Second Chance: A Military Football Romance by Claire Adams (1)

SECOND CHANCE

By Claire Adams

 

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.

 

Copyright © 2017 Claire Adams

 

 

 

 

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Chapter One

Roman

I grabbed my phone, checking the time before sliding it into my pocket. It was only about twenty minutes past eight; class didn't start till nine and the walk there from my apartment would take me fifteen minutes, tops. I could drive; that would make the trip even shorter. It was early in the morning, too, which meant I wouldn't have a problem finding a parking spot. Why not?

I grabbed my keys, chugging down the last of my protein shake and filling the blender with water. Ronnie had been right about that making it easier to wash after. I had to hit the gym every morning, whether I had early classes or not. I liked it, but even if I didn't, I had to because of football, even though finals meant I hadn't really been playing as much.

Athletes got a bad rep. Yeah, a lot of guys were only in college because they wanted to get into the draft and be able to go pro without working up through the minors. And, I'd be a liar if I said that wasn't me, too. A lot of people didn't realize just how fucking hard that was, though. College ball was the peak for most of the guys playing. We only needed like a 2.0 GPA to stay on the team, so if the football thing didn't pan out, you could hardly do anything else anyway.

I didn't want to have to use my degree, I wanted to play football. But if I did need it, I wanted to have graduated with something higher than a fucking 2.0. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door. Living in a college town, there were tons of affordable apartments close to school, so the drive only took about five minutes.

Ronnie was already in the classroom when I walked in, head down, reading a textbook. Nobody else was in there with her. That was the thing with early morning classes – you could be a little late and people wouldn't get on your ass for it, but she was still early as fuck. She took this stuff seriously. She sat all the way up at the front of the classroom and went for all the tutorials, too, the stuff you would tease kids for doing back in middle and high school. It was paying off, though, because she had kept up her 3.8 GPA since her first semester.

She was wrapping her sophomore year, too, and the only reason we were in this class together was we had both ended up picking Western Civilization II as an elective. She was a Psych major because she was smart. I was a business major because I needed a degree in something and when playing football, the less involved your course load was, the easier it was to keep your GPA high enough to stay on the team.

Her hair was tied up in a bun and she was in a hoodie and jeans. Two tall coffee cups were sitting on the desk next to her textbook. "One of those for me?" I asked, walking up to her. She jumped at my voice, but smiled when she saw me.

"Hi, baby," she said, holding a cup out. I leaned down to kiss her.

"Hey, were you waiting for me?" I asked. I took the cup and drank deeply from it; it had been standing there long enough to not be too hot anymore. It was just your standard coffee, no sugar, but made with almond milk instead of cow milk. Ron would just get us the same order when she bought coffee. I wasn't even sure I could tell the difference, but it was supposed to be better for you. I just took her word for it.

"I was just thinking about calling you."

"When did you get here?" I asked. The sun was out and the light that was filtering into the room was catching the gold in her blonde hair. It was long and curly when she wore it down. She wore makeup most days, but not today; it would cover the light freckles on the tops of her cheeks when she did. Her eyes were the kind of green that made me think of spring, everything coming up fresh and new after months of freezing temperatures.

"Only about ten minutes ago," she said.

"You drove?" I asked.

"Car refused to start this morning. I walked,” she said as she shook her head. She had gotten her car at seventeen; it had been a piece of shit then and still was now. It practically stopped working during winter and when it did work, it would break down on her constantly. She liked it because she had gotten it herself as her first car, but I wished she wouldn't drive it. Acuras was supposed to be safe, but when they were that beat up, the safety measure had to go down some.

"Why didn't you call me? I would have picked you up."

"It's out of your way," she said, shrugging. "It's not that far walking."

"I'll take you home after class," I said. "I need to use the library anyway."

"Are you gonna be there till late like last night?"

"No. This close to finals, it's going to be packed."

"Good thing finals only last a week."

"Is it me or was this one the longest week we've had yet?"

"It's just you," she said smiling. "We're almost at the finish line, so the wait feels longer."

"Just one more week," I said wistfully. I knew she was right. It didn't change anything, though. I was looking forward to the semester ending, but I wasn't really that hyped about summer this year.

"Excited to go home?" she asked, as if she knew what was on my mind.

I would be if that was where I was going. I shrugged non-commitally. Both our families lived in Aberdeen. Early this year, we had talked about going on vacation together, just me and Ron. I wanted to take her to Glacier National Park to spend our days alone together in the woods while I had time before summer training started.

That really wasn't in the cards anymore. I had told Ron it was because I wanted to spend that time at home, instead. It wasn’t that much of a lie, but it wasn’t really the truth. I didn't like lying to her, but I had been doing it a lot this past month.

Just because you had a good reason for doing something shitty didn't stop it from still being a dick move. It was all for nothing in the end, anyway. We weren't going on vacation together, and I wasn't even going to end up going home.

"Wanna head out?" I asked suddenly.

"What? Now?" she asked. I nodded. "Are you asking me to ditch class?" She sounded like she thought I was kidding, but she had a smile pulling the corners of her mouth.

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Where? We have class."

"It's the last one before finals, we've covered the entire outline already. Beckett isn't going to come in here with new material," I said. A few other people had filtered into the classroom, but it was still mostly empty.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

"Go to my place?" I suggested. It didn't really matter what we did when we got there. I mostly just didn't want to be in class anymore. I wanted to spend some time with her. We had the class together, but that was her, me, fifteen other students, and Professor Beckett. School was letting out and in a perfect world it would be her and me in a cabin in the woods, but shit was a little different this year. Because of finals, times like this were the only ones we had when we weren't in class or studying. It was not enough. Nowhere near enough.

She shrugged her shoulders and closed her textbook.

"I'm never doing this with you again," she said with a glint in her eye. She packed up and grabbed her coffee. I took her hand, and we were back out the door before Professor Beckett and the rest of the class showed up.

Instead of my place, we went to hers. Her roommate ended up being home, but it didn't matter. We weren't staying long. I had an idea where we could go.

The park wasn't that big and was edged on one side by some woods. When it was winter and the trees were bare, the little clearing was easy to make out. There were stumps along the tree line that I had watched get covered in moss and lichen in the years that I'd been coming here. I hadn't known how Veronica would react the first time I brought her. It was back when we were still pretty casual, before I had asked her to be my girlfriend.

Her best friend and my sister happened to be the same person, so I had her to thank for letting me know that picnics were one of Ron's favorite things to do. She kept a blanket and basket in her car for that reason. We grabbed those before we left and after buying some sandwiches and pastries at her regular coffee shop, we were walking through the trees to our spot.

We had never been interrupted and since neither of us had ever brought anyone else there, it felt like it was ours. It was about as private as we could get while being outside in a public park. The only thing I sort of wished it had was a stream or something; we weren’t near the river. Water always made places look better. Ron and I had talked about it a lot. She wanted to swim in each one of the five oceans, and I wanted to do it with her.

She gave me half her sandwich since she wasn't that hungry. As we ate, she started asking me about summer classes and football training, but I changed the subject. I wasn't going this year and I didn't want to tell her why...not just yet. She tried to pull her textbook out again, but I took it from her, stashing it in my backpack till it was time to go. I was feeling selfish. I didn't want to share her. 

Doing so reminded me that I had something for her. I told her to close her eyes.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Don't look," I said. The small rectangular box had been in my bag since last weekend when I had bought it.

"What is it?" she repeated, eyes shut like I had asked her. I popped the box open and looked inside. A light pink stone on a gold chain. I had wanted something that would remind her of me, but got something that made me think of her instead. It was pretty and feminine, like her. The lady at the store I had gotten it at said the stone stood for love, and that was enough reason to get it.

"Give me your hand," I instructed. Her fingers closed around the box as she opened her eyes.

"What's this for?" she asked.

Something that reminds you of me whenever you look at it, I thought. That would sound better than having to tell her what it really was: a going away present. I didn't want her to think she was getting it because I wanted to butter her up before I made her upset. I don't know, maybe the more I told myself that, the more it would sound like the truth.

"I just thought you'd like it," I said instead. She opened the box and I watched her face break into a smile when she saw the necklace. "Oh my God, Roman, are we celebrating something?"

"No celebration, I thought it would look good on you. Put it on." She took it out and undid the little clasp at the back. I helped her fasten it around her neck.

"Thank you; it's so pretty," she said, touching the stone.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Now I wish I had something for you," she said. Time – that was what I needed from her. I didn't need a present. Or maybe she could tell me how the fuck to say what I needed to say without completely wrecking what we had together.

"Think of it as an early birthday present," I said lightly. She was going to be twenty-one early next month and honestly, I wasn't going to be there then to give it to her on her real birthday... But right now, when she was happy and we were spending what had to be one of the last times we were going to get to be together like this, it wasn't the right time for that announcement.

"I love it," she said happily. 

"I should have gotten it engraved or something," I said, gently touching the stone.

"And a matching one for yourself."

"I don't think pink's my color," I joked.

"Your initials on the back of this and mine on the back of yours, so you're always thinking of me when you have it on you," she said softly. "At school...work...in battle."

"In battle?" I scoffed. She shrugged slightly.

"You know, if you ever got deployed."

"Not everyone gets sent to a combat zone when they're deployed," I told her.

"But do you think you will?" she asked.

"I don't know. Nobody knows. You just go where they send you."

"That's crazy," she said, shaking her head. I shrugged.

"That's the price of freedom," I said flatly.

"That doesn't change how fucked up it is," she insisted. "I don't know what I'd do if you ended up going over there."

"Going over there is kind of the whole point," I tried to say light-heartedly. She sounded like she was getting upset.

"I know, but I mean, what if something happened to you?" She didn't go into detail, but she didn't have to. I got it. Something happening was anything happening. Losing a leg, or an arm, or my life... The first two were probably a little worse than the last one. I mean, if you die, then you're dead, you don't have to remember what happened to you every day from your wheelchair because you can't walk anymore.

"A lot of guys come back just fine," I said. "Not every vet gets blown up."

"You can't go to a war zone and be just fine. That has to change a person," she said, sighing.

Well, shit. I shut up. I couldn't tell her. What the hell was I about to say? Well, lucky you, Ronnie, guess who got their warning order and has to leave in ten days? I had known for a couple weeks now, and it still wasn't the right time to tell her.

It wasn't like it would blindside her or anything, she knew I was in the army. Right at the end of the semester with finals coming up, I didn't want her to have to worry about this shit, too – because she would worry. And, not a normal kind of worry, either. That was who she was.

She could obsess about things sometimes. She was already worried about something happening to me, and we hadn't even discussed me going anywhere yet. I would have to tell her eventually – there was no way I could just ghost her – but right before finals was the wrong time to do it. She had to concentrate on getting through the semester. We both did. After that, I'd figure it out.

"I knew that when I enlisted," I said soberly.

"Are you scared?"

"No," I said shaking my head. "Right now? I'm more afraid of finals than that."

"There's a chance you'll never have to go over there, though, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, there is."

"I hope you never do," she said, looking down at the blanket.

"Damn, Ronnie. Shooting down my military career before it even begins?"

"I support you. I just hope you never have to put your life in danger."

"I could die walking out of my apartment tomorrow morning."

"That's not the same thing. You do that every day, and you're not getting shot at while you do it."

