Nelson considered himself to be brave, but when he returned from looting covered in blood and lacking glory, he didn’t feel brave at all.
He had killed a man.
Somehow, despite the way his mates were plundering and taking what they wanted, Nelson couldn’t take anything. He couldn’t bear to. He couldn’t handle this. He crept down to his bunk and stripped down, sitting in just his shorts on his bed.
His blood-covered clothes were on the floor. He wouldn’t try to wash them. He wouldn’t even throw them overboard, lest he attract sharks or other creatures to the ship. No, he would have to burn the clothes he was wearing today.
But that’s not what he cared about.
Nelson knew better, he thought. He knew better than to become a pirate, but still, it was an incredible chance to see the world. He had grown up in Gunthry with Julianne, working hard to make his parents proud and to look after his sister.
He had always imagined that someday, he would be like his father. Someday he would be a business man or a law man. Someday he would have money, a wife, and children. Someday he would have the respect he so deeply craved.
Someday.
Nelson hadn’t planned to kill anyone today, not when he woke up. He knew there was a chance they would pass the Forgotten Empress this week, but was surprised it was so soon. He hadn’t felt ready. None of them had, really.
But today, when he boarded the ship and began fighting the other ship’s crew, Nelson wondered if he had made the right choice becoming a pirate. There was no real reason to fight the ship today, not really. The only reason they had even decided to do so was that if they didn’t, the other ship would.
To be honest, Nelson thought The Dark Lovely had much more on board that was worth stealing. He thought they had much more of value than the other ship. Not only was his sister on board, whom Nelson considered to be quite priceless, but Wade Docherty kept an entire room of treasures downstairs.
There was a lot worth stealing, if you knew how to find it.
Nelson slipped his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, thinking of the way he had come upon Wade fighting on the other ship. His captain was doing well, but not too well, and it was clear that he was losing the battle. Perhaps Wade was tired or maybe he was just distracted. Nelson couldn’t be sure. The only thing he knew, in that moment, was that he had to do something or within moments, The Dark Lovely would have no captain.
It wasn’t simply that the ship would be in chaos.
It would.
The Dark Lovely would get a new captain, though. As fierce a pirate as Wade was, pirate captains were replaceable. The thing that wasn’t replaceable was the look of contentment on Julianne’s face every time she looked at the Saucy Devil.
Nelson wasn’t the fiercest or bravest or most worthy of pirates, but he knew that if his sister lost the man who made her smile, if she lost the man who made her feel at peace, she would never recover.
Nelson had to save Wade.
Wade and the man had their swords out and were circling one another in the midst of chaos. They were each bleeding, obviously injured from their sparring. The opposing man’s back was to Nelson. With a deep breath, Nelson had slipped out from his position and rammed his sword through Wade’s opponent. The man had sputtered before falling onto the deck. Wade said nothing as Nelson pulled his sword from the man and turned to leave.
He had never killed anyone before.
He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel in that moment.
But then Nelson felt his captain’s hand on his arm and looked up to see Wade’s blazing eyes.
Was Wade afraid that Nelson would tell someone he had saved him? They both knew that there was no room for error on the part of a captain. They both knew that if anyone suspected Wade of being weak, they wouldn’t hesitate to try to take his ship.
Perhaps most of all, they both knew that Wade had Nelson’s sister and was, to be honest, the only one keeping her safe from a crew of raging pirates who hadn’t seen a woman in weeks.
“Nice work, Captain,” Nelson said simply, nodding to the man on the floor. “You really let ‘im have it.”
Wade released his grip and Nelson turned to return to their ship. Each step felt heavy as he made his way back and down to his room. Somehow, thinking about it, he didn’t feel brave or strong. He didn’t feel good. He didn’t feel courageous.
He knew that Wade would probably be dead or severely injured without him, but that didn’t change much about the way Nelson felt.
No, the only thing that would make Nelson feel better at this moment in time would be the warm touch of a woman or the warm touch of whiskey.
Neither of which he had.