"Am I doing the right thing?"
I stood at the top of the tower, watching my brother come closer. In all my many dreams before, he would never stop. He'd keep walking, reaching the stone ledge before turning around, the same fearful eyes that had looked into mine when he left the day he died.
"You mean in regards to coming here?" Gabriel asked as he took his slow steps. He walked past me and I turned my head to watch him move toward the ledge.
"Yes. Is this the right decision?" My subconscious told me this was all a dream, but I yearned for Gabriel to answer, something to help me calm my nerves about attending Brighten.
Would he tell me to not go? Maybe stop me from making a mistake. Or was this the right thing to do? Could this lead to a path of getting stronger and helping people? Would I find my purpose?
"Do you love me, Jewel?" Gabriel asked as he turned around.
"I do. You were the best brother I could have ever asked for," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. He smiled, a serene smile that he only gave to me and the first time I'd seen it in my dreams.
"Then do this for me. Help stop the cycle,” he whispered.
"Cycle?" I asked. He nodded as he leaned backward.
"End the cycle,” he whispered and then his body fell over the edge.
My eyes snapped open and I sat up, noticing a wet cloth fall from my forehead. Huh?
"Ah. Did I wake you?"
I turned my head to see Mother's worried eyes. "Mom?" I felt rather groggy and noticed I was back in my female form. I didn't even recall falling asleep last night, let alone changing into the oversized red t-shirt that now clung to my body. I looked over to see Logan fast asleep next to me and Alice curled up in her fox form on his left leg. What happened?
"Antoinette did say you'd be confused when you woke up," Mother whispered to herself.
I tilted my head at her. "Confused? Why?" I asked.
"You were asleep all day yesterday and ended up getting a fever by the evening. Antoinette said it must have been due to the sudden surge of magic you used and that you didn't undo the spell when you slept,” she explained.
"Undo..." I trailed off, remembering that Logan's mom did say I should switch back to my female form when I was done.
"Oh. So wait… what day is it?" I asked, looking at the window. It looked like the moon was out.
"It's three in the morning, sweetheart,” mother revealed. Three in the morning!
"That means it’s Monday? Meaning today is entrance day!" I exclaimed as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb Logan and Alice who were still fast asleep.
"Yes. We didn't want to wake you unless your fever went down. How are you feeling?" Mother inquired.
"Uh. Still tired to be honest. Maybe I should go back to sleep," I pondered and slowly laid back down. Mother nodded, grabbing the cloth from where it fell on my lap. She dipped it into the bowl of water on my nightstand.
I watched her quietly, assessing her appearance. Even though her mental health had declined, she looked just as beautiful as she had was when I was a little girl. When you looked at her, you wouldn't expect her to have a problem at all. She laid the cool cloth on my forehead and I gave her an appreciative smile.
"That feels nice," I admitted. She smiled back, and her hand rubbed my cheek gently. The up and down sensation was rather soothing, and my eyes began to close.
"I'm sorry for all of this, Jewel. I'm really sorry," Mother whispered. I didn't get why she sounded so sad, as if she'd committed a terrible sin. I couldn't recall what happened that she would feel the need to apologize to me.
"I don't know why you’re apologizing, Mom, but I forgive you. Don't be sad,” I reassured her, allowing my eyes to close. I felt her hands brush along my face before something soft pressed lightly on my cheek.
"I love you, Jewel. Please bear with me. Don't abandon me too."
Why would I abandon you? Oh Mom… I'll never leave you. I was unsure if I said my words out loud or not, but I hoped she knew I'd always love her and would never abandon her like so many others who she trusted as friends.
We were family, and I'd never leave her behind.
"I'll meet you downstairs. Are you sure you’re feeling better? No dizziness or anything?" Logan questioned and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"No fever, no dizziness. I'm perfectly fine, Logan," I reassured him. I'd been unconscious all of Sunday. I hadn't switched back as instructed and the longer I was in my male form, the more energy it had taken, even though I was asleep. Logan's mom had to cast a spell to shift me back and then I spent the rest of the day resting.
Apparently, I had a fever at some point, which from Logan's mom’s explanations, was normal with the extensive magic depletion and my first time doing such an advanced spell. I remembered having a dream again about Gabriel, but it was blurry in my memory. All I could remember was him saying that I had to end a cycle. I didn't understand what cycle he was referring to, but my heart told me that attending Brighten Academy would lead to answers.
