Holy Shit!

“I can explain,” Alexander says. He’s smart to keep a safe distance behind me.

“You better, and fast because my mind is spinning to assumptions you’re not going to like.”

Surrounded by floor-to-ceiling glass walls overlooking what seems like the entire city as their backdrop, my mouth has fallen open from the view, and from the technology that fills this spacious penthouse apartment. Alexander touches my lower back, but I step out of his reach. He knows I’m pissed without the obvious gestures, but I want it to be clear to everyone here. I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed by everyone in this room.

Cruise, Chad, and Shelly remain quiet as they stare at me with wide eyes.

Alexander says, “It started as a small operation and has grown.”

“Grown?” My mind struggles to piece together the puzzle before me. I turn to Shelly, her betrayal and lies cutting me as deep as Alexander’s. “Why are you here?”

The answer doesn’t come fast, her cautiousness taking over. “It’s not what it—”

“It’s not?” I strike back. “Because this looks exactly like everyone I know was in on whatever this is except me.”

She replies, “I’m only here because most nights this is where Chad stays.” This is where Chad stays. Shelly had the choice to stay with her boyfriend, knowing that night after night, mine left me. What the hell?

“How did I not know about this? How could you lie to my face?”

Standing behind Chad, she looks worried. “I was alone in the apartment anyway. You weren’t there. You were at the manor.”

At the manor—secluded, protected, deceived by everyone around me who I thought were my friends, and by Alexander who I can’t even look at right now. “Locked away like Rapunzel.” I look her in the eyes, but she looks away. “I trusted you. You were my best friend.”

“I still am, Sara Jane. Please,” she says, grasping my arms. “I’m your best friend. Everything was to protect you.”

“While everyone else lived in reality, I’ve been living a charade.”

Shelly knows this is going to take me time and walks away. “I’m sorry,” is mumbled.

Alexander takes my hand and though I try to pull away, he doesn’t let me this time. “You weren’t locked away or living a charade. You chose to see what you wanted.”

“I was blind, but now I see the big picture, and I’m not sure what to think.”

“Don’t jump to judgments.”

“Alexander, stop. Just stop. I don’t need you to fill in every silent second. I need to process that you have some kind of operation setup that could rival the CIA.” Four large desktop computers anchor the room, with three smaller laptops open and running some scanning program. The furniture is leather and sleek, the stark-white kitchen is off to the side with a clear glass table covered in photos laid out like an investigation. Cruise sits quietly in the corner, looking as if we interrupted something but wise to not speak.

Chad sits at a desk near the kitchen. I’m so confused why the three of them are here in this makeshift computer lab, so I ask the one person who owes me nothing, but will be honest—Chad. “Why are you here?” He’s never been able to lie to me. Friends since high school, I’m hoping that trait is still intact, but who knows since he’s been hanging around Cruise and Alexander. My annoyance is at an all-time high. The fact that I have been kept out is sobering and irritating.

Chad looks worried. He should be. He thinks Alexander is tough. Well I’m tougher. His voice is quiet, but he replies, “This job helps me pay for school.”

“Job?” My eyes turn to Alexander. “What is he talking about? What is this place?”

Alexander looks much too relaxed for someone whose girlfriend has just found out more lies he’s been hiding. He smiles that wry grin that usually gets him out of it just as quickly, but it won’t work on me now. I’m way too fired up. He says, “Babe, this is where we conduct our searches.”

“What searches? Your mother’s murderer?”

“Not just that, though that is a priority.” In the middle of the night?

“Alexan—Never mind.” I’m so hurt. I can’t think of anything rational or kind to say. One bombshell after the other has been dropped tonight. I am strong, but at what point do I say enough? With questions swirling around my head—How long has this been going on? Can we continue our relationship under this new revelation? Can my heart heal?—I realize they can’t give me the answers. They don’t have them. That’s what this is about. And like Alexander said earlier, I’ll get what I need in time. Hopefully we all will. I have to trust him until then. But the room feels warm, and with my vulnerability exposed, I need a minute. “I’m going to get some fresh air. You guys can get back to whatever it is you’re doing here.”

