Chapter Twenty-two
“Everything is amazing. Perfect. Like, crazy good.” Beck put her feet up on the coffee table and tapped the speaker button so she could talk to Jackie with her hands free. “And I finally made it to the post office to get this package. Thanks for sending it.”
“No worries, it was easy. Just be warned, hon. The letter was right on top, but there was more in the file and some of it looked super personal, so I stuck the whole Charlie folder in there. Sorry if you hit a few emotional land mines.”
Beck sighed and fingered the thick envelope. “I can handle them. Heck, if I can go through Charlie’s bedroom with Aidan, I can do anything.”
“You sound good, Beck.”
She stretched, sore from a long day downstairs, but it was a good sore. She stroked Ruff’s head, who lay next to her, taking up way more than his share of the sofa. “I feel good,” she admitted.
“Pizza wars progressing?” Jackie asked with enough tease in her voice that Beck figured she knew it was more than pizza putting a smile on her face.
“We’ve come to the conclusion that there is no secret ingredient, only Uncle Mike’s magic touch.”
“Seriously?” Jackie laughed. “But he still won’t go in and make it?”
“We have another week until the big contest. I’m hoping he rallies.”
“And Aidan?”
“Oh, Aidan.” She dropped her head back and let out a gushy, girlie sigh of pure delight. “Where do I start?”
“The good stuff.”
Relief washed through Beck. She was so ready to spill everything to her best friend. And maybe get clarity on the situation. She’d been with Aidan practically twenty-four seven for weeks now, which explained the delay in picking up Jackie’s package, which she’d kindly sent Priority, or why she’d forgotten to call until this evening. It was like Beck had lost focus on anything but Aidan.
“Well, it’s all pretty good,” she said on a laugh, the understatement of pretty good being what was funny. “Actually, it’s ridiculous.”
“Oh boy. Didn’t see that coming or anything.”
“What do you mean? We met fighting over the dog.”
“But he let you keep Ruff, so obviously he has a soft spot. Or maybe ‘soft’ isn’t the best way to describe it.”
“Definitely not,” Beck agreed. “But he didn’t really have a choice. I have the letter.” She tapped the envelope Jackie had sent. “Happy to say I don’t need to wave it in his face now. We’ve all reached an understanding, right, Ruff?” The dog looked up, and his sweet eyes made her heart roll around with love. “Ruff actually likes me now, or at least he’s protective of me. Maybe he likes Uncle Mike better than both Aidan and me, but it’s all worked out.”
“That’s good, because I don’t know much about the Army, but my guess is that form Charlie filled out would supersede the letter.”
Beck frowned. “What form?”
“The DD something? It’s in the file. I figured you’d seen it since it was with all his papers.”
“Oh, I know what you mean,” she said. “I did request that as next of kin, but I forgot they were sending it. I got it right before I left and never really looked at it.”
“Good thing, since you might not have fought for the dog as hard.”
Beck sat up, lifting the envelope. “What are you talking about?”
“Charlie’s instructions. About Ruff.”
What? She instantly tore at the back of the thick cardboard envelope, peering inside. She recognized the file, and Jackie was right—it was stuffed with emotional land mines.
“I don’t know about any instructions,” she said, spying Charlie’s infamous letter, but setting it aside to leaf through papers. She remembered getting the official looking form, but not reading it very closely. “What does it say?”
“He wanted Aidan to have Ruff.”
What? She found the form, and her gaze dropped to the section where there was a typed addendum. “In the event of my demise,” she started to read, but her voice faded out as she silently skimmed the words.
…my dog, Ruff, is to be officially transported to Waterford Farm in Bitter Bark, North Carolina, by contacting the owner, Daniel Kilcannon, who will arrange transport. The dog is to be kept there until which time Major Aidan Kilcannon returns home, when he will become Ruff’s rightful owner.
“Oh my God,” she murmured. “Charlie really did want him to have Ruff.”
“What are you going to do?” Jackie asked.
“I don’t know.” She pressed her hand on the paper, a signed original. Charlie had touched this very paper. He’d made this decision. And it was dated… She grabbed the letter she’d set aside. “Two days after he wrote to me?” Her voice rose in shock. “What the hell, Charlie?”
“Aidan’s is more recent.”
But Beck shook her head at Jackie’s logic this time. “Two days apart? He had to know what he was doing.”
Jackie laughed softly. “Maybe he’s the matchmaker of this latest romance.”
