Chapter Eleven

 

Two months later…

“Thank you for meeting me here, Jeremy. I know it seems like a strange request.”

Jeremy wrapped his arm around Tasha’s shoulders and hugged her close as they walked down the hospital’s hallway. “Sneaking you in to see the old man after visiting hours? Pshaw. I’m getting used to the beatings.”

She held the box full of Shawn Finn’s favorite lemon tarts close and picked up her pace. When Jeremy messaged her about Shawn’s TIA, she’d nearly climbed the walls in her impatience to make sure he was okay.

Only the threat of ruining his son’s life and giving the man a heart attack had stopped her from rushing to his side. She’d decided to sneak him some sweet contraband when no one else was around. She would give him this peace offering, thank him for the years of kindness his family had shown her, and say goodbye.

And it would really be goodbye this time. Her apartment was nearly packed, her moving truck was coming next week and a new life was waiting for her on the other side of the country.

It was only way forward she could see.

“Tasha, I think I’ve been patient. Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Stephen? What was so bad that you’ve cut everyone out of your life? A lot of people are hurting here, babe. Jen and Ellen. And Jesus, don’t get me started on Brady.”

“Brady?”

Jeremy nodded. “My new buddy. I think he’s slowly moving in. He and Owen just sat on my couch playing video games every night for weeks. And now he’s been whispering on the phone with some guy named Ken. Owen says he’s a rope master? But I don’t think they’re having phone sex, more’s the pity. That Marine needs a date. He’s too wired. And then there are those nightmares of his. He says that’s what keeps him awake all night. His insomnia is putting a serious damper on my sex life.”

Brady was spending time with Jeremy and Owen instead of protecting Stephen? “Doesn’t he still work for…the senator?”

She shouldn’t be thinking about what Stephen was doing. It led to thinking about what she’d done to him—cutting him off the way she’d been told to. Without explanation or apology. She didn’t answer any of his phone calls, she’d ignored the loud knocking at her door until her neighbors intervened and threatened to call the police on him. She’d given Burke what he wanted. No sex, no matter how good it was, was worth that kind of headaches she’d given him. Worth that kind of betrayal.

He must have come to the same conclusion, because his attempts to communicate with her had stopped after the first two weeks. Now she didn’t even have that contact, however miniscule and depressing it had been. Jeremy’s reports through instant messages and texts were what she lived for now. He was determined to keep her in the family loop, and even though it hurt, she’d let him. She had to know what was happening.

It was how she found out Jen had stopped going to the club after getting arrested for assault. Jeremy said “some married woman” had been trash-talking Finns after Jen turned down her offer for a threesome. Again. It was something that had started a few months ago, insults that had followed the initial rejection. That was what Jen had wanted Tasha’s advice about. This time the heated words led to hair-pulling which led to Jen’s fist in the woman’s face. Jen had broken the lady’s nose and her cousin James hadn’t been on duty this time to stop the couple from pressing charges.

A fine was paid and community service offered, and the last Jeremy had told her, Jen was looking through college pamphlets and considering getting a master’s degree in social work. She was also taking an indefinite break from the fetish club. And sex.

Tasha hoped she’d find the right balance soon, social work sounded right. Little Finn had a big, beautiful heart.

“Brady’s unemployed.” Jeremy’s words brought Tasha back to the conversation with a jolt. “Stephen fired him as soon as you got back from your sexy holiday, which obviously wasn’t as sexy as planned.”

“He fired his cousin? Why?” But she knew. Brady had kept his promise to her. He’d refused to tell Stephen anything about why she’d left.

“Really bummed Brady out, as you can imagine. I think he blames himself for what happened between you and Stephen, but no matter how much I feed him, he won’t tell me why.” He swore. “He won’t talk to us. Stephen won’t talk to Owen. And you won’t say a word to anyone. According to my sources, you haven’t even been to the club in two months and no one there knows why either, although a few of them have mentioned something about you having a boyfriend. But you don’t do boyfriends so I know that can’t be true. I thought we swore no more secrets, Tasha. Why do I feel like there are more of them now than ever?”

