Blue
“You can have this room while you’re here.” Bri had Ava on her hip, but she opened the door at the end of the upstairs hallway with her free hand to reveal a full-sized bed, a dresser that looked as though it had been around since the eighties, and deep blue carpeting. The walls were empty, and the open closet door revealed only a few spare coats that had been stashed away. “I know it’s not very welcoming right now. It’s just sort of been our guest room, and I haven’t taken the time to decorate it. But we can put a pretty vase of flowers on the dresser, and maybe we can hit up the junk shops for some cute framed prints this weekend.”
Blue shook her head. “You don’t have to worry about all that. It’s nice just the way it is.” Even her bedroom at home wasn’t as decent, with its old paneling and worn carpeting. She had always had the idea of fixing it up, but there was never the time or the money. She had just hung up a few posters that she’d had and called it good enough. The guest room at the Hagens’ might have been stark, but the paint on the walls was fresh, the carpet was free of stains, and the mattress didn’t sag in the middle.
“At the very least, I do have these for you.” She left the room for a moment and came back with an armful of books. Bri dumped these on the bed before setting Ava down so she could arrange them on the top of the dresser. “I bought every pregnancy and baby book I could get my hands on. And before you ask, yes. I’ve read every one of them, cover to cover.”
“Why did you keep them?” Blue asked as she scanned the titles. There were some that covered the raising of babies and toddlers, which made them relevant, but the vast majority were about pregnancy itself.
Bri shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I thought I might want another baby someday, and that it would be good to go back and read them. I can’t tell you how many times I turned to these books when I was worried about something. It worked out, since you can read them now.”
Picking up a volume with a heavily pregnant woman on the cover smiling down at her swollen belly, Blue nodded. “Yes, I guess I can.”
“You look tired. I’ll let you get to sleep.” Bri scooped up Ava, who was busy playing with the handles on the dresser drawers.
“No, don’t bother. I’m tired, but there’s no way I could sleep. There’s too much going on in my mind, and it won’t go away. I feel like I’m obsessed.” She sat down on the end of the mattress and tented her fingers over the bridge of her nose.
Bri sat down next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Ava reached out to touch Blue’s hair, watching in fascination as the colored strands ran through her fingers. With her dark hair in little pigtails and her wide brown eyes, Ava was just a miniature, female version of Spencer. She was so soft and adorable, but she made Blue hope her child looked nothing like Torque. She didn’t want a reminder of him for the rest of her life. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”
“As a mother, you never really know if you’re doing the right thing,” Bri said after a long moment. “You just do your best and hope it works out. I won’t know the results of some of the decisions I’ve made for many years.” She patted her daughter’s head, twisting her fingers around one of the delicate pigtails.
Blue sighed. “It’s Torque, more than anything. I don’t know if coming here was the right thing to do, or if I should have gone back to the clubhouse. I know he was waiting for me, and by now, he’s worried sick.”
Bri gave her a doubtful look. “I know you and Spencer said Torque was practically working security for the shop, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. You’ve got to think about the kind of lifestyle he would be providing for a baby.”
“But I’m a tattoo artist,” Blue argued. “Is that really any better?”
“Let’s see. You work steady hours, you make an honest living, and you don’t ride a dangerous machine everywhere you go. Oh, then there’s the fact that you don’t go starting fights with anyone, much less a war. I think you’re ahead of the game, maybe more than you realize.” Bri set a wriggling Ava down on the floor and looked Blue square in the eyes. “I’m sure Torque is tempting. He’s the bad boy type, right? The kind of guy who seems all hot because he’s large and in charge? I get it. I do. But it’s not the kind of thing that works long-term. You need someone different.”
“Like anyone else is going to want me now.” She looked down at her stomach. It was still just as flat as ever, but she knew it wouldn’t be for long.
“Oh, please. It’s the modern world. Men expect women to already have kids these days. Besides, it gives you the chance to actually pick out a dad for the baby once you see how the two of them are together. You don’t have to rely solely on common DNA.”