"Wow, Ronnie. Tell me how you really feel," I said jokingly, leaning back on my elbows.

"No, it's not like that."

"I'm hurt," I said, putting a hand over my chest dramatically.

"I'm just worried. I don't want those assholes to take you away from me." She came closer, lying on her side to look at me.

"I don't want them to do that, either. They can't keep me forever if I do end up going. I have to come back," I said.

"What am I supposed to do when you're gone?"

"Mail me pictures of your tits," I suggested. She giggled and wrinkled her nose.

"So you can pass them around to all your buddies?"

"So I can remember what's waiting for me when I get home," I said. Fuck, I thought, realizing it. She would have to wait for me. I wasn't even sure when the hell I would be back. Less than a year? Three years? Longer than that?

"I'm always happy to see you. You don't have to leave to make me appreciate it when we're together," she said quietly like she was talking to herself. I didn't know how much she had thought about what would happen if I went overseas. She put her hand over the one I had on my chest. Her smooth, slim fingers laced through mine. "I love you," she said.

"Aren't you glad you cut class with me now?" I asked. She giggled and leaned over to kiss me. Her lips pressed against mine softly, innocent…at least at first. I held the back of her neck and ran my tongue along her lips to get her to let me in. I wanted more. She sighed as her lips parted. I deepened the kiss, rolling us over so I was on top of her.

I loved her too, and I was going to show her how much I did.

 

Chapter Two

Veronica

I just had to wear jeans today, didn't I?

I quickly kicked my shoes off to let Roman strip them all the way off down my legs. I shuddered as he ran his big, warm hands up my calves and thighs. He pulled me forward suddenly before burying his face between my legs. I felt his breath against my pussy as he pulled my panties to the side. My eyes shut and head fell back in ecstasy. His tongue parted my lower lips and grazed my clitoris. His stubble rasped against my smoothly shaved mound and inner thighs.

I wanted to lay back and let him work me over, but I wanted to watch him at the same time. His lips and tongue feasting on me drove me wild. I felt myself gush as he sucked my clit. He rewarded me with a satisfied moan at the taste of my essence. His fingers teased my opening, sliding in far enough for my lips to stretch around them, but not enough to fill me.

I whimpered as he had his way with me. My orgasm threatened to break before ebbing every time he withdrew his fingers. Slow, sensual, delicious torture.

"Roman," I moaned. My hand fisted a handful of his thick, dark hair. It had gotten a little longer than usual since his last haircut. His other arm was clamped over my hips, keeping me still.

My breath quickened, feeling his fingers plunge into me, deep. His hand was so much bigger than mine, it just made me hungry for what I knew was coming next. He finger fucked me fast, tonguing my clit relentlessly. I bit back my scream, letting it out in quiet moans and cries.

He went faster, sensing I was close. I bit my lip, feeling a shooting spasm finally send me over the edge. I muffled my cry the best I could, trying to press my legs together against Roman's strong hand that was holding me open to him. I bucked my hips as he licked me, almost to overstimulation. I fell limp, and he stopped, chuckling quietly to himself. Satisfaction ran like electric pulses from my core through my whole body.

He pushed the bottom of my hoodie up, planting a small kiss below my navel. Another under my bra strap. Another one, this one on my chest after unzipping my hoodie to expose my bare skin. Another on my neck, then my jawline. Finally, my lips. His taste was mingled with mine. His softly probing tongue gentle again after the assault on my tender flesh. His jeans were stiff against my bare thighs, but barely concealed the evidence of his own arousal.

"Let me suck your cock," I whispered, briefly breaking our kiss. I wanted to please him. I wanted to pleasure him the way he had me. His dark blue eyes looked almost stormy with desire. The strain of his lust pulled against his features. His brows furrowed, hooding his eyes, and his jaw clenched, flexing the powerful muscles under his stubble-shadowed cheeks.

"I want to fuck you," he said, almost reverently. His voice was hoarse, choked with longing. I wanted him, too. He unsnapped his jeans, and I watched him unsheathe his dick between our bodies. He was so big, his foreskin barely covered the head of his dick when he was soft. He was engorged and shiny with precum already.

Heat merged in my abdomen, and I ached with anticipation. He kissed me fiercely, settling comfortably between my legs. I moaned into it as he pushed slowly and smoothly until every inch of him was buried inside me.

Everything felt still and perfect. It didn't matter that we were outside, that he was fully clothed and I couldn't feel his big, powerful muscles flexing as he fucked me. It mattered that I could feel him, there was nothing between us. Gentle, shallow rocking turned into steady, deep thrusts. Fast, then slow; deep, then teasingly shallow – I was putty in his hands. I surrendered completely to him. He knew how to make me scream, moan, cry. His body caging mine, swollen and erect inside my most private space, felt right. It said in actions, sweat, and movement what we felt for each other in our hearts.

His thrusts turned wild, almost savage, fucking me with everything he had. My walls throbbed and fluttered around him when my second orgasm overcame me. I threw my head back with a shudder. He kissed my neck, teeth stinging my skin as he hurtled towards completion and then came forcefully inside me. The thrusts slowed before he came to a stop.

Our eyes met, and I felt it as clearly as if the words had just left his lips. I love you. I reflexively touched him, my fingers tracing over his soft, full mouth, the uneven bridge of his nose that he had broken once playing football. His high, hard cheekbone and stubbled jaw. He took my hand and kissed it softly. Gently, he eased out of me and rolled onto his back next to me on the blanket.

I sat up, shuffling down the blanket for my panties and jeans. We were back again. In our daze, the clearing in the woods had become secluded and private. It was like I had stopped feeling the wind and sun on my skin when we had been fucking; like they disappeared. I took my hoodie off and threw it over the closed picnic basket before going back to him. He held his arm out to me and embraced me into his hard chest.

"What are you doing this weekend?" I asked him, after a few moments of comfortable silence. He sighed slightly.

"Besides studying? Not much. Why?"

"I'm going to see my parents, and I want you to come with me."

"Cheryl and Rob," he said, "how have they been?"

"Good. I just thought maybe a change of scenery would help just before finals next week. They haven't seen you in a while, either."

"Hm. I don't know, babe," he said.

"Are you busy?"

"I'll see what I have going on," he said. That was weird. He sounded a little tired, distracted, or sort of stressed. Finals were coming up so I got it, but he had never said no to coming home with me before.

My parents were fans of his, and he liked them, too. We had spent a lot of weekends home with them. They had never let us to sleep in the same room at their house, but they were my parents, they weren't stupid. After almost three years of bringing the same guy home to them, they knew better than to think the two of us weren't intimate.

"Maybe during the summer?" I said hopefully. He grunted quietly, which I figured was a yes. I knew how it was with his summer training. I would understand if he wanted to spend as much time as possible at home and not with my folks. His training was starting a couple weeks into June, so he would hardly even have three weeks free before he had to report back.

It wasn't that important. I didn't want to push him. We had already had to cancel vacation plans; he had a lot on his plate as an athlete, I got it. My parents would get it, too. If things were really busy, I'd just bring him round for dinner or something when he had time. It could wait.

 

Chapter Three

Roman

Well, that was fucking easy. I didn't want to think that just in case I ended up actually failing, but I was optimistic…even though it didn't matter. Marketing and Organization was my last final, and maybe the A I was pretty sure I was getting in the test would mean something one day.

I joined the slow-moving stream of students leaving the classroom. Veronica was leaning against the wall watching the crowd, looking for me. I waved, getting her attention. She walked over to me with her hands full, a tall coffee cup in each. She said hi, handing one over to me. I took it gratefully, kissing her.

"How was it?" she asked as we started moving through the hall.

"Good. We're done," I said, brightly as I could. She had stayed on campus to wait for me, but she had already had her last paper in the morning. I was glad that she had because I needed to talk to her. Well, I had been glad about it before – now that we actually had time to talk and I would have to do it, not so much. I couldn't stall because we had to study anymore. The semester was over, and that meant time was up.

"You wanna come over tonight? Celebrate?" she asked.

"I kind of wanted to stay home. I've been pretty wiped out lately."

"Is everything okay?" she asked after a short pause.

"What? Yeah, everything's great."

"You've been different this past week." I took a sip of my coffee. I hated lying to her. I fucking hated lying to her.

"Yeah?" I asked distractedly.

"Like, I don't know...more distant than usual," she said. I could hear how sad she was about it in her voice. If she thought I hadn't been honest with her lately, she would be right.

"It was just the stress; you know, finals and stuff. No big deal," I said flippantly.

"You've had finals before," she pointed out. "It's never gotten to you like this." I wanted to tell her to drop it, just shut up because this wasn't the way that I wanted to tell her. We had been together for years, why the fuck had I ever thought I could try to hide something like this from her and think she wouldn't catch on? I was cracking and she could tell. I couldn't hide it from her anymore. I couldn't keep lying. The jig was up anyway but I fucking owed it to her at this point. It had to stop.

"I know. You're right," I admitted.

"I was just worried," she said. Good going, I thought, that was exactly what you never wanted her to have to do.

"Don't be. Listen. How about you come to my apartment with me?"

"It'll be nice to spend some time together when we aren't worried about class," she agreed. I had done some pretty shitty stuff in my life, but I was already sure this was about to take the cake. We walked to the parking lot together, her doing most of the talking. It was hard to pay attention while I tried to remember where the hell I had left my warning order. She had her car today, so she just followed me.

I let her walk into my apartment ahead of me when we got there, almost a hundred percent sure I had left the order in my room. Maybe it was a better idea to bring it out and let her read it herself. That way we could talk about it and she'd know exactly why I had been so distant, why I didn't want to see her parents and why we weren't going to Montana this summer. Yeah, no. Not going to happen. I knew what I had to do.

She dropped her backpack and sat on the couch, lying out on her back. She was here so often she had clothes in my closet. The only reason we weren't living together was she had a roommate, a nursing student in our year, and they had moved into the apartment together as freshmen. She didn't want to back out of the lease and ditch her.

That and the fact that since I was enlisted in the US Armed Forces, I could get a warning order to deploy basically whenever they felt like they needed me, and I didn't want a situation where that happened and she would be trapped in a lease alone… Basically what would be happening now if we did live together.

"Thank God that's finally over," she said.

It's now or never, I thought. You have to do it and you have to do it now. You bitch out and she has to hear it from Tiffany or your dad, and that would only make it worse. Just fucking do it now and you can leave knowing that you did the right thing by her.

"We need to talk, Ron," I said.

"What is it?" she asked, sitting up on the couch. Her eyes were round, and she looked so innocent and unassuming. It was almost enough for me to back out and tell her it was nothing. That I just wanted to tell her that I loved her, or hell, wanted to tell her the truth even. Just tell her I was leaving in three days and it was driving me crazy thinking I'd be leaving her behind. She was worried about what would happen to me when I was deployed? I was worried too.

But I had made the decision to enlist myself. I had been eighteen when I did it – we hadn't even met yet. I had chosen it knowing I would have to deal with the consequences. She hadn't. She didn't have to deal with not knowing what was happening to me while I was gone, whether I'd ever come back, whether I'd be the same person she knew when I did. I couldn't make her wait, and I couldn't make her worry. That wasn't my call, and she didn't deserve it.

"Look, I didn't want to do this before finals; it wouldn't have been fair," I started.

