ANXIETY AND FEAR AREN’T A GOOD COMBINATION.

The darkness feasts on my surroundings, bringing my life to a pause. Embarrassment engulfs me, I couldn't stay with Nathan. Instead, I brought up a heavy lie, saying that I had a headache followed by the old line: I Think I’m Getting My Period.

Christ, he's so burning hot, but I can't fall victim to his looks.

I wait for Sabrina, along with my sweats. The sound of the door opening glides into my ear. Riveting emotions flood my body as I jump to the stairs, and quickly follow the footsteps belonging to Sabrina.

My presence strikes her.

"What's your goddamn problem?"

"You didn't tell me your cousin was Nathan fucking Milliener!" I whisper to her.

"Why? Do you know him!?" She asks. Her voice wants me to give her more space, I can tell by the rhythm of it. I make a face at her. She still doesn't understand me. My head explodes in fire. I shake my head. She still doesn't answer.

"Of course, I know him! He took me out!"

"Oh, damn girlfriend, nice touch." At last her voice seems as if it belongs to a friend of mine.

"Okay one, we are not friends but I strangely like the fact that we're kind of, even though we want to kill each other and two don't say that again."

"Alright, move I have groceries to put away."

"Okay... Wait! He thinks I'm Anna please play along." I despise myself for lying and begging Sabrina for something. It kills me both mentally and physically.

"Well... Fine. And Samantha... I'm sorry."

How can one forgive their attacker? My blood is almost ice cold while I feel blood pumping in my body possibly about to spill from my eyes. Hatred dominates my heart...

I nod at her and walk away, giving her a smile. My silence doesn’t mean I forgive her... It means my plan is beginning to happen.

***

Peace and quiet, just the way I like it.

I helped Sabrina prepare the meal, while Nathan 'played' with Todd. We didn't speak each other. The fact that she apologized to me, froze my mind. I still don't know whether to accept her apology but, perhaps I can take her under my wing.

I take a sip of wine and then stare at Sabrina. I don't have an interest in eating with new people. My stomach simply doesn't agree with them, even though I've known Sabrina for quite some time and I've been acquainted with Nathan.

The air is filled with discomfort, but that quickly is stopped when Sabrina begins to speak.

"So, Nate, are you going to sleep over tonight?"

"You read my mind, Sab. So where am I going to sleep?"

"Oh, you can sleep with Anna because you guys are coming close to being an item."

"Sabrina... Really?" I say in the form of embarrassment. We share a large and hard laugh but, behind my laugh, is fear. 

"I can crash on the couch. The bedrooms are cold." Nate says. I feel as if he doesn't want to sleep next to me. I feel his eyes rolling at me, and as if he wants to be the victim here. Well, I'll let him have it.

"No! I mean, no... It's really lumpy... Um, stay with me! My room is quite warm," Sabrina gives me a wink. I feel her affection for me. Maybe she truly means sorry or perhaps she only wants to fuck my body.

“Okay.” I honestly have a problem with my emotions. I don’t know which, one I want. I still need to kill Sabrina but, now we’re friends.

“Sabrina? How are you doing about Drake?” Nate asks with his hand touching hers.

“Um, I’m trying to do better with distractions... At the funeral, everyone was there to support me and it’s been coming along.”

“The bastard that did that should die,” Nate yells as his fist busts the table sending shockwaves into my spine. Fuck! You see.... How can I make Nate like me if he thinks I’m a bastard who deserves to die?

“Yeah... I agree,” I mutter. I really don’t. In self-defence, Sabrina only liked him because the sex was good as well as his money. I’m trying to put myself more out there; it was a tip Anna told me in eighth grade on Valentine’s Day. I hate wearing this stupid mask, it’s hiding from the truth and reality.

“So, Nate what are you doing tomorrow night?” I ask trying to build up conversation and affection for this burning young man.

“Oh, I have some tests for the semester I need to study for.”

“School? You are twenty-three.”