“No, he would never guess this could happen. He wanted to cover his bases, I think. Maybe the more people in the States who had a claim on the dog, the better chances of getting him shipped here. That’s the only possible explanation.”
“Where’s Aidan? Are you going to tell him?”
“He’s home tonight. He spent the whole day away on a plane-hunting trip with his brother and dad. He’s going to start a rescue dog transport program for them, and he’s so happy about it, but…” She ran her fingers over Charlie’s signature again. “I don’t know how he’s going to react to this. Hell, for all I know, he’ll take Ruff back.”
“Which would make him kind of an asshole. Just sayin’.”
“But we agreed from day one that all we wanted to do with Ruff is honor Charlie’s requests. Who knew my brother sent two of them? Although, this one is awfully official.” She glanced at the clock and made a quick decision. “I’m going to go talk to him about this. Show this to him in person. I don’t want to wait until tomorrow.”
“Okay, but Beck, I’m not done with news. I have some.”
Something in Jackie’s voice told her it wasn’t good news. “What’s wrong? Problems with the business? I know we’re not making any money right now, but…”
“We’re not,” she said. “And that’s why I accepted a showcase opportunity in Seattle.”
“Seattle?” Beck sat straight up, a mix of elation and dejection punching her on both sides. “A showcase? What is that? Other than temporary, I hope.”
“It’s actually a permanent place in a studio-slash-exhibit-house,” she said. “It would put my work on display and for sale to a very wealthy, very artsy community. And I’d get huge private commissions.”
“Oh my God, that’s amazing, Jackie. That’s what you’ve always wanted. That’s…so far away.” She grunted in physical pain. “I’ll miss you so much, but I’m so incredibly happy for you.”
“Thanks. I’m stoked.” She could hear the joy in her friend’s voice. “But who knows if you’re even coming back? You can move Baby Face to North Carolina, you know.”
Beck sighed, mostly because it wasn’t the first time in the last few weeks that the thought had crossed her mind. “You do remember that I spent every dime and ounce of energy and drop of talent I had trying to get out of here, right?”
“Different life, Beck. Different time. Different landscape.”
Oh, that voice of reason. It could be so…reasonable. “But what if I take that risk and something changes? I mean, we’re basking in the glow of toe-curling, sheet-soaking, mind-blowing—”
“I get the point, Beck. It’s good sex.”
She laughed. “But that might be all it is. That’s kind of what I asked for—to keep it casual. And then these…these visions of ‘more’ dance in my head. And I…” She swallowed and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to lose again. And don’t tell me that’s the risk you take when you love another human being, because it could be me, you know. I could be this…this curse on people.”
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. You know what you should do? Get over to Aidan’s house, show him that form, and see what he’s made of. If he wants you to keep the dog, and only if he does, tell him your only business associate is leaving and your business is portable. And then ask him, ‘Do you want me to stay?’ You’ll be able to tell by the look in his eyes if he’s forever or not.”
“After a month? That doesn’t sound very reasonable.”
“Who says love is reasonable? Why do you think it avoids me like the plague?”
Beck laughed. “You are a walking contradiction, Jacqueline Saunders. Logical and artistic. How does that happen?”
“I don’t know, but this isn’t about me. Are you going to follow my advice?”
She dropped her head back and tunneled her fingers into Ruff’s neck, scratching him. “Yeah. I am.”
And because of that, Beck knew this wouldn’t be a casual visit. Even as she said goodbye to Jackie and folded up the form to slide it into her purse, her whole body braced for the fact that this wasn’t merely a trip to Aidan’s house to share this new twist in their lives.
It was do-or-die time. As much as she wanted them to be, she and Aidan weren’t casual. Now she had to find out exactly what they were.
* * *
Aidan looked up from the laptop on the kitchen counter when a car pulled into the driveway. Leaning over, he peered out the window and muttered a soft, “Yes,” at the sight of Beck’s car.
He’d been debating whether to break their pact not to get together tonight so they could focus on something other than each other.
He’d focused on planes all day. That was enough attention on anything that wasn’t her.
Opening the door before she even reached it, he realized they’d never spent the night at this house yet. They always stayed in her apartment, which made it easy to walk Ruff in the square and roll into the kitchen in the morning.
Stepping outside into a warm, dry evening, he walked barefoot to the car and opened the door when she turned off the ignition.