Bri had a point, but Blue felt like she was trying too hard to make it. “So does that mean you would pick out someone else to be Ava’s dad instead of Spencer?” she challenged.
“Not a chance,” her new friend assured her. “Spence and I haven’t had a perfect relationship. I went through a lot with him when he was an addict, but it really let me see who he was. There were times I never thought we would make it, but he came out of it a much better person. No, Spencer and I are perfect together, and he’s a wonderful daddy to Ava.”
The child looked up and smiled when she heard her name, revealing dimples in her chubby cheeks. “Daddy?”
“He’ll be home later, baby.”
“Daddy wok?” Her version of the word was adorable.
“Yes, Daddy is at work,” Bri replied patiently.
Ava bent down to peer under the bed, and then crawled underneath it.
“I wish I could have the kind of certainty you do,” Blue said. “I think I want to be with Torque, but I just don’t know anything.”
“Do you know if he wants to be with you?”
Blue shrugged. She remembered what he had told her when they had made love in the park, that he wasn’t there just to mess around with her or make her do anything she didn’t want to. He’d said he wanted her, and he had been very protective of her when they’d gotten back to the clubhouse. But Torque had never directly said that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. He hadn’t even said much about the baby.
“Maybe? He seems like he wants to protect me, but I’m not sure beyond that.”
“Sounds to me like the two of you have some talking to do.” She rose from the bed and walked around the room slowly with a mischievous smile and a wink. “Where’s my Ava? I saw her just a minute ago, and now I can’t find her anywhere.”
A giggle came from under the bed.
“Have you seen her anywhere, Blue?”
Blue smiled. “Not me.”
“Is she in the dresser?” Bri pulled out one of the drawers. “Nope, not in the dresser. Did she fly out the window?”
There was another giggle as the curtains were pulled back.
Bri dropped quickly to her hands and knees. “There’s a monster under the bed!”
“Ava hide!” the baby squealed as her mother drew her out and hugged her.
It was an angelic scene, the kind of thing Blue hoped she would be doing with her son or daughter someday. Had Mother ever played with her? She couldn’t remember.
“Anyway,” Bri said, sitting back down again, “nobody can tell you what the right decision is. This is your life, and your baby’s life. Don’t listen to me or Spencer or even Torque. Do what’s right for you.”
“I’ll try.”
“Let me ask you this: do you love him?”
The answer rolled off her lips before she had a chance to think about it. “Yes.” Blue hadn’t even thought about Torque like that, to wonder if he meant more to her than just their physical relationship. Somehow, it had been more about the practical side of things than the emotional. She hadn’t even been sure she was capable of loving someone up until this point.
Bri raised her eyebrows, but she nodded. “That’s your first clue, then, and I can see in your eyes that you mean it. Just follow your heart.”
The doorbell rang suddenly, making Blue jump.
“Oh, that’s probably the mailman. I should have a package coming today. Can you watch Ava for just a second? I’ll be right back.” Bri headed down the stairs.
Blue looked at the baby, who was talking nonsense to herself as she dragged a pillow off the bed. Ava was adorable, but what was Blue supposed to do with her? The idea of having a baby had made her lose all sense of confidence in herself, both real and forced.
Downstairs, Blue could hear the muffled sound of Bri’s voice as well as a male one. She knew it was just the mailman, but there was something about it that made her feel wrong. She stepped hesitantly toward the bedroom door, but she still couldn’t hear what anyone was saying. When she heard a shriek of fear and a thump, Blue ran back across the room to peer out the window.
The guest room overlooked the driveway, where a ratty black truck waited near the curb. That was definitely not the mailman, and Blue didn’t like to think about just who it might be instead. Ready to run, she remembered her obligations. Ava had the pillow off the bed and was wearing it like a hat.
“Hey, sweetie. Do you want to play hide-and-seek?”
