CHAPTER TWENTY
DEL FOUND HIS OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO EMMA ALONE FOR A good stretch the next day when he suggested the two of them drive to the local nursery to see what sort of plantings she’d like to put in.
She jumped on the idea so quickly and enthusiastically, he felt just a little guilty. He’d make up for it, he decided, by letting her pick whatever she wanted, even if it meant hiring a local landscaping crew to maintain it.
She cut that sop to his conscience the minute she hopped in the car with him.
“Low maintenance is key,” she began. “I’d love to do whole rivers of color and texture, but you don’t live here. No point in having all that, then needing to hire people to deal with it when you’re only here off and on through the year.”
“Right.” Anything she wanted, he told himself again. Anything.
“Next key is sticking to plants and grasses indicative of the beach, and going for a natural look. It’s going to be fun!”
“You bet.”
“It will.” She laughed and poked him. “I’m going to enjoy this a lot, plus it goes in as my own little payback for the vacation. It’s such a beautiful place, Del. We’re all so happy to be here.”
“Payback? Come on, Emma.”
“It feels good to do something to show appreciation.You’re not taking that away from me, so don’t even think about it. Boy, it’s a gorgeous day. I can’t wait to get started on this.”
“It’s nice to get away, relax. It’s good for everybody.”
“No argument from me.”
“Dump the stress. We’ve all got it. Not just work, but outside sources bring it, too. Laurel going head-to-head with Linda added plenty for her.”
“Oh, she told you about that. I wasn’t sure she would.” Emma sat back as anger shifted over her face.
“It’s lucky she caught Linda before she strolled right in Mac and Carter’s place, but I don’t like knowing she had to take Linda on alone.”
“She handled it, sent Linda off with a bug in her ear. But, I know what you mean. She didn’t have any backup when Linda went after her. She was so upset.That woman knows exactly where to slip the knife.”
“Nothing Linda says means a damn.”
“No, but words hurt, and she knows which ones to use. She’s . . . She’s a predator, that’s what she is, and she goes for the weak spots. She really piled it on with Laurel. First her father, then you. Stab, stab, claw.”
“Fathers, or parents, are weak spots with a lot of people. What Laurel’s made of herself, in a lot of ways despite them, is something to be proud of.”
“I completely agree, but it’s easier for you and me because we didn’t have to deal with despite. We always had love and support. And knowing your father was weak enough—and just had the extremely bad taste—to have an affair with Linda’s a tough one to swallow. And while Laurel’s choking that down, Linda bitch slaps her with how everyone’s talking and laughing at her about you, about her delusions that you’d ever be serious about someone like her, and insults her with all that ‘everyone knows she’s after the Brown money and status anyway because look where and what she comes from.”’
She paused a moment, just to seethe, and Del let the silence ride as he turned it all over in his mind.
“Which tied it up in a big ugly bow,” Emma continued, “making her the pathetic gold digger and you the slime who’s just banging his sister’s friend because he can. And because that’s exactly the way Linda thinks, she pushes that knife in with authority. It made Laurel cry, and you have to practically beat her with sticks to make her cry. If Linda hadn’t been gone when I got there, I’d have . . . And oh shit, shit, Laurel didn’t tell you about this.”
“She told me about Linda and running her off. But she left out several salient points.”
“Damn it, Del, damn it! You maneuvered me into telling you the rest.”
“Maybe I did, but don’t I have a right to know?”
“You may have the right to know, but I didn’t have the right to tell you.You set me up so I’d betray a friend.”
“You didn’t betray anyone.” He pulled into the nursery lot, parked, then turned to her. “Listen, how can I fix it if I don’t know?”
“If Laurel wanted you to fix it—”
“Apparently Laurel gets pissed at the idea of my fixing anything. But leave that out for a minute. Linda’s a problem, and she’s a problem for all of us. But in this specific incident, she went after Laurel. She hurt her. Weren’t you going to say you’d have taken her on over it yourself if you’d known at the time?”
“Yes, but—”
“Do you think I’m with Laurel just because I can be? That I’m sleeping with her because she’s available?”
“No, of course not.”
“But there’s part of her that thinks so.”
“That’s not for me to answer, and it’s not fair for you to ask me.”
“Okay, I’ll rephrase the question.”
