Since my alpha had come to me, I could count on one hand the number of mornings I woke without Eztli beside me. Today was one of them. I touched his bond and felt him in the hallway, dressed and ready for my call.

But he didn’t feel… right. Only a few feet paces separated us physically, but his bond felt as distant as the stars.

I didn’t prod and invade his privacy. That wasn’t my way, though I certainly could have cracked his stoic silence open like a walnut. I was his queen, the air he breathed and the source of his power. If I gave him an order, he’d do it, compelled by my blood and magic flowing through his veins.

As a young woman, I’d never realized that becoming the Zaniyah queen would carry so many heavy responsibilities. I’d expected to take care of our family, but I had no idea that I would have such impressive and powerful men at my beck and call—men whom I could crush with an impetuous thought. I knew that it would wound his pride and destroy our relationship if I forced the issue. He had to come to me willingly.

When he wanted to discuss this problem with me, he would. Besides, it was easy enough to guess what was bothering him so much that he’d walled himself off from me.

One new Blood had already arrived, and the jaguar god I needed to find loomed on the horizon like a dark, unknown storm that could devastate everything we’d built together. I didn’t know what would happen when I found Tepeyollotl. I simply had no idea. Would he be glad to be discovered? Or furious? Would he sire my daughter and then be done with me? Would he try to kill my Blood?

I closed my eyes for a moment, inwardly shuddering with horror. It could happen. I had to acknowledge and face that fear. It would devastate me if anything happened to my Blood because of the steps I took to have the child I so desperately wanted.

Yet what choice did I have?

I turned and looked at the man I’d taken last night. His hunger had been great, in more ways than one. I’d loved his wildness, his desire raging out of control toward violence. There wasn’t anything quite as exciting as taking a new Blood that very first time after he’d wandered aimlessly for so long in search of a queen. It was the only time any of my Blood had ever even come close to hurting me.

His eyes still burned with need, as if he wanted nothing more than to fuck me again. His hair was as rumpled as my bed and sexy as hell. I wanted to comb my fingers through the long strands that hung down into his eyes. Maybe to tidy him up, or better yet, to muss him up even more.

But I had too much to do to lie in bed making love all day. It definitely wouldn’t feel right to make Eztli wait outside and listen, either. Especially not with this tension shimmering between us.

I did lean down and brush a kiss against my new Blood’s lips, but I kept it light and withdrew before he could wrap his arms around me. “Thank you for coming to my call. What’s your name?”

“Diego, my queen, formerly of House Chak.”

My eyes widened. Chelle Chak was a queen of the old guard, one of Grandmama’s friends when she’d been queen. Grandmama and Chelle were sibs, but I had never formalized such a relationship with her. “Her nest is in Antigua. How did you get here so quickly?”

He slipped from my bed and padded around the room as quietly as his jaguar. One moment he was at the balcony, and the next, he was coming back in through the door to the hallway. My balcony was on the second floor of the house. In the back of the house. He would have had to race around to the front of the house and back up the stairs. In the blink of an eye.

“I can move great distances in a single step. It’s as though space has no hold on me.”

Awed, I tried to estimate the miles between us when I’d first made the call last night. He’d crossed the jungles and mountains from Guatemala to Zaniyah lands in Mexico in a matter of hours. By foot. Or paw, rather. It was astounding.

“My apologies, my queen. That’s why I was so ravenous last night.”

“No wonder. That’s quite a miraculous gift. Please let me know when your reserves are running low.”

He inclined his head. “Normal food also helps restore my body’s energy. By your leave, I’ll sniff out the kitchen and grab some food.”

“Of course. Sarah’s an excellent cook. I’ll be along shortly.”

I’d nearly finished dressing when Grandmama suddenly spoke in my head. :I have something to show you in the attic.:

She only rarely used our blood bond to communicate, even though she’d fed me often enough as a child. :I’ll be right there.:

I stepped outside, and Eztli nodded. “I heard.”

Even his voice was tight, simmering with so much left unsaid. We walked upstairs in silence, my heart aching with every step. I hated this. I didn’t want to hurt him, or, goddess forbid, lose him entirely. I didn’t want our lives or relationship to change.

I sighed softly, shaking my head. Everything would change. A child would complicate even a regular human marriage. For a queen to sire an heir was even more important and exponentially more difficult. Even if everything went perfectly, our lives would still be in turmoil. The danger would be greater. Always.

That was why I needed to call Diego last night. That was why I needed to find the god. Even if he killed us all.

I laid my hand on the door knob to the small storage room tucked beneath the roof, but I hesitated. Looking at him, I let sincerity shine in my eyes. “I love you, Eztli.”

His grim edge softened slightly, but he didn’t smile. “And I love you, my queen.”

I wanted him to say that all would be well. He would make it so. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t lie to me, not even to make me feel better.

I pushed the door open and stepped into the attic. Dust motes danced in the air. Boxes were stacked here and there, mixed in with old furniture, picture frames, and other treasures from the past that Grandmama couldn’t bear to part with. Thick dust covered most everything, making it easy for me to follow her tracks around a stack of old trunks.

