Chapter 18

“You’re happy.” Dee’s glare was almost accusatory.

“I am.” Even now, an hour after Theo had left to pick up Viggy and get ready for work, she felt almost giddy. She sang to herself—sang and smiled and stared blankly into the pantry. She was supposed to be thinking about dinner options but couldn’t think about anything except Theo. As silly as it was, Jules was stupidly happy.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

Dee considered this. “Because the water heater is broken, so we have to take really cold showers?”

That did dim Jules’s happiness. Until she’d actually experienced one herself, Jules hadn’t realized how very, very cold a shower could be. She’d figured not having hot water would be annoying, but endurable. It was not endurable. She could stand the spray only for a few seconds before her lungs stopped working.

“I’m going to have to call someone to fix that.” She dreaded the thought only slightly less than she dreaded taking another icy shower. Not only would it cut a significant hole in their dwindling supply of cash, but having a stranger in the house felt risky.

“Your landlord should fix that,” a testy voice said from the doorway, and Jules spun to face Theo. It felt like her blood was carbonated, filled with tiny bubbles of excitement that rose to her brain whenever he appeared.

“Hey!” she said, trying to keep her giddiness under control. When he smiled at her, though, all her efforts were for naught. “How’d you get in?”

“Ty let me in.”

“Did you forget something?”

“No.”

“Then…” She paused, but Theo didn’t fill in the blank. “Why’d you come back? I thought you had a shift tonight.”

“I do. I wanted to see you first.” He held her gaze as he spoke without coyness or shyness or anything except flat-out honesty.

She couldn’t stop staring at him with what was probably a very silly grin on her face.

“Hi, Theo.” Dee’s voice snapped Jules out of her daze. “Is Viggy here?”

“He’s in the car.” At his answer, Jules realized Theo was dressed for work. She also realized he looked really, really nice in his uniform, even if it reminded her of why the two of them would never, ever work. “You can go see him if you want.”

Dee’s enthusiastic squeal made both of them wince as she ran from the kitchen, her feet pounding down the hallway in a rowdy, very un-Dee-like way. Jules loved it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” Theo moved toward her, his smile slipping away as an intense look took its place. “I have an ulterior motive.”

“Yeah?” Suddenly, inhaling was difficult, which would explain why the word came out sounding so breathless. “What’s that?”

He was in front of her now, a uniformed wall of muscle and lustful intentions that made the bubbles of excitement in her stomach go a little crazy. “I wanted to see you. Alone.”

“What?” she teased. “You used Viggy for nefarious purposes? Officer Bosco, how could you?”

“Easily.” Cupping her face in both hands, he lowered his lips to hers.

It was immediately apparent that her brain hadn’t exaggerated how wonderful this was. He backed her into the curved surface of the ancient fridge, kissing her with an almost frantic edge, as if he needed it for his survival. Making a small sound, she pressed closer, her fingers grasping the stiff material of his starched shirt on either side of his waist. She felt like she needed to hold on to something, needed him to anchor her before arousal and happiness launched her into space.

“G-g-get off of h-h-her!”

At the sound of Sam’s voice, she crashed down to earth as quickly as she’d rocketed away from it. Sam swung for Theo, but Theo caught Sam’s wrist before the blow could land. He pulled it behind his back and turned Sam, gently but firmly pressing him against the wall in a motion so quick that it stunned Jules.

“Let him go,” she said, and Theo did, although he stayed between them. Sam lurched back several steps, and Jules shifted so she could see her brother. He looked…stunned. Stunned and gutted.

“Theo…” Moving around so she could face him, she saw she didn’t need to finish the sentence. She could tell by Theo’s expression that he already understood.

After a sharp, assessing look at Sam, he said, “I need to head to work. See you tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

Sending her a warm, tender glance that was almost as good as a good-bye kiss, Theo left the kitchen.

Sam’s glare was not nearly as sweet. As he tried to follow Theo out, Jules grabbed his arm. “Nope, Sam-I-Am. We’re talking.”