She yanked off her sunglasses so she could glare at him. “Don’t pull the lawyer crap on me, Delaney. I’m so mad at you right now.”
“I needed to know. She won’t let me in this area. Part’s pride, I think, but another’s half believing it. And maybe that’s my fault, or some of it’s my fault. I got the idea it might be something along these lines yesterday, but I needed confirmation.”
“Good for you.” She started to wrench open her door. He laid a hand on her arm.
“Emma, by not knowing, not dealing with it or acting on it, I’m hurting her. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You should’ve asked her directly.”
“She wouldn’t tell me. You know she wouldn’t, not unless I have a way to push her into a corner over it. Now I do. Damn it, I hurt her yesterday by offering to pay for a bunch of groceries, because I just didn’t get it. It’s not about Linda, though I’d already intended to deal with her, and will. It’s about me and Laurel.”
“You’ve got that part right.” She heaved out a sigh. “But you’ve put me in a hell of a spot, Del.”
“I’m sorry, and I’m going to keep you there by asking you not to say anything to her about this. Not until I can talk to her. If she doesn’t believe, all the way, in what we have, it’s never going to work. It’s never going to fit. And if I’m responsible for that, even part of the way, I have to make it right. So I’m asking for you to give me a chance to make it right.”
“God, you’re good. How am I supposed to say no to that?”
“I mean it. She and I need to strip away some of the armor, and some of the cushion, and see what’s under it. I want you to give me a chance to do that.”
“I love you both, and I want both of you happy. So, believe me, Del, you’d better figure it out. Screw it up, or let her screw it up, and I’m blaming you.”
“That’s fair. Are you going to stay mad at me?”
“I’ll let you know after you talk to her.”
“Emma.” He leaned over, kissed her cheek.
“Oh.” This time she heaved out a breath. “Let’s go buy some plants.”
He struggled to be patient as the scanning, scouting, selection took endless amounts of time. Plus whenever he so much as thought about nudging her along, Emma simply shot him a steely stare.
In the end, they loaded what they could in the car and arranged for the rest—and there was plenty of rest-to be delivered.
“Take her down to the beach,” Emma said on the drive back.
“Away from the rest of us. Don’t try to talk to her about this in or around the house. Too many possibilities of interruption. If you’re interrupted, she’ll have a chance to regroup or evade.”
“That’s a good point. Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. I may not be doing it for you. I may be doing it only for her.”
“Either way.”
“A long walk, and believe me, if she comes back from it upset, I’m kicking your ass. Or I’ll have Jack do it.”
“I’m not sure he could kick my ass. But you could.”
“Keep that in mind, and don’t screw this up.” She paused a moment. “Do you love her?”
“Of course I do.”
She turned to him. “That’s a stupid answer. A stupid thing to say. I really ought to kick your ass.”
“Why—?”
“No.” She shook her head and stared straight ahead. “No more pointers. You have to deal with this yourself or it’s not real. I’m going to stay out of the way. I’m going to start right in on these plants, so I’ll be out of the way. That’s the best thing I can do for both of you.” She bit her lip. “But don’t say ‘of course,’ you idiot.”
“Okay.”
When he pulled up at the house, Emma was true to her word. She unloaded the tools they’d bought and dug, literally, right in.
But plans to lure Laurel off for that long walk had to be postponed.
“Laurel went off with Parker. Shopping,” Jack told him. “Parker wanted some stuff for the house. She had a list. And there was talk about earrings. Mac’s in the pool, Carter’s down at the beach with one of his books, Mal’s somewhere. I’m about to head down there.”
“Did they say when they’d be back? Laurel and Parker?”
“Dude, they went shopping. It could be an hour or three or four days.”
“Right.”
“Problem?”
“No. No. Just wondering.”
Jack slid on his sunglasses. “Beach?”
“Yeah. I’ll come down in a bit.”
“I guess I have to see if Emma wants some help before I go down—thanks a lot for that.”
“Wait until the rest of it gets here. We didn’t have room for most of it.”
“Great.”
When they didn’t come back in an hour, he fought off the first prickles of irritation. He paced the deck, going over various possible scenarios in his head, as he would before going into court.
