Los Angeles. It was always the same.

At least this time we were at a better place—more peaceful. I appreciated that. I spent as many hours as I could writing with the waves crashing in the background. Anything to take my mind off Bristol and get my work done.

That was the thing about music, though. It couldn’t be rushed or forced. It was annoying and beautiful at the same time, just like the girl I couldn’t get off my mind.

Once everyone arrived things picked up. We all had friends here, a wide variety of them. There would be nights out at this bar or that concert. A lot of it was networking. I definitely met some people that might help further our career. But it was busy. Too busy.

The dinners and the drinking became monotonous. The women came at us in droves, something I used to enjoy, but now I just wanted to be left alone. Everything was different from when we started out.

Life seemed so perfect back then. A different woman in my hotel room every night made me feel like a man. Now, I just wanted to write and make music.

I stepped back as best I could and let everyone bask in the success all around us. Jake met a girl and disappeared with her within a few days. I began to wonder if he really did have feelings for Valerie. I thought I had them both in my corner, but that appeared to be over. They seemed casual, and he didn’t mind leaving Colorado as far as I could tell. The other guys in the band were plowing into any groupie that would lift her skirt.

Time was starting to free up and I could have Bristol visit me any time. There was plenty of room and everyone else was distracted at night.

When we weren’t out on the town, we were outside eating and swimming and definitely drinking. Any time I wasn’t doing that, I was writing. The media was starting to swarm, and that worried me. I didn’t want Bristol to have to deal with that. After the time at the bar and the other time at the diner, I knew she wouldn’t want to be around all the groupies.

I regretted making music encompass my entire life in some ways. Girls and relationships were always on the back burner, something to pass the time between my work. It wouldn’t be fair to start up a relationship.

There was just something different about Bristol. The fact she didn’t know who I was before the concert was refreshing. Her appreciation for me and not the fact I was a “musician” was incredibly attractive and endearing.

It didn’t take long to realize I really cared about her. Every minute we were apart amplified the feelings a thousand-fold.

She actually heard my music when most people just focused on our main single, which happened to be about one-night stands. God, I loved the irony. I wrote it when I was irritated with life, but it had such a hard beat that nobody seemed to understand the song. It sounded commercial, almost to the point of pandering. I stood behind my art anyway. The song had meaning to me, and that was all that mattered, no matter how well it sold.

Bristol picked up on the song I wrote about losing Brandon three years ago. It was one of the hardest things in my life when he committed suicide after being arrested for drunk driving. He was my closest friend along with Jake.

Looking out the window, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Usually, playing that song was the only time I thought about Brandon. It was my way of honoring his life.

My music was a constant reminder of Bristol.

I missed talking to her, being around her—even more than the sex. I was also insanely jealous and possessive over her. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I didn’t give a shit, I did. It was a lie, and a true musician confronts the truth in their work.

Jake had to stop me from hopping on a plane when I saw the picture of her and knew she was going out. It was insane, and I’d never tell her the truth about it, but, I didn’t want any other man to get to see her in the outfit. I didn’t want any other man to watch her dance.

The outfit and dancing was meant for me. She was mine. All of her. And she still came for me at the end of the night, like she always would from here on out.

She was intelligent and had goals for herself. She showed that more than she realized, often undermining herself in her words and actions. Bristol was sexy as fuck without trying and I knew I had to have her after that first kiss. After that first night, I never wanted another night without her. I was trying to figure everything out when I had to come here to LA. Our time was cut too short.

I knew it was possible to have a relationship. Some of my friends in the industry had wives and children and made it work. It just had to be so fucking hard. I didn’t know if I was up for it until I met her.

I dropped my notebook on the bed. I couldn’t concentrate while thinking about her. I needed a cold shower and to rub another one out. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, standing underneath it as I glared at my erection. I reached down and imagined her plump red lips wrapped around me while I fisted her hair. I thought about the sounds of her moans from our phone call as I fucked into my fist over and over again. It didn’t take long for me to say her name over and over as I came all over my hand.

* * *

I woke up closer to afternoon than morning. The guys were scattered around the living room drinking vitamin waters and checking their phones as some show blared from the TV. They all nodded apart from Jake, who glanced over at me. It was weird. He looked worried as I walked to the fridge to grab myself a water. I took a seat next to him. Jake had the laptop open, and I leaned my head toward it as he scowled.

“Did you tell Bristol about the media and how they make shit up?”

I froze up at his question. I didn’t say anything to her.

“No.”

He winced. “I don’t think she’d fuck around on Google, but Valerie might. She’s into the gossip shit. She’s also protective of her friend.” His words were slow and deliberate.

I took them in as I played back what I could from the night before. I was drunk, and it was vague for me, but I was sure I hadn’t done anything incriminating.

“What the fuck?” I leaned over to his computer. “What’s on there?”

He turned the laptop around to face me. I searched the screen and found a series of photos from the party that were taken with me and another up-and-coming artist, Kelly Harrison. She was definitely hot, but she wasn’t Bristol.

From what I could remember, she flirted a little, but I let her down easy with little incident. The pictures made it look way worse, though. She was leaning in close to my face with a palm on my chest. It looked like we were inches from kissing.

Fuck.

Even the look on my face made me look guilty. I was drunk and horny after thinking about Bristol all night. But I didn’t do a damn thing.

I knew it was nothing, but would Bristol know that? I didn’t want her seeing shit like this and getting upset.

The more I thought about it, the harder blood started pounding in my ears. I needed out of the house for a minute.

Technically, we weren’t in a relationship and I had nothing to explain. But, that was the weird thing. I wanted to.

I rose and headed to the beach to walk. I wanted my stomach to stop twisting in knots. Because, if I was being honest with myself, if I saw a picture like that of some dude up on Bristol, I’d lose my shit.

I needed to approach this the right way. I needed to explain to Bristol that managers like to create controversy and gossip. It’s all PR shit. They would start every headline suggesting that I was involved with a different woman. They went after the more suggestive ones to make everything worse.

What was I supposed to do? Never go out or do anything?

I’d dealt with this from friends and family since our first record deal. Girls that were interested in more than a fling complained to me about it, but I didn’t give a shit what they thought. I was always up front.

They either just accepted it, or they were gone.

If she saw this, would she even come see me now? Fucking Kelly Harrison. I gazed out at the water and paused, letting the wind blow around me.

At the same time, I hated being upset with Kelly. She was totally cool once I’d told her I was involved with someone else. It was all music conversation after that, completely professional. We talked for a while because it was refreshing to converse with someone who actually knew something about music outside my bandmates.

What if Bristol wouldn’t come out to visit now?

I had to get ahead of this instead of waiting for her to bring it up.