"Didn't want to do what?"

"This, Veronica," I said. I never called her by her full name, and I could see the effect it had on her. She stopped looking confused and started looking scared.

"What?"

"The two of us. It's not working anymore. I want to break up." I hated how steady my voice sounded lying to her like that. That was what it was, another fucking lie. I loved the shit out of this girl, but I had to make her believe that I didn't. I had to push her away, and I had to do whatever I had to in order to make her see that we couldn't work anymore.

"Break up? What are you talking about, Roman? Why?"

"You wanted to know why I've been distant lately." She looked hurt.

"Did I do something?" she asked. No, I thought. You're perfect, but that's why I have to let you go.

"It's been almost three years. We're different people now, Veronica."

"Where is this coming from?" she asked. "I thought we were on the same page. When did you start feeling like this?"

"That doesn't make a difference. I can't be with you anymore."

"You asked me to come here with you just so you could tell me this?"

"I thought you deserved more than a text," I snapped. She stood suddenly. Good, leave, I thought. Don't drag it out anymore.

"You thought I deserved more than a text? How fucking kind of you, Roman. You still haven't told me anything. This is totally out of left field – where is this coming from?" she stopped herself, looking at me. "Is there someone else?"

"At least I'm telling you before you found out yourself," I said spitefully. Her face drained. She blinked a few times, her eyes filling with tears. Everything in my body was telling me to go to her, hug her and make it stop. I was hurting her, but I had to do it. What she would feel waiting for me to come back from deployment would be much worse. It was for her own good.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "You're lying to me."

"Maybe I should have just sent you a fucking text," I spat.

"Why are you being so cruel?" Her tears flowed down her cheeks.

"It's over, Veronica. I shouldn't have to spell it out for you."

"What did I do?" Her voice was small and empty.

"Nothing. I'm not going to ask you to be my friend because that's just insulting. I just don't want to be with you anymore."

"What is it? Why? Am I holding you back?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Veronica. I didn't fucking want this. I wanted this to be easy, and clean." I swallowed, the words didn’t want to come out of my throat. “I don’t love you anymore.” I practically heard it break, shatter, the last two and a half years together, in love and happy. I had just destroyed it.

"Easy and clean? The person you've loved for years suddenly telling you they're done with you? How the hell could that ever be clean?" She reached down for her backpack and started angrily towards the door.

"I'll send your shit over to your apartment," I said, not turning to look at her.

"No. Don't. That would be asking way too much. Just throw it out, I don't care. You can stop pretending that you do, too. But you know what? Thanks for telling me. Now I don’t have to lie to myself that any of this has been real." I heard the door open and slam closed. I was alone. I let out a ragged breath and felt my body unclench.

It was over. I had done it. Broken up with the girl I had been in love with for two and a half years so it wouldn't hurt her when I had to leave in a few days.

I didn't know what the fuck I had expected to feel when I finally did it. It would have been nice to feel like I had done the right thing but I didn't. I felt like a monster. She had been crying, heartbroken, and it was because of me.

I only lived a floor up. If I went after her now, I'd probably still find her backing out of her parking spot. No. I wasn't going to do that. It was this or make her wait... I had chosen this.

When did this start paying off? Because seeing her face, I didn't know anymore whether it was the right decision. If she wasn't attached to me anymore, I wasn't her problem. Whatever happened to me didn't have to worry her. She would be fine, I knew she would be. I just wasn't that sure about myself anymore.

Several hours later, my phone rang. I knew who was on the other end of the line before I looked. I also knew who I wished that it was instead. I answered; ignoring it wasn't an option.

"Hello?"

"This is Chief Hanson with the National Guard. How are you this evening?"

The last time I had gotten this phone call, I had gotten the warning order for my deployment delivered to my dad's house a few days earlier. That had been about a month ago, apparently a lot longer than most people got before they had to leave.

"Fine," I lied, "how are you?" I threw in even though he wasn't going to tell me.

"You and your battalion have been transferred to active duty. You have three days to report. Do you understand?" he said. I said that I did. He kept talking after that, and I just kept telling him okay. Okay. Okay, I'd be there. Okay, I knew I had paperwork to process.

We were being deployed in support of Operation Freedom's Sentinel for any duration up to eighteen months. I had to report Monday morning, 8a.m. Destination: Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan.

 

Chapter Four

Veronica

I wiped my cheeks angrily. I didn't want to anyone to see me like this. I kept my face down because if I did, I wouldn't see him when he came out of the apartment after me, apologizing and telling me he didn't mean any of the horrible shit he had just said to me. The part of me that wanted him to come after me knew he wasn't, but wanted it anyway.

I was in shock. The words he had said were still processing and it was like my body didn't want to make sense of it. He had said it was over, but how could it be? It was Roman. We were going to celebrate three years together in the fall. He was my boyfriend, my longest, best relationship. I loved him. I thought he loved me, too. He was my best friend after Tiffany. The person I'd shared my soul and body with for years, and now it was over?

Something inside me was rejecting it. No way...just no. There was no way that was it. I got outside and the cool spring air bit my wet cheeks. I knew I looked like I had just been crying and needed to get home. Maybe there this would make some goddamn sense. I got into my car and started driving. Thank God my car was working again. I couldn't imagine having to wait here for a cab or calling someone to pick me up, not when I was like this.

I wished I could drive past my place and just go home. Home was twenty-five minutes away, not that far, but my apartment was walking distance from Roman's place and that was too close. Physical distance between us wouldn't change what had just happened, but it would make it easier to pretend that it hadn't.

I wanted him to disappear. I wanted him gone. If he wanted to move on alone, then I'd help him. I didn't want to see him again. Never. I felt angry now. I was sad before, confused, then hurt, but now I was just mad. What the fuck? That piece of shit, how long had we been together before he decided to show is true colors like this?

And what he had said about there being someone else...

I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't do that to myself. If there was somebody else, I'd just get checked out to make sure he hadn't given me anything. I’d thought I knew the guy, but obviously, I had no idea who he was if I hadn't seen this coming. That meant I couldn't trust that he'd be smart or considerate enough to wrap it up if he had been sleeping with someone else.

It made sense, though, now that I thought about it. He had canceled the vacation plans we had been making because “he wanted to spend his limited off time at home.” He hadn't wanted to see my parents because “he had a lot of other stuff going on.” He had been distant because he was waiting for the right time to fucking dump me.

I unlocked the door of my apartment and let myself inside, calling Deana's name to see if she was home. She wasn't. She was alright as a roommate, but I doubted she would want to be around me when I was feeling like this. I went straight to my room, dropping my backpack on the ground and face-planting into my bed.

What now? I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to lie in my bed and think about him, but how could I not after what had just happened? He had hit the brakes so hard and so suddenly, I was still careening out of control. It just didn't make sense. He was one of the things I thought I could be sure about. I felt secure with him, in love and proud of the friendship and love we had built that was thriving... Or at least had been.

I couldn't take it anymore. I cried. All my anger and frustration escaped, and I broke. I hated him so much for what he had said to me, but it was no match for almost three years of loving him with everything I had. He hadn't been my first, but he had been the first person I had slept with who made me feel good afterward, like it wasn't a mistake or could have been better. He felt part of me, so obvious there couldn't have been a time that we weren't together because the two of us fit so well.

I couldn't do this. I felt like shit, but how the hell could the first thing I did after Roman dumped me be lying in bed crying about it? I felt so weak already, I was just going to make myself feel worse. I got to my feet and took my hoodie off, trying to figure out what to do with myself.

A shower. I always felt better after taking showers. I could start there and once I was out, I would be able to do something other than lie in bed being pathetic. I had pulled my t-shirt up over my head when there was a knock at the door.

I dragged myself to my feet and went to get the door. Tiffany was standing on the other side, phone in hand. She didn't look like someone who had just come out on the other side of finals week. She was a tall girl and had no problem making herself even more imposing with heels. I was guessing that we didn't feel cold the same way because she somehow wasn't freezing outside in tights, a short skirt, and a light sweater. It was spring, but it was still a little windy in the sixties. She was the best and worst person who could have possibly walked through my door.

It wasn't her fault that her dark, almost black hair and blue eyes were traits she shared with my now-ex, but I was a little mad about it, I couldn't lie. They were siblings, she couldn't help that they sort of looked alike.

"I was just about to call you? What took you so long," she said, walking in past me.

"Welcome. Come right in," I said sarcastically, closing the door behind her.

Someone was in a good mood. I hated her a little for it, then reminded myself it wasn't my fault I was feeling so rotten. Getting dumped did that to you, and it hadn't even been half a day since it had happened. I was reserving the right to feel like shit, at least till that edge wore off. That said, she couldn't help that her brother had just dumped me for no apparent good reason, and I had to remember not to lash out at her just because I was feeling hurt.

"For a minute, I thought you were out or something. Is Deana here?" she asked. Suddenly, I felt exhausted. Tiffany had blown in with a wave of energy that I just couldn't mirror. I was spent. I was feeling mopey and upset and being around someone who was obviously in a much better mood was doing nothing for me.

"Just me," I said, watching her sit on the couch, nothing out of the ordinary, but part of me hoped she had plans later. It wasn't that I didn't want to see her, it was that I didn't want to see anybody. I wanted to cocoon myself in this apartment till it stopped hurting. The other part wanted to tell her, tell anyone that Roman Blake was a piece of shit and I hated him and list all the reasons why.

"I've been trying to call you."

"Sorry. I forgot to turn my ringer back on after my test," I said, trying to jolt myself into a better headspace. "I should have asked you to bring something with you, the fridge is bare."

"I grabbed a bite to eat after my paper today. I'm so glad the semester's almost over. Just one more test tonight," she said. One of her classes was at night, a general education course she had taken because she didn't want to end up taking it sophomore year.

"Already done," I quipped.

"Ugh, I'm jealous," she said. "I can't wait to be home again. I'm not looking forward to longer hours at work, but at least I won't have to juggle that with school," she said.

"That sounds great," I said, coming to sit on the couch with her. I had heard maybe half of what she had said and guessed the rest.

"This girl in my statistics class is an international student; she invited her boyfriend to spend summer with her and her family in Italy, can you believe that?" she said.

"At least they're staying together," I said mostly to myself, dazed before I realized that wasn't the sort of response Tiff had been looking for. She sat up straight, her eyes scrutinizing my face.

"Are you alright?" she asked suddenly. I bit my lip and shook my head. "What happened?"

"Ask your brother," I said bitterly.

"Roman? What did he do?"

"What does it mean when a guy tells you out of nowhere after almost three years that it's over?" I asked. Tiffany's jaw fell open.

"He didn't."

"He did. I had the same reaction."

"What? No way. Wait, I don't get it. He just said it was over? How did he do it?" she asked. Tiffany and I had known each other almost as long as Roman and I had. She was a year behind me, but we had met the first time Roman had brought me home to meet his dad, two or three months in, then she had joined our college the next fall.

She had basically been there since the beginning, and I had gotten as close to her as I had to her brother. I was an only child, so she filled the void that I didn't have a real sister to fill. She knew everything that happened between Roman and me.

She was my best friend so she heard everything anyway, but it had been almost three years since we had gotten together. I was close with his dad – their whole family, really. I had spent breaks at their house and gone on vacation with them a couple times. This was definitely news to her.