“Because there are,” she replied, as truthfully as she could. “But they’re necessary. You know I wouldn’t keep them if they weren’t.”

Jeremy was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him everything, the way she always did, but she couldn’t. He and Owen may not be married—yet—but only a license and a legal name change kept him from being a Finn. He wouldn’t be able to withhold these secrets from Owen. They were too big. And Owen would call a damn family meeting, because that’s what they always did. If that happened, the Finns would find themselves in the middle of a big, juicy scandal.

And she’d still have lost them, because she’d be the cause.

“Don’t move away.” It wasn’t the first time he’d made the request. “We’ve lived in the same city our whole lives, Tasha. We were going to grow old together and chase after the perfect third in the same nursing home.”

Her laughter was damp with unshed tears. “That’s an old dream for two lost souls. You’ll grow old with Owen now. And I have to go.”

He stopped and turned her toward him. “Why? Why do you have to go? You keep saying that. If you’re in trouble, maybe I can help.”

I have to go because of five pregnancy tests and a trip to the doctor’s office. “You can’t. Not right now.”

“You’re going to tell me. Someday soon you’ll tell me everything and we’ll laugh about this when we move you into the lake house next to ours so we can be old gossips together and tease Owen for trying to eat pizza without his false teeth.”

“You don’t know how good that sounds.”

Jeremy opened the door to the hospital room and Tasha bit her cheek hard when she saw Shawn Finn looking as pale as the sheets beneath him. But he smiled when he saw her. “Is that Tasha? With lemon tarts?”

She took another step and faltered. Seamus was sitting in a large recliner.

Seamus, not Stephen.

Owen was standing beside him and Ellen was sitting at Shawn’s bedside, holding his hand.

Tasha sent a look to Jeremy, who shrugged. “You said after visiting hours. What you failed to remember is that rules and regulations mean nothing if you’re a Finn.”

Ellen waved him off. “We’re not visitors. We’re family.”

Tasha took a steadying breath, determined not to cry. She couldn’t turn around and walk out without a word. She’d just do what she came to do. She held out the box to Ellen. “Lemon tarts. There should be enough for everyone.”

Ellen took the tarts and set them on the table beside the bed. She patted Shawn’s hand, stood and circled the bed to take Tasha in her arms without a word.

Oh God, please don’t let me cry. Tasha let the embrace go on as long as she could, then took a small step back, holding herself very still. “Jeremy says he gets to go home in the morning?”

Ellen studied her closely, worry and exhaustion on her face. “Yes. A mild stroke, the doctors told us. He was confused and lost feeling in his left arm for a few hours, but its almost entirely back now, and he’s sharp as a tack.”

“And hungry,” Shawn added from the bed, making everyone laugh. “Woman? I need a tart.”

“Yes dear,” Ellen smiled, moving back toward her husband, but Tasha knew she had questions.

Owen wandered over to them, kissing Jeremy in tender welcome before frowning down at her. “Did you tell her about my cousin eating all our food? That he said she told him to come over, and now he won’t leave?”

“I did.”

“Is she done pouting?”

Tasha glared. “I’m right here, Owen.”

“Are you?” he countered. “It’s been so long I couldn’t remember what you looked like.”

“Children.” Ellen’s voice was a calm, cheerful warning. “The nurse did mention something about a headcount if we make too much noise.”

Jeremy pushed Owen toward Tasha. “Be nice. Look at her. She doesn’t seem to be any happier than Brady’s been. Or your brother.”

“Hell.” Owen pulled her into his arms in a tight bear hug. “Please forgive them for my sake. I don’t know what they did, and I’ll kick any ass you’d like, but we have not been a fun group of people to be around without you.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. Let’s not talk about it, okay? Not now. I came to see your father.”

She managed to disentangle herself and walked over to the bed, bending down to kiss Shawn’s wrinkled cheek. His wink made her smile wobble. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“We all are,” Ellen told her. “He even scared his brother into sending flowers.” She nodded at the vase filled with roses by the bed. “Or Stephen did.”

“Stephen?” She tried not to flinch when she said his name.

Jeremy reached around her for the small card and handed it to Tasha. “Look at what it says.”