He heard Emma’s voice, Jack‘s, Carter’s, Mac’s, Mal’s—come and go. He spotted them on the beach, in the water, on the walkway. When he heard the group of them come in—probably digging up lunch—he went out for a solitary swim and more thinking.
As the afternoon wore on, he considered calling Laurel’s cell. He nearly gave in and did so when he finally saw Parker’s car turn in the drive.
He headed down while the two of them unloaded a mountain of shopping bags and giggled like a couple of kids with both hands in the cookie jar.
He had no excuse for it, but it annoyed the hell out of him.
“Oh, Emma, that looks fabulous!” Parker called out.
“It absolutely does, and I’m not nearly done.”
“Take a break. Come see what we got. We had the best time. Hey.” Laurel stopped to shoot a grin at Del. “Just in time to help haul all this stuff. And God, it’s way past time to start up the blender, because shopping’s made us thirsty for beach margaritas.”
“I was starting to get worried.” He heard the tone of his own voice, nearly winced.
“Oh, don’t fuss, Daddy. Haul.” She pushed bags at him. “Em, we found the most amazing gift shop. We have to go back!”
“You mean they have something left?” Mal wandered over to take some bags.
“I think we hit every shop within fifty miles, but we left a few things behind. Don’t look so put out.” Laurel laughed at Del. “I bought you something.”
With no choice, he carried bags upstairs. And had to stand back while the women tore into them to show off their scores.
“Why don’t we take a walk on the beach?” he asked Laurel.
“Are you kidding? I’ve walked a half a million miles. Must have margarita. Who’s in charge of the blender?” she called out.
“Got that covered.” Mal headed off to the kitchen.
Del shot Emma a look, hopeful for a little help. She merely shrugged and went back to admiring the take.
Payback, he thought.
“Here.” Laurel offered him a box. “A memento.”
Since he couldn’t beat them, Del settled down.
“A sun catcher,” she told him when he opened it. “Recycled beach glass.” She reached out to finger one of the smooth, colored shards. “I thought you might like to hang it in your place—to bring back good times.”
“It’s great.” He tapped a piece so several danced and clicked together. “It really is. Thanks.”
“I got a smaller one for my sitting room. Couldn’t resist.”
They drank margaritas, talked about dinner. He couldn’t budge her.
Patience, he reminded himself.
He managed to take his own advice until nearly sunset.
“Walk. Beach. You and me.” He grabbed her hand, pulled her toward the door.
“But we’re going to—”
“Later.”
“Pushy,” she said, but linked her fingers with his. “And God, it does feel great out here. Look at the sky. I guess I owe the beach a visit since I spent most of the day shopping.” She flicked a finger at her newest earrings. “But now I have such pretty things to remind me of these two weeks. When we’re socked in next winter, I’ll be able to look around and say, summer’s coming back.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Right now, your wish, my command. I am happy.”
“I need to talk to you, to ask you something.”
“Sure.” She turned, walking backward to look up at the house. “Emma was right about the plants, the grasses.”
“Laurel, I need you to pay attention.”
She stopped. “All right. What’s wrong?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I need you to tell me.”
“Then nothing’s wrong.”
“Laurel.” He took both her hands. “You didn’t tell me that Linda came at you about me. About you and me.” He felt her hands go rigid in his.
“I told you I dealt with Linda. Emma had no right to—”
“Not her fault. I maneuvered it out of her. She thought you’d told me the whole story. And you should have. More, Laurel, much more, you should’ve told me you felt any part of what she said might be true. If I’ve done or said anything to make you think that way—”
“You haven’t. Let’s forget it.”
“No.” He tightened his grip when she would’ve pulled her hands free. “She hurt you, and indirectly so did I. I can’t forget I had any part in hurting you.”
“Forget it, Del. Absolved. I don’t want to talk about Linda.”
“We’re not. We’re talking you and me. Damn it, Laurel, can’t you be straight with me? Can’t we be straight with each other?”
“I am. I said it’s nothing.”
“It’s not. It’s damn well not when you get so twisted up when I offer to pay for some damn groceries. Or a cake I’ve asked you to bake. It’s not about that either, but what’s under it.”
“And I said, clearly, you don’t need to pull out your wallet. I won’t have you hiring me—”
“Laurel.” His tone, utterly reasonable, stopped her. “I never intended that. Never. And you should know. You’ve said this has to be equal ground, but it can’t be if you don’t tell me what you want, what you need, what you’re feeling.”