“I’m in law school. It didn’t feel right to take over my dad’s company.”

“Do you see yourself different from others?” I ask. He nods. I feel excited when he gives me that beautiful information. We are both different, that’s something we have in common, plus the other things we told each other when he took me out. I then remind my heart not to get too excited as I have no business with sleeping with such a hot rich man.

Plus, he thinks I’m someone I’m not. I’d rather be hated for a person I am, rather be liked and loved by people for something I’m not.

***

A kitchen is a place where all ladies should be, well, at least that's how men see it. I scrub the dirty dishes as Sabrina washes them. She didn't want to waste money on housekeepers, maids etc. They were things she deemed, unnecessary.

"Sabrina what am I going to do?" I whisper as I feel like Nathan could be listening to us at any moment.

"You don't need to whisper and about what?"

"He thinks the bastard who killed Drake should die. How am I going to make him like me if he thinks I'm a bastard that should die and he thinks I'm Anna?"

"Difficult question. Well, he doesn't know you are the person that killed Drake. And if he is falling for you! He's falling for Samantha, not Anna. You guys are different," her feedback is terrific. However, they seem too typical.

"Well, should I tell him?" The thought was consuming my mind. I had to say it, and I'm quickly proud that I did.

"No way darling! Once he likes you, attack him like a piranha. Build your relationship with him. Why don't you start off go out clubbing with him tonight?”

"Me!? I don't know," I'm not the type of female that should be seen at the club. I mentally sink into the ground and avoid eye contact with her.

"That doesn't sound like the Samantha Ripply I know!" She says.

"Fine, so after tomorrow I'm going hunting."

"For what?”

"I don't know... Probably to kill one of the group members. Do you know the addresses?" I still remind myself I'm not in this for love; I'm in it for beautiful murder. I desire to have blood all over me. I desire for horrid screams to invade my ears.

"Of course, you can have them. So, whom are you going for?"

"I'm in the mood for Kelly or Albert," I tell her thinking of the first few names that pop into my head.

"Oh, they're dating and they are in L.A."

"So?"

"Get Jessica, she's close by."

***

I'm at a club with Nathan. It took heavy persuasion from Sabrina for the both of us but we finally gave in. I've had too many drinks, I can't even think straight. My mind floods itself and I feel as if a tornado is taking over it.

I'm kissing Nate on the floor of a crowded dance club. The alcohol is in full effect. The world has soft edges; colors are vivid and bleed into one another. I twirl around for the dance, simply because it's the easiest move to do when you are drunk.

Hungry for the attention I take off my shirt. I think Nate thought he'd see my bra but he saw a shirt with no armholes... A cheering section of guys start to surround me.

I let go of him and dance as wild as my heart desires. Everything now seems like a blur.

My eyes are closed but I know I'm making out with Nate. My back is pushed up against the wall with my lips pushed up against his. 

I sturdily open my eyes, and I'm confused to find that it's not Nate or even a person that I know, just a strange man.

What the hell?

I feel like my brain is laughing at me. I instantly shriek and dash from him. He reaches for me, but I swat him off.

I push my way out of the club. I don't even care if I push a senior citizen. When I get out I'm looking around, trying to figure out where I am, but the city is dark, with no life in it.

"Anna!" The familiar voice appears in the atmosphere. I turn around and Nate walks out the club. He stares adoringly at me. I think I'm going to pass out as I feel my brain shutting down.

"Are you okay?" He asks me as his hands come around my shoulders. I glance at him and I try to give myself the power to speak.

"Yeah... Sure. So you know right?" I ask him. I don't know what I even said to this man, he seems confused. Perhaps it's also because the music from the club has followed us outside.

"Ok, we need to get you out of here."

The next thing I notice is that I'm in a taxi. 

Where am I going? How did I even get here?

I turn around and I see Nate looking at me. His eyes are hungry; his legs rustle against each other showing me, he wants me. He moves closer to me. I smile to try to hide the fact that I feel sick. I'm weak, I can't do anything about him, and I wouldn't, even if I had the strength.

