Nic nodded at a few passersby—ones who had wanted him to stay on as Alpha—as he strode down the main street that ran through their small town. Not much of the snow had been cleared out, just enough to create a path since everyone was within about a five mile radius from one another. The edge of the remote location featured a gas station and convenience store for travelers who might make the wrong turn somewhere and wander in their direction. They’d gas them up then send them on their way. One of the pack families even maintained a campsite a few miles down the road in case strangers insisted on hanging around. Usually a rousing chorus of nightly wolf howls would encourage them to move on sooner rather than later.
Once he reached the guide’s cabin that was nestled in a large grouping of boulders and evergreens, he paused. Something Asha had said to him after he’d completed his initial shift at thirteen came to mind. She was the first one he’d told he was gay. Her unwavering love and support was what had given him the courage to face his Alpha father with the truth of who he was, and that he wouldn’t be able to carry on their family line.
‘Your wolf will tell you what is right and what is wrong. Allow him to guide you whenever you have questions, Nicolai. If you can’t trust him, then come to me. Together, we will find your path’.
After inhaling a deep breath, he crunched through the snow to get to Asha’s arched wood door and used the wolf-head iron knocker to rap against the strong barrier.
“Come in, Nicolai!”
The fuck? Nic pressed on the latch and made his way inside, the warmth filling her small home a welcome greeting from the freezing temps outside.
“Hello, Healer.” He dipped his chin in greeting. “How did you know it was me?”
Asha chuckled as she set aside some knitting, placing the pink ball of yarn that trailed from a tiny, partially formed garment into a basket next to the overstuffed chair where she was seated. She tugged the basket farther away from the stone hearth that supported the wood stove, the source of the comfortable heat in her home.
“Your sister said I should plan on you paying me a visit.” She gazed up at him through rheumy, gray eyes and smiled, the deep lines in her face giving testimony to her many years as their guide and healer. “From what I hear, you have an unexpected guest?”
Nic frowned. How much had his sister told her? “Yes, Healer. I found him in the snow at the beginning of the storm. He’d fallen and hit his head. I…” He cleared his throat. “Well, I picked up his scent then brought him back to my cabin.”
She gestured for him to take the matching chair next to hers—the only large pieces of furniture that graced the cozy living room. “I see. Tell me about your mate, Nicolai.”
He mused that he should probably be more surprised than he was that she’d recognized Elam for what he was, but then again, she held such a significant place in the Alliance for a reason. Not only their pack, but members of the other packs in the Alliance would seek her counsel.
“Is it his scent on me? Alex said she could smell him.”
She regarded him with a tilt of her head, her eyes squinting somewhat. “Yes, there’s that. However, it’s also the way his scent has already entwined with yours. He’s reaching out to you on an etheric plane, even as your wolf seeks him. But there’s no wolf for yours to find, is there?” Asha nodded sagely. “You must set your mate’s wolf free, so they can find each other and complete their union.”
Nic leaned forward, his hands clasped together, his elbows resting on his knees. “Because he’s human.”
She tapped her nose with her index finger then pointed at him, winking. “Precisely. That’s what you needed to hear from me, correct? That it’s okay to turn your mate?”
He let out a shaky laugh. “Yes. To be honest, I was concerned I’d be forbidden from doing such a thing. I thought I was going to have to make the case for him.”
Asha let out a sigh then leaned back in her chair, propping her feet up on a small footstool topped with an embroidered cushion. “Well now, you didn’t think that through, Nicolai. No one can give you permission when you find your fated mate. That’s beyond our scope when speaking of the spirit realm.”
Nic shifted in the chair. “Right. So, that brings to mind something else. With Artur and Dara—”
“Yes. I knew it was a game.” She chuckled.
Nic straightened. “Game? That’s hardly the appropriate way to describe it!”
Asha pursed her lips at him. “Tone, young man.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I apologize, Healer. Lately I’ve felt so disconnected from everyone, from the pack.” She arched her eyebrows at him and he sighed. “Yes, I know. Obviously, I’ve brought that about by the way I’ve distanced myself. But, I had to. I just can’t believe that my brother would do such a thing.”
Asha tsked. “Yes, awful thing that. And already the rumors have begun. How can the pack trust an Alpha who would orchestrate such a deception to gain power? Especially over something as sacred as a fated mate.” She shook her head. “No, I don’t think the pack will accept him as Alpha without a challenge.”
