Reaching into my purse, I pull out the envelope and turn it over. Sure enough, my name is printed on the outside. Slowly lifting the flap, I remove the tiny card and read Devon’s note, wondering how many times he changed it before deciding on what he wrote.

Cheesy, but it worked. I have an enormous smile on my face right now. Pressing my lips together as I dial his number, there’s no chance he won’t be able to hear that I’m smiling.

“Hey,” he answers sounding out of breath.

“Hey. What are you doing?”

“Running to my car. The sky just opened up and I’m getting soaked,” he explains.

Wet clothes. Sticking to his body. Muscles on display. Water running down his face, glistening in the light, making his eyes look brighter.

“Justine. You there?” he asks between ragged breaths.

“Yeah, sorry.” My apology is lack-luster. I’m not really sorry for spacing out. The visual image was worth it.

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere. I was just thinking.” It’s times like this I wish I was better at lying.

“You get lost in thought like that a lot. What were you thinking about this time?”

Now that’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one.

You. Always you. That’s what I want to say, but I don’t have the guts to confess the truth.

“Nothing important,” I reply instead. “Hang on. My phone is going to connect to my car.”

“Okay.” There are a few moments of silence while my Bluetooth picks up Devon’s call.

“So, I got your note.”

“I thought you said there wasn’t a card with the flowers.”

“There wasn’t. It must have fallen out. The receptionist found it,” I explain as I back out of my parking spot.

“Who? Helen?”

“Yeah. You know Helen?”

“She’s worked there since they opened. Five dollars she read the card,” he laughs.

“She admitted she did.”

“And the envelope has your name on it.”

Joining him in laughter, I confirm Devon’s suspicions and repeat what Helen said to me. Apparently, this isn’t the first time Helen has poked her nose into someone else’s business. It’s a common practice of hers according to him. Ryder’s told him a few stories I guess. The more he tells me, the more some things begin to make sense.

She knew about Ryder and Megan’s divorce. Or rather, she wasn’t surprised when Allison told her.

She also wasn’t surprised when Allison told her about Emerson and Ryder. Or when I broke up with douche canoe in human resources. She seems to know everything before we tell her. She gladly sits quietly and listens to our stories, but nothing seems to shock her.

Devon and I talk my entire ride home and for an hour after I get there. As I fix myself something to eat, he tells me about his day. He was in and out of meetings all afternoon. He blames me for being unable to focus since he was waiting on a text from me about the flowers that never came.

If anyone else was explaining what it meant to be a financial officer for a major pharmaceutical company, I would find it boring. Not Devon, though. The sound of his voice soothes me. It’s deep and confident as he explains his job to me. I could listen to him talk for hours.

“I should probably let you go,” I finally say. I don’t want to get off the phone with him, but Audra should be home soon and she mentioned bringing Keegan back with her to watch a movie. That’s my cue to disappear for a few hours.

“Wait,” he replies hastily. “What about this weekend? You never answered me.”

This weekend. He wants to come here. I would love to see him again and hang out, but how can I invite him when he can’t stay at my place. Where would he sleep? Audra has a strict rule about no guys staying over. I respect her enough to understand her rule, even if I disagree it.

“You know, I would love for you to come up this weekend, but my roommate isn’t keen on having people she doesn’t know stay here. It’s kind of a thing.”

Audra is the one thing we haven’t talked about. We should. Eventually, the topic will come up. He knows I have a roommate, but that’s as much as I’ve shared with him. It’s an awkward topic of conversation for me. What would I even say?

My roommate is committed to her religion and believes that sex before marriage is a sin. Having you stay over would be a sin. Everything I do is a sin according to her.

It makes sense, it’s the truth, but I would hate for him to think I believe the same thing. Yes, I believe in God. I go to church, not with Audra because I’m not welcome, but there is a great church I attend from time to time near the college. I have my beliefs, but I was always taught that it’s best to be true to yourself and believe in what’s important to you, not what’s important to others.

Am I slut? No.

Do I want to sleep with a bunch of random guys because I enjoy sex? No.

Do I think if you are in a solid, strong relationship with someone that you shouldn’t have sex until you are married? No, I don’t. I think physical intimacy is important in a relationship. I think it’s part of being compatible. If there’s no chemistry, physically and sexually, as well as emotionally, the marriage will fail. Both parties have needs and if the other person can’t fulfill them, love dies. People resent each other. It’s human nature.

“What if I stayed with Ryder?” he suggests.

“As long as he’s okay with that.”

“He won’t care. The four of us could hang out. If you want, you can stay with me over there.”

The front door opens and Audra walks in, Keegan closely behind her. I wave and head into my room before she can ask who I’m talking to. I value her opinion on certain things, but only on certain things. What we order for dinner. What cleaning products we use. She has great taste in books and music.

My personal life is the one thing I don’t ask her opinion on. Not since she’s started to date Keegan. As far as Devon goes, I won’t tell her about him until I have to. I didn’t share any details about the last guy I dated. Or the one before that. Or the many failed dates I’ve been on. It’s not her business, and her opinion on the topic will more than likely piss me off.

“My roommate just got home,” I reply, changing the topic quickly. “Can I call you tomorrow and we can talk more after you’ve cleared things with Ryder?”

“Sure,” he says, drawing the words out.

“Great. Talk to you then.”

I hang up the phone quickly when Audra knocks on my open door.