“How can you not know?” she demanded.
“Because you don’t tell me.”
“Tell you? All this time.You can look at me, touch me, be with me, and not know?”
She whirled away, spun back. “All right, all right. I’m responsible for my own feelings, and clearly it’s stupid for me to wait and wait and hope you might see. You need me to tell you, I’ll tell you. Equal ground? It’s never going to be equal ground when you care about me and I’m so hopelessly in love with you. I’ve always been hopelessly in love with you, and you’ve never seen it.”
“Wait—”
“No, you want it straight?You’ll get it straight. You’re the one. You’ve always been the one. Nothing, nothing I’ve ever done changed it. Moving to New York, working to find my way, making myself into something I could be proud of. But it was still there. Del’s the one, and whatever I do, whatever I accomplish, I’m still missing that. Trying to feel something real and important for other men? Temporary stopgaps, or failures. Because none of them were you.”
She yanked the hair out of her face as the wind blew it into her eyes. “I couldn’t harden it out or reason it out of me, no matter how hurtful or humiliating or just plain infuriating. I dealt with it, then I changed it. I changed it, Del.”
“You’re right.” He reached out to brush the tears she rarely shed from her cheeks. “Listen—”
“I’m not finished. I changed things, but you’re still trying, you always will try, to take care of things. Of me. I don’t want to be your responsibility. Your obligation. Your pet. I won’t have it.”
“For God’s sake, I don’t think of you that way. I don’t feel that way. I love you.”
“Yes, you love me.You love all of us, and you had to step to the front of the line when your parents died. I know that, Del, I understand, and I feel for you and what you had to take on. Being with you, I understand more, and I feel more.”
“It’s not about that.”
“In some ways, it’s always about that. But it’s different now, with us. Or it should be. I’m okay with the way things are—or I was. Didn’t I just tell you I was happy? What I need and want? If I have to tell you, give you a damn list, then it’s not what I need and want. I’m not asking you for declarations. I’m not asking for promises. I can live in the moment, and be happy in the moment. I’m entitled to be hurt and upset when someone like Linda scrapes me raw. And I’m entitled to keep it to myself until I grow fresh skin. I don’t need you taking care of it. I don’t need or want you to make it all better. I don’t need you pushing at me about my feelings when I never push at you.”
“No,” he murmured, “you don’t. Why don’t you?”
“Maybe I don’t want to hear the answers. No, I don’t want to hear them,” she said before he could speak. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say when I’ve ripped myself open and I feel like a fool.You can’t expect me to. I need to walk this off. I need to pull myself together. You need to let me.You need to go away.”
He watched her run down the beach. He could go after her, he thought. He could catch her, and he could make her listen. And if he did, she wouldn’t hear him.
He let her go.
She needed more than words, he realized. And he wanted to give her more. She might have ripped herself open, he thought, but by doing so she’d shown him, very clearly, what was inside him.
SHE RAN IT OFF, WALKED IT OFF, SETTLED HERSELF. THE TRUTH WAS, she’d come to understand, that moment on the beach would have happened at some time, at some place. She couldn’t have coasted forever. Neither of them could or would. Better it happened sooner than later.
If it ended things with Del, she’d heal. She knew how to tend her own wounds, accept her own scars.
He’d be kind; she’d hate it. Then they’d move on. Somehow. She went up to her room by the outside stairs, hoping to avoid everyone until morning.
But her three friends waited for her.
Emma rose. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I said anything to him about Linda.”
“It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t matter.”
“It is, and it does. I’m sorry.”
“It’s my mother who set off the bomb,” Mac said. “I’m sorry.”
“He’s my brother.” Parker held out a hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, we’re a really sorry group.” Laurel sat on the bed. “Nobody’s to blame, really. It just is what it is. But I think I’ll skip the fun and games tonight. You can make an excuse, right? Headache, shopping fatigue, one too many margaritas.”
“Sure, but . . .” Mac trailed off, looked at Parker and Emma.
“What? What now?”
“Del’s gone.” Parker sat beside her.
“Gone? What do you mean gone?”