I walk out onto the large balcony, leaving the sliding glass door open. The frantic, but hushed voices drift outside, though I can’t understand anything spoken, except when Alexander says, “Don’t worry. She’ll be okay.”

Will I?

I take a deep breath. Yes, I will. If nothing else, the one positive I can find instantly is that when Alexander is here, he’s safe. There’s comfort that comes with the answers I’ve found tonight.

Looking out over the city, I didn’t pay much attention to where we were going or when we arrived. I had no idea whose building this was, or who lived here. It’s clear though. Cruise is from a wealthy family, meeting Alexander when they attended the same prestigious private school when they were younger, but his parents cut him off when he got a job at Kingwood Enterprises. I don’t know what he does there, but I know he can’t afford a penthouse in the middle of downtown. Nor can Chad who goes to school on scholarships just like he did back when we were at our private Catholic high school.

Alexander can.

He can afford to indulge any whim he has, especially his life’s mission.

A shiver runs up my spine and the breeze fills my nose with his scent. I don’t have to turn around. I know he’s there. Before he can downplay the situation, I say, “First the motorcycle, now this.” Turning my back to the railing, I hold on to it for support. His body is a silhouette with the lights from inside haloing him. “This seems more like an obsession. I’m trying to understand, but this is so much more than I could have imagined. This is about your mother?”

“That’s my priority, Firefly.”

“I thought I was, but seeing this, having everyone know except for me . . . I’m not sure what you’re really doing or how I fit into the big picture. Your picture. Our picture. Our future. We just made declarations that I meant.”

He sighs. “I meant mine too.”

“You’ve said you trust me.”

“I trust you with everything that matters.”

My head jolts back. “This really seems to matter to you by the lengths of deceit you’ve gone to keeping me out.”

“We work with people I don’t want you around. These are the people leading us to the answers I want. You don’t realize the role you’ve played, but you being here for me has been everything. I couldn’t have done this without you, knowing I had you to come home to. You’ve given me the strength to do what I needed to do.”

“I feel betrayed, Alexander. I felt crazy before, paranoid that you were up to something behind my back, and maybe cheating.”

“I hope this gives you some relief then. I only hid it to protect you.” From what? And why . . . how could Shelly lie to me so easily?

“You always say that. Am I that fragile?”

“You have so much going on in your life—”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you, all of you, being a part of it. I can handle more than you give me credit for.” Signaling inside to the others, I say, “I can handle this. If you have my friends involved, I should be involved.”

“Chad is a damn good programmer and hacker. I needed him because I needed information. He’s paid well. Don’t be mad at Shelly. She wanted to tell you. I kept her from doing it.”

“How?” Rubbing my temples, I lower my gaze to our shoes. “She’s my best friend, and you had her lying to my face.”

“She wanted to be with Chad. Chad works most nights because of his school load. Shelly was around enough to where she just started helping out where she could. People trust her.”

“I used to trust her,” I reply, looking him directly in the eyes.

“You still can. Don’t take the anger that should be directed at me out on Shelly. She wanted you to know. We’ve struggled with this for a while, but she doesn’t know what Cruise and I know. She’s been a good friend to you.”

“And a better one to you.” I won’t get anywhere with him or any of them if I make accusations. I’m willing to listen to learn what they do know. “What about Cruise?”

“He’s like my brother. My mission is his mission.”

“What does that mean? Is what you’re doing legal, Alexander?”

“No. For the most part.”

So matter of fact, so without care for repercussions. No beating around the bush. He just lays it out there that he, my boyfriend, is the head of some investigative syndicate, and I had no idea. Until now. “This is doing my head in.”

He steps closer, and I lower my head, letting him cage me in his arms. His voice is low, calm, reassuring, though I’m not feeling the effects. “My life is wide open for scrutiny. You’ve now seen my truths.”

“Have I?” I ask, looking up into his eyes. “Or is there another bombshell in your back pocket?”

“I started this to find out who killed my mother. I needed to know. I didn’t know this would grow, but the deeper Cruise and I searched for one murderer, more criminals were identified. Including my father. He turned a twenty-million-dollar company into a two-billion-dollar corporation. Nobody does that keeping everything legal.”

