CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Rule No. 8: It will always be complicated. Happiness is complicated.
I had to hand it to Donovan: the man had an iron will. Rather than taking what was clearly being offered, he hesitated, his eyes searching mine as the gears ground together in his head. This decision would make or break us, it would be the defining moment of the odd, frustrating, romance we’d slowly built. He could walk away or he could kiss me. Those were his choices. Walking away would be the end to it all, whether he realized it or not. But kissing me...kissing me would put an end to all the game playing, it would free us both of our bonds, and it would the first step towards a life where we both could find something with meaning again.
Kissing me would be the end of the mind games, for him and for me.
Donovan stepped back, his body turning away as my heart beat harder, fissures splintering over the surface at the rejection I knew was coming. Another step would cause those fissures to crack. And the rejection would result in my heart shattering apart because I would understand that all the sleepless nights, all the forgiveness for his stupid games, all the bravery I’d had to conjure to make this move toward him, had been for nothing.
Just when I thought he was truly turning away, he turned back, heat blazing behind his eyes, as he closed the distance between us.
Donovan’s mouth crashed against mine with such hunger that it tore the air from my lungs, leaving me lightheaded and dizzy from the force of it. This wasn’t a hesitant kiss like what had occurred on the dance floor. This also wasn’t a regretful kiss like what had occurred in his office the day before. This was the type of kiss that vanquished all doubts I had left inside me that, to Donovan Stone, I was a woman worth taking a chance on. I was strong enough, and I was good enough, to pull him out the box he’d been trapped in for three long years and show him what it meant to live again.
Would it be an easy life? I didn’t know. But what I did know was that if either of us wanted this to work, we needed to come clean with each other. We needed to reveal all our secrets and games and simply learn what it meant to be honest with one another.
I would I have told him that if his tongue hadn’t taken control of my mouth, if his hands hadn’t taken possession of my hips so that he could lift me to settle me on the side of his desk. Settle is a bad word, more like so he could toss me up there before spreading my legs apart with his hips and colliding against me. Electricity shot across my skin to feel him, my hands burrowing into his hair as he released my hips to trap my knees and spread them even farther.
Nestled up against me, he ran his fingertips up my thighs, the force of them dragging along the muscle and setting fire to every nerve that traveled directly to my core. It wasn’t just the absence of fear with his touch, it was that instead of wanting to recoil, I wanted to press into it more. He didn’t send ants crawling along my skin, he sent sparks that caught in the combustible desire inside my body and caused it to explode.
My skirt puddled at my hips, I cried out in complaint when his mouth pulled away, but when he lowered his head to kiss down my neck, I let my head fall back, practically begging him to keep going. Pulling my dress open, Donovan slid the strap over my shoulder and down my arm, his lips locking on a nipple over my thin bra. I groaned at the feel of it, at the warmth of his breath against the damp lace.
I should have kept my mouth shut, should have zipped my stupid lips and kept from teasing him. But this was new to me, I hadn’t yet learned that sometimes it’s better to shut up until after sex, than to run your mouth before even seeing the finish line.
“Isn’t this better than pretending to be my stalker? We could have been doing this for the past few weeks rather than playing your ridiculous game.”
Donovan’s mouth stopped. His hands stopped. His body flinched before he slowly lifted his head. Pulling his hands from my body, he signed, What are you talking about?
Breathless, I laughed. “Never mind. Ignore me. Just go back to what you were doing.”
Reaching out, I grabbed his hands to direct them back to those wonderful place he was discovering, but he twisted his wrists to lock his fingers over mine. Opening my eyes fully, I saw the sharp lines etched across his forehead, the way his eyes were narrowed in concern. It snapped me to attention, dragged me away from the haze of sex and sent a chill down my spine. “The Dark Realities game. I’m tired of playing it. And once we’re done here, I plan on yelling at you for it.”
Dropping my hands, his movements were clipped and urgent as he signed, I’m not playing a game with you, Mia. What are you taking about?
