16
It was an unusually cool August day when Clark Slattery was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. I wore a sleeveless black dress and black flats, my hair in its usual ponytail. Jackson was next to me in a black suit. We both wore sunglasses to shield our eyes from the brightness outside.
We weren’t the only attendees. Those from Vigilance who’d known him were also there, as well as a few people who showed he’d had an . . . eclectic . . . set of acquaintances.
The flag-draped coffin sent a chill through me. I jumped with each shot of the gun salute. The playing of “Taps” made tears roll down my cheeks, the sound made even more lonely and haunting drifting over the hills and trees of Arlington. My consolation was that Clark wouldn’t be alone—he was surrounded by those who’d come before.
The flag was folded the requisite thirteen times, and to my surprise, the officer presented it to me.
“He wanted you to have it, ma’am,” he said. “And these.” He deposited Clark’s dog tags on top of the flag. “Our country thanks you for your sacrifice.”
I couldn’t speak past the lump in my throat, so I just nodded. I’d wanted to see Clark one more time, but his coffin had been closed, per his wishes. I wasn’t sure I wanted my last view of Clark to be of his empty shell anyway.
Then it was over, and it had been a blur of pain and sadness and tears. Several people from Vigilance murmured words of condolences and shook my hand. Jackson stood by my side the whole time, speaking when I couldn’t and being the strength I so desperately needed. He seemed to know when my knees grew weak, sliding an arm around my back to lend support until it passed.
Finally, it was just the coffin and us. The sky had clouded over. Rain was coming. But I couldn’t go, not yet.
“Can I have a moment?” I asked him.
“Of course.” He kissed me lightly and I handed him the flag. “I’ll wait in the car,” he said.
I watched him walk away, then turned toward the ebony coffin.
“Goodbyes,” I said. “I’ve never been good at them. Most I’ve had to say have come too soon.” I placed a hand on the cool, smooth surface. “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you. You were my friend. My best friend. The only normal friend I’ve ever had who understood me.” I paused. “And of course, the sex was amazing.” I smiled, thinking of how Clark would’ve preened at that, though he’d pretend not to. My smile faded.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. That I couldn’t give you what you needed. I thought maybe I could, but then I realized, that wasn’t fair to you or me. You deserved someone who was in love with you, not someone who stayed just because you needed them. I just wish you could’ve found your happy ever after before—” My throat filled and I couldn’t go on.
“I hope that you’re happy, and at peace, where you are now.”
Leaning over, I pressed my lips to the coffin lid, about where I imagined his face would be. When I stepped back, I slid off my glasses and placed them carefully on the lid, and draped his dog tags around my neck.
“Goodbye, Clark.”
A steady drizzle had started now, and I picked my way carefully to the car, everything a bit blurry, so I was glad it wasn’t far. By the time I’d settled inside, the drizzle had become a gentle pour. No thunder or lightning, just the falling water. I couldn’t help but think it was a cleansing rain, washing away the past.
As we drove out of the cemetery, passing endless rows of white stones, the sun filtered through the clouds.
“Look,” Jackson said, pointing.
There was a rainbow, the brightest I’d ever seen, up ahead. I glanced at Jackson.
“You know I don’t believe in superstition,” I said. “Rainbows are just refracted light under the right meteorological circumstance. It doesn’t portend anything.”
He just smiled. “Of course not. It couldn’t possibly be anything else.”
I narrowed my eyes, his gentle teasing not going unnoticed, then I looked back at the rainbow. It was very pretty. And nicely timed. It made my heart lift just looking at it.
Something I’m sure Clark would have known.
“Attending your own funeral? And I thought I was a narcissist.”
Clark glanced over at Kade, standing nearby with a black umbrella. “It’s not often someone gets the opportunity.” He motioned to the umbrella. “Did you happen to bring another one of those?”
“Nah. Besides, it’d detract from the moment if you weren’t standing in the rain, looking at your own coffin.”
Clark rolled his eyes. “So I’m officially dead, then?”
“Yep. Complete with a death certificate.” He eyed Clark. “It was your choice, you know.”
“I know. It’s the right thing. I just hate hurting her.”
“Think of it as closure. Now she can ride off into the sunset with her white knight and won’t have to worry about that heart she broke one time.”
Clark knew he was right, but still. It had been harder than he thought it would be, watching her cry over him. When she’d put the dog tags on, his own throat had closed up, and he’d had to blink a few times.
“Once you’re done with physical therapy and are given a clean bill of health, we’ll talk about your new career,” Kade said. He handed him a card. “Call me when you’re ready.”
Clark pocketed the card, not seeing as Kade melted away into the gathering rain. He was watching China as she got into the black sedan. He knew it would be the last time he’d ever let himself see her. If she ever found out he wasn’t dead, it would throw her whole life into chaos—and she’d probably kill him herself for putting her through this.
Clark wasn’t a praying man, but he closed his eyes and thought a few things that he hoped would come true. Perhaps that was a poor man’s prayer. He hoped she was happy with Jackson. He hoped she found peace and acceptance in her life with him. He hoped she had lots of little Chinas, just like her. He hoped nothing bad ever again caused her tears and pain. He hoped all of these things as hard as he could.
When he opened his eyes, the rain was letting up slightly, and everyone had gone. Even the sedan was out of sight. As he stepped from behind the tree, something caught his eye.
A rainbow, beautiful and bright, painted the sky in front of him. He paused, taking a moment to appreciate its perfection, and he wondered if maybe, just maybe, his prayer had been heard.
He walked to the empty coffin. Picking up the wet glasses China had left, he carefully folded them and slipped them inside his jacket pocket. Turning, he headed in the opposite direction of the rainbow, into the clouds and oncoming storm.