Although he didn’t look happy about it, he let her tow him to the kitchen table and plopped down in his usual chair. Jules lowered herself into the chair across from him, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. She shifted, not knowing how to begin this sure-to-be-awkward discussion. It turned out that she didn’t have to.

“H-how c-c-c-could you?” The words burst from Sam in an explosive rush.

“How could I what?” Even as she asked, she knew what his answer would be. After all, she’d accused herself of the same thing over and over. How could she endanger her family’s new life by getting involved with a cop? How could she put this crazy infatuation before her siblings’ safety and happiness?

“K-k-k-k…” His inhale shook. “Touch h-him like th-th-that. H-how c-c-c-can you st-stand it?”

Shock made her go silent. They stared at each other, Sam breathing hard, as if he’d sprinted a mile. The goal had always been to get custody, to get the kids away from Courtney. She’d never thought beyond that point. Jules had always just assumed that, once her siblings were living with her, once they were in a safe place, they would be okay. And that, she saw now, sitting across from her wonderful, sweet, tortured brother, had been really dumb of her.

What could she do, though? For now, therapy was out. With the big secret they were keeping, it would probably do more harm than good. It was up to her, then, to muddle through. Suddenly, Jules felt useless. If she couldn’t fix the stupid water heater, then what hope did she have of fixing her brother? As she searched for words—the perfect words, the words that would make him feel right and whole again—the silence stretched between them, and Sam started to look alarmed.

“D-d-did h-he f-f-f-force you?” he demanded.

“No!” Mentally, Jules swore at herself for already messing up. “No, sweetie, no. I wanted to kiss him.”

That didn’t lighten his horrified expression. “Wh-wh-why?”

“Um…” She never thought she’d have to explain attraction to her little brother. Jules would have paid a lot—all of her tips for a month—not to have this conversation. “Because I like him. He’s kind and brave and handsome and he saved our lives. At first, he was really surly—well, he still can be surly—but when he smiles, or listens to Dee like what she’s saying is really important, or checks the house for any danger before I come in, or looks at me like I’m the most interesting and beautiful woman in the world… Well, then I want to kiss him.” She didn’t mention that she also wanted to kiss him when he was at his crabbiest. Since Jules didn’t even understand it herself, it would be impossible—and embarrassing—to explain that to Sam.

He didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at her with that baffled, betrayed expression.

“Haven’t you ever wanted to kiss someone?”

“No.” His answer came quickly, with no hesitation. His certainty made her heart break for him.

“Sam…” Pausing, she took a deep breath, praying that what she was about to say helped, rather than hurt. Sam had been hurt enough. “What Courtney did—”

He scooted his chair back so quickly and violently that it slammed into the wall behind him with a loud bang. “I d-d-don’t w-w-w-want t-to t-t-t-t…d-disc-c-cuss th-that.”

Frantically trying to think of the best thing to do—to push it or let it go, to change the subject or make him face it—Jules ended up just nodding and dropping her hands into her lap. “That’s fine, Sam-I-Am. If you ever do want to talk about it, though—”

“I w-won’t.”

“Quit interrupting your elder,” she scolded, trying to put a light note in her voice as she reached over and flicked his nose. He looked startled. “I’m here if you want to talk about anything. Got it?”

After several long seconds, he grudgingly shrugged. “G-got it.”

“Good.” She paused and then told herself to quit being a chicken and act like a parent. “What you saw me and Theo doing—”

“Y-you d-d-don’t have t-to t-t-tell m-me th-th-this. I kn-now it’s n-not the s-s-same, okay? I j-j-just s-saw you with h-h-him, and…” He trailed off with a frustrated sound, as if he couldn’t find the right words.

“Sure, now you say that.” His grudging smile at her teasing sent a flood of relief through her. “And quit interrupting me. What you saw, that was completely consensual. We both wanted it, and we were both enjoying it. At least, I know that I was enjoying it, and by the sounds Theo was making, I’m pretty sure he was enjoying it—”

“J-JuJu!” Sam groaned, but he was actually laughing a little.