“He said he’d be back in the morning. That he had to go take care of something. He made it sound like work, but . . .”
“Nobody bought that.” Laurel put her head in her hands.
“Great. Just great. I told him to go away. Since when does he listen? Now everything’s screwed up. I should’ve gone away. For God’s sake, it’s his house.”
“He’ll be back.” Emma stepped over to rub Laurel’s back. “He probably just wanted to give you a little space. You’ll make up, honey.”
“It’s not about making up. The things I said . . . ”
“Everybody says rotten things when they’re mad or upset,” Mac told her.
“I told him I loved him, always had. That there’d never been anyone else. Basically, I ripped out my own heart and threw it at him.”
“What did he say?” Parker demanded.
“That’s about the time I told him I didn’t want to hear it, and to go away. And I stalked off. Okay, I ran off.”
“He didn’t come after you?” Emma huffed. “Idiot.”
“No, really. He knows enough to be sure I meant it. I didn’t expect him to actually leave. You can know someone all your life, and they can still surprise you. Let’s just try not to have this spoil everything. I think I’d be literally sick if it did. I just want to go to bed.”
“We’ll stay with you,” Emma murmured.
“No, really. I’m going to bed, and you can all do me a favor by going out there and fostering the pretense that everything’s fine. Situation normal. I’d really appreciate it.”
“Okay,” Parker said before Emma could protest. “If you need company or anything else, you just have to knock on my door.”
“I know. I’ll be all right, and I’ll be better in the morning.”
“If you’re not, and you want to go home, we’ll go.” Parker pulled her in for a hug.
“Or we’ll kick the men out and stay,” Mac told her.
“Best friends ever. I’ll be fine.”
She stayed where she was when they left her, but knowing one of them would come back to check on her in an hour, she made herself get up, get ready for bed.
She’d had her summer, she reminded herself. No one could ever take that away from her. She’d had the love of her life for a season. Not everyone could say the same.
She’d survive. And because, even if they couldn’t be lovers, they would always be family, she and Del would find a way to heal the rift.
She lay in the dark and ached. Ached and ached. And she tried to comfort herself that it would get better with time. Then she turned her face into the pillow and wept a little, because she didn’t believe it.
The sea breeze whispered over her cheek like a kiss. Sweet and soft. She sighed with it, wanting to cling to sleep, to cling to the numbness that came with it.
“You need to wake up.”
She opened her eyes and stared into Del’s. “What?”
“Wake up, get up. Come with me.”
“What?” She pushed at him, struggled to think. The light was the quiet dull silver of predawn. “What are you doing? Where did you go? What are you doing back?”
“Up.”
She tried to snag the sheet when he pulled it off, but missed. “You walked out on your friends.You left when—”
“Oh, just shut up. I listened to you, now you’ll listen to me. Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Down to the beach to finish this.”
“I’m not going down to the beach with you.We had our scene, now it’s done.”
“You are a contrary woman, Laurel. You can walk or I can drag you, but we’re going to the damn beach. If you ask me why, I swear, the dragging begins.”
“I need to get dressed.”
He studied her tank and boxers. “You’re covered. Don’t test me, McBane. I haven’t had any sleep, and I’ve had a long drive. I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re not in the mood. Isn’t that something?” She swung her legs off the bed, planted her feet on the floor. “All right, we’ll do this at the beach since that’s so important to you.”
She slapped his hand away when he reached for hers. “I didn’t have the best night either, and I haven’t had coffee. Don’t you test me.”
She stalked out onto the deck, down the stairs.
“You might as well settle down,” he advised. “There’s no point being pissed.”
“I see points.”
“You usually do. Lucky, I’m more even-tempered.”
“My ass.Who threatened to drag who out of bed in the middle of the night?”
“Nearly sunrise. That’s pretty good timing, actually. I like it. New day dawning and all that.” He kicked off his shoes at the base of the beach steps. “We didn’t get much farther than this last night. Geographically. I think we can do better in other areas. Here’s a start.”
He spun her around, yanked her into a hot and possessive kiss. She shoved against him, met a solid and immovable wall. He let her go when she went stiff.
“Don’t,” she said, quietly now.
“You need to look at me, and listen to me, and Laurel, you need to hear me.” He took her by the shoulders, but gently. “Maybe you’re right, and I don’t see, but goddamn it, you don’t hear. So, I’m looking, and I’m seeing. You listen, and you hear.”