She sat on a sheet-draped chaise lounge that had once been in Mama’s room. On her lap, she held a rounded wooden case. It almost looked like a guitar case, though it was missing the long neck. As I neared, I could make out a calendar wheel as part of the design on the case, but I didn’t recognize the other glyphs.

Patting the seat beside her, Grandmama silently invited me to sit. I did so, but she still didn’t speak. She only stared at the case in her lap, her gnarled fingers tracing round and round the wheel.

I reached over and laid my hand on top of hers, stilling her aimless drawing. “What is it, Grandmama? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She grimaced, shaking her head. “At least, not yet. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not.”

I had no idea what she might need to tell me. Why had she asked me to come to her, if she was afraid to give me whatever she’d found? I decided to talk about something else entirely until she was ready. “I called a new Blood last night.”

She nodded but didn’t reply.

“I went to the old ruin like last time. I bled so much that I could barely walk home, but I still couldn’t find Tepeyollotl. I even asked for Coatlicue’s help. I felt Her presence, but I have no idea where the god may be.”

Grandmama blew out a sigh as she transferred the wooden case onto my lap. “That’s what I was afraid of. I think this may help, but it’s extremely dangerous.”

Nothing fazed Grandmama, not even the giant spiders that were likely sent by the sun god to kill Citla before she could have me. So it must be especially dire. My fingers quivered as I flipped the latch and gingerly opened the case.

Inside, a white cloth lay on top of the item protected inside the case. Someone, likely Grandmama, had embroidered a dancing Aztec god in bold primary colors. Black and gold stripes crossed his face, and his right foot was replaced with a black circular disk. Something wiggled out from the circle, almost like snakes.

“I hoped you could call the jaguar aspect and not deal with Tezcatlipoca directly, but I suppose you can’t find one without the other.” She touched the circular disk where his foot should be. “Smoking Mirror. He’s the god of darkness, divination, and sorcery. He gave his priests obsidian mirrors, so they could view the supernatural and discover truths that would be impossible for mortals to learn on their own. They used the mirrors to not only talk to dead ancestors, but also to the god himself. If you’re not careful, you can be sucked into the smoky world on the other side and lost forever, so you must respect it, every single time, and hold on firmly to what you love.”

She pulled the cloth aside, and I saw myself looking back in the shiny black surface. Volcanic rock had been polished to a fine sheen.

“It’s a mirror, so you see yourself first. You have to see and know yourself before the god will speak. You will see truths about yourself that may be difficult to face. Some people would rather not look, for fear of what they’ll learn, and others have been driven mad, tormented by the truths they can’t accept. It’s impossible to lie to yourself in the obsidian mirror.”

My fingertips were icy cold, and I gripped the outer case so tightly that my hands ached. I averted my gaze from the mirrored surface, my heart pounding. “How long do I have to look? How long is too long before it’s dangerous?”

“Until you activate it with your blood, it’s only a mirror. Other than that, I don’t know. I’ve never used it myself.” She lifted the mirror out of the case and lovingly ran her fingers around the unpolished rim. “It was my brother’s.”

She set it back in the case and dropped her hand over mine. I released my death grip on the case and entwined my fingers with hers. “Tupoc was one of Tezcatlipoca’s teopixqui before the fall of the city. He smuggled as many holy items out of the temple as possible, including his obsidian mirror. I begged him to stay in the nest where we were safe, but he insisted on going back to Tenochtitlan. He said it wasn’t over. The Spaniards would return despite their initial defeat, and he would die with his city. He told me to take everyone as far away from Tenochtitlan as possible, and that’s how we came to our new lands here.”

I squeezed her hand gently. “Did you ever see him use the mirror? Or did he tell you how to work it?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know much more than I’ve already told you. I was called to the Templo Mayor once, when Mama was still alive, to help care for a young priest who’d been lost while using his mirror. Mama was the best healer I’ve ever seen, and even she said there was nothing anyone could do for him. His soul was already gone and his body died the next day.”

“So, I might find the god I seek… and lose my soul at the same time. Great.”

Grandmama snorted and released my hand to pat my cheek. “You’re the queen of House Zaniyah and daughter of Coatlicue, Mother of the Gods. I think you’ll do just fine. But I recommend extreme caution. Do all you can to locate his resting place before using the mirror, and if you must, use it rarely. Some people become so obsessed with the mirror that they can do nothing else but stare into it, lost in visions of the otherworld. Make sure your Blood are close by and able to pull you back if anything seems amiss. Use your intention, as you do when you work any magic. If our goddess wants another daughter, She’ll help keep you safe.”

My mind raced. If the mirror could help me find the god, then the risk would be worth it. I’d do anything to have a daughter, even risking my soul in the murky otherworld only priests had ever visited. “Where do you think he rests?”

“Aztlán, where the Mexica originated.”

That wasn’t much help, because no one knew where Aztlán was located. Human researchers had been seeking the mythological city for as long as they’d been looking for Atlantis.

I carefully rewrapped the mirror and secured the case. “Is there a certain time of day I should try to reach him?”

“Never during the day. The night is Tezcatlipoca’s domain.”

Darkness. If I was truly Huitzilopochtli’s child, then the last thing I wanted to do was work any magic in the light of day. I didn’t want to draw his attention to me or the nest.

Let alone to my future child.