Nic bristled. “No one but the Petrov clan have ruled this pack since we first arrived on this soil from Russia!”
“And wouldn’t it be a travesty if another clan were to take over because of your brother’s deception?”
Nic shot to his feet. Dammit! “What can I do about it, though? I would still be depriving the pack of an heir. Another clan would eventually challenge me when it became clear there wouldn’t be any offspring to continue the family name.”
Asha reached into her basket to retrieve her knitting. “Your father is still quite strong, so this doesn’t need to be decided immediately.”
“But—”
She held up a hand, palm out. “You have a mate to tend to first. Once you’ve bitten and claimed him, then the next challenge can be faced. But without him, nothing else can be resolved.”
Nic pressed his lips together to keep from blurting out something rude. He didn’t see how turning Elam would make any difference when it came to the issue of a legitimate heir. Not that I’d ever go along with it either, but he’d have a meltdown after all that shit he went through with his ex if I were to propose getting a woman pregnant then raising the child.
Asha threw back her head and laughed as she readjusted the yarn on her lap. “Oh, Nicolai. You trusted your instincts when it came to rescuing your mate. Why do you think they won’t come through for you again?”
“I…” His shoulders slumped. He had no fucking clue. His only choice was to heed her words and hope he wasn’t dooming his pack to annihilation by another clan.
* * * *
Elam had spent the hours while Nic was gone by reading a biography on Ansel Adams and enjoying the peaceful silence that only a remote spot blanketed in snow could provide. As the day had stretched on, he’d become restless and was in the process of ferreting through Nic’s cupboards and small pantry, searching for a combination of ingredients that might work together to make a meal for when he returned. Even though Nic had said he’d bring back more supplies from the small town where his sister lived, he might be hungry by the time he got home, and Elam couldn’t stand the thought of not making sure his… My what? He gave himself a mental shake. A word he couldn’t quite grasp had been at the edges of his mind yet again, but it wasn’t important. He was merely helping out. After all, Nic had done so much for him already, had gone to a lot of trouble to care for him after he’d been hurt.
Still, his jumbled thoughts wouldn’t release their grip on him. Not to mention my almost constant state of horniness. Elam set down the bag of kidney beans next to the spices he’d retrieved from a cabinet, a heaviness in his chest, a lingering thread of confusion driving him to the table where he dropped onto a chair. He let out a sigh, slumping his shoulders, rubbing his eyes with thumb and forefinger as he tried in vain to pull forth the questions that had been plaguing him whenever he considered the dynamic between him and Nic. He’d be on the verge of understanding something about them as a couple, then the realization would seem to jump out of his reach.
I’m losing it.
Whenever he’d get frustrated by his inability to comprehend what had been about to form in his mind, he’d remind himself he had knocked his head pretty damn hard. There were bound to be things he couldn’t remember, concepts or words that were difficult to easily bring forth. I sure as hell hope it isn’t permanent.
Elam gazed out of the picture window at the barely perceptible flakes lazily falling from the darkening sky. The scene before him was so gorgeous, he pondered whether to get his camera and capture it forever. But his attention was grabbed again by Nic. By us.
Elam let out a snort. He’d clearly let go of his promise not to get involved with a man again for a while, so there was no use wasting his time agonizing over that line that had been crossed.
‘We’ll figure it out’.
Nic’s words to him before he’d left echoed in his mind. While claiming they were boyfriends still seemed too soon, Nic had conveyed he wanted more than a fuck. Elam chastised himself over wanting something more solid, more definite. Why was he being so clingy? Was it because Andy’s betrayal had eroded his self-confidence?
And why do I want to bend over for him every time he walks by?
While Elam had always believed in love, ached to find someone compatible he could build a life with, something about Nic made him crazy. Compelled him to get closer, to be with Nic as more than a lover, more than a boyfriend and partner.
This is important. He’s important. Elam clutched his hair in aggravation. But why?
The approaching rumble of the snowmobile’s engine jerked him from his muddled ponderings. He glanced at the loosely assembled pile of ingredients on the counter and rolled his eyes.
So much for having food ready for his return.
Elam tried to ignore the flutter in his belly caused by Nic’s impending arrival. But he had reached the conclusion that even though it seemed a bit early to get into a heavy conversation about what they were to each other, his emotions were so jacked up that he needed it even if Nic didn’t.