"I was waiting for him after his exam, just like normal. We were talking, and I mentioned that he had been a little weird lately. We haven't been talking as much this past week. I thought it was just finals, and he'd be back to normal now that the semester is ending. He asked me to come to his apartment, and then he got weird. He started saying he didn't want to be with me anymore and this was the end, just like that, out of nowhere. Totally blindsided me."

"Did he tell you why?"

"He didn't want to. He just kept saying it wasn't working anymore and he didn't want me."

"I can't believe he would say that to you," she said.

"Did he tell you anything? Did he do anything that would make you think this was where his head was?"

"No, nothing. I would have told you something if he did. Ron, I felt like I knew you before we even met. When we talked he would always bring you up, ask me whether it was too soon to introduce you to our dad, tell me he thought we'd get along, and stuff. I think we all knew he was in love with you before he even said it to you." I felt tears brim in my eyes and blinked them away.

"Whatever. Like he said, it's over now."

"Are you just giving up?" she demanded.

"How am I supposed to fight when he said he was done? I'm not that pathetic, Tiff. I can't beg a person to talk to me when they've already told me how they really feel to my face."

"I'm going to talk to him," she said.

"About what?" I scoffed.

"I want to ask him whether he's lost his mind. Something obviously happened. Roman wouldn't do something like that to you."

"He already did, Tiff; it's a little late for that."

"Well, he can't get away with it."

"What difference would it make at this point? He already told me what he wanted. The future he wants doesn't involve me."

"You really don't want to know?"

"Right now, all I want to do is crawl into bed and come back out when school starts again."

"You can't be on your own like this," she said.

"Could you at least give me tonight? I'm still reeling. I just need some time to process everything."

"I'm calling you tomorrow. If you don't pick up, I'm coming over," she said. I cracked a small smile. She was a good friend. She hadn't even tried to take Roman's side in all this.

"Okay," I conceded. She squeezed me in a tight hug and left. I went back to my room after locking the door after her. I stood under the shower till the water ran cold, then stayed longer. I made it back to my bed before I started crying again.

 

Chapter Five

Roman

One Year Later

I never thought I'd get used to the stares at airports. Traveling the first time in all my gear, I had felt self-conscious of all the people looking, kids and adults staring with shameless curiosity. Now, I couldn't give two shits. I never thought I'd ever be glad to be landing at Aberdeen Regional before, but damn did it feel good to be back on American soil.

I had been gone almost exactly a year, but every day there had felt like ten, every week like a month, and every month like it was a year all on its own. Summer was just starting, my first summer back since I had missed it last year. I didn't even mind coming from the desert right back to the heat – I was just glad to be back home.

I saw my dad before he saw me. Tiff was with him, and she waved, pointing me out to him. Far as I could tell they looked exactly the same. Tiff's hair might have been different, shorter like she had had a haircut, but that was it. Dad didn't look any older, which was a good thing. He was still in his fifties, but it wasn't fun watching your parents get older. It was comforting that nothing major had happened to the two of them when I was gone.

Tiffany came up and hugged me first; she was excited. I was, too, but I was better at hiding it than she was.

I was tall, but only about an inch more than my dad. Up close now, I noticed more gray strands in his dark brown hair. I was supposed to look like him, which was something I was proud of. He was a strong, good-looking guy even north of fifty. Both Tiff and I had gotten our mother's blue eyes instead of his hazel, though. He hugged me, which wasn't something he did a lot now that I wasn't a kid anymore. He held my shoulders looking at me.

"You're back," he said.

"Yup. Glad to be back," I said. The look on his face was a blend of relief and happiness. He had never really been a fan of me joining the army; Mom had actually been more supportive than he had. Guess now that I was back in one piece and he could tell people his son was a vet, he was proud.

"Are you alone?" Tiffany asked.

"Yup. Nobody else was flying into Aberdeen."

"How was it?" she asked in awe.

"How do you think?" I shot back, jokingly.

"Was it scary? What did you do?" she asked. I sighed.

"Trained a lot. Got sunburn. Saw a lot of camels. What about you?" I asked lightly.

"That's not all you went there to do," she said, her brows wrinkling.

"Let's get him home before the interrogation, how about that?" my dad interjected. I was glad he did.

That was first on the list of things I wanted to do. The second was take a shower, third was pass the fuck out. I didn't have anything but a duffel with me because we had had to turn in all our issued equipment and weapons at the base.

"Could you at least tell us how your flight went?" she tried.

I laughed. She was just a year younger than I was so we were pretty close. She hadn't really cared about what me being in the army meant, but it looked like that had changed for her since I had been gone. We finally started out of the building to get to the car.

"It was good," I said.

"I have a hard time believing that," she challenged.

"Any word on how long you get to stay?" Dad asked.

"They don't really give us a schedule," I replied.

"So they can just come get you whenever they want?" Tiffany asked. Well...yeah. It was a job. The Armed Forces was my employer. I had signed a contract and everything.

"Pretty much," I said, resigned. That was exactly how it was. Going back was the last thing on my mind since I had just gotten home, but being realistic, another deployment was probably in the cards for me. I had lucked out with this one; shortish and not too many actual months spent in the combat zone. Fuck if I was going to let that ruin this for me. It was the furthest I had been from home and for the longest time. I was going to enjoy being here, especially since I wasn't sure how long I was going to get.

We talked throughout the trip back home, but my eyes stayed trained outside. Aberdeen wasn’t that big a town, but it was a big difference from the desert villages surrounding the airfield that had been my view for the past year.

I knew it was all in my mind, but I was expecting the house to look different. I hadn't lived there really since I had started college, but it had just felt like such a long time. I was waiting to see something that I totally didn't recognize. I felt so different coming back, so it just made sense in my mind that this place would have changed, too.

It hadn't. Our family home was right where it had always been. Two stories, two car garage, back and front yard, yellow exterior that Dad repainted every spring, gutters that it used to be my job to clean out when I was a kid. It was all the same.

"Here we are," Dad said as Tiffany pulled the car into the driveway. Home sweet home. For now. When I thought about home, this wasn't really it. I hadn't lived here for a while but I hadn't held onto my last place since being deployed. I was stuck here till I got a new place of my own. I opened my door and grabbed my luggage, following my father and Tiffany into the house.

Just like it was outside, the inside of the house was the same as it had always been. It was trippy, like I had never even left in the first place. It was sort of reassuring, too. It felt good knowing that some shit did stay the same, even when you didn't.

"You go on upstairs, Tiff's gonna get dinner started," Dad told me.

"I can help her."

"You get guest of honor privileges for one night. This will never happen again," Tiffany said to me, grinning.

"Your room's just how you left it. Go up there and settle in. I'll come get you when the grub's up," he said. I thanked him and started up the stairs. "Your mother would have been so proud of you coming home today. I wish she could see the man you grew into," he added.

I stopped and looked down at him. Five years ago was when she had died. She had been a big part of the reason that I had even gone through with it in the end.

"Thanks, I miss her, too," I said. I didn’t really want to talk about her. I knew he wasn’t really over the fact that she was gone. He smiled up at me and let me go.

Everything was where I had put it a year ago. The walls were whitewashed, and in some places, you could still see the little spots where the tape I had used to hang posters up back in the day had damaged the paint. I had a regular double bed, which wasn't that big, but bigger than the regulation beds we had used at camp. Most things after camp felt like a fucking luxury. I was glad to be back.

The first thing I did was take a shower so I could change out of my uniform. When there was a bunch of us and we were all in uniform, we all blended in, became one unit. Out in the civilian world, a guy in uniform stood out.

Before deploying, Dad had let me keep my clothes here at the house, along with stuff like my television and some gaming consoles, since he had space. The rest of the furniture I had used at my old apartment had all gone into storage.

It didn't feel like I had been gone long enough for this to feel new to me. It had just been a year. Some of the guys I had met were deployed on their second or third tours. All the stuff that seemed so normal, like having a closet and more clothes and belongings than you could carry on you at any one time felt new after not being able to have them while I was gone. It humbled the shit out of you. You couldn't feel like you weren't exactly the same as the other soldiers when you were in combat. It was a little like football in that way – but with much higher stakes and a million times more stressful.

I didn't know what was for dinner, but the smell coming from the kitchen when I came back downstairs was fantastic. The last thing I had eaten had been on the plane. When Mom had been around, she would do the cooking. Since she was gone, Dad had had to learn how to feed himself. Lucky for him, Tiff still lived at home and knew her way around a kitchen. The two of them were setting the table when I came back downstairs.

She had made individual chicken pot pies with a load of sides. I ate some of everything, and it was delicious. I took their questions as they came. Apparently, they had been paying close attention to the news just in case anything happened. They had been scared to death after the couple of bombing incidents that had made the news here, but that had never really been an everyday thing. I had to ease their anxiety about it.

Dad didn't stay long after dinner. He told us goodnight and headed upstairs. He never stayed up that late, even though it was a weekend. The food disappeared, replaced with coffee. I didn't want any since it was probably going to be a struggle getting back on US time. Tiff made herself a cup of dark coffee that she stirred about four sugars into.

It had always been easy talking to her. As adults, as fucked up as it sounds, losing Mom had made us closer. When it had happened, Tiff was the one person other than me who had really had that bond with her. She was the only person who really understood when they said that they understood.

"So how'd you keep yourself busy this past year?" I asked her.

"School, work, rinse, repeat."

"Two more years and you're out," I said.

"I don't know. I've been thinking about grad school a little lately," she said shrugging.

"Yeah? Why? Trying to stall on joining the real world?"

"Beth was in school till she was like, thirty, and look at her now," she quipped. Bethany was one of our cousins on our mom's side. She had two PhDs and our aunt had let her live at home till she had graduated. Fast forward a couple years and she was one of the youngest tenured professors at the University of Vermont.

"How is she?"

"Fine. We didn't all just sit around and wait a year for you to get back, Rome," Tiffany teased.

"You know what I mean," I said back. A year was a long time, but also, it really wasn't. It was the difference between a minor child and an adult and enough time for the planet to make a trip round the sun, but more things were the same than were different. Dad was still working, she was still at school, and family we had nearby were fine. It was like I hadn't left.

"What about your friends?" I asked her casually.

"My friends? You didn't really know many," she quipped. What I didn't want to say was tell me how Veronica's doing. From what I could tell from her letters and talking to her while I had been gone, they hadn't stopped being best friends in the past year.

"What about that girl Grace?" I asked, grasping for any name I could remember.

"Gracie? She took a leave of absence. She got pregnant." I tried to think of another one of her friend's names. Veronica was always the closest friend that she had had, so I was coming up blank.

"Are you dating anyone?"

"Not really. I don't have a boyfriend if that's what you're asking," she said.

Fuck, she was going to make me do it. I didn't want to come right out and ask her about Veronica, but I had to know how she had been. I had never felt lonely while I was gone. I had gotten letters from my family all the time and even got to talk to them. It still wasn't enough, though. It had been a whole year since I had said a single word to Veronica, and I was just getting how fucking long that was.

Anything could have happened. A year was long enough to meet someone new and start a relationship. It was long enough to get pregnant and have a baby. It was long enough to forget about her, but I hadn't. I hoped secretly that she hadn't, either. If she had, then that would have been my fault – but it wouldn't change the fact that I still cared about her.