Closing my eyes, I felt disappointment settle in my chest like a ton of bricks. He still wouldn’t fess up, still refused to take responsibility for scaring the hell out of me, violating my personal space and generally driving me crazy for the past month. “You know what. Just -“
My words cut off as I pulled my clothes into place. If he couldn’t admit what he’d been doing for weeks now that he’d been caught, then he wasn’t a man I could ever trust. Signing up for Dark Realities has been a mistake, but so had taking this job in the first place. Lowering myself from the desk, I brushed past Donovan to leave the room, intentionally keeping my eyes away from him so I wouldn’t see him sign his excuses and lies.
With my back to him, I said, “I’m sorry, Donovan. I want to be with you, but I can’t deal with all the lies.” Taking a steadying breath, I ended things, despite how badly I wanted to run back to him and never let go. “I don’t want the marketing job. I just want you to leave me alone.”
Behind me a hand slammed down on the desk to get my attention, but I just waved it off and continued walking. Donovan slammed his hand against the desk again, but I ignored him.
He must have run out from around the desk, because I felt his hand grip my arm.
Instead of cowering beneath being grabbed, however, I simply ripped my arm away and kept walking. If anything, gaining that new ability had been worth the frustration of the time I spent with Donovan Stone.
“Mia...stop.”
It wasn’t anything more than a gritty whisper, the pained sound of a voice that hadn’t been used it three years, but despite how soft that sound had been, it still crashed into me with enough force to stop me in my tracks. Eyes rounded into saucers, I spun in place to look at a man whose face was tight with concern.
The concern in his expression should have worried me, but I couldn’t get past the fact that I’d just heard Donovan’s voice.
“Did you just-“
I needed you to stop. Mia, I’m not playing any games with you. Dark Realities was shut down a week before I interviewed you. I wasn’t lying. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
My heart kick-started again, except this time it was out of fear instead of lust. Shaking my head in disbelief, I didn’t know what to think. It had to be him. He designed the game, wrote the code, had control of the software until the day he sold it to his clients. There was no other person that could have pulled this off. “Please tell me you’re screwing with me. Because I’d rather be pissed off at you right now than being absolutely terrified.”
His lips parted like he would say something, but his eyes clenched shut at the attempt. I wasn’t sure if it hurt him to use his vocal chords after such a long period of silence, or if he was still battling the reason he’d slipped into that silence in the first place.
You need to tell me everything that has been going on. Everything. Don’t leave a single detail out. I promise you, Mia, whoever is playing with you isn’t me. Which means someone else has control of one of my old sites, and they’ve been playing with you without anybody else knowing what’s going on.
I would have fallen over in shock if Donovan hadn’t reached out to grab me. Leading me to a chair, he helped me into the seat before kneeling down in front at me knees. Are you okay?
My voice was shaky as I asked, “Are you being honest with me, Donovan? Please, I need to know if you’re messing with me.”
The terror won out when I saw the naked truth behind his eyes. My mind reeled at the realization that some other man had been watching me, at the understanding that some other man had been standing over me while I slept.
I had taunted a complete stranger into stalking me and breaking into my home after I had given him all my personal information.
I want you to calm down, Mia. And once you’re able to breath normally again, I need you to tell me everything that has happened since the moment you found Dark Realities on the web.
It took an hour to calm down and spill all the details of the past four weeks of my life. Every so often, I had to stop and shudder at the reminder that a stranger knew all there was to know about me, while I’d convinced myself that it had been Donovan all along.
Panic tore through me, embarrassment and regret lining the edges of that panic until I was left crying as I described the letter I’d received that morning.
“I thought it was you,” I confessed. “I thought you were so damn complicated that you had to play the game just to move on from everything that’s happened to you.”
Pacing in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest, Donovan shot me look that sliced me open. Anger was a vibration across his shoulders, his brow furrowed in thought as he digested everything I told him and attempted to figure out who had gained control of his site.
Turning to me, he asked, Did you receive the email from the website and my email offering employment at the same time?
“Yes. I told you I woke up that morning-“
No, Mia. I meant were they sent to you at the same time. What were the time stamps on the emails themselves?
“I don’t remember! My entire computer has been destroyed. The police weren’t even able to access it.”
A sly smile tugged at his lips. I’d just issued another challenge, but it was the type that only interested a person who enjoyed manipulating computers. The police might have thought it was destroyed, but that doesn’t mean everything’s gone. Where’s the computer?
“At my apartment.”
Then let’s go to your apartment.