A burst of freezing air whooshed inside as Nic entered the room. He pulled off his hood then unzipped his jacket as Elam rushed forward to help. Right as he was about to greet him, Nic wrapped a gloved hand around his nape then yanked him forward, smashing their lips together in an urgent kiss. Elam gasped from the freezing, wet cloth of Nic’s down jacket against his body, the icy chill of Nic’s lips as they moved over Elam’s, his mouth warming the longer their clinch lasted.
Nic ended the kiss with one final press to Elam’s mouth, then let him go. His gaze traveled down Elam’s form before he locked eyes with him.
“Sorry. Got you wet.”
Elam chuckled. “It was worth it.”
Nic finished freeing himself from his outerwear while Elam changed into a dry shirt. By the time he’d made his way back to the main room of the cabin, he was startled to see Nic pacing in front of the fireplace, running his fingers through his hair and mumbling to himself in Russian. When they’d shared their backgrounds with each other, Nic had told him of his Russian ancestors, how they’d traveled across the Bering Sea to begin a new life in Alaska. Elam had gotten the impression that something had driven them to leave their homeland, but Nic hadn’t gone into detail.
Regardless, something was eating at Nic and Elam ached to help him. Nic’s head snapped up as Elam drew closer. Elam frowned at the worry emanating from his expression. The crease of Nic’s brow was deep, his eyes wide with his lips held in a severe line.
Elam reached out, laying a tentative hand on Nic’s arm. “Hey. Is everything okay with your family? Nothing bad happened, did it?”
Nic shook his head. “No. Everyone’s fine.” He stared at him, his gaze never wavering to the point that it made Elam uneasy.
“That’s good to hear. What is it then?”
After glancing down for a moment as he mumbled more words in Russian, Nic raised his head, his worried expression changing to one that was pained. Elam trembled, something deep inside alerting him that they were at a pivotal moment.
Nic held his gaze. “I need to tell you something. Something very significant.” He sighed. “And we can’t move forward together as a couple until I do.”
Oh God. I knew he was too amazing. He’s probably a fugitive or has a wife and kids stashed away somewhere.
Elam struggled to keep his voice steady. “I see. Well, thank you for being honest. I’m sure you realize how much of a hot button that is with me.”
Nic covered his eyes for a moment, then let his hand drop to his side. “I do. But once you hear…” Nic coughed into his fist as he moved from foot to foot. “Actually, this is something you need to see more than hear. Then I think you’ll understand why I didn’t come out with it right away.” He sighed. “At least I hope you do.”
Elam swallowed hard. “I hope so too.”
Nic averted his eyes then glanced around the room as if gauging something. Elam thought he should be making an escape plan, just in case, yet he couldn’t deny that the pull from Nic was as strong as ever—despite the potentially ominous nature of whatever it was he was about to reveal.
Nic turned back to him. “Look at me, Elam. I need you to really hear me right now.”
Elam nodded. “S-sure.”
Nic clasped his upper arms. “You’re safe. No matter what happens in the next few minutes, you’re completely safe. All right?”
Okay. That was creepy. “And why do you feel the need to tell me that?”
Nic regarded him, his eyes still locked on Elam’s. “Because, in a moment, you’re going to assume you’re in danger and I won’t have the ability to reassure you the way I’d like to. Please believe me, Elam. You mean more to me than you can possibly imagine, and I’ll protect you no matter what.” Nic groaned. “I’d better get this over with, I can tell I’m only succeeding in freaking you out.” As he unbuttoned his shirt, he jerked his chin toward the dining set. “I think you’ll feel better if you stand behind the table.”
Elam frowned. What? And why is he taking off his shirt? His eyes widened. And his pants. Deciding that following Nic’s advice by putting the table between them was a good thing, he did as Nic had suggested and moved to the other side. With his heart thundering, Elam watched in confusion as Nic continued to strip. Once he’d removed his final piece of clothing, Nic straightened, the continuing pain in his expression breaking Elam’s heart.
“Don’t be scared, baby. I’d never hurt you.”
Elam gasped, jumping back, knocking over a chair and sending it crashing to the floor as the impossible unfolded before his eyes. “Wha…” His chest tightened, his insides liquefying as Nic’s body jerked and twisted. The bizarre metamorphosis continued as Nic’s limbs shortened, as—fur?—sprouted on his skin until he was no longer Nic, until he was…
Fuck this shit. Elam whipped around, bolting for the door.
“Elam, wait!”