“And here I thought finding that 172 Skyhawk for a bargain-basement price was the highlight of my day.” He leaned over before she could get out, kissing her right on the mouth. “Then my girl shows up with…” He frowned into the backseat. “Where’s Ruff?”
She inched back with a sigh. “I left him at home for a few hours. He was dead tired after a long walk and…” She reached for her bag as if stalling for time. “Can I come in?”
“Dumb question. Of course. I was about to make something to eat. You hungry?”
Stepping out of the car, she shook her head. “No, I’m not. I want to talk to you.”
He made a face. “Why don’t I like the sound of that?”
“You might like it very much,” she said, using her hopeful voice that he liked so much. “I have some exciting and wonderful news for you.”
“You found the secret ingredient?”
She laughed. “You’re convinced there isn’t one.”
“You got him to come in and make a pizza?”
She looked up. “Not unless the sky fell today.”
“You decided to ditch that life in Chicago and stay right here in Bitter Bark?”
She froze in midstep. “I guess…that depends on this conversation.”
Something in Aidan’s chest slipped, rolled around, and threatened to crack. “You think that last one is a serious possibility?”
She didn’t answer, but sort of tugged her bag closer as they went in. “Let’s talk.”
Okay. He ushered her toward the living area and gestured to the open kitchen next to it. “Want something to drink? Water? Beer? I think I have some soda, too.” Although he’d spent so little time here in the past two weeks, he couldn’t be sure.
“No, no, I’m fine.” She headed to the couch, opening her bag. “I want to show you something.”
“What is it?” He sat next to her as she pulled out papers. And his heart dropped when he saw the words Record of Emergency Data. The DD93. “Shit,” he mumbled.
She drew back with a soft gasp. “You knew?”
Swallowing, he took the papers and set them down, not needing to see Charlie’s words again. “Yes. I knew.”
“When?”
“Several weeks ago.”
Another gasp. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Wasn’t it obvious? “I knew what you’d do. You’d try to give me Ruff, claim it was Charlie’s real wish, and break your own heart. And then you’d leave.” He closed his eyes. “I’m dreading that day, Beck.”
“If we hadn’t succeeded with bringing the restaurant back, why would I leave?”
“Because you would. You will. As soon as you can, because you’re not…”
“I’m not what?” she asked when he didn’t finish.
“As deep into this as I am.”
“Oh.” She breathed the word, reaching up to touch his cheek. “So much for casual.”
He put his hand over hers, pressing his lips against her palm. “Casual is for idiots,” he said. “For people who are scared and quit. Night Stalkers—”
“Don’t quit.”
“Unless they have to,” he added. “Unless they stupidly put everything on the narrow shoulders of one woman who lives in another state even after he was warned not to.”
She turned completely, folding her legs under her to face him on the sofa. “What do you mean you put everything on my shoulders?”
He huffed a breath, trying to figure out where to start. “I went plane shopping today,” he said.
“I know. How’d that go? I thought you’d text me if you found something.”
“I did find something, and it was too much to text.” He took the strand of hair that fell from her ponytail and twirled it around his finger. “Because the plane took on this monumental meaning. This…fantasy.”
She arched a brow. “I won’t do it in a plane you’re flying, if that’s the fantasy.”
He didn’t smile. “I wish it were that simple.”
“Aidan.” She closed her hand over his, pressing it to her cheek. “Tell me the whole fantasy, then.”
He waited a beat, considering how that would play out. It might scare her. Hell, it scared him. They’d known each other for years, but their romance was young, far too fresh for fantasies of forever. But what the hell? That was what he was having, all day long.
“I went to the airfield with Dad and Garrett, and it was…it was perfect, Beck. We talked, we laughed, we strategized this new business. Garrett is one hundred percent down for air rescue transport, and Dad already has the bank on board to finance the plane.”
She searched his face. “That’s the fantasy? You found your place at Waterford?”
“That’s a fact, and I have you to thank.”
“You’d have done it without me, Aidan. This direction, this life? It was right there waiting for you to discover it.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. “Maybe I could have done it without you, but the point is…” He turned his hand and threaded their fingers together. “I don’t want to do it without you. I don’t want…” He took a breath, vaguely aware of how his pulse thumped. “A life without you.”
Silent, she stared at him, the golden flecks in her eyes giving away nothing. Not shock, fear, disappointment, or, sadly, the same emotion that hammered in his chest.