I also remembered Mother sitting next to the bed and apologizing, but I didn't know why. She had done nothing wrong. Was she apologizing for confusing me with Gabriel? I'd gotten over it, but maybe because we hadn't talked, she thought I was still upset. I need to see her before I leave.
"Okay. I'll be downstairs with my mom. I already packed your stuff,” he reassured me, walking over and sliding his arms around my waist to pull me into an embrace. He pressed his lips tenderly against my forehead.
"Thank you for packing my stuff. You added Alice's stuff too?" I questioned, tilting my head back to stare at him.
"Yes. She got her own luggage," Logan revealed. Of course she did.
He grinned, surely reading my thoughts from the way I rolled my eyes. He leaned forward until our lips were centimeters apart.
"You’ll have to get your fix of kissing me now before we reach Brighten," I hummed.
"Why is that?" he questioned before kissing me. This kiss was different than the others before. It was deeper and almost had a sense of urgency to the way our lips fought to claim one another. If it weren’t for our dire need for oxygen, we'd kiss for hours. We broke the kiss but kept our close distance, panting while our eyes locked onto one another.
"Either we’ll be busy with spell casting or studying magic books instead of getting the luxury to kiss one another. Not to mention, I think it's gonna be hard for you to kiss me as Jinn," I admitted.
He gave me a pout and his cheeks grew slightly red. "I'll work on it,” he mumbled and I laughed, loving how adorable he now looked. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again.
"I don't mind. Please don't change on my behalf," I hummed.
"I meant what I said, Jewel,” he whispered, turning us slowly and pressing my body against his door. The way his eyes glinted with lust made me lick my lips, trying to ignore the tingling sensation building between my legs.
I thought he was going to kiss me again but instead, his lips lowered to the left side of my neck. His warm lips pressed softly on my skin. I closed my eyes, enjoying the incredibly gentle feel of his lips moving. The next kiss was a little more aggressive, yet still felt really good and I had to remind myself not to moan at the alternating sensations. Then he sucked my skin and his teeth lightly bit into my flesh, not hard enough to make me bleed but I would surely have a mark to show for it.
I expected it to be painful but it was that move that made the moan I'd been holding back escape my lips. I lifted my head slightly, giving him more access. He smiled against my skin, moving higher up on my neck and gave me another hickey before he gave one final kiss to both spots. He moved back to stare at me, and a proud expression formed on his face. I bet he enjoyed the way his little actions had a huge effect on me, leaving me wanting more of him.
"If it wasn't for the fact our parents are downstairs and wanting to avoid another laughing fit from your familiar, I would do more then just kiss you,” he declared and I knew he meant every word, which only made me blush as I glanced away.
"Good point," I mumbled and he chuckled.
"It's interesting that you're shy in your female form but super confident in your male form,” he admitted.
"Uh. I don't know, it's kind of confusing to me. I do feel more confident as a male but it's not like I don't feel the same as a female. Hmm. I don't think that made much sense," I confessed, trying to think properly but my brain was still playing catch up after our heated moment.
"It's going to be interesting. Now get ready. I need to go talk to my dad real quick." Logan gave me one solid kiss before he released me.
"Did your mom end up telling him about uh… Saturday night?" I asked.
"Ugh, ya. I had to explain it was you before he lost his shit,” he explained, ruffling his short locks.
"Your dad is fine with it as long as it's me in my male form and not some random guy?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow at him.
"Yes. He literally said, 'I only support you with Jewel. That's it. If she's in her male form, that's fine, I guess. BUT no other male on male action, blah blah blah," Logan groaned.
I smiled. "He's not as open-minded as your mom?" I clarified.
"Not really. He never liked the fact that Brighten is an all-boy school. He thinks it promotes men to explore their sexuality with the same sex and uses magic as an excuse to cover it up. You know how stubborn this town is about that type of stuff. He actually knelt down and thanked the heavens I was straight."
"Well, what can we do? I guess it is what it is," I sighed. My mom certainly didn't mind whether I loved a boy or a girl and made it clear that she'd support my relationship either way. It was just hard when we lived in a town that was very religious and same-sex couples were frowned upon. It made me curious as to if what Logan's dad was saying was somewhat true. Since the all-girl school was across town, except on the weekends, you really couldn't travel down to see your girlfriend.
