
“Wait. It’s not what you think.”
“What’s your history with her?” she asked.
“Maybe I should get a hit of that.” I leaned her way to grab it.
She put the joint to her lips and tossed me a death stare. “What’s your history with her?”
“Butterfly and I just have a bunch of stories that really don’t mean anything, but the streets talk and they like to over analyze things and—”
“A bunch of stories?!” She dropped the joint into the water. “How much history do you and she have?”
“Baby, I’ve known her since I was like fucking twelve. Of course, we have a few stories.”
The joint forgotten and sinking into the water, she stared at me with the saddest expression. “Tell me them.”
“Baby, it’s not that serious. It’s just—”
“Tell me.” She sighed. “At the bare minimum, I could probably figure out a way for you to fix this with her, since you have no fucking idea how to deal with women.”
I sank deeper into the water. “You look upset.”
“I’m not upset. I’m just a bit jealous which happens with love. I get that you’ve been with other people. I’m just not excited about it.”
“I get it. I’m not that excited about you having history with other men either.” Fuji had told me about Harrold and some dumbasses showing up at Mary Jane’s dorm. Once this Butterfly situation ended, I would make him wish he’d concentrated on regaining his ability to walk and not messing with my woman. Fuji and I agreed that Mary Jane didn’t need to know about how we would handle Harrold.
“So, tell me about Butterfly and you?” Mary Jane pulled me out of the lovely daydream I’d been having of hurting Harrold.
“What?”
“Tell me your history. I bet that together we could figure something out.”
I wasn’t so sure, but Mary Jane’s face hadn’t returned to a relaxed expression. “Fine. Let’s go down memory lane, but trust me, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“We’ll see.”
I laughed.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
“I’m used to a yes, boss and people doing what I say.”
“You’ll have to get used to me.” She stuck her tongue out. “How did you two meet?”
Discomfort plagued me. On paper Butterfly and I sounded like some sort of modern day version of Bonnie and Clyde. All of our history dealt with violence, sex, and the streets. She’d played a part in most of my years—I couldn’t pretend like she didn’t mean anything at all. But in reality, she didn’t. What type of person did that make me? Cold? Unloving? Frozen and dead inside? Rasheed and Domingo always thought I was too icy with her. But what could I do? There was nothing warm about her either. We were just enthusiasts of blood and bullets. How could love rise from that?
Here we go.
I sank into the tub another inch and told her about saving Butterfly in the old Miller Plant.
She raised her eyebrows. “You stopped her from getting gang-raped?”
“Yeah, but I would’ve done that for anybody.”
“Of course, but that’s such a big deal. I would’ve followed you around too.”
“There are other things.” I ran my fingers through my wet hair. “Butterfly’s father used to beat her and her mom, a lot. I caught him doing it one time. He punched Butterfly, over and over, like she was a grown fucking man. He kept calling her a whore. I stormed in and used a wrench on his hand. His fingers never healed back like they were supposed to. Never could make a fist, after that.”
“So you saved her, again?” Mary Jane asked.
“He was an evil bastard. I would’ve done that for anybody.”
“Okay.”
Mary Jane looked away. “And you two had sex?”
“I took her virginity.”
“Jesus.” She shook her head. “You’ve saved her twice, became the first person that she ever had sex with, and made her a powerful woman in this city. Did you ever have feelings for her?”
“No.”
She studied my face. “How is that possible? If I was you, I would’ve had feelings for her.”
“We’re two different people, Mary Jane. If you were me, you wouldn’t be telling jokes.”
“Not the point.”
“But it is.”
What was Vinese’s next card in the reading? Oh, yeah. Something about lovers.
They’d been embracing each other. At first they looked normal, but as I’d peered closer, the flesh seemed to rot before my eyes. I remembered hating that card, not liking the lovers’ decaying skin.
Vinese had warned, “Everything you thought you loved may crumble, if you do not focus. But what is it that you truly love, Noah? What or who are you truly trying to save? Is it your empire or the woman that’s taken your heart?”
“Must there be a choice?” I asked. “Why can’t I have it all?”
A cackle had come from Vinese. “So old, Noah, but still so young.”
Within the warm water, I stroked Mary Jane’s thigh. My dick getting hard as my fingertips slipped against her soft skin. “Butterfly is like every other woman that I’ve met in this life. I’ve saved others. Street men love to hurt beautiful things. There’s always a girl or woman to save. And all of those chicks that I’ve helped, hoped that they would be mine.”
“Have you ever at least been infatuated with someone?”
“No, and this isn’t about me. We’re talking about Butterfly.”
She stuck her tongue at me. “This is about you and her.”
