CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Rain lashed them, freezing her to the bone.
Sky didn’t care. In fact she was glad of it. It seemed just punishment for the shame she carried. Dark memories from Cadogan danced along the motorway behind them, threatening to drag her back and consume her.
The wind battered at the bike. Overhead information panels flashed speed limits and warnings. Rory was working hard, trying to get her home in time for some rest before her midday shift the next day. The knowledge of his efforts only seemed to mock her, twisting her emotions, making her even more confused. I’m not meant to be happy, and I shouldn’t be relying on anyone.
The gusts grew fiercer, and Rory signaled to turn off at the next slip road.
When he pulled in to park and she peeled off the bike, she realized they were under a sheltered bike stand at the service station. She stared at Rory, emotionally raw and afraid to say the wrong thing, wishing she was on the train. Stepping out into the rain, she turned her face up and into it, willing the sting to wake her up from her nightmares.
“Hey, what’s up?” Rory drew her back inside the cover of the shelter.
“I just want to get away from Cadogan.”
“I don’t get it.” He jerked his head back along the motorway toward the small town they’d left behind. “That was some real affection between you and your family, why freak out at the end?”
Bristling, she narrowed her eyes at him, warning him off, or attempting to.
He stood his ground.
“I do love them, especially Nan. She was the one who really brought me up. Long before you guys turned up I was living with Nan.”
“I didn’t know that.” He held her by the shoulders, but she broke free.
“You have no idea what it’s like growing up in a small town where everybody knows your business and throws it in your face just to make you feel small and dirty.” She almost mentioned the reason why, and she never spoke about that, not to anyone, not even Nan. If Rowan ever tried to talk about it, she left the room. It was right there, and if he probed, she wouldn’t be able to fasten up the lock on it.
Anger flared to the surface.
She turned away from him and kicked at the motorbike shelter.
Pain shot through her foot, making her cry out.
He snatched at her, grasping her hand and drawing her in against him quickly.
“Hey,” it was a whisper close against her hair, close against her ear. “Nobody’s allowed to hurt you, least of all you.”
“Don’t be nice to me, please.” Tears were pricking at her eyes.
“I’m just trying to understand you.” He cupped her face and studied it for a long time.
The look in his eyes made her feel tender and vulnerable. The need to explain herself battled with her vow of silence, squeezing the breath from her lungs. She couldn’t afford to cast her shadows over him. She didn’t want him to turn away, or to think she was lying, but she didn’t really want to tell him what it was that made her life at home the stuff of nightmares, nightmares that still haunted her even though she was attempting to build a new life for herself in London. Besides, her mother had forbidden her. She’d vowed them all to silence, closed the door on the past. It wasn’t that easy for Sky, no matter how hard she tried, it haunted her still.
When she tried to speak— to give Rory something he’d accept—she couldn’t get any words out. Instead she clutched at his jacket, looking up at him pleadingly. The wind whipped up around them, rain lashing the side of her face.
“Tell me,” he said, forcing her to look up at him with his knuckles beneath her chin.
The distress she felt increased. Her reaction should be to walk away, but the need to hang onto him was chipping away at the walls she’d had to build around herself. Fear gripped her heart. What if she told him and lost him? She stared at his leather jacket, unable to meet his fierce stare. “I don’t know if I can.”
When her comment was met with silence, she risked a glance.
The frown on his forehead was deep. The flickering service station lights cast them in shadows, making his face seem stark and gaunt. He sighed and glanced away. “The rain isn’t letting up. Change of plans. We get a room at the service lodge for a few hours.”
They’d be alone, really alone. Now.
She caught the determined set to his jaw. Her heart sank. They’d be alone, and he was going to keep questioning her. She could take off and leave him here, or give in and talk.
She glanced at the slip road that led back onto the motorway, saw two dark figures hitching a ride as cars left the service station. Right at that moment she couldn’t predict whether she’d be joining them, or staying where she longed to stay.
With Rory.