Chapter Eighteen
Their second date was to an ice-rink. Their third to see a stand-up comedian. Each one went better and better or so, at least, it seemed to Jasper. But as much as things between them seemed great, he began to grow concerned about Matt. When they’d first met, Matt had approached work with enthusiasm. Sure, he came home exhausted, but he seemed to share that contentment that Jasper felt at finishing a day’s work.
But as January turned to February, and February slowly came to an end, the difference in Matt was startling. The night before a shift he’d be restless and on edge. The morning of the shift he’d be short with his words and off his food. In fact, food, in general, started to be a battle. He always made sure Jasper ate but more than once Jasper had watched him merely pick at his own.
He tried talking to Matt but all the other man would say was that he was tired and work was tough. It was more than that. Jasper could see it in the dark circles under Matt’s eyes, hear it in the nightmares that became more frequent. Matt had made him promise not to wake him from a nightmare and Jasper knew he feared how he might react. No, feared that he might hurt or scare him. But after one particularly bad night, where Jasper had been forced to watch him tormented by yet another dream, he decided they needed help. So he called Drew.
It probably should have been Sam he called, but of the two of them, he got on better with Drew. And if he was going to say what he needed to say, he needed to be comfortable. Drew listened patiently as Jasper poured out all his worries.
“You did the right thing, Jasper. We’ve been through this with Matt before. I’ll talk to Sam and he’ll probably talk with Matt and work out how to help him. He might need some counseling or medication. It’s good that he has you. I don’t think either of us has noticed anything amiss and, last time, by the time we got him help it was almost too late.”
Matt returned from his shift that evening as Jasper was doing his GED work on his laptop. His tutor was really happy with his progress and it was looking like he’d complete the course early. He’d already started to consider what he’d move on to next. All thoughts of study and the future fell from his mind when he caught sight of Matt at the door. He looked pale, shell-shocked, and Jasper was on his feet and across the room a moment later.
“Matt, what happened?”
“Just a long day,” Matt mumbled, his hands fumbling with his jacket. Jasper helped him take it off and hung it up by the door. Matt just stood there, swaying slightly. Not drunk, Jasper was certain of that. Just tired. Bone tired. Matt’s hand flexed and his whole body shuddered.
“Matt?” This was more than tiredness.
“There was a gas main explosion in the south of the city. We got most of the injured. It was like being back there, the screams, the…”
Jasper caught him by the arm and guided him to the sofa. Matt sank onto it, staring blankly ahead.
“It’s okay,” Jasper tried. “You’re not back there. You’re here, with me. Safe and sound.”
He rested a hand on Matt’s cheek and Matt met his eyes, looking lost. “I keep seeing him when I sleep. Over and over. I thought I was better, I thought I was Matt again but I’ve just been playing a part. I’m still back there, still stuck, watching, hearing the screaming…”
“Shh.” Jasper tugged Matt closer, wrapping his arms tightly around him. “You’re with me. You’re not back there.” Where? “You’ll never be back there, I promise.”
A muted sob escaped Matt’s throat and Jasper’s heart broke for him. How could one person carry so much pain? Maybe the answer was they couldn’t, and that’s why Matt was slowly coming apart.
Later, after Jasper had got Matt into bed, he decided to join him. He had noticed, on the nights he slept next to Matt, the nightmares were lessened. He didn’t know why but he didn’t care. Anything to get Matt a restful sleep.
They were both on shift the next day but it was hard going to get Matt up.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take a sick day?” Jasper asked, as he watched Matt get dressed. “You’ve been pushing yourself hard lately. You could do with a rest.”
“It’s too late notice. They won’t get someone in to cover me until the afternoon. Besides, I’m not sick. I’m just tired.”
He didn’t eat breakfast, despite Jasper gently prodding him.
When they got to work, Matt turned to walk away without a word. Not like him.
“Matt?” Jasper called after him.
He turned back. “Huh?”
“Take care of yourself today, okay?”
That seemed to shake him out of it, and he moved back towards Jasper, giving him a hug, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “What did I do to deserve someone as good to me as you?”
And then he was gone and Jasper went to start his own day. It was as busy as ever as he ferried passengers left, right, and center. X-ray queues were out the door again, owing to a broken machine, so it was almost lunchtime when he was finally wheeling an empty chair back to base. He made his way along the back corridor towards the staff locker rooms. There were two people walking up the corridor toward him. Lost visitors, he guessed. They weren’t supposed to be able to access that corridor, but inevitably they managed it. The only places off the corridor were staff rooms and the loading bay.
He was readying himself to turn them around as he neared them but paused instead, the corridor to the loading bay on his left. One of the men looked familiar and he struggled to place him as the men reached him.
“Hello, Jasper,” the man said. “Philippe wants a word.”
A few weeks back, working two shifts in a row wouldn’t have been a bother to Matt. He’d have been tired, but that was life. Now it seemed like a monumental struggle the second day and he was on his third cup of coffee before he really woke up. It wasn’t too busy as days went and infinitely better than the day before. But he could still smell the stench of burnt flesh, hear the screams of the injured. It was tough to push that aside and focus on what was in front of him.
There were cops milling about, after one of their own had been injured in a robbery at a grocery store. The trauma team were getting him stabilized and it didn’t look too bad. Matt was taking the less urgent cases and was teeing a pneumonia patient up for admission. As he finished and stepped outside the cubicle, Taylor stopped him.
“Is Jasper working today?”
“Yeah, he is. Do you need him for something?”
“Not me. Just… there were two guys going around with his photo asking if anyone knew him or had seen him. They looked like trouble. I went to get security to head them off, but they had already left the department.”
“As in left the hospital?”
“No, Amy saw them head into the main building. She heard one of the janitors telling them Jasper was a porter.”
“Shit. I need to find him. Can you page medical admissions for cubicle three?”
“Sure thing, honey.”
Matt pulled out his phone dialing Jasper’s number. As a rule, they didn’t call each other during working hours and he knew Jasper might have his switched off if he was in radiology. He glanced at the clock, hoping instead that Jasper was on lunch. He circled the central workstation, catching sight of the cops milling about and two guards from hospital security standing near the door. When Jasper’s phone went to voicemail, he made his decision.