“Hey,” I say, tossing my phone on my bed as casually as possible, but not casually at all. It feels more like I was throwing it at my bed as if it was on fire.

“Hey. Keegan and I are going to watch a movie and have popcorn. What are you up to tonight?”

“I’m kind of tired still, so I was thinking about crawling in bed with a book.”

“Okay. Are you sure you don’t want to join us?”

An invitation? Seriously. Is she trying to cause a fight with her boyfriend? The last time the three of us hung out you, could tell he wasn’t happy about it. He was glaring at me the entire night without trying to hide his disappointment in Audra’s choice in friends.

He made me uncomfortable. In my own house. Audra seemed to be oblivious to the situation until he gave her a twenty-minute lecture about her living situation before he left. The same lecture he’s given her a few times since they started dating. He must think the walls of our apartment are reinforced concrete or something because I’ve heard every conversation they’ve had.

Either that, or he doesn’t care.

My bet would be on the latter.

“No thanks. You two have fun,” I say, turning my back to her, pretending to choose a book from my shelf.

“You know, he was telling me about a friend of his this afternoon who happens to be recently single. I was thinking maybe the four of us could grab dinner this weekend.”

A double date? With the man who thinks I’m the spawn of Satan himself? I’ll pass.

“I have plans this weekend, but thanks anyway.” With my back still to Audra, I roll my eyes. The thought of spending time with Keegan by choice is laughable.

“Come on, Justine. You haven’t dated anyone since—”

“Please don’t say his name,” I beg, interrupting her before she has the chance.

The last man I “dated” according to Audra was two years ago. I haven’t spoken his name since we broke up. I try not to think about him ever. My relationship with him was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I tried to make it work, I thought I loved him, but in the end, I was the only one trying. I was the only one that cared. That became evident when I found him in bed with another woman.

“Just think about it. If not this weekend, maybe next week. After work one night.”

“I’ll think about it,” I lie.

Closing my door behind her, I hear Audra laughing a few minutes later, hollering at Keegan to stop tickling her. For as much of a prude as he is, he likes to find ways to touch her. He’s always tickling her, putting his hands on her hips or back. He swats her butt on occasion when he thinks no one is looking.

Keegan strikes me as a sheep in wolf’s clothing.

He plays the part he’s supposed to play, but on the inside, he’s really as dirty as those he judges. If he thought he could sleep with Audra and no one would find out, I’m sure he would. Like I said, we all have needs.

Snagging a historical romance off my shelf, I crawl under the covers. After five minutes it’s obvious that I won’t be able to focus on my book. Snagging my phone, I text Allison. I need advice and as much as I might regret asking for her opinion, she’s great at giving advice. Probably because she doesn’t sugarcoat things like most people. She’s not going to tell you what you want to hear; she’s going to tell you the truth.

There was a point in time when I wanted to be more like her. It was a fleeting moment. I realized quickly that she was not the best role model. Now, our relationship is more about survival. She’s a great friend as long as you’re on the right side of the table. When Emerson first started, she wasn’t on the right side. It was Allison, Megan, and I against her. Allison wanted everyone to know all about Em. She started rumors and told anyone that would listen about her suspicions.

For the first time ever, she was right. There was something between Ryder and Em, putting the rumors to bed.

I don’t want to become a victim of her next rumor. Asking for her advice is chancing I will be.

Quickly changing, I slip into my favorite pair of jeans and a nice top. I’m not trying to impress anyone, but if I know Allison at all, she’s going to be dressed up. She’ll be on the prowl for her next “victim” in a way. She’s always looking, never settling.

The bar is packed when I arrive. Scanning the room, I spot Allison at a table in the corner, waving her hands over her head until I wave back.

“Hey, girl. What’s on your mind?” she asks as soon as I sit down. “Does this have anything to do with the massive bouquet of flowers someone sent you today?”

“Sort of,” I confess as the waitress approaches and takes my order. Tequila. Two shots. Followed by a glass of white wine.

“Wow. You must really be struggling,” Allison insinuates with the raising of an eyebrow.

“I am, but not for the reasons you think. I like him, Ally. He’s sweet. He’s a great listener. The only thing is that he lives so far away. How is that even supposed to work? I feel like a puppet on a string. As soon as I fall for him, someone’s going to cut my chords and I’m going to be left in a heap on the floor crying from a broken heart.”

Backtracking, I tell her about our conversation today, the card he sent with the flowers and plans for this upcoming weekend. I also tell her about Audra’s invitation tonight and the fact that she’s trying to set me up. That gets a good laugh out of Ally.

“You’re overthinking it, Justine. Why don’t you just go with the flow? See what happens. Maybe the fact that he’s not here is a good thing. It makes the time you get to spend together more special.”

Is she going soft on me? Where has my no-nonsense friend gone? Why isn’t she telling me to pull up my big girl britches and figure my shit out?

“Look,” she continues as I down both my shots. “I’ll be honest with you. He seemed nice. I still don’t believe you didn’t fuck him senseless. I would have, for sure. His body… damn. Not the point, though. If he’s sending you flowers, wanting to come see you and trying to make it work, you’re in control. You’re calling the shots. For what it’s worth, this might be a good thing for you. You can control the pace. If things aren’t working or you change your mind, you can drop him in an instant. He’s at your whim, and I think he knows it.”

That’s great and all, but relationships only work if the balance of power is… balanced. I don’t want control over him; I want this to be mutually beneficial.