Chapter 26

Zenon remained under the shower’s hot spray until the water ran cool. He did not wish to avoid Nickie or the difficult conversation ahead, but moments after he had entered the bathroom, her mind had gone silent—not in the way that meant she had locked him out. She was still there, but she slept. More than anything, she needed the rest.

And he had to come to terms with what he’d done and how it had hurt the one who mattered more to him than anyone else. His desperation to find his brother had driven him to make poor decisions, but that was no excuse. His actions had placed Nickie in danger and caused her to suffer both mentally and physically. The sight of her seizures on that unforgiving stone were etched into his mind for all eternity. But worse than that, the fear that had been in her eyes when he had been unable to do anything to ease it… He would never forgive himself for any of it.

Nickie’s mental touch roused inside him like a gentle caress. “Come to bed. I’m too tired to deal with any of this right now, and you’re thinking way too loudly.”

Not bothering to dry himself, Zenon wrapped a towel around his waist and went to her. He would not be the reason for more of her discomfort. When he entered the room, he found her exactly as he’d left her, sprawled on her back on the bed with her jacket hanging open and her boots still on her feet. Her eyes were open, but she struggled to keep them that way, her blinking lids taking much longer to open and close than they normally would.

He crossed over to her and tugged one boot off, then the other, placing them next to the bed. Next came the socks. Having something constricting on her feet would not be comfortable to sleep in. She grumbled when he helped her sit but then sagged against him while he removed her coat, then tugged her sweater over her head. Searching her memories, he figured out the clasp of her bra and undid that before helping her to lie on the mattress once more. He managed to remove the undergarment without exposing her breasts—much, leaving her T-shirt in place. He debated keeping the jeans on, as well, but the stiff fabric would not allow her free movement while she slept, so he removed those, too.

When all she was left with were the delicate panties covering her sex and her T-shirt, he tucked her beneath the blankets before going to the window and drawing the curtains closed. Sliding into the bed next to her, he pulled her to him.

“That was nice. Thank you,” she whispered as she burrowed closer and her mind silenced once more.

Kissing her temple, he forced the tension from his body. “Sleep, sweet angel.” Never again would he put his needs above hers. The price paid was too great.

***

Nickie woke to a dark room. Although she’d gone to sleep on a soft hotel mattress, she now lay on a hard body. It was just after three o’clock in the morning if the bright red numbers glaring at her from the night stand were accurate. She probed gently at Zenon’s mind, finding him calm and quiet. They’d checked into the hotel over fourteen hours before. The last thing she remembered was Zenon tucking her into bed.

Now that they were safe, or as safe as they could be with mercenary assholes chasing them, she pried open the mental door she’d shoved all her fears and emotions behind to get through the previous day. It was nothing more than a sliver of space, but it was enough to kick her heartrate up a notch. So much had happened that she hadn’t had time to process.

Not for one second did she regret her decision to mate with Zenon. All the way down to her soul, she had known it was right and meant to be, and that hadn’t changed. The same love still burned inside her, only now, the connection was beyond anything she could have ever dreamed before.

After that, things had taken a different spin. Decisions were made that she’d had no part of but had suffered the consequences for. Some of the anger she’d clung to the day before resurfaced for a minute before dissolving into something much more difficult to process. From the moment the manacle had been secured to her wrist, her choices had been cast aside. All that she’d done since she’d started on her journey with the other women had been to find him and save him from the hell he’d been living in. Okay, so she’d wanted to save herself, too, but was that such a horrible thing? She didn’t think so.

It hadn’t been easy, but they’d found him. And they’d freed him. Then, after all that, she’d given him everything she had. Her memories, her thoughts…and yet, when the time came when he needed to trust in her and see their journey to the end together, he’d chosen to leave her behind.

The image of him flying away from her crept into her mind, and moisture pooled behind her eyelids. Part of her wanted to shove the memory behind that stupid door and ignore it, but that wouldn’t get her any closer to getting past it. She drew a shaky breath and sniffled. Between his body heat, the blankets draped over her, and the emotions rushing through her, she couldn’t breathe. She needed space, if only for a few minutes. She wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t leave without knowing whether the enemy was close, but she couldn’t stay snuggled on top of his body, either.

Careful not to wake him, Nickie slipped from the bed. She made it all the way to the bathroom before the first tear fell. By the time she had the water running and was standing under the spray, she couldn’t see past the blurriness. But she didn’t care.

From the moment he’d left her at that stupid gas station, she’d been alone. Not just physically, but emotionally. He’d cut her off. Just like that. Like she didn’t matter. He’d blocked himself from her after having promised to be with her always. He’d made her believe it. But then, at the first opportunity, he’d reneged on it.

Each time those monsters had hurt him—killed him—she’d been alone to wonder what horrors he was going through. She’d been helpless to comfort him, and that hurt, but he’d also not been there for her. Every time her heart had given out, she’d been alone. On a conscious level, she’d known the phoenix would heal her and that she’d be okay, but the same paralyzing fear had slammed into her and not let go.

But when she’d seen Zenon lying there, laying in a pool of his own blood, his gaze unfocused and that fucking collar around his neck, something in her soul shattered. Even after all the hurt he’d put her through, seeing him like that was worse than any of it.

Leaning her head against the shower wall, she let her tears fall. For her. For him. Try as she might to keep quiet, a sob broke free, then another, shaking her to her core.

A small blast of cool air was all the warning she got before Zenon came in behind her. With his hands at her shoulders, he turned her to him. The pain etched on his own face only made her tears fall harder.

Zenon dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head against her belly as he squeezed her tight. “I’m so sorry, my Nickie,” he said, his voice broken and thick. Though he didn’t make another sound, his wide shoulders shook.

She hadn’t thought to shield him from what she was thinking—what she was feeling—but then, maybe it was better that she hadn’t. How could they move forward if they weren’t honest with one another? Most couples had months, or even years to develop the skills needed to make things work. Knowing a person the way they knew each other was more than most could ever dream of, but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be hiccups in the road.

Only when her tears subsided, and she suspected maybe his own had, too, did Zenon come off the shower floor and pull her to him, holding her close. “I never meant to hurt you. Had I known, I would have chosen differently. I would never have left you alone to face your fears,” he said, squeezing her tighter with every word.

The truth ran into the depths of his soul, overwhelming her as he laid it bare before her.

“Never will I willingly break our connection and allow that emptiness to touch you,” he vowed as he pulled back and kissed her eyelids.

When she lifted her lips to his, he didn’t hesitate, sealing his vow with a kiss. His love and devotion wrapped around her, easing the pain in her heart. “We will figure this out, my Nickie. I will learn how to better care for your heart and your soul. I will be a better mate.”