He stopped so abruptly from the sound of Nic’s weak voice that he slammed into the closed door. When Elam whirled back around, the shock of seeing Nic’s nude form curled up on the braided rug was difficult to reconcile. Where’s the wolf? He rushed forward when it became apparent that Nic was having difficulty getting up. Oh shit, the wolf must’ve hurt him.
Elam dropped to his knees and wrapped an arm around Nic’s shoulders. Nic’s head hung low and it seemed as if he could barely keep himself upright as he supported his weight with both hands.
“Can you stand, Nic? We need to get outta here before that wolf comes back.”
Because I did not just see Nic turn into a gorgeous Arctic wolf. I hit my head hard enough that now I’m hallucinating. As soon as they escaped the wild animal that had somehow managed to get inside the cabin, he was going to see a doctor.
Nic shook his head as he lifted it. “No. I just need a minute to recover. Shifting back and forth in quick succession like that is a huge energy drain.”
Elam pulled his arm away. “S-shifting?” The fear had returned. “What are you saying?”
Nic lifted his gaze. “Come on, Elam. You saw. I’m a wolf shifter and so is my family, all the residents of the town where I visited my sister are. That’s my pack, where I’m from.”
Elam scooted back on his butt, placing more distance between him and Nic. “That’s insane. Why are you fucking with me like this?”
He should be racing out of the cabin instead of sitting around discussing the absurdity of what Nic had just claimed. But he couldn’t. Not when something deep in his gut was telling him that what Nic had just confessed was the truth. That it was the truth that had been evading Elam for the past few days. Something unexplainable. Did he now have that explanation?
Nic’s eyes still held the sadness they had before he’d…shifted. Elam had heard plenty of stories from his grandmother about werewolves in the Old Country, her father having come to America from Eastern Europe. They didn’t know much about that side of his family, but as a child he’d loved to sit on her lap as she’d told him tales of mystical beings that could be so fierce but also protective of those who guarded their secrets. He’d stare at her in open-mouthed awe until his mother would admonish her for filling Elam’s head with nonsense.
Elam swallowed past a lump in his throat. Was it nonsense?
“I’m not fucking with you, I think you know that.” Nic extended a hand to him. “Please. Let me hold you. I’ll always take care of you, keep you safe.”
Elam blinked several times. “Always? That seems…extreme. Abrupt also comes to mind.”
Nic’s forehead wrinkled. “You don’t sense it between us? The urgency, the inevitability of our bond, the need?”
“Well, I…” If he’s going to get technical. Elam chewed his lip, his body still shaking as a strange realization filled him. He really isn’t making this up, is he? I saw what I saw and he’s telling me the fucking truth. Elam sucked in a shaky breath. “Yeah. I do.”
Nic straightened, his skin less sallow as his strength seemed to return. He extended an arm. “Then please. Let me hold you.”
All of Elam’s fears evaporated as he pushed into Nic’s embrace, buried his nose in his neck as he wrapped his arms around Nic’s waist. He let go of the struggle to fight against whatever it was that had been drawing him to Nic all along. Sure, the entire scenario was bizarre, the concept of having a boyfriend who was part wolf difficult to reconcile, yet it made sense to him in its own strange way. After all, he adored nature, loved to photograph wild animals and wolves had certainly been subjects he’d returned to over and over. Maybe he’d been drawn to this part of Alaska because they were meant to be together.
He chuckled to himself. That might be taking things a bit too far. It was more likely that he’d increased his odds of meeting someone like Nic by being so enamored of the outdoors.
Nic whispered against his ear, “What’s got you laughing?”
Elam rubbed his face against Nic’s skin. “Oh, nothing really. Something kind of silly, that’s all.”
“Yeah? Tell me. I wanna know.”
Elam squirmed against Nic. Even though the guy had just expressed rather serious intentions about them, he was still absorbing it all. “Just a stray thought that it was like a fated thing for us to meet since I love the outdoors and photograph wildlife and you’re…er…well, you’re like wildlife.”
When Nic didn’t respond right away, Elam glanced up and was met with an even more serious expression than his typical one.
“What?” Elam had the feeling he was about to discover something as startling as what he’d already learned.
Nic cupped his cheek. “Not silly at all. You’re my fated mate, Elam.”
Before Elam had a chance to grasp what Nic had just said, his mouth was taken in a soft kiss, Nic’s strange declaration becoming more logical the longer their exchange continued. When Nic broke their connection, he stared into Elam’s eyes, threading his fingers through Elam’s hair while still holding him close.