Thinking about it just made my head hurt. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
"Are you sure no one will notice I'm a girl?" I questioned. Logan gave me a good up and down look.
"Well, with your sexy curves, I think you look pretty feminine right now,” he joked. I grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him.
He laughed, catching the pillow with ease. "You'll be fine, Jewel. If I didn't know it was you, I think I'd be more focused on your attractive looks than questioning if you’re really a hot, sexy girl beneath the magic." He tossed the pillow back to me.
I caught it and sighed. "If you say so. I guess I'll take your word for it."
"Trust me. When you’re done changing into your new clothes, come downstairs. My parents can give you their honest review,” he winked.
"Will your dad go on his knees again?" I joked.
Logan shivered. "Ugh. I hope not. I don't need another lecture. I just want to make it to school in one piece." His exaggerated expression made me laugh.
"So dramatic," I smiled at him and he smiled back.
"I'll see you downstairs,” he spoke, opening the door and exiting the room. He closed it gently behind him, giving me privacy.
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. "Let's do this."
I slid out of my clothes and walked to the mirror, taking a final glance at my female form before I took another calming breath. I closed my eyes, creating the image of Jinn in my mind. I decided to add a few extra things I hadn’t in my last attempt, keeping my hair short, but adding some red highlights that I hoped would glow purple when I used magic. My 6'2” height was still the same and I maintained my body image from before. I did add a tattoo that ran from the right side of my neck down to my shoulder. It was in black ink but when I used magic, it would glow in the colors of a dragon, consisting of orange, reds and yellow shades.
Gabriel always said when he graduated from Brighten he'd get a dragon tattoo; at least I could wear one in this form in his memory. I felt the last remnants of magic settle in my feet and I opened my eyes to see the image of Jinn before me.
"Much easier then before," I commented and tried not to freak out at my now deep voice. I began putting my black dress pants on. Logan stated we had to dress more professionally for the entrance test. I preferred sweatpants and crop tops when performing crazy advance spells, but would probably look weird in a crop top as a male. Maybe a tank top?
I was grateful Logan had gone shopping for me with his mom to get me a bunch of male clothes for this… whatever this was supposed to be called. A mission? Expedition? A "my mom accidentally enrolled me in an all-boy school and I have no choice but to go to make her happy after she pulled strings to get me in" situation?
There was a knock on the door and I began buttoning up my white dress shirt. "Come in," I announced, doing another check of my appearance. I looked back to see my mother walk in. I blinked in confusion, rather surprised to see her. I thought she had gone home early in the morning.
She took a slow analyzing gaze of me, going from head to toe and back up again. Her eyes lingered on the dragon tattoo on my shoulder, then shifted to the left side of my neck. She had a small grin on her lips and I didn't get why she was smiling. I looked back at the mirror, now noticing the two love bites on my neck that remained from Logan's kisses, even in this form.
I blushed, quickly buttoning my shirt up the rest of the way as Mother laughed. "So, you and Logan have moved to that stage?" she asked and I looked away.
"I guess," I mumbled. When Mom's memory was intact, she knew Logan and I were best friends and often slept in the same bed, but I hadn't disclosed that he'd asked me out a few days ago and had gone past the whole kissing stage, if that's what it was even called.
I reached out for my red tie, Logan suggesting we look casually professional. Black dress pants, white dress shirt, and a tie was simple enough. Once we got in, we'd be given uniforms and our blazers would signify what section we were placed in.
Logan explained it was a method for students to be aware of who they decided to challenge both during class sessions, but also out in the halls where people potentially got into fights. To me, it just felt like a good way to brag about how awesome you were. I didn't care what color I got. Just let me learn something new to add to the knowledge I'd gained from reading in my spare time the many books Mother and Father had in our library.
I lifted my collar up and hooked the silk fabric around and let both ends rest on my chest as I flattened my collar in place. I was ready to make my tie when I paused. I don't even know how to tie a tie. Hmm, I feel like I should know this. Wait, no I shouldn't since I'm a girl and not a guy. Uh… maybe I should call Logan. No, that would be embarrassing.
I heard a quiet snicker and I glanced up at Mom who had her hand covering her mouth. Her shoulders shook as she fought not to laugh at me.