“Bill Gates did.”

“We can volley back and forth all night if you want, but I’d rather show you what we’re doing.” He tugs the belt loop of my jeans and says, “Come back inside.”

I stay still. “How much are you going to show me?”

“Anything.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I correct him, “Everything, Alexander.”

“Fine. I’ll show you everything.” He tugs again, and I finally relent, and we go inside. I sit down on a chair in the center, and he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge as if we’re hanging out any other night. Maybe he is, but I’m still in shock by the setup. After taking a long gulp, he leans against the counter. “Two years ago—”

“Two years ago?” I ask, my question coming out an octave higher.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly.

Looking down, my hands twist in my lap. “You’ve kept me in the dark most of our relationship.”

Making his way over, he sits on the steel table in front of me and takes my hands in his. “I didn’t want you involved.”

“I’m involved because I love you. I thought you loved me.”

“Don’t say that. You know better because you know me.”

“I don’t know anything anymore, but here we are, so tell me the rest.”

He moves to the couch and says, “We went to where she was killed and started from there. You know the rest.”

“So you’re searching for druggies to give you answers?”

“Yes. More or less. The problem was, the more we dug the more we discovered a singular connection. Kingwood Enterprises.”

My chest burns and I release a long slow breath. I feel the crinkle in my forehead as I take in the information. “You keep saying this but I don’t understand how it comes back to him, why this woman you found will have the answers you need.”

“I don’t know. I just know I need to follow my gut and that tells me to talk to her. I have to have more information.”

“But you know this isn’t safe. That’s really why you didn’t tell me.”

“I’m not scared, Sara Jane.”

“You should be, Alexander. You don’t know what you’re walking into. This is not a caped crusader game you’re playing. These are bad people you’re dealing with, so if I have any say in the matt—”

“You don’t. You’re not going to argue with me about this. I’ve dealt with bad people. You met my friends from high school. You saw how they treated people. Sometimes people just abuse the life they’ve been given.”

“Yes, spoiled rich kids and their privileged lifestyles can lead to bad things, but it’s not the same kind of people who make their money off the pain of others.”

His eyes narrow on mine. “I can read between the lines. You think I do this because I can. It’s not that.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed, and for what? An answer to someone’s death?”

“Not someone’s death. My mother’s.”

“And then you leave me, here on earth, to avenge your death. We can continue this vicious cycle over and over. Please. Turn the information you have over to the police, and let them follow the lead.”

Standing abruptly, he turns his back to me. “I can’t. You know this. I’ve told you. Her case has been buried and bought, and they will never find the killer because they’ve been paid to drop the search.”

His pain drips into his words. She was the only person who he felt loved by. The only person who intentionally spent time with him just to love and adore him. I don’t know the pain he’s feeling, but I know it would eviscerate my heart if my mom died, though. I stand up to hug him from behind. With my cheek to his back, I say, “Okay, Alexander.”

His hands and arms cover mine, and he releases a breath. “Thank you.” Slipping from my grasp, he walks away and looks over Cruise’s shoulder at the monitor on the desk.

I’m not sure what to do, so I sit on the couch and observe. Shelly’s quick to sit next to me, but I keep my eyes forward. She must feel terrible, and she should. We’ve never had secrets. Never. Not even when Tuck Bennice groped my ass under my skirt in the library in ninth grade. The second I saw Shelly at lunch, she cornered me in the girls’ bathroom, seeing I was not my normal self, and gave me a look. The expression on her face was both intimidating and reassuring if that’s even possible. But I told her what happened because I knew I could trust her. No one ever found out about the groping just as I planned, but Tuck took a nosedive in the school parking lot two days later, breaking his nose on the curb. She deserved an Oscar for that performance. To this day she claims he fell, but I know better because I know her and what our friendship means to her. Or did . . .

She says, “Please don’t be mad.”

My gaze slides over to her. “How can I not be?”

