The ride from LaGuardia Place to the secret dinner haunt is a long one. Julian’s fingers remain laced with mine, squeezing my hand tightly. Our knees touch. Our breathing follows the same rhythm. Silence hangs over us. As I peek out the window throughout the ride, I can feel his gaze on me.

Anxiety sweeps over me until the car service drops us off in front of our destination.

Although desire courses through my entire body, I can’t help but be excited by the view in front of me.

Time Warner Building.

“No way!” I shout. Even though the name of the restaurant hasn’t been revealed, there’s no doubt our meal will be amazing. Several restaurants housed in this building are currently on the list of Top Ten best restaurants in the world.

We take the elevator up and I can’t help but feel giddy with excitement. Masa. Per Se. Landmarc.

“Oh, my God, Julian!” I scream like a child at a candy shop when we stop on the fourth floor. “Really?” Standing in front of Masa, I’m surprised I’m not jumping up and down. “No way! I’ve been dying to come here.”

“Yes, way.” Pulling me close to his side, he kisses my forehead. “I’m glad there’s excitement in your voice.”

“I’m sooo freakin’ excited. I can’t wait.”

Julian immediately whispers, “I can’t wait to taste …” And without finishing his thought, we head inside.

Taste what?

Julian gently raises my hand to meet his lips, placing a soft kiss to my palm. I don’t know if it’s the anticipation of our meal or the simple kiss to my palm that has quickened my heartbeat.

Masa.

Julian.

Masa.

Julian.

How can I describe what must be the most simple yet beautiful Japanese restaurant I have ever laid my eyes upon? It is small with only eight tables and ten seats at the bar. The décor is minimal. The menu, Omakase. Rather than sit at a table, Julian leads me to the coveted bar area.

“That’s Masa,” Julian says, pointing at a friendly and talkative man who greets us with a smile. Not only is Masa at the bar, but I learn in a few minutes that the master himself will also be serving us.

I ask in wonder, “Whaaaaat?”

Squeezing my hand gently, “It’s your birthday. Of course, I would request that Masa serve us himself. Surprised?”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve only heard about this place but didn’t expect to come here for my birthday. And to have him”−I point at Masa−“here, in front of me … is beyond awesome.” Beaming from ear to ear, I sit in front of a man who had been hailed as the Dalai Lama of sushi by the foodie community.

“There are going to be several firsts tonight.” Staring into my eyes, he gives me a slight wink, and suddenly, I’ve forgotten about the meal.

The image of being devoured by Julian hits me.

Stop thinking, Lina. First things first. Enjoy the meal.

Our dinner is incredible. Even before the exquisite dishes touch my lips, I am in paradise. Watching Masa prepare our meal is like watching an artist at work. Our meal begins with seven dishes that are not sushi. We have some Shabu Shabu. I almost have an orgasm when I taste Omi beef served with white truffles. Served in Zen perfection is another dish containing seafood. Julian adds, “They’re flown in daily from Japan.”

Raising his cup of sake, he says, “Happy Birthday, Lina.” My crush flashes a wicked grin across his face. In a serious tone, he offers, “I’m not going to behave anymore. One night.”

“One night, Julian?” I ask with hesitation, still unsure of what he’s proposing.

He places his porcelain cup on the table before admitting in such a sonorous voice, “I want one night with you. I want to give you everything, every single part of me tonight. I will belong to you. And in return, I will have all of you.”

I stare at the man I’ve desired for weeks, and there’s no hesitation on my part. He will belong to me. No doubt lingers in the air. I will give him all of me. I purse my lips, and I simply nod.

Moving closer, he brushes his lip over my ear when he confesses, “We’re going to enjoy our meal, drink a lot of sake, and later, I am going to undress that beautiful body of yours, kiss those luscious lips, savor every inch of your body, and fuck what I imagine to be the tightest, sweetest pussy I’ll ever taste, and you’re going to love it.”

I almost choke.

He reaches for my stunned face, parts my wet lips with his fingers, tracing the curves. “You heard every word I said, and I meant it. I’ve waited too long. Eat up; you’re going to need your strength for what I have in mind for you tonight,” he growls, his deep voice heavy with lust.

Oh. My. God.

I open my mouth, but I’m mute ... again. I study Julian’s eyes, and there’s no doubt he is serious. Absolutely, crazy, serious. His eyes are ink blue with no hints of gray anywhere. Images of Julian fucking me in different positions appear before me. Doggy style. Reverse cowgirl. Riding his face. Sideways. Sixty-nine. Sucking him off. My damn imagination! A chill runs down my spine. The steady beating of my heart begins to stutter, beating faster than possible, and I can’t help but be excited and scared at the same time.

My eyes are focused on the sushi bar before me, and all I can see is myself, sitting at the bar with my legs on Julian’s shoulder as his mouth devours me.

Dear God, I need cool sake poured over me.

“Lina, darling.” Julian shakes me out of another salacious thought. His hand is on my thigh, only a few inches away from my aching core. I’m surprised I haven’t detonated like a bomb. Squeezing my thigh lightly, he says matter-of-factly, “We’re going to have a wonderful and memorable night together.”

Heart, slow down, I will myself. A few minutes later, my breathing becomes steady, and I am able to relax … for now.

