Chapter Twenty-Five
Ava
I was huddled up in a study room with a cup full of coffee, staring blankly at my calculus book. The problems were twice as complex as they were at the beginning of the semester, and some took hours to solve. I was so distracted by that point that all I could see was a scrambled mess of numbers and symbols. I couldn’t understand anything I was looking at.
Channing might as well have been sitting in the room with me. I kept thinking he’d be there when I looked up. I’d turn to tell him something, only to realize that I was alone. Every second that he was gone seemed to go on forever. I’d wake up thinking of him, and go to bed wondering what he was doing.
He was just as bad. He’d send me little hearts and pictures of roses. Once he sent me a picture of a house sitting at the base of a mountain saying, “Home,” under it. I was sitting in English when I got it. It made me blush.
He and I had a special connection, one that couldn’t be broken by things as mundane as space and time. It was as if he was always there right next to me, whispering in my ear. It was a rush—and a distraction. I had to focus on my book.
I went back to my problems and began writing streams of numbers down in my notebook. There was a sharp knock on the door, and I jolted up, half expecting him to be outside. When I looked out the front window, Nicole was outside holding a white carry-out bag.
I got up to answer the door. “You scared the crap out of me.”
She walked in, and my nose caught the smell of grease. She set the bag down on the table. “When was the last time you ate anything that didn’t come out of a vending machine?”
“It’s probably been about two days.”
“Good, here.” She handed me a burger in brown paper wrapping and a container of fries. I sat down and unwrapped the burger.
“That looks so good. Thank you.” I took a bite and savored the taste of dark, grilled beef and melting cheese.
“You’ve got to get out and do stuff like this or else you’ll lose your mind.” Nicole sat down across from me.
“No soda?”
“I drank it. Sorry.” She pulled her burger out and popped a fry in her mouth. “You look different.” Her eyes fell down my hair, where the curl had settled halfway down. “You changed your hair.”
I blushed. “I did.”
“And now you’re smiling,” she said.
I went back to my burger.
“It’s Channing.”
“What are you talking about?” I set my burger down. “What’s Channing?”
“You can’t even say his name without smiling. Things are progressing, aren’t they?”
“They’re going well.”
“Uh-huh,” she said. “I called you three times last weekend. What happened?”
“I was out.”
“With Channing?”
“He took me to his parents’ house for the weekend.” I took a bite of a fry.
“He did? Why didn’t you tell me? What was it like?”
“It was alright, I guess. His parents were weird, but the house was amazing.”
“I’ll bet it was. He’s loaded. Was it big? A mansion?”
“Yes, and they have a lake behind the house. It was gorgeous. We spent all day on a boat out on the lake. Then we laid outside and watched the stars. It was—I don’t know, Nicole. We just love being together.”
“This isn’t just a lay. You guys are serious. I mean, it is serious, right?”
“I think so. I really like him.”
“Everyone can see the difference in him. When he’s on the field, it’s all business. Nobody can get past him. It’s like he got a shot of testosterone. If he keeps his grades up, he could get signed. You’d be a football wife.”
“I don’t want to be a football wife, and nobody’s talking about marriage. If it happens, it’s a long way off.”
“Something’s going to happen. People are starting to talk. They don’t know everything, not yet, but you’re making waves, Ava.”
“What are they saying?”
“They just know. It’s obvious, the way you two are with each other.”
“Well, I don’t care. People can say whatever they want. I’m just glad to be with him. The way he makes me feel—I’m not at peace unless I’m in his arms, and then it’s like we’re both in heaven. We’re perfect for each other. We don’t even have to talk. Just being with him is enough.”
“Well, I am worried. I told you not to get attached, and now you’re ready to faint every time you think of him. You’re going to get hurt, Ava, and with the way things are going, I don’t think you’ll recover.”
“I’ll be fine.” I took a bite of a fry.
“How are you going to work with a broken heart?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Of course it will. You guys aren’t going to have much time to spend together now that the professors are starting to load us down, and you’re always hiding away in the library. He’s going to get bored, and look at you; you’re falling for him.”
“You’re wrong. He won’t do that, and I’m not falling for him.”
“Eventually, he will. You can’t bank on the first guy that comes around. It’s an amateur mistake, and you’re too young for that.”
“It won’t happen. You don’t see him when he’s with me. He’s loyal. He cares about me, Nicole, and we’re both content with what we have.”
“I don’t know. Guys get bored pretty quick, and a guy like him—all the girls in school are after him. He’s going to get tempted.”
“He’s experienced. He’s probably tried every flavor there is.”
“That doesn’t mean he won’t want another taste.” Nicole popped a fry in her mouth.
“I think that’s exactly what it means, and if you want me to be honest, I don’t think you’re rooting for us at all. You’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Yes, you are. You have been this whole time. I’ve got something you want, and instead of being happy for me, you’re trying to discourage me. I know what I have, and I know that he would never hurt me like that. You understand? If you can’t take it, then just walk right out.”
She had her burger in her hand and dropped it on the table. “Is that how you feel?”
“I don’t want our relationship under a microscope. It’s bad enough with everyone else talking about us.”
“I’m sorry.”
“But you’re still pessimistic.”
“I’ll try not to be like that. It’s not that I want him, or that I want what you have, honestly. It’s experience. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s the one for you, and I’m raining on your parade, but I’m still going to worry. I’ve seen guys do this before.”