She sighs and leans back. “I haven’t been involved for very long, which I know is no excuse. Would you believe me if I told you that it may seem illegal—”

“Not seem. Is. What you guys are doing is illegal. If it wasn’t, there would have been no need to hide it or ‘protect’ me.”

“Fine. You say potato. But I look at it like the show Dexter. He’s doing it for the greater good.”

“Don’t be fooled, Shelly. The benefits to society aren’t as great as you think.”

“Why are you being so hard on him?”

Pushing off the soft, gray leather, I reply, “Because it’s a house of cards. When it falls, he does. And there will be nothing I can do to stop it.”

“I don’t want you to stop it,” Alexander says brusquely. “I don’t want you anywhere near this. What I want is for you to go to school, get the job you want, and be happy.”

“With you?”

“Yes, because I’m not doing this bullshit back-and-forth dance with you anymore, Sara Jane. This is it for both of us. We made promises, and we’re going to keep them.”

“I won’t be part of anything illegal.”

“I don’t want you a part of anything illegal either.”

Cruise’s eyes are set on me. He says, “He didn’t want you to know. I don’t know what happened to change his mind or why he brought you here tonight. You know I like you, Sara Jane. As Alexander’s woman, I’ll give you the respect you deserve. But you’re not cut out for this. I’m just wondering if you can keep this to yourself, because if you can’t, we all go down.”

“Careful, Cruise,” Alexander cautions.

Cruise is not one for soliloquies, but when he stands, he speaks as if I’m not here at all. “She’s a liability, which is why you kept her in the dark.” His arms rise. “What the fuck were you thinking? Let me guess, your dick made this decision?”

He’s grabbed so fast that I’m startled. Alexander pushes him backward by the chest and has him pinned to a wall, holding him eye level in seconds flat. “Don’t. Don’t ever fucking talk about her like that again.” His voice is a growl, violence in his words. “Or I will end you.”

Cruise shoves Alexander off, and then straightens his shirt while eyeing him. “Fuck you, King.”

“King,” Alexander snarls. “Remember that.”

Walking away, Cruise knocks a lamp off a table as he passes, heading down a dark hall. A door slams, and my gaze is directed back to Alexander. His anger is flared through harsh breaths. His eyes hardened as he stares at the hallway.

I stand but stay, worried I’ve caused them to fight. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Firefly,” Alexander snaps. “You don’t owe anyone an apology.”

Twisting my fingers together, I whisper, “I don’t want you fighting because of me.”

“We’re not. We’re fighting because he’s forgotten what affords him his life. And to be clear, I do.”

I glance to Shelly who’s sitting quietly in the corner. Chad’s eyes return to the screen in front of him. Pretending everything is normal seems like a good plan right now. He has a luxury I don’t. Moving closer to Alexander, I place my palms gently on his chest. Standing toe to toe, I say, “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Grasping my face in his hands, he sighs heavily. “When are you going to figure it out? This is for you, for us. Cruise will be fine. He’s tired. He’ll be fine.”

“Will your friendship?”

“I only need you.”

Holding him by the middle, my fingers pressing into him, I plead, “I can be your safe place to land each night. But you need your friends, too. You need more than me, Alexander. Don’t throw away what’s important to hold on to me. I’ll be here. No matter what.” His lips press to my forehead, and he lingers there. My eyes close as I savor the gentle touch. “I don’t want you fighting with him or anyone over me.”

Pulling back, he says, “Without you, I have nothing left to fight for.”

“Fight for your future. Fight for your mother. Fight for your family’s company. I can take care of myself.”

Cruise returns and stands at the other side around the couch, away from us. “I’m on your side.” His eyes flicker between us. “Remember that.”

Alexander stands tall, power strengthening his spine. He turns away from me and heads for the balcony. One nod tells Cruise to follow him, and he does without a word.

When they’re out of earshot, Shelly says, “His temper is going to be his downfall.” When I look at her, she’s watching them through the window. Turning back to me, she whispers, “You’ll either save him, or he’ll take you down with him.”

“That’s ominous.” Sarcasm . . . not the best choice.

“The truth is ugly, but you still wanted it.” This is not the Shelly I’ve known for more than half my life standing next to me. “I’ve lied to you. I’m sorry about that. Now that you know everything, I won’t do it again, not even if the lie is easier to tell.”