Using his index and middle finger as legs, the handsome fellow walks hand over the vinyl seat, all the way to my leg and pokes it. I watch his hand with a smile on my face and glance at Nate. He smiles back and then walks his hand up my leg until it reaches the edge of my dress.

He looks at me questioningly. I don't protest.

He slips his hand underneath the dress, gently makes contact with my sex... I shudder, but I pull Nathan's hand back out and hold it. He snickers and looks out his window. I feel him flipping my flesh and try to hold my moan as my breasts slowly harden.

I remind myself if this is what I want. But we aren't meant to be.

I feel drunk, but I feel the desire to make out. Everything I'm seeing is a blur but, I'm feeling better and I'm being thrust up and down. My eyes try to scan and prowl the area, but now I don't even know where I am. Perhaps a bed.

At first, I thought I was feeling better but, now I'm feeling even drunker. So drunk, I allow my saliva to dangle from my mouth. I can feel happiness filling me up, and it growls at me. I still don't know what I'm doing but I see a man's face on me. 

Without even thinking, my lips rush up to his. I take charge of him, and my nose catches the scent of beer. It's lovely, and it's something I need.

The large cockhead pours into my body. I instantly release a lustful moan.

He wraps his muscled arm around my body and grabs hold of one of my soft breasts. He plays with my nipple, rolling it between his deft fingers. Involuntary moans escape from me and he drives harder into me. Filling me. 

I look deep into his eyes as he grabs his cock from me. Perhaps he just ejaculated, as he keep propping himself into me.

In, then out. In, then out.

However, after he gets himself together, he continues to thrust. This time, the thrusts are much faster, causing me to squirm on the bed. I feel uneasy about my vagina, as I can feel it being wet. I want to feel the pressure build up inside of me. I want to feel him stroke my clitoris. Wanted to- to- too!, and I then pause and then the walls would come down towards me, waves of pleasure coursing through my body.

"Oh fuck," I growl. I feel immense waves of pleasure rattling my body. The only possible solution is to allow my body and feel it react to it. The orgasm erupts in my pussy, making me almost collapse in bed.

“Ah baby,” he murmurs.

***

I open my eyes and I see myself in bed while a headache rolls in.

I smile, it was all a dream, at least that's what I think. I stretch my arms and legs and I feel smooth skin... I turn my head and my eyes catch Nathan. Eyes wide open, Nathan is quick to lean over. Our lips mold against each, almost like a glorious pitch-perfect frame. His tongue runs into my mouth travelling deeper into me while his tongue nibbles my lower lip.

I become his mirror, reflecting his tender action.

"This is a mistake... No this is a mistake," I roar at him.

I don't want to be a prize or a sex toy, I can't go through with this.

Our tender kisses stop, as does his hard erection. I toss myself out of bed after breaking the kiss, still feeling his eyes attacking me. This is confirmed when I flicker my eyes at him.

"What? What do you mean?” Nathan jumps from the bed and follows my trail. The perfectly nude figure is bright red, with steam of anger springing from him. His body teases me, forcibly making me mentally come.

"I mean, this is all a joke."

"We had sex together!"

"I was drunk, sorry Nathan but I'm not for you." He laughs to himself then cocks his eyebrow. There is no time for me to breathe, let alone think. His lips growl and attack mine, while our bodies press against each other. My hand falls onto his chest and makes the short trip down to his cock. I cup it for a moment, mostly rubbing my thumb against the soft surface of the cockhead.

“No!” I mutter.

"What?"

"I can't explain it (rush Samantha! Get to the point.) How about we start off as friends?"

"Friends? We just made love." I make a face. He understands it and sighs out loud.

“I don’t know why I’m like this but,”

"-Fine, friend." He isn't joyed. His words simply drop to the floor and show how mad he truly is.

But, I know why I am like this.