She took it with trembling fingers, not wanting to be rude or upset the man recovering from a stroke by refusing.

Shawn,

The senator has informed me that we’re having a family dinner when you get out of the hospital. I’m hungry, so hurry up.

Sol

Shawn saw her frown and chuckled. “He isn’t as cuddly as I am. For him, that’s practically a sonnet.”

She smiled reluctantly. This was a good thing. The Finns were a family. All of them. They needed to stick together.

“We’ve scheduled it for next week.” Ellen smiled up at her hopefully. “We were hoping you could come. I’m sure things would go that much smoother if you were in charge of dessert.”

Her heart ached. “I can’t. I’m leaving next week. Moving, actually. I’m sorry, I thought Jeremy told you.”

Ellen’s smile faded and resignation lit her eyes. “Away from the city?”

“The state,” Tasha corrected quietly. “It’s a great opportunity, it really is, but I’m going to miss…everyone. I can have Adrian bring over a box of tarts. I’ve made him the bakery supervisor until I get the right offer to sell.”

“Next week?” Seamus spoke from the recliner. He hadn’t moved since she arrived.

“That’s when the truck arrives.”

The room grew uncomfortably quiet. She felt like she was betraying them. Like they were disappointed in her. All she wanted to do was stay, but she didn’t belong here anymore. She never really had. Not the way Jeremy did.

Shawn coughed, setting down his half-eaten lemon tart. “Natasha?”

“Yes, sir?”

“It shouldn’t need to be said, but I want to make it clear that as long as Ellen and I are around, you have a place to be. I imagine Jeremy will say the same. You’re a strong girl with a good head on your shoulders, and I’m sure you have your reasons for wanting to pick up and start fresh. So whatever you’re going through, go through it, and when you’re done we’ll still be here.”

“T-thank you.”

She covered her mouth in time to mute her sob. She couldn’t stay any longer. Couldn’t look into their faces, see those Finn-blue eyes, for another minute. She turned for the door and no one tried to stop her.

When she reached the parking garage, she heard footsteps behind her. She whirled with a gasp, her hand going to her throat where her heart had lodged.

Seamus. Not Stephen. Seamus. “Did I forget something in the room?”

His hands were stuffed in his jean pockets and his shoulders were hunched defensively. He was angry? She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Seamus angry before. “Seamus?”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Break his damn heart.” He looked around as the sentence echoed, moving closer to her and lowering his voice. “Left him without a word. Refused to talk to him. And now, he’s not… He’s different.”

Tasha crossed her arms over her chest protectively. “Did he say his heart was broken?”

“Those first few weeks he talked a lot. Called me in the middle of the night, drunk off his ass.”

“Drunk?” Stephen didn’t get drunk.

“Every night,” Seamus emphasized. “And you were what was on his mind. He talked about what happened in college. He mentioned that a lot. You tried to leave him then too, and the only way he could keep his foot in the door was to offer you the no-strings solution. Just sex.”

Seamus shook his head. “If he’d told me about what had been going on in his head all these years, I’d have set him straight. But Stephen doesn’t talk about his feelings. Or he didn’t. He never even told me about you. Not until we all saw that video.”

“What did he say?”

“He was waiting for you to tell him you wanted more, that you were ready for more.” Seamus frowned at her. “You never did.”

What was he saying? “Did he? Want more?”

“Jesus H, my hand to God, you two deserve each other. Did he want more? You know what kind of man Stephen is, and he sure as hell isn’t the type to have a sixteen year affair with someone just for the hell of it.”

“It wasn’t an affair,” she insisted weakly.

Seamus glared. “In all that time did he ever have another relationship? No. Sex, sure, but no love. He just focused on his job and waited for the next time you got an itch.”

Tasha shook her head. “I don’t think you understood him. Stephen wasn’t waiting for me.” It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. “He knows we wouldn’t have worked together. I’d have hurt his career. I still would. I’m not right for him.”