“What do I do?”

Chad looks up when I ask the dreaded question. “Sara Jane, I’m working for Alexander because I believe in his pursuit of justice. But also, I’m angered by the corruption and obscene crimes we continue to uncover. You’ve known and trusted me for a long time. And I trust him.” I nod my head. Part of me feels chastised by both Shelly and Chad, but I also feel justified in my anger and hurt.

The truth is ugly, but you still wanted it.

And I trust him.

I look to Shelly who says, “Follow your heart.”

“That’s what got me here.”

Alexander and Cruise catch our attention when they shake hands, then bring it in bumping chests. With no smile in sight, Alexander says something and they both glance at me. He’s biting his lip when he comes back then releases it with my name rolling off his tongue, “Sara Jane, I need to head out for a while.” I feel instant panic. “I’m taking you back to the manor.”

“Wait. No. You brought me here for a reason.” I hate the plea in my tone.

He heads for the door, ending the discussion.

I cross my arms over my chest, and figuratively dig my heels in for the battle. “You promised, Alexander. You promised me I could trust you, and you would be open about what’s going on.”

Whipping around, the fury in his eyes penetrates parts of me and causes me to gasp in astonishment. His presence is menacing as he returns to me in two large strides. “Sara Jane. You’re not my keeper. This is a business I’m running here, and I need to tend to an issue that has arisen. Period. I won’t ask for permission. I will include you to the point I can, and that is to keep you protected from the bastards out there who don’t give a fuck about our lives.” He points to the others in the room so I know he is not just talking about him and me.

Despite the humiliating tears in my eyes, I find my own power and cross my arms. “Okay, but I will not go back to the manor. I’m not leaving.”

Leaning even closer, tilting his head, his gaze hits mine hard. “What are you doing?”

“Facing the facts. I’m in now. But I feel safer here than at your home, especially after spending time with your father lately.” Taking his hands in mine, I add, “I’m your friend. Your soul mate. Your family.”

“I need to know you’re safe.” He looks down. “That’s the only thing that allows me to pursue these leads.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. You’ve made sure I’m safe. But look at me.” When he does, I whisper, “I can take care of myself. Part of not shutting me out is trusting I can be more to you now that I have some idea of what you need. I love you, both the dark and light.”

“Why are you so difficult?”

“Because I let things slide for too long, and like you, I’m in too deep. So I either keep threatening you, which obviously does no good, or I join you.”

“I don’t want you to join me. I want you to be safe, by my side. But safe.”

“I can do that.”

“There’s no going back once you do.”

Resolve traverses around my heart, sealing it in strength and momentum. “There’s no going back already. If I’ve caused discourse by being here, too bad. I’m staying. For us, Alexander. It’s for us.”

“It’s not saf—”

“No one is going to hurt me. As long as we’re together, I’m fine.”

“I won’t survive if I don’t have you.”

“That’s why I’m staying. We’re a team.”

A smile appears, one that tends toward amused. “I always loved how feisty you are, even if it drives me crazy at times.”

I shrug my shoulders. This is not new information, but I feel settled somewhat. “I’m going to make sure you have your happy ending, Alexander.”

“Why?”

“I know you’re good inside, and I’m going to help you find it again.”

And there is the smile I fell in love with. It’s a mixture of vulnerable boy and cocky man. Mischievous, adorable, and sexy all in one. “You’re willing to fight for me?”

I wrap my arms around him, leaning against his chest. His arms come around me, and I whisper, “We’re more than people in love. We’re souls entwined in eternity.”

“Thank you, Firefly. Please always fight for us.”

Tilting my head up, I look at him. “I will. That’s a promise I’ll keep.”

Strong arms hold me tight. His chin rests on the top of my head. I close my eyes. I have to be brave. I can sense that his hurricane is brewing. I just have to ride out the storm along with him.

Everything he’s taught me—free-thinking, wanting me to be strong—shows me what matters: love. This is it. This is the time I must be the person he believes me to be. This is the time I prove how strong I am.