His touch isn’t the same as theirs, as the monsters. He’s better than them, like he shines from a shooting star. I shine in the flames of hell, with them. I crave him, I crave Nathan with all of my heart. Right when his touch finds me, I’m frozen in pain.

My dad’s, Dean’s and Martin’s eyes stay intact to my mind, impregnating me with the Devil’s mark.

Help.

***

Sabrina and I sit on the couch, both of our asses glued sharing a few laughs... as if we are best friends. She passes me a can of coke and I decide to enter the subject of the awkward sex encounter I had last night.

"Last night was so awkward Sab," I say with my cheeks turning rosy red. She observes me for a moment. In my opinion, she thinks everything is weird in my life and twenty-eight percent of it is awkward. But who could blame her for thinking that?

"Why? Did you do it?" Her lips curl with her eyes flutter at me quickly, 

"Uh... Yes," a sigh murders me while I begin to think of the beautiful feeling of the hard cock in my body. "I did but, I felt drunk and I didn't even know anything. Kinda like Rosemary's Baby. And at the club, I came in contact with a random guy." Why did I compare myself with a movie that was made in sixty-eight? I feel like I've lived in that time.

"You're scaring me now." She moves herself to the side of the couch, parting away from me. He emptiness inside of me grow drastically and brings heavy thoughts.

"I can't like him though? Am I right?" Am I getting therapy from Sabrina now? I think I'm still drunk but, the drunken part of me is in disguise. Sabrina is the last person I'd come to advice for.

"Why? You guys have a lot in common."

"I know... Wait how do you know that?" She bites her lips. Perhaps, she’s nervous, I mean why else would she try to avoid eye contact with me. She "yawns" and stretches her thin arms. She wants to leave this subject.

"He's my cousin! And I've known you since you were small." I wasn’t expecting a lion’s roar to be unleashed from her mouth.

"We never hung out... Well, whatever let's change the subject... I can't like him!"

"Why!?" She yells. I don’t know what I'm going to say but, I have to say what was in my mind before the thought stabs me to death.

"BECAUSE! I want to kill you but, now I feel like we're becoming friends and I've got to kill 6 people including you!" I reply. She nods her head and bites her lip again. I sigh out loud feeling free to release my inner emotions. I feel a flood of stress taking over my body, and I just look at her for a second.

"Samantha, you do have a point there, but just get to know him at least, and me." She says. I never knew that Sabrina had a heart. I feel bad for what I'm planning to do to her now.

"But we're not right for each other! We met in the middle of the street at night and he thought I was a woman for sale!"

"No, he didn't. Wasn't it a sign that you guys met again... And he's related to me?!" Her pathetic love-universe speech is awful.

"Yeah, a sign that said... Warning!"

"Samantha don't yell... Try to be happier. Get out, make some friends. Take some time off." I look at her. She sadly does have a point. I need to get away from the stress and kill it.

"You're wrong bitch!" I burst out in laughter and expect her to mirror my action. Sabrina, however, doesn't. I'm confused. My can of Coke cracks and the foul liquid starts to spill all over the couch. Sabrina then starts to laugh. I don't pay attention to the can but it was certainly strange. Sabrina takes out her Calvin Klein wallet and hands me some cash. I can smell three hundred dollars easily. I try to smile but it's cracking my face.

"Here... Go out, do whatever you want with it." She says. I try to be careful with the money. I don't want it to land on the Coke, which reminds me...

"Sabrina, you should clean up the Coke," I say.

"That's your job," Sabrina says. I'm mad but happy at the same time. I guess I can't fool this woman. The money though is distracting the mad part of me. Sabrina gets up and is about to take her first step towards the door.

"Wait, Sabrina... I have a question." She turns around. She doesn't seem happy that I'm talking a lot but it's the final thing I'll ask her. She just stares at me then, shakes her head. I almost forget what I'm going to say but I catch it before it runs away.

"Sab, do you know where I can find a dance studio?" I ask. She giggles and I'm getting the feeling that she does know.