“All right. All right. There’s no point in us being angry over this. It’s just—”
“You can’t hear if you don’t shut up.”
“Tell me to shut up again,” she invited, with a dare in her eyes.
He simply laid his hand over her mouth. “I’m going to fix this. Fixing things is what I do, who I am. If you love me, you’re going to have to accept that.”
He dropped his hand. “I can fight with you. I’ve got no problem with that.”
“Lucky for you.”
“But I hate that I hurt you by being careless on one hand and too careful on the other. It’s a Brown trait, I guess, trying to keep the balance.”
“I’m responsible—”
“For your own feelings, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t know if you were always the one. I got used to looking at you and thinking about you another way. So I just don’t know.”
“I understand that, Del. I do. I—”
“Be quiet, and listen. You changed what was between us. You took the step, and I didn’t see it coming. I can’t be sorry for that when I’m so damn grateful for it. I don’t know if you were always the one,” he said again. “But I know you’re the one now, and I know you’re going to be the one tomorrow, and next month, next year. And you’re going to be the one for the rest of my life.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Need it simpler? It’s you.”
She looked at him, the face she knew so well. And saw. And in that moment, her heart simply flew.
“I’ve loved you all your life, and that was easy. I don’t know, not for certain, how long I’ve been in love with you, but I know it’s not so easy. But it’s right and it’s real, and I don’t want easy. I want you.”
“I think . . .” She laughed a little. “I can’t think.”
“Good. Don’t think. Just listen, listen and stop, for once, trying to project what I think and feel. I thought the logical thing was to take it slow, to give us both time to adjust to what happened between us. To what happened in me.”
He took her hand, pressed it to his heart.
“I thought you needed to catch up, so you were right about that. I didn’t see. I should have. But you didn’t see either. You didn’t see how much I love you, how much I want you, how much I need you. I’ll buy those two dogs if I want pets, and I already have a sister. That’s not how I think of you, and it’s sure as hell not how I want you to think of me. That makes us even. Even ground, Laurel, that’s where we’re standing.”
“You mean it.”
“How long have you known me?”
Her eyes blurred, but she blinked them clear. “A really long time.”
“Then you know I mean it.”
“I love you so much. I told myself I’d get over you, and it was such a lie. I never would.”
“I’m not finished.” He reached in his pocket, watched her eyes go huge when he pulled out the box, opened it. “It was my mother’s.”
“I know. I ... Oh God. Del.”
“I took it out of the vault a couple weeks ago.”
“Weeks ago,” she managed.
“It was after the night at the pond. Everything had already changed direction, but after that night—really after that day when you came to my office, I knew where we were—or where I wanted us to go. I had it resized for you. That was probably a little arrogant, but you’ll have to live with it.”
“Del.” She couldn’t get her breath. “You can’t—Your mother’s ring. Parker.”
“I woke her before I woke you. She’s good with it. She said to tell you don’t be stupid. Our parents loved you.”
“Oh, damn it.”The tears simply flooded her face. “I don’t want to cry. I can’t help it.”
“You’re the only one I’ve ever thought about asking to wear this. The only one I want to wear it. I’ve just driven all the way to Greenwich and back to get it for you. To give it to you because you’re the only one. Marry me, Laurel.”
“I won’t be stupid. Kiss me again first, when I’m not wishing I didn’t love you.”
She felt the sea breeze on her skin, in her hair as their lips met, and the strong, steady beat of his heart against hers. And heard the whistles and cheers.
Turning her head so her cheek rested on his, she saw the group gathered on the deck of the house above. “Parker woke everyone up.
“Well, ours has always been a family affair.” He drew back. “Ready?”
“Yes. I’m absolutely and completely ready.”
The ring he slid on her finger sparkled in the first beams of the sun while the eastern sky blossomed like a rose. A moment, she thought, to savor, then sealed their moment with another kiss.
“This is the right time,” she told him. “This is a good place. Tell me one more time I’m the one.”
“You’re the one.” He cupped her face again. “The only one.”
The one, she thought, on this fresh new day. And the one through all the days after.
Hand in hand, they started back up the steps to share the next moments with family.