I didn’t like Mary Jane putting me in the same sentence with Butterfly. In fact, talking about the bitch wasn’t what I wanted at that moment. Mary Jane’s thighs felt too good. I knew she was still hurt and yesterday’s events hadn’t helped with the healing process. Fucking her last night and all this morning, probably didn’t make things better either. I was careful, until the end, when I couldn’t help myself and pounded my climax into that sweet flesh.
I need to get her out of this water and into some clothes, before I bend her over this tub. Put that big ass in the air. Fuck. I haven’t got behind her really good like I want to. Could I do it right now, and not hurt her? Maybe get a pillow and put it on the edge? Maybe—
“You’re squinting and licking your lips,” Mary Jane giggled. “What are you thinking about?”
“Don’t worry about that?”
Vinese’s last card flashed in my head at exactly the wrong time. Anxiety rose in my chest. I did my best to relax, but I couldn’t get the image out of my mind. A large man draped in shadows. A crown made out of bones sat on his head. His eyes glowed red from under the darkness. In his one hand, he held a rose that bled and dripped to the foggy ground in front of him.
“Death,” Vinese had whispered and pierced me with her gaze. “Noah, you must focus.”
Mary Jane snapped her fingers in front of me. “Tell me more about Butterfly.”
I groaned. By now the warm liquid rose to my chin. “Do I have to?”
“Why can’t you find her?” Mary Jane asked.
“Because she’s always been good at hiding in Din City. The first thing a female learns on the streets is that she has to hide until she gains power or protection. I bet she has thousands of hiding spots.”
“And what’s the second thing?”
“Trust no guy from the block. Even if he looks, acts, and eats like a sheep, he’s a fucking wolf, waiting to bite the shit out of her.”
“And the third?”
“Pussy is power.”
“Fourth?”
“Once a chick knows that pussy is power, there’s no need to learn anything else.”
“That sounds so wrong, yet, right in some way.”
“Wrong?”
“Very, very wrong, my friend,” Mary Jane said. “Women have so many beautiful things about them. The space between their thighs is just the cool bonus. This whole way of thinking is wrong. These streets are wrong too. And the men are wrong. I don’t know. I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying. . .”
“It’s wrong.”
“Yes.”
I thought about what Vinese had said last night.
“Wrong bones in the wrong place. Wrong bones, Noah. People that shouldn’t be dead. Blood that is too innocent. Crying where there should be laughter. Fire and destruction where there should be beauty and love. A festival of pain.”
“Is this in my city?” I’d asked.
“Choose what you really love and fight for it, Noah. Look for the light in the darkness and then run fast toward that light, like you’re about to die. Never look over your shoulder at the darkness. Any light you see boy, you run for it. That is all I can say or those wrong bones might come my way.”
I thought about that for a long time as I stared at Mary Jane and wondered how many times could we sit in the bathtub like this and enjoy ourselves. How many days would I get a break to relish in her? Would the city ever let me rest? Would my enemies ever let me be?
Sighing, I asked the question that had been knocking in my head all morning and giving me a headache. “Do you think you could be a part of my life, baby?”
She took too long to answer as she moved her leg and rested it on mine, making little swirly patterns on my stomach with her toes. “I don’t know.”
My goddamned heart did that booming pattern that she’d triggered since the first time I met her. I couldn’t leave the conversation there. We had to have this talk.
I whispered, “You have to know, baby.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Do you think I could really hurt you if you walked away from me?”
She returned to drawing on my body with her toes.
Fear twisted inside of me. “Mary Jane?”
“No, you wouldn’t hurt me, but I don’t think you would let me move on to another man.”
She’s always been a fast fucking learner. I would kill any man that looked at her too long, whether she was with me or not.
She let out a long breath. “But then. . .I don’t think I would let you move on to another woman either. I don’t care if she’s from the streets or whatever, I would spend the rest of my life hurting her as much as possible. That’s the messed up thing about this Butterfly situation. The solution would be to love her.”
“I couldn’t. Not the way she wants and she’s done too much. She pit Domingo, Rasheed, and me against each other.”
“From what Fuji has told me, it wouldn’t have been too hard to have you three fighting. It sounded like as you rose in power, your friends slowly became frenemies. It’s probably why Butterfly wanted you even more.”
A throb came right at the center of my forehead. Right where those crazy yoga people in articles talked about the third eye’s location.
“It sounded like as you rose in power, your friends slowly became frenemies. It’s probably why Butterfly wanted you even more.”
I sat up in the tub.
Power. That’s why Butterfly loves me.