"What about Ron?"

"Veronica?" she asked, putting her cup down.

"Yeah. What's she up to these days?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"I thought you'd never ask," she said grinning. "Last I saw her, she was great."

"Yeah?"

"She has a year before she graduates, her own place without a roommate… She's great," she said. Good. That was good but I could have guessed that myself. I could have heard that from anyone, my dad probably could have told me that. I wanted more.

"Is she seeing anyone?" I asked.

"You sure you want the answer to that question?" she asked.

Fuck, I should have seen that one coming. Ron was incredible, there was no way she would still be single. She was the kind of girl a lawyer fifteen years her senior would try to marry. She was the kind of girl a freshman would be begging to give him a chance; any guy would be begging for a shot with her. She was perfect. Smart, funny, ambitious, driven, and she was mine. Up until a year ago, she had been mine. Now some other guy got to say that.

"Who is he? Do I know him?"

"You don't. His name is Sean. I think he's a philosophy major or something. They met at school."

"How long have they been together?"

"Why do you have so many questions about your ex?" she challenged.

"She's your friend. I just figure I'm going to see her again. We were together for a long time."

"Yeah, and then you dumped her."

"You think I don't remember that? I'm not proud."

"It took you a year to realize that?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You have had an entire year to think about this and you still think it was the right thing to do?"

"I can't change what I did. I made that choice, and I had to stick to it."

"And continuing to lie to her? What about that choice? Why would you let her keep thinking you thought she was a burden to you?"

"That's not what I said to her."

"You haven't said anything different. All she knows is you loved her one day, and you were telling her it was over the next. You're my brother, so it isn't my place to say anything to her, but that was fucked up, Roman. And, it's wrong to pretend you really cared what those words you said did to her after all this time."

"I do care, Tiff. You think I liked dumping her? You think it got me off seeing her crying and breaking her heart? I felt like an asshole. It took everything inside of me not to go after her. I hurt her, but it fucked me up, too."

"And now you're back. What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I just want to know how she is, Tiffany. Don't tell me if you don't want to. I cared about her for a long time, and that didn't change after we broke up." She looked at me coolly from the other side of the table like she was debating whether or not to tell me about Veronica.

"She's had time to get closure. Don't do anything stupid and rip that scab off," she warned.

"Is she happy with that new guy?"

"I don't know what she sees in him, but there must be something. She seems to like him."

"That's not what I asked," I said.

"She's doing great at school, dating a new guy, and on her way to graduating with honors. Yes. She's pretty happy, Roman."

Fine. That was all I needed to know. That was good, I wanted her to be happy. After the way, we had left things and the last things we had said to each other, her being happy was all I could ask for. I just had to make sure. I had been that guy who got to make her happy so long, I just wanted to make sure that was still happening. Like I didn't fuck her up by accident after breaking it off with her. It sucked that she was dating but that wasn't my business anymore. At least she was happy...right?

 

Chapter Six

Veronica

I took a sip of my coffee. It was almost cold. After one of the servers had come to my table twice trying to take my order already, I had just given in and gotten a chai latte. I had tried to tell them that I was waiting for someone, but since I had been sitting here for thirty minutes with no partner in sight, I didn't believe myself, either.

Being late wasn't some kind of unforgivable crime. All Sean had to do was call me or text me that he was running late, just let me know in advance. Either that or he had to have a bulletproof reason why he was late once he got here.

What made it even worse was he was the one who had asked me on this date, the least he could do is show up. Sitting alone in a coffee shop was fine, I just didn't appreciate being stood up. I had rescheduled plans to accommodate this guy, and he didn't even have it in him to show up on time to a date he had asked me out on.

This was sort of just what I got though, wasn't it? It was just the same shit different day. He was always like this. Sean could be a nice guy sometimes, but then he would do shit like this and I had to wonder whether I could just stay home the next time he asked me out and see whether it even made a difference.

My phone lit up on the table next to my hand, just like he had heard me mentally talking shit about him. I picked up.

"Sean?"

"Veronica? Hey, where are you right now?"

"Where am I? I've been waiting for you for almost forty minutes, where the hell are you?"

"Listen, I'm not gonna make it for our date." I rolled my eyes. I wished I could be surprised by his behavior, but at this point, his flakiness was just expected. Just because I expected it, though, didn't make it any less infuriating.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why won't you make it? You can't set plans with people and wait till the last minute to break them."

"Something came up, okay? Shit, what's the matter with you?"

"Don't call me making plans unless you know you can make it."

"What are you? On your period or something?" he asked.

I sighed and hung up on him. He was the one who had flaked on me and he was wondering why that would make me upset? What a loser. I drained my coffee and paid for it. I texted Tiffany when I got to my car. I had asked her to come to my place after I got back from the date with Sean, but there had been a change of plans.

Sean tried to call me back, and I ignored it. He had gotten way too much of my time today – I didn't want to hear it. In the beginning, he had tried to throw an excuse in here and there about why he couldn't make it when he flaked on dates, but it was like he had given up pretending to cover his ass. I could understand being busy, but the man was not busy unless he was getting paid for playing Mass Effect in his apartment all day. He didn't have a job that I knew of. I knew from the number of times he was absent in class that that wasn't what was eating all his time up, either.

I was less heated by the time I got to my apartment. Tiff had been on campus, so I knew she would probably be there when I got there. We walked into my building minutes after one another and took the elevator together.

"Sorry if this was sudden," I apologized as I unlocked the door.

"I know you're only early because Sean canceled," she said playfully.

"How did you guess?"

"Because I'm pretty sure you've never made plans with him that he actually followed through with," she said. The sad truth. I couldn't even fight her on it because of what had just happened.

"I would have hung out with you anyway," I said defensively. She plopped down onto the couch, and I followed suit. I only had one because the apartment was small, and I didn't need another anyway. It was a one bedroom near campus and I knew that once I didn't have to be near school anymore, I was moving away. Saving money on furniture meant I had more socked away to do everything I hadn't been able to while living here.

"I know that the real question is why you hang out with him."

I shrugged, thinking about it a little. He was a nice... Okay, not nice, but he was an okay guy. He wasn't bad to look at, having brown eyes, sandy hair, and a face that blended hard and soft just right so the result was masculine, but still almost pretty. He was tall, which was always a plus, and lean despite never taking a lot of time to work out... Was that it though? Was that all I could come up with in his defense?

"I like him," I said hollowly.

"You have to be the only other person besides his mother who can make that claim," she quipped. I laughed.

"He isn't that bad once you get to know him," I said.

"Yeah, he's probably worse. Why the hell are you with this guy?"

"I told you, I like him."

"No, I mean really. He always cancels on you, nobody who knows you likes that you're with him, and he's a waste of your time. What is it? Do you really see boyfriend material when you look at him?"

"I just think he can change if he has the right...encouragement," I said.

"Are you two even exclusive?"

"No, but that's not the point. I don't want to just give up on him. I really feel like he has it in him to be a better guy."

"Honey, he doesn't have anything in him. You're projecting. He won't change, he doesn't care about you half as much as you do about him, and you let him get away with murder. Dump him," she said bluntly.

"The sex is good," I offered weakly.

"I don't believe that. It can't be good enough for you to entertain everything else. You're invested."

"Are you saying all this because you have a replacement for me?" I asked.

"Almost any guy would be a good enough replacement for that asshole." I laughed a little. I could hear what she was saying. If I found it funny when she roasted him, instead of wanted to defend him, yeah, I was thinking the same thing she was.

"Point one out to me. I swear, finding a good guy is fucking impossible."

"They're either taken or gay," Tiffany agreed solemnly.

"Oh, shut up. You have a date every single weekend," I sniped playfully.

"Yeah, but how many guys stick around longer than that?" she challenged.

"Whatever. Don't tie yourself down. You're still young," I said loftily.

"You're older than me by nine months, grandma," she joked.

"Yeah, but I already know what a great relationship feels like. It's hard not to look for that in other guys," I said.

"You and Rome?" she asked.

I nodded. I heard one time that you need half the duration of a relationship to get over it. According to that theory, I wasn't over Roman yet. I needed another six or seven months before I was. I wasn't sure about all that. I felt over it. I hadn't seen him since he had dumped me, and he had made himself pretty clear about what he had wanted then so I hadn't spent a lot of time hanging on to something that wasn't there. I don’t love you anymore; that was what he had said. It had hurt at the time, but what was clearer than that?

"It's a little hard not to compare when I'm with someone new. We were both young and almost three years felt like such a long time."

"Looking for Roman in every guy you meet is a recipe for disaster," she said.

"I know that. I just can't treat it like it didn't happen, like it didn't change all the standards I thought I had for guys before meeting him."

"If it's like that, then why are you still with Sean? Fixer-uppers aren't cute, they're work. They just hold you back while making you put up with their bullshit. The fact that you believe they can change just means they really don't have to. You'll be there for them either way."

"Is this an intervention?"

"Yes," she said confidently, sitting up straighter. "I think you should see other people."

"No," I said quickly.

"Come on, you said he was dating other girls. If you two haven't agreed on being exclusive, then what's the problem?"

"I don't want to juggle a bunch of guys. I'm not built like that."

"Don't give Sean boyfriend privileges when he isn't your boyfriend. Just go out on a date with someone."

"Hello? Didn't we just say that all the good guys are either taken or gay?"

"I know a guy from work who I think you might like."

"What are you gonna do? Set us up? Blind date style?"

"One date, Vee. Just one date," she insisted.

"If he's such a good guy, why don't you go out with him?"

"We work together. I don't shit where I eat," she said smirking. "So?"

"I appreciate the help, but it's still a pass," I said.

"Tell me, what is Sean doing right now?" she asked.

"I don't know. I didn't ask him."

"Does he know what you're doing?"

"No. Where are you going with this?"

"Did he even reschedule? Act interested in making it up to you some other time?"

"I ignored his phone calls," I admitted.

"Then that means you feel it, too. Just let me set you up. Most guys who are worth anything won't leave you hanging after making you wait for them."

I sighed. Things with Sean were... They weren't good, but they weren't really that bad, either. Tiffany was right. If I could let his phone calls go unanswered, that meant I wasn't as into him as I was trying to convince her or myself that I was.

"Who is this guy from your work?" I asked.

"Don't worry, you'll love him," she said.

"Can you at least tell me what he looks like?"

"Trust me, Vee. I think I know you well enough to know what you're into."

"Just don't set me up with a married guy," I said, giving in. What was the worst that could happen? I thought. I wasn't cheating on Sean by seeing other people and even if this guy Tiffany knew was a piece of trash, I didn't have to see him for more than the one date I had agreed to go on. If he wasn't, hey, at least I'd get to feel what it was like to make plans with a guy for a date and have him actually show up the way he said he would. A couple hours passed before Tiffany had to leave.

It was barely nightfall, but I didn't have plans to go out again. I went to my room to take my make-up off. I'd probably whip something up for dinner, lose a few hours to HGTV, then call it a night. My purse hadn't made it all the way back to my room after the botched date with Sean. I sat it on my nightstand, opening it up to see whether I had any loose receipts, then I saw it.