“Seek?” the little one asked.
“Yeah!” Blue replied, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible. “Can Ava hide again? And then I can look for you!”
“Ava hide!” She giggled as she wriggled back under the bed.
Blue bent down to see that she was safely ensconced under the furniture. “Keep hiding, okay?”
“Ava hide!” the little girl repeated.
Hoping that would work at least long enough to keep the child safe, Blue barreled down the stairs. The front door was closed, and there was no sign of Bri. She swung open the front door just in time to see Rat and his men holding Bri by the arms and taking her toward the nasty old truck.
“Stop!” Blue called. She came out on the porch, every bone and muscle in her body shaking. She had been trying to avoid Rat at all costs, but there was no chance of that happening now. There was a little one upstairs who needed her mother.
Rat turned to look at her, and then he sneered down at Bri. “I thought you said she wasn’t here.”
Bri scowled at both Blue and Rat.
“If you’re looking for me, then take me,” Blue called. “But leave her.”
Rat’s men kept their hands on Bri, waiting for confirmation. He nodded, and Bri darted back to the porch.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Bri hissed. “I had them fooled.”
“But only for so long. I know it’s me they want, and they would have kept looking for me until they found me. I don’t want to be responsible for the path of destruction they might have caused while they tried. Just go back upstairs.”
“But the baby …”
“All I can hope is that they don’t know about that. There are other, more important, things to consider.”
Bri’s eyes flicked to the upstairs window, the one that belonged to the guest bedroom. She knew exactly what Blue meant. “Okay. But I’m going to find a way to get you out of this. We all will.”
Flame and Stubble had made it to the porch now. They reached out with their grubby fingers to grab at Blue, but she flipped her hands dismissively at them. “Don’t you fucking touch me. I’m coming.”
“Well, well. A willing captive. How very … convenient.” Rat let his eyes run down Blue’s body and back up to her face. “I can see why Torque has a thing for you.”
Blue had been angry when she had seen the bikers with Bri in their custody, but it curdled into fear when she got a good look at Rat. He was just as ugly as ever, but he no longer wore the patch over his eye. The eye itself had survived, with a puffy ring of scar tissue all around it from the beer bottle. She recoiled, but he snatched her wrist and pulled her close.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, his fetid breath assaulting her nostrils. “Don’t like what you see? Remember, little girl, this is all your fault.”
“It’s not my fault you’re an asshole,” she remarked. “You got yourself into this, Rat.” As she spoke, she realized none of this was really Torque’s fault, either. She had wanted to believe it was because it made it easier. It had helped her make a tough decision. But Torque had only been looking out for her best interests and trying to keep her safe.
Rat laughed, clearly not concerned with where the blame landed. “Tell yourself whatever you need to so you can sleep at night, but this all lands squarely on your shoulders now. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we’re at war with Satan Seed. If it hadn’t been for you, it might never have happened. Now get your pretty little ass in the truck, or I’ll put it there myself.” He yanked open the door, the stale reek of old cigarettes filtering out.
Blue hesitated for only a moment before she did as she was told. There was no choice if she wanted a chance at surviving, and it was a miracle that Rat hadn’t killed her already. “What do you plan to do with me?”
Rat let out an evil laugh as he climbed behind the wheel. He was far too close for Blue’s comfort, especially when Flame got in on the passenger side. She was practically squished between the two of them, and she pulled her muscles tight so she took up as little space as possible. “There are plenty of things I’d like to do with you,” Rat began, “but what ultimately happens is up to Torque.”
Her breath escaped her lungs as she heard his name on Rat’s lips. “Why?”
“Don’t you get it? If I have you, then Torque will come. There’s no doubt about it. He put that bottle in my face, and he’s going to pay for it.” Rat fired up the truck, and it rumbled underneath them. He backed out of the driveway and turned the truck around only to come face-to-face with a massive group of bikers as they came in the mouth of the cul-de-sac.