“He sounded depressed,” Seamus continued, as if she hadn’t spoken. “He’s my twin, and I know him better than anyone. He represses his emotions, buttons another button and soldiers on. He doesn’t get sloppy drunk. He doesn’t rage and break things, and he’s never depressed. But he said this time he’d thought you were finally ready. That you were both in the right place and he knew what you wanted. And then you just walked out. Again.”

“Seamus, you don’t know the whole story.”

“No, I don’t. And he’s stopped calling now. Every time I try to reach him, his assistant insists he’s in an important meeting. He’s always in a meeting. Owen drove to his office this morning to tell him about Dad, and he said the place was swarming with men in dark suits that looked like feds.”

Tasha’s heart raced. She was desperate to know what was going on. Did they finally get what they needed to put Burke away? Maybe she could talk to Brady before she left, to see if he could find out.

“I’m sure it will all be fine.”

He scowled. “Well, good for you because I’m not. But then I’m not sure about anything right now, including that Tanaka.”

Ken? “What are you talking about?”

“This week I got a call from a man named Ken Tanaka. He says he’s working with my cousin Brady. Says they found Mira and he’s sending over a lawyer to get Sean’s adoption pushed through.”

Tasha gasped. “But that’s great news, Seamus. You’ve been spending money you didn’t have for years trying to find her.”

He nodded sharply. “I have, but this guy apparently found her in a few days. When I called Brady to find out what the hell was going on, he just told me to thank you the next time I saw you. That Tanaka is your friend and he did it as a favor for you. What the hell, Tasha? Are you trying to make up for breaking my brother’s heart or is there more going on than anyone is willing to tell me?”

She looked around nervously, hating that she felt the need to. The old Tasha would have kicked Burke’s ass. She wouldn’t have cared if he’d threatened to plaster naked pictures of her on every billboard in the state.

But she had to think about Stephen’s future. She had to think about the baby.

She owed Ken big for Seamus, at least. That was one threat the bastard would no longer be able to hold over them.

“I’m glad about the lawyer. As for Stephen, I can’t talk about it, but I swear I didn’t leave to hurt him. I left because it was the only thing I could do.”

Some of the heat left his expression. “Moving away isn’t the answer. You can’t run from your life, Tasha. It always finds you.”

“Seamus…”

“Where are you going?”

“Seattle.”

“So far? I wish you’d tell me what’s going on.”

She shook her head, looking away from the man who looked so much like her lover. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

“Take care of him? Bring the kids over with crayons and paint and make a mess. Cook in his kitchen. Buy him jeans for Christmas.”

“Damn it, Natasha, jeans aren’t going to fix it. He needs you.”

And she needed him. “Please, Seamus.”

As she drove away, she was thinking about the Finns. They’d be fine without her. They were a close family, all of them survivors. Ellen would get Shawn to take care of himself. Jen would find her way and Owen would keep Jeremy so happy he’d hardly notice she was gone.

A month ago she would have stuck it out, bided her time and waited for the feds to get their evidence, but she couldn’t now. The baby changed everything.

Baby Finn.

She’d never even considered it before. Being a mother. She was wild Natasha Rivera, sexual deviant and decadent baker. She did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to. Now she was going to be someone’s mother. Someone was going to need her to guide them. Teach them.

Someone was going to need her.

When she found out, her first—and second and third—inclination was to tell Stephen. He would want to know. Want to be a part of the child’s life. But she couldn’t. Not with Burke’s threat hanging over her head. Even if it wasn’t, their relationship was too uncertain. Stephen may seem heartbroken to Seamus, but he’d never told her that he wanted to keep going after their “mission.”  That he wasn’t happy with the status quo.

He was waiting for you to tell him you wanted more, that you were ready for more.

She hadn’t been. Not until that party. Not until she’d had to face the truth about her feelings for him.

And now it was too late.

She wasn’t her mother. She wouldn’t hold a man’s heart hostage with a child. She loved him too much to put that kind of pressure on him.

Tasha reached up and touched the emerald heart around her neck. She hadn’t taken it off and, if she had her way, she never would. It would be a memory, an acknowledgment that the baby was conceived in love. Something that could be passed down.

If someone had told her two months ago she’d be in this situation, she would have laughed. Now all she wanted to do was cry.