Smiling, Jules continued. “Hey, you asked!” Her smile faded, and she leaned across the table. If Sam hadn’t been out of reach, she would’ve grabbed his hand. “And I’m going to say this last part, and you’re going to listen, and then I won’t bring it up again unless you want to talk about it, okay?”

He looked a little anxious, but he didn’t try to stop her from continuing.

“What you saw just now, between me and Theo, is not the same thing as what was done to you. It’s not even close.” All trace of a smile was gone from his face, and he just stared at her, every muscle in his face and body tense. “Kissing and touching and sex—those things should come from a place of affection, of love. What Courtney did came from a place of sickness—hers, not yours—and a misuse of power.” Sam started to shake his head and say something, but Jules continued, flattening his protests with her words. “I just want you to know that they’re not the same, not even close, so you don’t look at me and Theo and think we’re hurting each other like Courtney hurt you. When you find someone you love, who loves you right back because of the wonderful, amazing, lovable person you are, I don’t want you to think that you’re hurting them. It’s not the same as the awful things Courtney did, got it? It’s not the same.” Her words came faster and faster as tears pressed behind her eyes, seeking release.

“J-J-Jules.”

“What?” She sniffed and blinked rapidly several times.

“Stop t-talking.”

Her laugh was watery, but it was a laugh. “Fine. Just one more thing.”

He sighed dramatically, making her laugh again.

“I love you, Sam-I-Am.”

His crooked smile made her want to cry again, but she managed to push the tears away.

He shifted, his gaze bouncing around the kitchen. Jules could see some of the tension seep out of him, and she knew they’d moved out of crisis mode and closer to regular teenage awkwardness. “S-so…”

“So what?”

There was the tiniest hint of mischief in his expression, and she had to fight down the almost irresistible urge to jump over the kitchen table and hug out his guts. “A c-c-cop, Ju? Really?”

“I know!” It came out as a wail, and she allowed her forehead to fall to the table onto her crossed arms. “How did this happen?”

“How did what happen?” Ty asked as he wandered into the kitchen.

“JuJ-Ju’s in love w-with a c-cop.”

“Hey!” Her head shot up as she protested. “Who said I’m in love with him?”

“You d-d-did. J-just n-now.”

Jules reran their conversation in her head, and her head dropped back to the table. “I did, didn’t I?” she wailed.

“You’re in love with Theo?” Although Ty sounded startled, there was no judgment in his voice. Jules’s mental critic was a lot harsher than her siblings.

“No.”

“Y-yes.”

“Cool.” Apparently, Ty was accepting Sam’s take over her own. “This way, when we start driving, we’ll never get a ticket. Just remind the cop that we’re Jules’s brothers.”

Jules groaned as Sam and Ty continued their conversation without her input, and the dirty, lovely side of her brain compiled her own list of benefits of dating a cop. When she couldn’t stand either the external or internal conversation anymore, she stood.

“Where’s Tio?”

“Library,” Ty said through a mouthful of apple. They were getting low on groceries again, Jules had noticed. “He asked if you’d pick him up at five.”

Glancing at the clock, she saw it was five minutes before five and gave Ty a pointed look that went right over his head. Going to grab her keys, she asked, “Is this a recreational trip, or is he doing homework?”

“Water heater research.”

Jules groaned. “I hate when he tinkers with the gas appliances. I should just call a repairman.”

With a shrug, Ty banked the apple core off the side of the trash can. It fell neatly inside. “He likes doing it. It’s a challenge.”

“A ch-challenge that m-m-might blow up in h-his face,” Sam grumbled, but he looked much more relaxed than before. “L-literally.”

“Ahh!” Jules yelled, covering her ears as best she could with her keys in her hand. “Stop talking about explosions, y’all! The stove, the barn—can we please go a few days without something blowing up? Honestly, is that too much to ask?”

As she left the kitchen, both Sam and Ty were laughing, and Jules had to smile. Moving to Monroe might not have fixed everything—and everyone—but things were better.

Things were better, and she’d sacrifice a lot to make sure they stayed that way.