With every dish served before me, I feel like an empress. As we delight in our meal, conversation between us is surprisingly easy. We discuss everything. The latest album by Coldplay to best movies by Ridley Scott to books by one of our favorite authors, Graham Greene. Julian revels in the arts, and it is quite evident as he is smiling the entire time. I can’t remember ever being engaged like this with anyone. Even with sexual tension between us, we continue to enjoy our time at Masa. The food is abundant. Although the food was prepared quickly as we watched, we have been seated at the bar, enjoying our meal for almost three hours. Our unforgettable culinary journey ends with black truffle ice cream and a cup of fragrant tea. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy another Japanese meal again. As I hear the “Oh, my Gods” and “Mmmmms” that have become a mantra in this intimate surrounding, Julian’s promise invades my thoughts. Can I do this? Intimacy can change everything.

We’ve just reconnected and I don’t want to lose our friendship.

From the moment I laid eyes on Julian at his father’s birthday party, I knew that I wanted him more than I have ever wanted anyone before. Well, actually, the night I masturbated thinking about him before the party and had an orgasm so violent, I knew then that I wanted him−all of him. Just the thought of Julian gave me an orgasm that Andrew had never been able to provide physically. All conscience aside, I decide that I am going to have Julian make love to me.

Infidelity.

Would I actually be cheating on Andrew? He let me walk away from our life together. He doesn’t want to marry me anymore. My former fiancé had asked me to leave him alone. My former fiancé didn’t fight for me. My former fiancé didn’t even bother to watch me walk away from our sixteen years together. My former fiancé hasn’t contacted me since I left him with the exception of a “Good Luck” text. And here I am, with a man who wants me … who desires me … who excites me. He promises to rock my world … if only for one night. Leaving Andrew was terrifying but losing this opportunity to be intimate with Julian terrifies me more.

This possible moment has tormented me in my dreams for the past few weeks. I’m not going to overanalyze anything.

Live in the moment, Lina.

Have some passion. As my gal pal advised earlier, ‘Two adults who happen to be friends can have a few hours of sex, and that’s it.  Just have fun. Get fucked.  It will be liberating!’

* * *

As Julian and I head downtown, silence envelops us even as our body language screams intimacy.  I lay my head on his left shoulder, lacing my fingers with his. There is no question what lies ahead.  All this flirting and the innuendos plaguing us for weeks are finally coming to an end.  There is no question in my mind and in my heart what I so badly want … so desperately need right now.  I want to feel Julian.  I want all of him.

I’m going to sleep with Julian Caine.

The Town Car stops in front of his building.  “Aren’t you taking me home, Julian?” 

“No, I don’t want to make love to you in the same bed that Andrew has slept in,” he says as he reaches to help me out of the dark sedan. 

One simple word escapes my lips. “Oh.”

After he thanks the driver, we walk hand in hand to his penthouse. As we ride up the elevator, I can feel my heart soaring. I’ve never felt this nervous before. Not even the first time I had sex. Although my stomach is in knots, my pulse quickens, my heart beats rapidly, and the desire for this moment, this night with Julian, is indescribable. The ride up is not fast enough. The lift door opens, and Julian pulls me close, our desperate mouths meeting immediately.  With our tongues dancing, I can barely breathe.  We kiss for several minutes and this is the kiss.

It is slow.

It is consuming.  

It is sweet. 

It is tender.

It is heaven. 

Our kiss doesn’t end.  With our lips still locked together, I find myself being carried up the stairs, his long leg kicking the huge bedroom door wide open.  When the kiss ends, he tilts my chin and studies my face. He can see everything. He can see through all my defenses.  He can see my need. Fuck me.  Moving closer, Julian whispers,  “I want this more than anything I have ever wanted.  I need to know that you want this too.”

“Oh, God, Julian … Julian, I want you.  I want you so much.”  I trace his gorgeous face with my fingertips, following every curve. Staring at his haunting gray-blue eyes, I wonder if I’ll ever find myself attracted to another man again.

Taking a long deep breath, he sighs.  “When I am with you, I forget to breathe.  I look at you, and for a moment, I literally forget to breathe.”  Capturing my mouth, his kiss is desperate and messy.

It is only after he breaks our kiss that I can take in our surroundings. It is dark. The moonlight streaming through his floor-to-ceiling windows allows me to see this gorgeous man. With confidence, he walks over to the nightstand and picks up a remote that allows him to turn a dim light on, as well as music. Standing a few feet away from me, with a voice so low and so deep, he utters, “I want to see, kiss, touch, and memorize every inch of you.”

Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” is in the background nearing its end. A bit unnerved by what I believe is his usual seduction playlist, my bitchy side blurts out, “Marvin Gaye? What’s next? ‘Sexual Healing’? A bit cliché, don’t you think?”

He simply answers, “Nothing with you will ever be cliché.” The sexiest smirk ever formed greets me. And like a lion with its prey, the man I’ve fantasized for weeks walks toward me, shaking his head. Realization hits me, that although it’s Marvin Gaye in the background, it’s not “Sexual Healing,” but instead, “If I Should Die Tonight.” 

Oh God, I’m in trouble.