“It’s a good life,” he said softly. “It’s a fine life, I guess. But with you, Beck? It’s better, brighter, safer, and smoother. I’m like Ruff,” he added with a laugh. “I got here all unsettled and restless and pawing at the world. But then I found you, and now I want to curl up and stay put. With you. And when you leave, I’ll go pacing from the window to the door, looking for you to come back.”
Finally, he saw the emotion. Her eyes misted, and she swallowed, taking a breath he hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “And the fantasy?”
He shrugged. “Fill in the blanks. You, me, Ruff, a house, a yard, a date with a bunch of Kilcannons every Sunday. Does that sound awful?”
She bit her lip, gave the softest laugh. “Oh yeah. Wretched.” When she blinked, the dampness in her eyes trickled over her lashes. “I can’t lose another person, Aidan. If I let myself fall in love with you, I’m putting it all out there and taking a risk that absolutely terrifies me.”
“You won’t lose another person,” he insisted. “Not this person.” He sealed that promise with a kiss on her lips, feeling her sigh into him, and then she eased back.
“Can I ask you a question?”
When he nodded, she looked down, grazing his knuckles with her fingertip. “When you got into the cockpit of a helicopter and turned it on, or whatever you do before you actually fly, did you have any trepidation? Was there anything deep inside of you that said, ‘This could be it. I might not get back alive. I might die’? Did you ever think that?”
“Every single time, even after intense training. That’s what keeps you on your toes, that knowledge that you’re one mistake away from eating it.”
“That’s how I feel every time I inch close to a person. Like I’m one instant away from devastation. I always felt that way because of my parents dying so young, but then when Charlie died, it all came back. The fragility of life.”
“Life is fragile,” he agreed. “It’s also meant to be lived and conquered and enjoyed.” He pulled her closer. “Just tell me if I have a chance. If you’d consider staying here. If you could be with me, love me.”
“Aidan, I—”
He put his hand over her mouth. “Wait. Don’t say no. Not yet. Let me dream.”
She didn’t finish her sentence, but leaned into him to kiss him, sliding right onto his lap. There, she braced her arms on his shoulders and wrapped his head in her hands. Without breaking the kiss, she angled her head, opened her mouth, and bowed her back in invitation.
As always, blood surged and brain cells fried, and his hands went to every inch of her he could touch. Everything was smooth and warm and sweet and…Beck.
She kept kissing and kissing, rolling her hips over his as they moved in a way that was second nature now, the heat building, the need growing, the clothes…had to come off.
For casual sex. The words punched, and he somehow managed to break the kiss and still his hands in the act of getting her T-shirt over her head. Casual sex didn’t work anymore. He wouldn’t do it.
“What?” she asked, breathless.
“I can’t—”
“I’m showing you how I feel, Aidan,” she said in a husky whisper. “I’m scared to say the words. I’m terrified to get in that…that imaginary plane or helicopter and fly. And I’m petrified to lose someone again, because the ache is consuming and horrible.”
“Please tell me there’s a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence.”
She exhaled. “But I want to try with you.”
“Beck. Beck.” He pulled her into him. “Rebecca Spencer, I love you.”
When she inched back, tears filled her eyes. “Let me show you, Aidan. I can’t say it yet, but let me show you.”
He’d take it. Pulling her back to him, he kissed her again, but she jerked away. “Should I answer it?”
Only then did he realize her purse on the floor was humming. “You’re kidding, right?”
“But that’s the third call.” She twisted and reached down. “Let me see who it is.” With a glance, she closed her eyes with a kick of defeat. “Aunt Sarah. I have to get it.”
“Pizza business can wait.” He continued his exploration under her shirt. “Call her back.”
“Mmm.” She seriously thought about it, he could tell, but then she tapped the phone and put it to her ear. “Hi, Aunt Sarah.”
He could hear the high-pitched voice through the phone and knew her aunt well enough to know that wasn’t normal. Immediately, Beck drew away.
“What do you mean, gone?” She flashed a horrified look at Aidan, moving off him back to the sofa. “He left? How? Where’d he go?”
“Ruff?” he asked, leaning forward.
“Uncle Mike!”
“What the hell?” Then he stood and took her hand. “He’s making pizza. I’d bet my life on it.”
