CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Starlet
“What’s he doing now?” I ask Juanita as she enters my bedroom and closes the door.
“Sitting on the couch and watching the news.”
“Did you offer him anything? Water? Tea? Blankets?”
“No. You asked me not to.”
“Damn it,” I complain and start pacing. “Brick is impossible, you know. Persuasive and overwhelmingly sexy.”
My best friend sighs and sits on the end of my bed. “I warned you, Starlet. The more time you spend with him, the harder it gets to break away.”
“You’re right.” Juanita always is—she’s lived through the best and worst of times as an old lady. “We can’t just kick him out of here.”
“Technically, we could,” she says.
“What are you suggesting?”
“9-1-1.”
“Seriously, Juanita?”
“No.” She rolls her eyes. “I know better than to involve the police where an MC is concerned, but a girl can fantasize, right?”
“I do it all the time.” If she only knew what about. A husband and kids… “Well, he’s not sleeping with me. Is Joe coming over tonight?”
“Not a chance. I told him to stay away for a couple of days. I’ve worked hard to keep my old life and new life separate. He knows I was an old lady, but I don’t ever want him exposed to anyone connected with an MC. Can you imagine the humiliation he’d be exposed to if they found out he’s bisexual?”
I don’t even want to think about it—brothers have one track minds. “I’m the exception to the MC thing?”
“No, no, baby girl. Those words weren’t meant for you.” She extends her arms and I accept a much-needed hug.
“You’re the one good thing to come out of the Devil’s Crusaders. The rest of them can burn for all I care. Bastards.” Juanita strokes my hair. “I just want you to think things through. Try to weigh the pro and cons. If you keep sleeping with Brick, he’s going to claim you. Do you see how he looks at you?”
“Sometimes.”
“It’s scary, Starlet.”
I shake my head, blowing off the urgency of the situation. “He’s just in lust.”
“That, too.”
We share a silent look. “What do you mean?”
Juanita stands up. “Come here, Starlet.”
She positions me in front of the full-length mirror hanging on the wall and stands behind me. “I know you have a problem recognizing the truth of who you see in the mirror. But let me tell you what I see, okay?”
I nod.
“A beautiful, compassionate person who has so much to offer the world. You’re kind, Starlet. Underneath the layers of pain and distrust is the real you. In time, you’ll learn to manage your old feelings, maybe even forget if you’re lucky.”
I look at her reflection. “Have you forgotten?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah.”
“Most of it. Until patch-wearing assholes come into my shop.” She smiles at me and my shoulders relax some. “Brick may very well be different, a little more judicious than some members, but he’s still a brother. That will never change.”
“I know.” I suck in a ragged breath, accepting the full truth more easily. Brick represents everything I regret about my past. However, I find it impossible to blow him off. “I have to go to that dinner tomorrow.”
“Yeah—you do. If you can convince them to protect you, there might be some hope in the future for old ladies who want to leave the life.”
I consider her words carefully and note the sincerity with which she spoke. I’m not just representing myself tomorrow, I’m also standing up for Juanita and any other woman who has no voice. It might seem insignificant to a normal person, but to me, if I can prove to Eagle and Brick that I just want to get on with my life and will never break my vow of silence to the Devil’s Crusaders, I might have a real chance. After all, that’s what this all about. Silence—not talking about club secrets.
Yeah, I’m club royalty, but there’s younger and prettier girls out there dying to marry Silver. Women flock around him. I’m not one of them.
“I understand, Juanita. I’ll do my best.”
“Is there any reasonable arguments that can be made in defense of your decision to run away from the club?”
“Everything you already know. The rape and abuse, my unhappy marriage, Sammy’s infidelity, the drug running. Isn’t that enough?”
“Not really.” She sits on the bed again. “You need to come up with something better. Give the Iron Norsemen a reason to keep you around. An abusive, prick of a husband is nothing special—that’s like vanilla ice cream to an MC.”
Regrettably, she’s correct. “What if I knew something that could hurt the Iron Norsemen?”
“That might get their attention.” She checks the alarm clock on my nightstand. “I’m tired, Starlet. Is it okay for me to give that man a blanket and pillow?”
“Sure. Whatever he wants.”
Juanita gives me another hug and then walks to the door. As she opens it, I catch Brick standing in the hallway, looking impatient.
“You ladies done henpecking?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s really nice, Brick.”
He shifts on his feet. “I’m not sleeping on the couch.”
Juanita takes one look at me, then him, and raises her hands in mock surrender. “I’m going to bed. The two of you work your shit out.”
“Smart woman,” he says as Juanita disappears down the hallway.
“Why are you making things difficult?” He steps into my bedroom uninvited, but not unwanted—though I’d never admit it.
“Because I don’t trust you, Starlet. You lied to me twice already. You misrepresented yourself when we met and acted like you didn’t know me outside the restaurant. History matters. And…” He points to the window. “Wouldn’t take much for you to pop outside in the middle of the night.”
“That’s absurd.”
“No, it’s not.” He closes the door.
“Fine.” I’m on edge now. I need to be well rested and ready to give my all tomorrow. “You’re not sleeping in my bed.” I snatch the wool throw and toss it at him. “Sweet dreams, Brick.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond. I turn off the light and crawl into bed. It’s so quiet I can hear him breathing. Unfortunately, that makes me think about how breathless and sweaty he gets after pumping inside of me for an hour. I reposition myself on my left side, facing the wall.
“Comfy?” he asks.
“Are you going to stand there all night?” Knowing he’s hovering in the dark somewhere makes me nervous. I don’t like being watched. I spent a lifetime worrying about everything I said and did when Sammy was alive.
With a sigh, he pulls his boots off. It’s not easy making him sleep on the floor, part of me wants him to climb in my bed and make love to me. But I need to prove something to Brick. I’m not the kind of woman that’s going to shrink away from what I want just because he barks orders at me. I claimed my freedom the night I left the Devil’s Crusaders compound. The fear I experienced walking out of there—the deeply ingrained paranoia that if I got caught the brothers would punish me in the worst way—those feelings don’t just disappear overnight, if ever.
I know Juanita told me she’s nearly forgotten everything that happened to her, but we’re not the same. I’m just learning to crawl. My best friend soars above the dark clouds that dominated her life for so long.
“Goodnight, Starlet.”
I snap back to the present. That’s it? He’s not going to fight to share my bed? I wait as he arranges himself on the floor, knowing how uncomfortable he’ll be. Twenty minutes later, I’m proven wrong. He’s out, right in front of the door. Great, he can sleep anywhere, as for me, I’ll be lucky if I get any rest.