Water streamed down from my chest. Mary Jane’s expression twisted into lust as her eyes left my face and went everywhere they shouldn’t have.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said. “I’m already finding it hard enough not to fuck you right now.”
“Eh! Why would you not be giving me that thug love right now.”
“Thug love?”
“Thug passion, maybe?”
The past week’s events played out in my mind.
Mary Jane snapped her fingers. “What are you thinking about?”
“Hold up. I’ll be right back.” I shook my head and climbed out of the water. Bubbles still clung to most of me. My lady had poured the whole damn bottle in the tub.
“Where are you going?” Mary Jane pouted. “I demand that you get back in here.”
“You made me realize something.” I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my waist. Poor Fuji, Crusher, and 305. They stayed in the loft last night to guard us and the red-head we’d saved. There was no way they didn’t hear Mary Jane and I sexing. I didn’t give a fuck about being loud. But no man wanted to listen to another man groan and come, especially when that guy was his boss.
Now, I’ll be giving them an order, covered in bubbles and wearing a bath towel.
“What’s your idea?” Mary Jane called out to me.
I paused in the doorway and turned to her. “It’s fair to say that Butterfly is in love with me, because I saved her all of those times.”
“That and the fact that God personally sculpted your body and cock from magic clay and had his top angels blow breath into your lungs.”
I opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Let’s focus. Yes. Butterfly probably fell for you, because you are her hero.”
I smiled. “And because I have power.”
“Maybe.”
“It’s not a maybe, Mary Jane.”
“Sure, it could be the power, too.
“Power.” I raised a finger. “It is the number one reason why Butterfly loves me. This is why I could never love her or any of the other women I met in the streets. When they fuck me, they’re fucking the Beast of Din City. When you’re in my bed, who are you fucking?”
“Noah. The Ruiner of Good Jokes. The Lord of Long Monologues and OCD cleanliness. The Mocker of Pop Corn and all things that are junk food. The King of Odd Beach Glass Meditation. The Purveyor of Pounding My Pussy. I could go on and on.”
Damn. I love her.
I couldn’t help it. I rushed to her, almost slipping on the wood flooring. I took her into my arms and she shrieked a little before I devoured her lips. When I pulled away, lust pooled in her eyes and I bet she didn’t remember what we’d even been talking about.
“Could you be a part of this life?” I landed a kiss on both of her cheeks. “Tell me the truth.”
“I wouldn’t want to be.” Panting, she tried to move away, but I wouldn’t let her.
“I don’t think I would want to be with the Mary Jane that loved my power. You’ve only been with me for this long and you’ve already seen too much shit.” I traced her bottom lip with my thumb. “After a year in this life, you won’t be telling jokes and giggling with the guys. You’ll be holding a gun, probably scared about whatever new enemy that I’m fighting, because in the end, my Mary Jane, there will always be a new enemy.”
She frowned. “What are you saying?”
“If I left this life, would you leave me?”
She twisted her face in confusion. “Leave you? Of course not. I would hold a huge going away party and be happy that you’re not in these streets getting yourself killed or even worse. I mean. . .seriously, if we had kids or something. . .not that I’ve been thinking about that recently. . .but if we did, I would be scared as hell for them.”
“Kids?” My heart shifted from booming to slamming against my ribcage. “Kids?”
She’s going to have me on fucking heart medication by next week.
“Ignore that.” She moved my hand away from her face. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“If I lost my power, would you stay by my side?” I asked.
“Duh.”
“You’d be there, if I was broke?”
“I’m a college kid and raised by a single mother who taught school. I know all about being broke.”
“That’s why I fucking love you. That’s why I was able to warm to you.” I slipped my hand down to one of her breasts. Those wet nipples had been enticing me the whole time.
She pushed my hand away. “Noah, stop. What’s your idea?”
“If I lost my power, Butterfly would not be there for me. She’d be sad about it, maybe. But she would be gone to the next man with power.”
Mary Jane shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“If Domingo or Rasheed had killed me, she’d be with whoever beat the other. That’s a fact. All this time, the war wasn’t about being next to me. It was about her being next to my position. She couldn’t rule over my men because she’s a woman, but if she puppet mastered another man, there would be no problem. And when someone came after the guy and killed him, she’d just replace him with another fool. She doesn’t love Noah. She loves my power and reputation.”
She tossed me a skeptical look. “I don’t know. She may really love you.”
“Let’s see.” I kissed her forehead and walked off to talk to my men.
“But what’s the plan?”
I left. My dick had gone stiff from touching her. I had to get the damn erection down, before talking to them.
“Noah? Noah!”
Vinese’s words hit me again.
“Choose what you really love and fight for it, Noah.”