“Sarah, we’re going to Slice. No, no. I’m not there. I’m at Aidan’s house. But we’ll run over now, and if that’s where he is, we’ll find him. Don’t worry. I can’t believe he drove, though. He must have been determined to get there.” She listened for a moment, gathering up her stuff and walking to the door with Aidan. “This is good news, Aunt Sarah. Great news. He’s cooking again.” As she hung up, she glanced up at Aidan. “I hope.”
“He is. We got through to him, Beck. I know it.” As they walked outside, Aidan pointed to his Jeep, parked next to her car. “But let’s go make sure. I’ll drive.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “That was about to get good.”
He smiled. “Life’s about to get good, sweetheart. I know all I need to know.”
“Except, about the DD93. It was dated two days after the letter to me, Aidan.”
“What DD93?” he joked. “Army doesn’t send them all the time, so I never saw it. Don’t remember it. Plan on tearing it up.” He held the door for her. “You?”
“I want to do what Charlie wants,” she said.
“Two days apart?” He laughed as he jogged around the Jeep to the driver’s side. “Dude never did anything without a good reason.” He turned the ignition and rumbled out of the drive. “Let’s go find your uncle.”
“Who just interrupted the best—”
He held up a hand. “It’s what families do, Beck.”
The gleam in her eyes when she smiled was all he needed. They’d get to I love you and forever and fantasy lives. But for now, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good and drowning in hope.
“Plus,” he added, giving her hand a squeeze, “Uncle Mike’s not going to lose that contest. He’s an honorary Night Stalker and, as you know—”
“Night Stalkers don’t quit,” she finished. “And maybe he’ll even share the secret sauce with us.”
Aidan put a hand on her shoulder and eased her closer for a kiss. “He told us the secret, Beck. It’s love.”
* * *
Beck’s body hummed like the engine of the beat-up old Jeep as it ate up the roads into town, the wind whipping through their hair, their hands locked except when he needed to shift gears. Even then, Aidan barely let go, occasionally glancing at her with a knowing smile.
Of all the times for Uncle Mike to decide to go back to work. And to leave without telling Sarah, just climbing into his car while she was out grocery shopping.
“Didn’t he know Sarah’d freak when she got home?” she asked, voicing her thoughts over the noisy Jeep. “She was so upset, I didn’t want her to drive.”
“Then I’m glad we can go.”
“What would she do if I wasn’t here?”
He tipped his head and lifted both brows. “Exactly.”
She couldn’t help laughing at his low-key determination. Night Stalkers didn’t quit, she knew, and something told her Aidan wouldn’t take no for an answer. And she’d been so close to giving him the answer he wanted. So close to whispering the three words that suddenly felt more natural than terrifying.
She did love him.
“Someone’s parked in your spot,” he said, pulling her attention to the alley.
“Oh, that’s his Buick. Hallelujah. He’s making pizza.”
Aidan whipped into a spot Sarah used, next to Uncle Mike’s car, not far from the back door and the bank of kitchen windows. With the thick curtains drawn, they couldn’t see if the kitchen light was on. “Got the keys? We can surprise the maestro at work.”
“Don’t need them. Uncle Mike never locked that door in his life when he was at work.”
He turned her face to his. “Then let him work. We can sit in this dark alley, finish our conversation, make out like teenagers, then go in and eat all the pizza.”
She laughed and leaned in. “You had me at ‘make out.’”
“Then you’d skip ‘finish our conversation’?” He kissed her, holding her face. “Would you mind if I tell you I love you again? Because I really enjoyed saying it before.”
“I wouldn’t get mad.”
“I…” He kissed her forehead. “Love…” And her nose. “You.” Finally, her mouth, making her kiss back. “And you know what else I’d love? To hear you say it right back to me.”
Her heart tripped and danced and did a few other crazy things that took her breath away. “You would, huh?”
“I would.” His blue eyes cut through her, warm and direct. “But I’ll wait until you’re ready. I’m telling you, Beck Spencer, I’d wait for—”
A sudden shattering noise crashed through the night, deafening and sharp, raining glass into the alley and making Beck shriek.
Turning, she looked in horror as the back windows of the pizza place vomited giant clouds of black smoke, and flames devoured the drapes with a menacing, crackling sound.
Beck screamed again, shock slapping her in the face, along with a wave of heat and smoke that nearly knocked her over.
Aidan threw himself out of the Jeep without even opening the door. “Call 911!” That order was the last thing she heard him say before he ran to the back door, yanked it open, and disappeared inside a burning building.