Emily

 

“You have to get up,” Wade says while banging on my door. “It’s been two days since you’ve gotten out of bed.”

I don’t care. I’ll stay here until I feel like living again. Besides, when we’re driving and waiting for the next show, what does it matter anyway?

My phone lies on my bed with no missed calls. No returned text messages. Nothing from Cooper.

I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and now, I’d like to stay in my little hole. Now I understand why Presley and Grace were so damn miserable. Broken hearts hurt more than broken bones.

The pain is indescribable. It’s like a living thing inside my heart, turning everything cold and dark. I was smart to avoid this shit.

Another knock. “Emily, I’m letting Ginny in,” Wade says.

Great, this should be epically fun.

“Emily Young, you get your skinny ass out of this bed right the hell now!” Ginny says as she throws the door open.

“Go away.” I pull the covers back over my head.

“Get up!” The blanket is gone, and she’s gripping my ankle, yanking me down the bed. “I did not bust my ass to get Luke to put you on this tour, just to have you throw it all away. You’re going to be a goddamn professional and get your ass on that stage, so help me God.”

Doesn’t she see the pain I’m in? There must be a gaping hole where my heart used to be, because it’s gone.

“I can’t sing. I can’t breathe!” I sit up and tears start to form.

“I can see that you’re a mess, but no one gives a shit. You want a chance in this business?”

Right now, I really don’t give a shit.

Wade leans against the door, watching this go down. “You’re some bodyguard. I’m being physically assaulted and you just stand there?”

“Yeah, Ginny is really doing a number on you by making you get up and shower.” He takes a bite of his apple. “That’s a real threat to your safety. Plus, you’re supposed to be paying my salary so you need to work. I’m doing what’s in my best interest.”

Smug cowboy.

He’s telling the truth, though. Yesterday, he told me he’s adding two additional members to the overall team. They’ll be in charge of personal effects and focus on ensuring no one can access my bus especially. While I was hosting my pity party, Wade installed security cameras in my bus so we know if anyone manages to get past outside security. Then, he’s talking about bringing another member from McKay-Taggart since Luke’s security team is clearly a bunch of idiots. His words, not mine.

This all sounds great, but the fact is, it isn’t me I’m worried about. It’s Cooper.

She cups my chin and pulls it toward her. “I get that the man I told you to stay away from hurt you. I’m sorry that you’re broken, but you sing country music, honey. Go out there and tell it in your music.”

“I can’t go on that stage,” I murmur as I look away.

Standing in the same place where he threatened me and the people I love... I’m not strong enough. I glance up to find Wade watching me suspiciously.

“You’re quitting then?” Ginny asks.

I could never. Music is who I am, but I can’t imagine going out there.

“She’ll be ready in an hour,” Wade answers.

“Excuse me?” I don’t think so, buddy. You don’t get to tell me what I’m doing.

“I said you’ll be ready for your show. You want me to stay on as your bodyguard, then you need to actually leave the damn bus. Otherwise, there’s no reason for me to be here. You have your panic button, a security team, as well as cameras installed to keep you safe. Get up, get ready, and sing your pretty little heart out.”

My jaw drops. “You work for me. I’m in charge.”

He laughs and then takes another bite.

“I like him,” Ginny notes. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

Both of them leave the room, and I flop back on the bed.

My phone dings, and I grab it quickly, hoping it’s Cooper.

 

Grace: What the ever-loving hell have you done?

 

Disappointment strikes me that it isn’t him. He must hate me.

I hate me.

 

Me: Please don’t...

 

Grace: You fell in love with your bodyguard? Really? Cooper is a good guy, Em.

 

Like I don’t know that. He’s a good guy that doesn’t deserve to lose his herd. He’s a good guy who doesn’t need some crazy asshole trying to kill him just to prove his undying love to me. It isn’t what I want. None of this is.

I want Cooper.

I want our love, but sacrificing your own happiness is sometimes what love is.

I’m doing the unselfish thing by letting him go.

 

Me: Don’t forget that you’re married to Trent and not Cooper.

 

It’s a low blow, but she doesn’t have the right to judge me. I’m not actually dating Wade. Hell, I can barely stand his bossiness most days.

 

Grace: I know how my story played out, honey. It’s yours that I’m worried about.

 

Me: Tell me this gets easier. Tell me that I will stop feeling like I’m the worst person in the world.

 

Grace: Oh, Em. I wish it did.

 

I bite my thumbnail, debating whether I should ask her if she’s seen him. I’m assuming she heard about the breakup from Presley.

 

Me: Is he okay?

 

Grace: Not really. He lost you to another man that he hired to protect you. I’m not really sure what you’re thinking.

 

Neither am I.

“Fifty minutes,” Wade yells from the other side of the door.

Ugh. “I never said I was doing it,” I reply.

“You either get your ass in the shower on your own or I’ll strip you down and put you in there myself,” he warns.

He wouldn’t dare. Would he?

Not wanting to take any chances, I get up and lock the door, not that I think that’ll actually keep him out, but hopefully it’s a deterrent.

I shoot a text off to Grace before GI Joe decides it’s time for a shower.

 

Me: I have to get ready for my show. Can I call you later?

 

Grace: Of course. Just think about what you’re doing. I hate to see you give up something we both know you’ve wanted for a long time.

 

“Forty-five minutes,” the pain-in-the-ass-guard’s voice reminds me.

“Who needs alarm clocks when they have Wade Rycroft?”

I hear his chuckle as I turn the shower on.

My reflection actually makes me gasp. I look like shit. There’s no other way to describe it. My hair is knotted, my eyes are completely bloodshot, and I look like I went a few rounds in a boxing ring with Tyson, based on the swelling.

How the hell am I going to look human enough to perform?

As much as I want to enjoy the shower, I don’t have time. I quickly get myself scrubbed up, and thanks to the creep, I now get dressed in here.

I know the bus was swept for videos, but I’m completely sure whoever this guy is, he works on the tour in some capacity. Probably sound crew.

“Ten minutes, Emily.” Wade’s voice isn’t condescending for the first time in his countdown.

I unlock the door and stare at him. “Why are you suddenly being nice?”

“Because you’re listening.”

“You’re a complicated man.”

He smiles. “Not really. I’m pretty simple. Tell me the truth, love your family, and do the right thing.”

I sit at the table adjacent to him and the desire to tell him everything bubbles up. I’ve lied to everyone, and I no longer believe putting Cooper through this pain is the right thing.

My lips part, the words on the tip of my tongue, but they stay there. I don’t tell him anything out of fear.

“And what about love?”

Wade shrugs. “Love is an illusion.”

“Love is beautiful,” I counter.

“Until you lose it.”

There’s nothing to say back to that. He’s right. There’s nothing beautiful about what I’m feeling right now. However, he isn’t seeing the whole picture. “Even if I knew how this would go, I’d do it again and again. Because that beautiful part is worth all the ugly I’m feeling right now.”

I grab my guitar and head to the stairs. Wade doesn’t say anything as he follows, and I hope that one day some girl will show him that the reward is only there if you take a risk.