Chapter Fourteen
Am I dreaming?
No… no, I don’t think so. The wine has made my head a little fuzzy, but I’m not what you’d call drunk, that’s for sure – my inhibitions lowered just enough to take the risk in inviting him up, but not so low as to do anything I don’t want to do.
And my God, do I want this.
Hale keeps hold of my hand as I lead him up the stairwell to my apartment, and that’s enough for me; I’m glad of the contact, of the reminder that he’s still there. There’s a part of me – a small, stupid, irrational part – that is somehow convinced that if I turned around, it would be just in time to see him vanish in a puff of smoke.
As I fumble to get my key in the lock, he stands on the step behind me and places his hands gently on my hips. I can feel the strength in his grip, even as he puts such little pressure on me; with Hale, now as ever, there’s an enormous sense of potential, of what might be if given the slightest push. With the height of the step between us, I’m boosted enough that he can kiss my neck, but he holds back. I feel his lips linger, inches away, and his breath hot right at the spot where my neck meets my shoulder.
Jesus Christ…
I’ve never had so much trouble with a lock before. My fingers are thick and clumsy all of a sudden. I might as well be wearing boxing gloves.
And yet eventually, the door opens and we’re inside.
He doesn’t kiss me, not at first. As soon as we’re alone in the darkness, he steps up close to me, his body looming against mine. My back is pressed up against the wall of the hallway. There’s nowhere to run, nowhere for me to be in that instant except waiting there for him, feeling the gentle pressure of his hands as they trace their way down my arms.
His lips touch mine, and everything else falls away.
I remember it. That’s the strangest part of it all. I remember. Kissing Hale – being kissed by Hale – feels a world away from the way it did all those years ago, and yet somehow there’s a kernel of familiarity in it. I’ve been here before. This body in front of me is different, firmer, stronger – but it’s still Hale. I’d recognise it anywhere, but it’s especially obvious in the details. The way his fingers gently touch my jaw. The way his hand rests lightly at the back of my neck, pulling me close to him, as the other circles its way over my hip. And the kiss…
Boy oh boy, that kiss.
It’s… what’s the word? Aggressive? No, although that’s not far off. It’s a claiming, a way of staking his territory. He kisses me as though I’m already his, as though I’ve always been his. Confident? Yes, but that doesn’t cover it either. He’s forward, but I can feel him holding back, his muscles tense through… what, is that nervousness? Hale, of all people? Nervous around me?
I wouldn’t believe it if someone had told me, but here, in the flesh, it’s hard to ignore.
You can have me, I think to myself. You must know that. Just say the word and I’m yours. It doesn’t even need to be that much. Just touch me. Just kiss me. You don’t need to hold back. You don’t–
‘Carrie,’ he whispers softly in the darkness of my hallway.
‘Yeah?’
Hale pauses. ‘Nothing. Just… reminding myself.’
‘Of who I am? You forgot so soon?’
He shakes his head. ‘Never,’ he says. ‘Not once. I just never thought this would happen again. It wasn’t in the plan, you know? I wouldn’t have–’ He pauses, correcting himself. ‘I mean, I know how it ended. How mad you were with me – and how much I deserved that. I never figured I’d get a second chance with you. And then when I saw you again in the diner, so out of the blue… it was like a thunderbolt, Carrie. Jesus Christ, it was like getting hit by a truck.’
‘You weren’t the only one.’
‘I know. But that’s it, don’t you see? I’ve got to be careful with you now. If things go wrong again…’ He pauses. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t hurt you. Not again. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.’
Fuck that, I think. There’s a time and a place for propriety, but this isn’t it: not now, not with everything I’ve wanted for so long so close.
I take Hale by the hand and silently lead him into the bedroom, and if there’s any more to his pretty little speech he wisely decides to save it for later.
~~~
I don’t stop him when the door to my bedroom swings shut behind us. I don’t stop him when he stands behind me, kissing my neck and making me let out an embarrassingly loud moan. I don’t stop him as he reaches up to the zipper on my dress and unfastens it, letting the fabric pool around my feet and leaving me half-naked in nothing but my underwear before him.