The pink was muted but still beautiful and clear. It was rose quartz; I found that out after showing it to Tiffany for the first time. That was also when I found out she hadn't helped him pick it out. The chain was still shiny and new, probably because I didn't wear it that much anymore. Or at all – I didn't wear it at all anymore. The gold chain and pink stone caught the light and shone up at me from the open space of the nightstand drawer that I had forgotten to close.

It had almost been a casualty when I was clearing all Roman's stuff out practically a year ago. I had a lot of his clothes, he had a toothbrush here, and there was this mug that he always used when he would come over. I wanted to burn all of it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I had ended up donating the clothes, throwing out the toothbrush, giving away the mug, and burying the necklace in a forgotten drawer.

I recovered it when I was moving into this place and again, didn't have the heart to throw it out. I had gotten over the relationship, but it hadn't been long enough for me to stop seeing it as a piece of jewelry Roman had given me because we had been in love.

The way it had ended made it easy for me to be bitter. Hearing him tell me I didn't have a place in his life anymore was sometimes enough to poison every kind, loving thing he had said to me since we had started going out.

The necklace was objectively beautiful, with or without its backstory. I could think of it independently of him. One day, I'd even be able to wear it again. I closed the drawer and went back into the kitchen to make something for dinner.

 

Chapter Seven

Roman

I wasn't sure what time it was, but if I had to guess, maybe some time after five but before six. My body just didn't know how to sleep in anymore.

It had started after basic training, those five a.m. mornings had stayed with me and even when I was up late the night before, I could never really manage to sleep in longer than seven or eight in the morning, still fairly early by civilian standards. That should have been a good thing, but I didn't want to be up at five in the morning. For once I didn't have to be.

I had expected the jetlag to last longer, but I hadn't really been feeling it too bad. I faded in and out for a while, figuring I might as well make the most of it. I wasn't going to spend the whole summer doing this; I had to go back to school at some point. I wasn't technically a dropout until I decided for sure that I wasn't going to go back to get my degree.

To be honest, I wasn't feeling that stressed about it. Football had been the thing I had come to college to do. Since I was a year older and hadn't practiced in so long, I was more worried about making up for lost time than my half-finished business degree.

When I opened my eyes again after drifting off for a second, I had to take a couple seconds to notice that the thing I was looking at was a person, standing by the bed. Tiffany slowly came into focus, looking down at me with her hands on her hips.

"Get out of my room," I said to her.

"This hasn't been your room for five years. You get out."

"Shut up, I just got back home," I said, laying on my back so I could look up at her.

"What kind of twenty-two-year-old man still lives with his dad?" she teased.

"You still live here," I said.

"I'm a girl, it's different."

"How?"

"I'm younger than you."

"So what? You need to get out there and experience the real world," I said, teasing her back.

She still lived at home, but she was right, it was a little different. She wasn't freeloading. She worked part time when she was going to class and full time when she wasn't. She ran errands and went shopping, things that like to help since she wasn't paying rent to her own landlord. It probably helped that she was a girl and was the youngest. Dad wouldn't kick her out. I was glad she still lived at home and was actually a little worried about what would happen when she graduated. If she wanted to move out, he'd live alone.

Mom had been gone for a long time, but if I wasn't here and Tiff wasn't, either, he'd be completely on his own. I didn't really like thinking of him that way. It was good knowing that he wasn't alone in this house.

"Dad likes me. He just wants you to leave," she said.

"But I just got back," I complained jokingly.

"It's been two days. Plenty of time. Get up, we have places to go."

"Where?"

"You need to move out, my friend. You're too old to still come home to your pops every night,"

"You’re gonna put me up somewhere?" I asked her.

"We're finding you a house," she announced. I laughed a little. Same old Tiff.

Our mom dying hit us both in different ways. I became protective of her, but then she became the person who tried to make sure everything was going smoothly. It had kicked whatever latent house-manager skills she had inside her into high gear. If losing Mom had made me cautious about who she hung out with, it had made her feel like making sure everyone was happy was her job.

"How are you going to do that?"

"I'm not doing anything, we're doing it together. And the first thing you need to do is get your ass downstairs. Hurry up, you're driving," she said, leaving with a smirk.

She definitely wasn't wrong about me needing to leave. I was used to having my own space, and I didn't need to be staying here. Dad was just nice enough to let me. I had had a couple down days, but it wasn't going to last, being in my own place, probably somewhere closer to campus since I'd be going back soon was a good idea.

Also, I was way too old to not be able to bring girls home because I lived in my dad's place – I wasn't going to argue with her there. I was dressed in ten minutes, and we were out the door in twenty.

I drove while she read out the addresses and features of the properties we were going to visit. The first place was an open house. It was big, so I knew already that I didn't want it. Tiff still insisted that we at least look at it. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a backyard. The real estate agent mentioned family and the school district enough times for me to let him know we weren't a couple. People made that mistake sometimes. After that, he flirted shamelessly with Tiff until we left.

The next one was being rented out by the owners, an older couple who lived one house down. It was better; still too big, but in my budget. Too bad it was almost all the way out in Richmond Heights. Trying to get to school from there just wouldn't be worth it. It was lunch by the time we had finished seeing and rejecting house number three for much the same reason. We stopped at a cafe before heading to the last one.

Even though the whole morning had been unsuccessful, it had been nice having someone to do this with. Tiff talked about school, her job managing a restaurant when she wasn't in class, asked me what I was doing next now that I was back. I noticed she never brought Veronica up, and I left it alone this time.

"This one better be good," I threatened Tiff as we finally pulled up to the last house. It was another one that the owners were renting out. It was a single story with no garage. It had a small back and front yard and just two bedrooms. This owner was a woman not that much older than us, renting it since she had gotten married and was moving out of state with her husband.

"It's smaller than the others, but the owner was really nice when I talked to her. I thought it was worth a shot," Tiff said. I was living alone so really one bedroom was all I needed; the other would just stay empty. The owner, Gloria, led us through the space. The kitchen was small but big enough, central cooling and heat, two bathrooms, one attached to the master bedroom, and it was a fifteen-minute drive to school.

"I think this is the one," I whispered to Tiff as the tour came to an end. Gloria was apologetically telling us about some fire damage that the house had gotten twenty years ago. I didn't care. I was sold.

"Are you sure? I can come up with some more places to see tomorrow."

"We'll take it," I said loudly, cutting Gloria off.

"You will?" she asked, relieved that I was taking the place off her hands.

"How soon can we put it on paper?" I asked. Tiffany tried to interrupt, but I didn't let her. This was the place. Chances were it was going to be temporary, but I still liked it. It had character. Gloria said I could sign for it immediately if I was ready. Half an hour later, Tiff and I were back in her car on the way to my dad's house. I had to pack; I was going to start moving out the next day.

"I still think you should have held out," she said from the passenger seat.

"You didn't like it? Good. That means I don't have to deal with you coming over to hang out," I joked.

"As long as you like it, I guess," she said. "The kitchen was small, but it had a nice stove. The little patio out the back was cute, too, you know; for dates and stuff," she said.

"Dates? I haven't been on one of those for years."

"I think you should get back out there."

"I just got back, Tiff."

"But you were deployed. Wasn't it just a sausage-party for a whole year over there?"

"There are female service members, Tiffany," I said, shaking my head.

"They don't count. You can't get hot and heavy in the middle of a war zone," she said.

"Please stop," I said, not really wanting to discuss my sex life with my little sister. I didn't want to tell her she was right, I hadn't been with anyone since Veronica, but I also didn't really want to tell her what a lot of other people got up to when we were deployed. When you put men and women together in one place for a long time, the inevitable happened. Sometimes with other service members, sometimes with locals, mostly consensual, but sometimes not. That was what nobody liked to bring up when they talked about deployed service members overseas.

"I'm just saying, you should go on a date. Start meeting people again."

"Tiffany, first you play real estate agent and then you play matchmaker? What gives? Why are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I'm not. I just thought you would maybe like to get into a normal routine. Meeting people, having normal relationships, and becoming a civilian again. I don't know what you saw over there or what they made you do. It's just... I've heard what happens to a lot of veterans when they come back home."

"Tiff, you have nothing to worry about, really," I insisted.

"It's still going to make me feel better if I know you're doing normal stuff and can still talk to people."

"What do you think happened over there?"

"Come on, Roman," she said sulkily. She was serious. I could tell she meant what she said when she said she was worried about me. I didn't want to tell her not to be because that wouldn't convince her.

"I'm fine. I swear. Just to show you. I'll go on this date with your work friend."

"She's great, you're gonna love her."

"Whoa, I said I would go on a date with her. No one said anything about love."

"Whatever, you know what I mean. She's a nice girl. I know you'll hit it off."

I admired her confidence, but the jury was out on that one. I didn't know who this person was that she was introducing me to, and besides, all I had agreed to have was a date. Just one. I had just gotten back and just gotten a house. I was still getting my feet back under me; I wasn't trying to date, get a girlfriend and shit. I needed to set myself up before I could start dating again.

That said though, dinner with a pretty girl... I wasn't going to say no to that. Yeah, deployment wasn't a sausage party, but the guys outnumbered the girls and since we weren't there to eat dinner, chat, and have a good time, spending time with a girl on a date would be nice. Maybe I had been out of the game too long.

 

Chapter Eight

Veronica

Summer used to be my favorite time of the year. Most people felt the same way, but I loved the free time. I always worked over summer, but I liked that I wasn't thinking about school all the time. My mind could wander, and I could think about the future, daydream, and fantasize. The looser days were a relief after the busy semesters; I always looked forward to the vacation.

That was until last summer, of course. Summer last year came right on the heels of Roman dumping me and the good weather hadn't been enough to drag me out of the post-break up oblivion I disappeared into for a month and a half. The more I thought about it, the worse it seemed to dump someone right before summer, go off and have a great time, while they cried alone in bed for weeks.

I had gone back home that summer, not that it ended up making that much of a difference to what I did all day. I would just fall apart and spontaneously burst into tears – it was pathetic. Roman not talking to me at all made it better and worse at the same time. It had been way too sudden. We weren't just a couple, we were friends, and the fact that he wasn't there anymore just to talk to or share time with had been agonizing.

This summer was going to be different. As hard as I felt that I wouldn't even make it out alive, I was fine. That was all in the past. Ancient history. I didn't have to think about that because it wasn't going to happen again. I was single, well, single-ish, my GPA was still perfect, and I only had one more year of college left before I graduated with my degree.

I couldn't wait. Literally, I couldn't wait to stop being a student. I liked it and I was good at it, but the structured days and semesters of student life were getting to me. It was starting to feel restrictive, and all I wanted was a chance to finally get out there. I had worked throughout college, partly paying for my tuition and partly putting money away to travel. I had a whole laundry list of places I wanted to see before I decided to settle down and start a family.

It was a little after nine when I got out of bed. I thought about French toast for breakfast, but that sounded like a lot of work. I wanted something fast, so oatmeal it was. I cut up an apple and put it in a pot with some sugar and water so it could soften up enough for me to add the oats. Since moving into my own place, I stopped having a microwave in the house, sort of like an incentive to eat like a real adult and actually cook instead of nuking Hot Pockets. It had worked so far. There was no such thing as being too busy to feed yourself properly. Since it was summer, I'd have a lot more time now anyway, unless I took summer classes.

