Chapter 27
Bennett
I’D RESIGNED MYSELF to the fact that, as long as I stayed with Jillian, I’d wake up with her arms around me. Should I mind? Yes, I should. Very much. Did I? Hell, no. But did it make it near impossible to freeze her out while awake? Yes, yes it did. Still, her touch in the darkness was more welcome than she could ever know.
“Ouch!” What the hell was happening to my arm? Was Jillian squeezing me? And why? My eyes flickered open and I turned my head as a blood pressure cuff continued to strangle my arm.
“Oh, hey! There you are! Welcome back, hon.” An older woman, dressed in light blue from head to toe and round all over, whispered, looking up from her task. She finished writing something on a clipboard before unfastening the cuff from my arm, the sound scraping against my eardrums, which had become accustomed to gentle silence. “I know someone who sure will be happy to see those pretty golden eyes of yours.” She nodded to my other side as she exchanged an empty IV bag for a full one while I watched on, wordlessly, trying to figure out where I was, why I was here, and who she was talking about.
I turned to look around, pain shooting through my neck and head. I found Jillian seated in a padded chair, bent at the waist using my arm as a pillow. She was sound asleep, but had a firm grip on my non-IV hand, so I used the other one to stroke her head. I could feel the rhythm of her breaths on my arm and she looked like she’d been crying. She was perfection.
“She rode with you in the ambulance and she’s been right here ever since, refusing to leave your side even for a minute.” My throat constricted and I wondered… “Good thing, too. Those are some mighty hairy dreams you’ve got playing in that head of yours, but luckily she knew how to calm you right down.” I leaned over and placed my lips on the top of her head. Perfection.
The chatty nurse placed the clipboard in a slot at the foot of the bed and came around to place a white blanket across Jillian’s shoulders. She stirred, but didn’t wake. “You’re a lucky man, you know. She sure loves you a lot.”
I cleared my throat to speak, sending more bolts of pain through my head. With that, Jillian raised her head and dropped my hand as soon as she saw I was awake. “Hey.” Her sleepy voice was one of my new favorite sounds, but I’d never let her know it.
“How long have I been out?” Tone steady, face clear of emotion. I’d been trained to make myself unreadable. This should be second nature.
“About twenty-eight hours.” She said, checking her watch. She ran a hand through her hair, smoothing it down but making no difference at all, other than being adorable.
“Why am I here?” I uttered huskily, needing to clear my throat, but unwilling to try again after the pain that shot through my head the first time.
“I couldn’t get your fever to come down. It was out of control and I didn’t… “ She covered her mouth and took a few shaky breaths. “I thought you might… that you might not be okay, so I called an ambulance. You have viral meningitis.”
Meningitis was serious, I could easily have died. I hid my shock and tried to maneuver my body higher in the bed. Jillian handed me a corded control that allowed me to raise the bed to a sitting position. She reached out to touch my face, but I flinched, so she stopped. I was afraid one more touch would be the end of my resolve. “I feel better.” Lie.
“Good.” She swallowed and looked away.
“You don’t have to stay here and mother me.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to witness the effect my cold words would likely have on her.
She breathed in deep, letting it out slowly. “I’m not here because I have to be Bennett. I’m here because I—”
“Stop.” Just like in the kitchen when she wouldn’t leave me alone about spilling the hot water all over me. The word echoed in the silent room and I pinched my eyes closed tight. “Look, I think you’ve got the wrong idea about this. A year ago, maybe I’d be up for some fun and games, but that’s not for me anymore. I’m not that man anymore.”
She sniffed. She was crying, and my will was slipping, like grains of desert sand through my fingers. “You need to leave my room. Now.” I turned my head away from her and closed my eyes again, waiting. Her initial footfalls were slow, hesitant even, but gained momentum the closer she got to the door. Within a few seconds, I was alone again, the way it should be. It was the right thing to do. She deserved so much more than I could give her.