He doesn’t stop me when I turn around, nor when my nimble little fingers begin unfastening the buttons of his shirt. When I scratch my nails gently down the front of his chest, he lets out an appreciative growl. When I take his hand in mine and pull him towards the bed, he joins me, his body spooning mine from behind, his wandering hands caressing my curves, exploring me again.
He’s gentle enough that it’s almost easy to forget how strong he is, how far he could push me if he chose to – but instead, I just feel safe. Secure.
Hale is on top of me, kissing his way down to my collarbone, and further still. When he reaches my chest, I feel his hand reach around behind my back and my bra falls away. The hard pink bullet of my nipple is in his mouth, his tongue flicking over it just softly enough to make me moan, his teeth providing just enough pressure to skirt the line between pleasure and pain. I find myself willing him to stay there for just a moment longer, but just as I’m settling into it he carries on downwards, tracing his way to my stomach, to my navel, to my hips…
And there, he stops.
When I look down, Hale is propped up on his elbows, gazing intently at my body, stretched out on the bed in front of him in the soft light of the streetlamp.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
‘Nothing.’
‘You stopped.’
‘Shh,’ he says. ‘Give me a minute.’
‘What? Why?’
He smiles up at me. ‘I spent a whole summer dreaming about getting to this position with you, and then ten years wondering about what might have been. Just let me enjoy it for what it is. Just for a second.’
I almost have some smartass reply lined up, but the touch of his fingers across my skin is electric; after that, nothing springs to mind except just how much I want him. No one has ever looked at me like that before. I’m not sure anyone has ever looked at anyone the way Hale is looking at me, but I could get used to it. Oh boy, I could take any amount of that.
‘How does the reality live up?’ I say at last.
He grins. ‘Better. God, a thousand times better.’ He plants a soft kiss on my stomach. ‘Ten thousand.’ Another kiss. ‘A million. More.’
‘Anyone ever tell you you’re a charmer?’
‘It’s been mentioned.’
The kisses don’t stop; they follow one after another, each delicate and filled with a decade’s worth of longing, each one lower than the other, until his lips are resting at the thin lace barrier that hides me from him.
Thank God I wore the matching underwear, I think to myself. Hale pauses for a moment at the threshold, hooks his fingers into the dainty elastic at my hips and, as soon as I lift myself ever-so-slightly up off the mattress, slips my panties down. A swift kick later and they’re on the floor, forgotten.
But the kisses continue.
His hands cup my ass gently, bringing my hips up to meet him as his tongue goes to work. The moment he parts my lips, I let out an involuntary shudder of pleasure. The caution is gone now, the hesitation evaporated; his focus is on me, his actions attuned perfectly to my body. When I moan, his tongue darts quick little circles around me. When I’m quiet for longer than an instant, I can feel him probing, searching, finding new ways to excite me. Minute by minute, my pulse quickens, my body cries out for him. I can feel the cresting wave of an orgasm rush over me as I run my fingers through him hair, pulling him close to me, holding him between my thighs.
I need this.
I deserve this.
At long last, he’s mine.
For tonight at least.
He’s mine. His body. His tongue. Every part of him.
Fuck…
All mine.
Fucking hell…
It’s been so long – too long – but I’m sure it was never like this with anyone else. No one else has ever thrilled me so richly and so quickly. No one else has ever made me feel so wanted, so alive.
I bite my lip and stifle a gasp that could wake the dead, let alone the neighbours. My fingers curl into the bedsheets, my back arching…
Fuck…
So close…
And then…
And then…
Nothing.
Absence, for a second. Just empty space where previously Hale’s head was between my legs, and the longing in every part of me for him to return when he pulls himself away.
There’s the sound of a search for a condom, the tearing of a small foil packet, and then a moment later the weight of his body on top of me, his naked torso pressed against mine. I can feel the firm ridges of his stomach, the work that has gone into his perfect body. In the almost-darkness I can imagine the scars and the scratches of his youth. I know what he looks like; the image danced around my dreams for years. I know Hale’s damage.
‘Tell me you want this,’ he breathes heavily into my ear. ‘One last time. I need to hear it.’
‘I want this,’ I say. ‘I want you.’
There’s just enough of a glow from the streetlight and the crack in the curtains for me to make out the smile on his face. It’s the last thing I see before I feel him enter me, and my entire world catches fire.