Were any of the courses I needed for my major available this summer? I wondered. I wasn't sure, but now I wanted to check. I could end up taking some of the strain off my senior year. I would be sacrificing time that was meant to be taken off, but I could potentially finish my required courses earlier. Depending on how it worked out, I could end up saving myself a whole semester. My social life was not important enough to me to prioritize over school. It didn't sound like the worst idea.

I ate my breakfast clicking through the student portal of my college's website. The doorbell rang as I was stacking my washed dishes. Besides my building supervisor or Tiffany, I wasn't sure who else I could expect at this time of the day. I answered it.

"Sean," I said, all the expectation I had evaporating the moment I met his blank, brown eyes.

"Hey, babe," he said, walking in. He held the back of my neck and kissed me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. He was dressed like he had somewhere to go, which was always a surprise. His button up shirt actually looked like someone had ironed it for him and his face was freshly shaven.

"What? Did you have plans or something?" he asked, walking straight into the kitchen.

"I'd just prefer it if you called me before coming over," I said, following him. The countertop next to my fridge was covered in Tupperware, my leftovers. He was prying each one open and inspecting what was inside like this was his house.

"It's not like you were busy, what's the big deal?" he asked, searching my drawers for a fork. He started eating my pasta leftovers from the night before right out of the container with all the other ones still sitting on the counter and the fridge wide open.

"Could you at least use a plate?" I sniped. He stuffed his mouth with cold pasta, looking inside the fridge again.

"Why don’t you ever have any beer?" he asked with his mouth full.

"It's ten in the morning," I said incredulously. He pulled out a can of La Croix and popped it open, taking a long swig before he made a face and just stuck it back in the fridge. I couldn't watch him anymore, I walked over to the fridge, nudging him so he'd move and started cleaning up his mess. He didn't say anything, just burped loudly in response.

"Hey, I wanted some of that chicken," he protested as I refilled my fridge with everything he had pulled out.

"Why are you here, Sean?" I asked, closing it and standing with my back against it so he'd have to pay attention to me.

"I wanted to see how you were," he said shrugging.

"You haven't even asked me anything yet," I pointed out.

"I can tell just by looking at you," he said. His brow furrowed slightly. "You look a little sick, are you okay?" he asked. No you idiot, I just got up, sorry I didn't have any time to put on my face before you showed up unannounced. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the kitchen.

"I'm heading to campus later, I need to get ready to leave," I said.

"School? Why?" he asked, following me back into the living space. He still had the pasta and one of the three bananas I had been saving to make banana bread with.

"If you must know, I've been thinking about taking summer classes before my last year," I said. He laughed loudly.

"Why the fuck would you do that? School finally cuts out and the first thing you do is go back?" he asked.

"The sooner I finish my classes, the more time I have later to work before graduation.”

"That's stupid," he said definitively. "Just go to class when class starts. It's called summer vacation because you're supposed to be on vacation."

I was only telling him this because he happened to be the only other person in the room. Sean was the last person I needed to be talking about academics with. He lived in a new development in an apartment he shouldn't have been able to afford since he didn't have a job. His family was pretty wealthy and paid for both that apartment he lived in and that education he was hardly getting. They had paid for the massive television and gaming consoles that took up all his time, too.

"I don't know. I think I want to get all my studying done off top then have time and money for the rest of the stuff," I said.

"What's the deal with you and school? You're not ugly, it isn't like you have to be smart to get by," he said.

I closed my eyes, calming down before I said something to him that I might have regretted. It was my mistake for keeping him around, I knew that, but he wasn't always like this. What was that Tiffany had said to me about him? That I was projecting and no, he wasn't actually the kind of guy I thought he could be?

"You know what? I'm busy today, Sean. You have to leave."

"You're going to school, then coming right back. That doesn't sound busy to me," he said.

"Just go."

"Are you waiting on someone?" he asked, suddenly interested. "A date?"

"Since you asked, yeah, I actually might be going out with someone tomorrow night," I said, crossing my arms.

"Might? Like you aren't sure? Just go," he said lightly.

"What?"

"Yeah. Were you waiting to ask me permission or something? It's not like you're the only girl I've been talking to. We're not exclusive, you can date whoever you want," he said. I knew that. I already knew that, so why was it making me so mad to hear him say it?

"Do you go to all their houses when you run out of food at your place?" I asked. The pasta was gone and he had left the banana peel in a heap on the edge of one of my end tables.

"Naw. Just you. You're the best cook, baby," he said coming up to me and putting a hand around my waist.

"Get out. Just leave, okay? I want you to go."

"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up. "I'll go."

"Thank you," I said, relieved.

"Have fun on your date. Call me afterward," he said. I said I would so I could hurry him out the door. I took the empty Tupperware to the sink and threw out the banana peel. What a hound. His place was messy, but it wasn't a sty. He had to have a maid service or something keeping it together for him.

He still hadn't made up for the day at the coffee shop that he had stood me up. I had gone to his place during the week, but he had just given me a bullshit throwaway excuse when I had called him on it. He had said all this stuff about how I was being too intense and needed to dial it back, and then we had had sex and just hadn't brought it up again.

It was so dumb that I was feeling like this when he was so unbothered. It was getting harder and harder to see those redeeming qualities that I spent so much time trying to show Tiffany that he had. He had encouraged me to go out with another guy – he didn't give a fuck.

I went to my room to grab my phone. I'd take his advice and go out with another guy since dating me was too much of a responsibility for him. If nothing else, I'd get a good night out with decent company and a meal. What did I have to lose? I held the phone to my ear waiting for Tiffany to pick up. I knew she would already be at work, but I wasn't going to take long.

"Hello?"

"Tiff?"

"Hey, what's up? I can't really talk right now, could you text me?" she asked.

"I'll be quick. I wanted to talk to you about that date," I said.

"Yeah?" she said expectantly.

"Tell your mystery man I'll be there."

 

Chapter Nine

Roman

"Don't wear that."

"What's wrong with it?"

"A polo is too casual. It's a sit-down dinner date, you can't show up to a restaurant at night in one of those," Tiffany said. I hung the shirt back up in the closet.

"Better?" I asked, holding up a button down white shirt.

"Not white. Something colored." I rolled my eyes, putting the shirt back up with the rest and pulling out a light blue one.

"Should I wear a tie, too?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's a date, not a job interview," she snapped from my bed.

"I'm a big boy, Tiffany. I'm pretty sure I know how to get dressed myself."

"First impressions are everything, Roman. She might forgive your shitty personality if you look good," she said. I put the shirt on, buttoned it up. She had chosen the tan slacks I was wearing, too.

"I already don't like her. She sounds shallow."

"I'm trying to help you, Roman."

"Then tell me what I'm walking into tonight. If I'm spending money on this girl, I at least want to know who she is."

"She's cute... Blonde hair, same age as you, average height..."

"That doesn't really narrow down the pool, Tiff. That's about a good forty percent of my graduating class."

"It doesn't matter. What's important is you're going to like her."

"Whatever you say," I said, looking into the mirror and fixing my collar. I had been game for this blind date, but now that tonight was the night and Tiff was still being cagey, I wasn't really feeling it as much. She was so confident that I felt it had to go left somehow.

"Roll your sleeves up. Girls like forearms," she said, standing and walking out of the room. She had come over specifically to help me prep for the date like I was a freshman girl who had been invited to my first prom. All I had needed was something to identify this girl she had set me up with and she could have told me that over text, like a normal person. We were pretty close, but she was way more invested in this date than she should have been.

I grabbed my wallet, slid some shoes on, and came out of the room. Tiff was waiting in the kitchen.

"So?" I said expectantly.

"You look great. Have fun," she said brightly, turning and heading for the front door.

"Wait, wait, wait. How the hell am I supposed to know who she is?"

"Just get a good table and wait. I already told her how to find you. She'll come to you," she said.

For the second time in maybe ten minutes, I regretted ever agreeing to this. If tonight was a disaster, I was never letting her do this for me again. I wasn't desperate enough for this. I knew that it wasn't going to be a prank or whatever where the chick was actually an escort, but Tiff was being too smug about this. I wasn't looking for a fucking wife tonight, just someone to eat with and maybe fuck later if I could.

"Be a gentleman, don't make her pay, and don't make me look bad," she said as she walked to her car.

"You set the bar pretty high, Tiff. I better not be disappointed," I threatened lightly. She smirked and slid into her car, driving away first. At least she hadn't chosen the restaurant. I wasn't cheap, but she was a girl – she didn't pay for dates anyway, what would it matter to her. Tiff's friend had better like Italian. If she was one of those girls who didn't eat carbs or wouldn't eat real food in front of guys, then I wouldn't see her again anyway.

I had called to make reservations the day before. The table was near a window, but still inside. I sat so I was facing the entrance. I didn't know what this girl looked like, but since she was supposed to know, I'd just make myself easy for her to spot. The date was for seven thirty, and it was seven twenty-three. I ordered a beer and waited.

Seven thirty ticked by and my beer was three-quarter ways done. Tiff hadn't given me this girl's number so I had no way to contact her and tell her where I was in case she had gotten here and missed me somehow. I hadn't really seen anyone who I thought would be my date – there were a lot of couples and bigger groups, but I hadn't seen a woman walking in alone.

I thought about calling Tiff to make sure this girl was showing up, but didn't. No, the stakes weren't that fucking high. It wouldn't matter if she didn't end up showing. I had nothing riding on this. I wasn't even that hungry. If she wasn't here by the time I finished my beer, I'd just go home.

A blonde in a blue-green dress caught my eye as she walked in. I didn't know who my date even was, so it didn't matter that I was checking her out. The first thing I noticed was she was alone. The next thing was she was fucking stunning. From across the room, under the dim lights scattered across the ceiling, she was beautiful. Her hair was shiny and long, the curls tumbling over her shoulders and chest.

That color was good on her, I thought absently. She was scanning the crowd of patrons, looking for someone. She glanced past me, and I would have choked if I was taking a drink of my beer. It had to be a good twenty feet between us but I knew that face anywhere. Softly defined cheekbones and a delicate, feminine face. Bright, round green eyes and pink, pert lips.

Veronica Kanter.

I bolted to my feet. Confusion, then this fierce drive to go to her overcame me. It was Veronica, here, alone. I started towards her, weaving around the tables to where she stood, still scanning the tables. Yup, it was definitely her. Right height, right shape, right face. Why the hell was she here? No, wait a minute, what the hell was I doing?

I watched her as she finally noticed me. We locked eyes, and her lips parted. She stood still as I walked up to her. It was too late to act like I hadn't seen her now. I didn't want to do that, anyway. I wanted to talk to her, but it had been a year and I was here because I was supposed to be on a date with another woman. I hadn't thought about this moment that much, but I hated that I had nothing to say to her. This was Veronica, she wasn't a stranger.

"Roman," she said first as I approached.

"Ronnie. Hey," I said.

"Hi," she said, smiling a little. That was good. Smiles were always good.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same thing. I didn't know you were back in town."

"Hasn't been that long, just about a week," I said. "You look great," I added honestly. She really did. Now that I was close enough to get a good look at her, she looked even better. She looked like she was here for a date.

"Thanks. Likewise." A couple awkward seconds of silence passed.

"Are you here with someone?" I asked. She had walked in alone, but that didn't mean the answer to that question was no. Even though I sort of hoped that it was.