“I understand.”
“And I’m your friend, Ava. I just care about you is all, and there are some pretty strong forces working against you two. Something could happen, and I don’t want you to get hurt if it does. Just steel yourself, okay?”
“I don’t want to pull away from him just because of a hypothetical situation.”
“It’s not pulling away. It’s having a healthy detachment.”
“No, that’s exactly what it is, because in order to detach, I have to step away from the excitement and see him in a different light, and I don’t think I can do that. I care about him.”
“You’re going to get hurt.”
“I have to take this risk. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.”
“And you’ll regret taking it. You’re putting your heart on the line.”
“It’s better than living alone because I don’t trust men.”
“I’m being smart. Someday, further on down the line, I’ll let myself fall in love. Right now, I’m enjoying myself, and you should do the same. If you settle down when you’re young, you’re going to miss out on a lot.”
“Like drinking and screwing around? No.”
“If that’s how you want to live.”
“I’m the one being smart. Going on a date is better than going to a party and screwing the first guy I find. Like tomorrow, we’re having dinner, not chugging from a beer bong and hitting blunts.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes, Nicole. You don’t understand. We’re serious. He’s serious. I’m serious. Nothing’s going to stop this.”
Nicole finished the rest of her burger in silence, then started to get up. “I should go.”
“Alright.” I gave her a quick hug. “You’re still my best friend. You know that, right?”
“I’m worried.”
“Don’t be,” I said. “It’s going to be okay.”
She left shortly after, and I went back to my books while I finished my food. I felt bad chewing her out like that. She was just worried about me. She didn’t want me to get hurt, but I knew what I had. Channing cared about me. He wouldn’t hurt me. She just couldn’t accept it. Something about us being together rubbed her the wrong way.
Maybe it was jealousy. It seemed like it. She was repulsed. Nothing as simple as worry could cause her to act like that. It had to come from someplace deeper, like infatuation, jealousy, maybe an attachment to me. Whatever it was, it didn’t look like she was going to get past it anytime soon. She might never be okay with me and Channing. That hurt. She was my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose her, but she was doing this to herself.
The calculus textbook was a blur, so I moved on to western civilization. I had two chapters to read in the next two days, and I was starting to get behind. Maybe it would distract me from the stream of thoughts pouring in. I was angry.
Nicole and I had always been close. Ever since we started middle school together, we were inseparable. Now that we were arguing, I felt like I was alone. I didn’t have anyone else but Channing, and I couldn’t let that get in the way of our friendship. I just wished she understood. If she knew what he was like, she wouldn’t be worried about me. Channing would never hurt me.
I got through the first chapter and took down all of the relevant points. We were starting to get into the English monarchy, and the teacher was drilling us on all the dates and the major events during their reign. I found myself getting lost in their demented soap opera while the afternoon wore on.
I was reading about Anne Boleyn and her ambition to usurp Catherine when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I jolted, and a sweet rush rolled through me. It was him. I could see his name pop up when I pulled out my phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” He sounded relieved to hear my voice.
“How are you?”
“I’m good. I’m tired. The coach is pushing us to the limit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I love it. I’ve never felt better. What are you doing?”
“I’m studying. I went up to the library so I could have an excuse to get out of the house. I’ve been in a study room all day.”
“Are you getting anything done?” he asked.
“I was at first, but I keep getting distracted. Nicole, my friend, came earlier to bring me some food, but we kind of got into a fight.”
“About what?”
“It doesn’t matter. She thinks that you’re going to leave me so you can whore yourself out. I tried to tell her that you’re not like that, but she won’t listen.”
“She’s your friend. She’s worried.”
“I know, and that’s what she said, but I think it’s more. She’s jealous. She doesn’t have anyone. I just don’t know if she’s going to come around.”
“I hope she does. It sounds like she means a lot to you.”
“She does. How was class today?”
“Good, I’m not tuning my teachers out, even Hamburg, and I’m passing her tests.”
“She’s working us to the bone. I think she’s trying to squeeze the rest of us out for fun.”
“She’s impressed with me.”
“I’m glad. I know how she can be.”
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
I looked back down at my book and sighed. I wanted to shut it and run out to go find him. We’d spend the night together, making love and talking. I could do it, but I’d regret it. “I have a lot of studying to do.”
“I do too,” he said, “but I’d give it up in a minute.”
“We have tomorrow.”
“We do.”
“Can we just stay on the phone all night? We don’t even have to talk. We can just study together.”
“I want to,” he said, “but neither of us would get any work done.”
“Wishful thinking, I guess. I got that picture of the house you sent me. Where was that? It was beautiful.”
“New Zealand,” he said. “It’s just how I imagined.”
“That’s what I was thinking. What are you going to do tonight?” I asked.
“Rest, maybe have a simple dinner and hit the books. I’ve got three chapters to read.”
“Jesus,” I shook my head. “Are you going to be able to get through it?”
“If I can stop thinking about you.”
“Well, I’ll let you go then.”
“I’ll see you soon.” We hung up after a prolonged moment. When I set my phone down, I had a smile on my face, and it didn’t go away, even when I turned back to my book. Anne Boleyn’s execution was hilarious, warm, and cheery. Her husband’s remarriage and the drama between Mary and Elizabeth all became an exchange between lovers. Channing was in my life. He cared. Nothing Nicole or anyone else said could change that.