"I'm sorry, just your expression. You look so focused, like you're attempting to conduct an advance spell in your mind,” she giggled, walking forward to face me. She reached up and began making my tie until it was absolutely perfect.
"There,” she whispered and I frowned.
"When you look at me… does it remind you of Gabriel when he was older?" I asked. She looked up to meet my sad eyes and smiled, her hand rising to rub my cheek.
"I won't lie and say it doesn't. When I walked in, just for a second I saw your brother. The memory of him being all nervous for his first day at the academy and having no idea how to tie his tie. I had to teach him step-by-step because he had no other friends at the time," Mom admitted.
"You won't show me?" I asked.
She shook her head. "You have Logan and something tells me you'll have friends who will teach you how it feels to be a male, Jewel,” she confessed.
"What makes you so confident I'll have friends? Brother was popular, wasn't he?" I pondered. I always thought Brother was a hero and that everyone knew who he was. It felt that way when so many students attended his funeral, shedding tears like he was the leader of their wizard team for the mage warrior Olympics.
Mom sighed, walking over to Logan's bed and sitting down. She patted the seat next to her and I joined her on the bed, turning my body so she knew she had my full attention.
"Gabriel was an individual who was shy in the beginning until he got to know a person's characteristics. The moment he knew you wanted to be his friend, not because of personal gain or benefit, he'd open up like a blossoming flower. However, people like Gabriel don't fit in with Brighten. I guess that's what I learned after years of teaching there. You know, you always turn a blind eye to things until your own child or loved one gets harmed by everyone's ignorance." Mother lifted my hand up, turning it over to stare at my palm.
"Brighten Magic Academy is very competitive. Students are ruthless to one another and it’s even hard to trust those you called friends. Reputation is a big thing there. If you project yourself as confident in both your craft and knowledge, you’re an instant magnet for positive attention. You get along easily with people so I'm not worried. I… just don't want what happened to Gabriel to happen to you." She choked on the last sentence and glanced away as she fought to compose herself.
"Mom," I whispered.
She met my gaze and smiled, gripping my hands with hers. "I believe you will do fine. I know I put you in this mess, but maybe there's a silver lining with all of this? Again, if there ever comes a time where you don't want to do this anymore, just say the word and you can come back home."
"I'll keep that in mind," I replied.
It was comforting to know I could come back home and not feel like a failure if this magic school wasn't for me. I wasn't concerned that my magic or knowledge wasn't up to their standards. My concern was the people- the students who turned a blind eye to my brother but then cried and mourned like he was their best friend.
Whatever bullying he experienced, they watched and whispered about it, but no one acted or stopped it until it was too late.
"We should head downstairs and see you both off," Mother suggested, rising up to her feet. I followed her lead and nodded in agreement, walking over to look in the mirror one last time before turning to face her.
She gave me a proud smile and I decided this would be the best time for me to apologize. "Mom. I'm sorry for snapping at you the other day. I… just have been frustrated with everything. I shouldn't have taken it out on you," I confessed, feeling horrible. I bowed my head, waiting for her to reply.
"Sweetheart, I should be apologizing. I'm grateful to have a child who puts up with a mother that forgets who her child is eighty percent of the time. Guess my meds are working rather well today, perfect timing too. Thank you for putting up with me and this silly disease. I'm sorry you haven't been able to live the life I would have wished for you,” she apologized.
"I'm living a good life Mom," I reassured her.
She shook her head. "You've missed events, dances, parties, hangouts, all because of me. You never got to enjoy what being a teenager was all about and even Logan lost out on some of those same things because both of you wanted to ensure I was well. I hope maybe this opportunity will let you enjoy those things you missed."
"Mom," I whispered, feeling awful that she realized how her health problems had affected us all. I reached up and hugged her; she sank into my hold.
"I know I haven't been the best Mom. I wanted more for our family, but I'll always support you, even when I may not be fully present. I love you, Jewel. I just want you to know that." She cried and I blinked back my own tears that welled up in my eyes.
"I love you too, Mom. I'll be just fine at Brighten. I'll get good grades just like Gabriel did. I'll do my best and make him, Father, and you proud," I vowed.
This opportunity could have been a blessing or a curse, but I wasn't going to half-ass it. I'd live my new life as Jinn and see what the fuss was about this magic school. Most importantly, I'd figure out what cycle Brother wanted me to end.
Whatever it was, I would figure it out and end it, just like he said.