“This won’t be easy for you, Elam. I’m aware of that. But as your Alpha and mate, I’ll be by your side through every change you experience. I can’t reiterate enough that I’ll protect you no matter what—with my life if necessary.”
Just when I thought the shock was abating…
“Uh… Alpha? As in, wolf pack Alpha, is that what you mean?” He’d studied wolves and other favorite wildlife species as part of his job, so he grasped the concept of wolf pack behavior, still, he wasn’t sure how that would impact their relationship. He frowned as another part of Nic’s statement bled through. “And what did you mean about changes I’ll be facing?”
Nic cleared his throat. “Can we get off the floor? It’s not very comfortable.”
Elam drew his eyebrows together, nodding as he rose and bringing Nic with him. He could tell Nic was stalling for some reason, which only cranked up his worry again. Once they’d settled on the sofa, Nic angled his body to face Elam and gathered both of Elam’s hands in his. He locked gazes with him.
“Elam, as my fated mate, I need to turn you. I won’t force you, of course. But the pack will never accept you as my mate otherwise.”
Elam’s gut clenched and his throat went dry. “But… I mean… Does it matter that they don’t accept me? You live way out here.” Elam gave a shaky laugh. “I can always stay here at Thanksgiving like the relative no one talks about.”
Nic let out a melancholy sigh. “I know this is all bizarre to you, insane like you said. But it’s not that way for me. This is what I was born into and has been my lifelong reality. I have yet to explain to you about how the pack works, the Alliance of packs and my family’s part within those dynamics. It’s not as simple as me keeping a secret human boyfriend.” Nic clutched Elam’s hands tighter. “If I don’t turn my fated mate, it could jeopardize my family’s standing within the Alliance. As it is, I only discovered today that my brother has already created an upheaval. But more importantly? We would exist in a constant state of aggravation emotionally, and…” Nic squirmed on the couch. “And physically.”
Elam arched his eyebrows. “We’d be in pain?”
Nic snorted. “Well, our balls would anyway.”
Something clicked in Elam’s mind. “Oh shit. That’s why you wouldn’t let me go down on you.”
“Wasn’t easy to stop you, trust me.” Nic offered him a crooked smile. “But I would never take a chance on exposing anyone to something as life-altering as that without their consent.”
Holy shit. “Wow. All right.” Elam ran the implications of everything Nic had shared through his head. “Then, it’s your semen that triggers the change? Which means women can’t change a man?”
Nic let go of his hands, but inched closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders instead. That fucking pull. Without a thought, Elam had melted against Nic’s frame.
“At the risk of being too graphic, a woman can change a man. It’s the bodily fluids exchanged during sex that turns a human.”
“And saliva doesn’t count?”
Nic shook his head. “Not unless it’s accompanied by the claim bite at the point of orgasm.”
“Bite?” Elam tensed. “As in an actual, skin-breaking, blood-drawing, that-fucking-hurts bite?”
Nic’s mouth quirked and he gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Pleasure-pain. And with the combination of the new accelerated self-healing power you’ll have in combination with mine, I could lick the bite clean and you’d be like new within a few hours.”
Elam lowered his gaze. He wanted to be Nic’s mate, couldn’t deny the power of his feelings toward him, but… Bite? Becoming a wolf? He still wasn’t completely convinced he wasn’t hallucinating.
“What about my family, friends? Would I never be allowed to see them again?”
Nic gave him a squeeze and kissed his temple. “Of course not. You wouldn’t be able to tell them, but the rest of your life would remain the same. You can still go on assignment, travel. Whatever you want.” Nic startled him as he pulled Elam onto his lap, wrapping him in a stronger embrace. “But I’ll miss you whenever you’re away.”
Elam stomach swooped, Nic’s gentle tone soothing and gentle—so different than what he’d experienced from him so far—drawing him even deeper under Nic’s spell.
“You really mean it, don’t you? You want me here for good, for always.”
Elam no longer felt it necessary to question Nic as much as he wanted to say it out loud, to test the words on his tongue, release the inner doubt by bringing it into the light.
Nic caressed his back as he kissed Elam’s temple again. “I do.”
With his heart still jack-rabbiting and his belly fluttering, Elam pressed his forehead to Nic’s and forced himself to do the responsible thing and not just react with his swirling emotions.
“Okay. But I need to think about everything before I make up my mind to stay. To let you change me.”