"Actually, I am," she said. Fuck, of course she was. Tiff had said she was with someone. They were here on a date. "It's kind of a funny story."

"What happened?"

"I let Tiffany set me up on a blind date," she said, looking down like she didn't really want to tell me. All I had heard was the words “blind date.”

"Are you kidding?" I said.

"I know. She said she knew this guy from her work that she thought I would like... Sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. You're probably here with someone."

"Ron. She told me the same thing," I said. She blinked a couple times.

"What?"

"Tiffany. She said the same thing to me. Blind date with a girl from her work." Her brows scrunched up as she looked at me.

"No, she didn't."

"I swear."

"No. Then that means..." She paused, and I didn't need her to finish to know what she was thinking.

"I thought for a minute I was being stood up," I said, trying to lighten the mood. Her face was still puzzled, and I didn't want that to turn into anger. Call me a dog, but fuck, I had her. I hadn't even had to try and she had just shown up. I wasn't going to just let her get away.

"This has to be a mistake," she said.

"It was Tiffany; she planned this every step of the way. Do you want to call her and ask?"

"Would you mind?"

"I mean, I've got a perfectly good table and it looks like she got both of us, so we might as well get a good meal out of it," I said. She looked unsure, like she was thinking about it and wasn't convincing herself that it was a good idea to stay.

"Could you give me a minute?" she asked. I nodded. She said she was using the ladies' room. I showed her where the table was and went to sit while she was gone.

I started feeling nervous. I wasn't worried that she would tell me to wait for her and then ditch. I just hadn't been ready to see her again. This, an awkward meeting where we were set up without knowing it, was the last way I would have picked to see her again.

I was happy to see her and wasn't going to lie, I was a hell of a lot more excited for this date now that I knew it was with her. But I wished I had gotten to choose, maybe ask her out myself, talk to her first about it because the last thing I wanted was to be sitting with Veronica and not be able to talk to her. She didn't take long in the bathroom.

I pulled her chair out for her and waited till she was sitting before I did again. Neither of us had to say anything because the server appeared and poured us both glasses of water and gave us menus. She fidgeted with the laminated booklet before putting it down on the table.

"I'm sorry about tonight," she said.

"What?"

"You were obviously expecting someone different. I'm sorry Tiffany did this."

"You can't apologize for that. I was just about to leave when I saw you."

"What about now?"

"What about now?"

"Do you still want to leave?" She could have dropped an anvil on my head and it would have been more subtle.

"I want to buy you dinner," I said.

She sighed softly and ran her hands through her hair, leaning her elbows on the table. I was losing her. She was thinking about that door and walking out of it. When the server appeared again to take our orders, she picked her menu up, fumbling to skim through it fast enough to place an order while the guy was still waiting.

"You guys ready to order?" he asked. She apologized, looking at me desperately.

"I'll have the cannelloni," I said. "And, she'll have the baked gnocchi." She looked up from the menu, surprised. The man asked her whether that was what she wanted, and she nodded her head, thanking him.

"You ordered for me," she said once he had left the table.

"I know what you like."

"How do you know what I like hasn't changed?" she challenged.

"One of the first times we went out together, it was for Italian. When you were ordering you got mad that the menu said stuffed ravioli because ravioli's already meant to be stuffed. You ordered the gnocchi and got the same thing both times we went back to that place."

"You were talking shit about that couple sitting next to us," she said, remembering. "You said you thought the woman was his mistress because of how he kept watching the door and nervously checking the time."

"Then you wanted to act cute and pretend you were too full for dessert," I said. She cracked a smile, looking down at her plate shyly.

"I was nervous. I didn't want to be that girl. I was still trying to make you think I was a delicate flower," she said. I laughed.

"How long did that last?"

"I wanted to make sure I had locked you down before you found out I could eat an entire pint of ice cream myself," she said grinning. Her whole body language was calm and she was making jokes as she relaxed. This date wasn't going to be unbearable.

Our food came pretty fast, but that didn't slow us down. Once we had gotten the ball rolling, it was like it had never stopped in the first place. There weren't a lot of people I could feel so free and comfortable around. I had missed this feeling. Being with Ron again. All our beats and rhythms synced up perfectly. She didn't say no to dessert this time.

It was almost like no time had passed, at all. It was like we had never broken up and this was just another date night for us, not some weird scheme that my sister had hatched to get us to spend time together.

I asked her where she had parked, and we started walking slowly towards her car. We were both silent. It was a little breezy, and I had to stop myself from putting an arm around her in case she was cold. She still drove the same car, that red sedan that used to give her hell back in the day, with no functioning seatbelts in the backseat.

"I had fun tonight," I said to her.

"Yeah. I did, too."

"I think we should do it again." She stopped and turned to look at me.

"That can't happen," she said blankly.

"What? Why not?"

"Tonight was a special case. Tiffany bamboozled us. This wasn't a date."

"What the hell was it if it wasn't a date?"

"Dinner," she said shrugging her shoulders, "between old acquaintances." I laughed at that. All the years of history we had and she thought that made us acquaintances?

"Do you really think anyone in there with us tonight would believe that we hardly know each other?" I asked sarcastically.

"A lot can change in a year, Roman."

"You don't just stop being yourself. It doesn't work that way."

"You haven't been here, Roman. You wouldn't know."

"I know you."

"No, you don't. If you did, you wouldn't have done what you did. You would have talked to me so we could figure something out together," she said. Her face was drawn with anger. That cool, relaxed vibe we had had going through dinner was dead.

"I knew what would have happened if I did, that's why I didn't. I was deployed. I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want it to be your problem, too."

"Yeah, Tiffany told me. You were deployed, not dead. Why didn't you think I could deal with that? Why didn't you at least fucking talk to me before cutting me loose and making sure I didn't try and come back?"

"You wanted me to make you wait for me when there was no guarantee I was even coming back?"

"It wasn't a good enough reason to dump me. You made me think you hated me. That I was this thing holding you back. That fucked me up, Roman." I shook my head.

"I couldn't do it to you. You'd be getting nothing when I was gone. I was protecting you."

"That's bullshit. You were wrong, Roman. You didn't protect me from anything. You hurt me. You destroyed almost three years together and for what? Nothing." I didn’t stop her as she walked to her car without another word and got inside, fuming mad. This was the last step she got to before she would cry from frustration. I hadn't meant to make her upset, but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't get to me that she was so mad about what had happened.

That meant she still cared. That meant it wasn't just me – the feeling was mutual. I'd also be a liar if I said I didn't find it cute when she got mad. More than a few of our fights had ended in hot, angry sex, and I wasn't sorry for taking it there. I hadn’t seen passion like that in her for a year and it took me back. I couldn’t help smiling.

Damn. I had missed the shit out of that girl.

 

Chapter Ten

Veronica

I held the necklace above my face, lying on my back. The crystal swung back and forth. The little light in the room warmed the pink and reflected off its edges. The gold chain shone, concentrating and reflecting little rays of light.

I would have worn it the night before, but I didn't think the pink would be good with the dress. No, that wasn't it, not the whole reason. I also didn't feel right wearing this thing that my ex gave me to see another man. I sighed and put it back on my nightstand. Tiff had gotten me good, both of us.

The worst part was that he looked so great. And that he was still so funny, and handsome, and I still felt warm and happy around him. I could still see the guy who I had been crazy in love with in him after all this time and after what he did. I threw my covers off and went to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I had gone to sleep thinking about dinner and going to bed hadn't hit the reset button in my brain last night.

It was like this past year hadn't even happened. The more I thought about it, the more I went round in circles.

It had been a shock seeing him. I had been nervous and honestly, had had half a mind not to go back to the table after going into the ladies' room. I hadn't called Tiffany when I had been in there. I had wanted to – I had almost done it, too – but then I thought about what was happening and how it was the thing I had longed for so much when he was gone: just for him to come back and for everything to be normal.

He had broken my heart, and after feeling sad and hurt, I had been angry at him. But then a month had passed, then two, then six. I had gotten my shit together and rallied. I couldn't turn my love for him off as easily as he seemed to have been able to, but I had gotten on with my life.

I’d thought I was over him, and now that I had seen him and spent time with him again, gotten to get back a piece of what had been an incredible relationship, I was all over the place again. When it had happened, I had thought that I never wanted to see him again. Now I had and it didn't feel that simple anymore.

I heard my phone ringing and got back into my room too late to pick it up. It was Sean. He called again right away, but I silenced the phone and let it keep ringing. He had wanted me to call him after the date, but I wasn't really in the mood to deal with him and his bullshit right now. What the hell did he want, anyway? He shouldn't have cared since he had basically pushed me to do it in the first place. Did that mean I could blame seeing Roman again on him?

I went to the kitchen and made coffee. There was a knock on the door, and I hesitated before going to answer it because of the person who had ended up on the other side of it last time I had had a visitor this early. Would he really show up here after I ignored his phone calls? If Sean was anything, it was lazy, and I was counting on that, unlocking my door and swinging it open.

"Thank God it's you," I sighed, leaning against the door.

"Good morning to you, too," Tiffany said, shooting me a crooked smile. She walked in, her heels clacking against the floor. "Guess someone had fun last night."

"I gotta hand it to you," I said, "I was a little worried about who it was going to end up being waiting for me at that restaurant."

"You're welcome," she said smugly.

"I didn't say it was a good surprise," I said, shutting the door behind her.

"What? What happened last night?"

"What happened was you tricked me into going on a date with the guy who dumped me. With my ex! Tiffany, what the hell?"

"We were right on that couch when you told me that you missed what you and Roman had and have been trying to get it back," she said, pointing at my couch.

"I didn't say that I wanted to get back together with him, I said I just wanted what we had. We were talking about Sean, anyway. I didn't even know Roman was back in town."

"Well, now you do. Nothing's standing in your way."

"No, Tiff," I said shaking my head. "That ship has sailed. He ended it, and it's been over for a year. I'm not going back."

"Why not? Was it a bad date? Was he rude? Did you fight?"

"No," I said, truthfully.

"Then, I don't get it. Why don’t you want to reconnect?"

"It’s called a breakup for a reason," I told her.

"He only did it because he thought what he was doing was right. It wasn't the right decision to make, but he was thinking of you when he did."

"That doesn't change that he did it, Tiff. He devastated me when he dumped me. He made a decision for me, instead of talking to me about it first. He didn't even respect me enough to treat me like his decision was going to affect me, too," I said. Tiffany sighed, looking defeated.

"He asked me whether you were happy the first night that he got back. He wanted to know how you were. He said he still cared about you, despite what happened."

"And, I do, too," I admitted, "but that isn't enough to change what he decided to do. He still left, and I can't pretend it wasn't the worst thing he could have done to me."

"I'm sorry. I thought I was... It doesn't matter what I thought I was doing, it was still wrong."

"I get it. You're not the only one who's thought about the two of us getting back together," I said sadly.

"Then why don't you give it a shot?"

"Because it's more complicated than that. He left knowing what it would do to me, and he did it anyway. He hurt me on purpose – I don't know that I can let that go." She sighed again, coming forward to hug me.

"I understand. I won't get in the way," she said, letting me go.

"I know you were just trying to help. I just don't think this one can be fixed." She looked a little sad about it. I knew how she felt about the relationship her brother and I had had, but he had changed something when he did what he did. He let me know that we weren't in it together. He could make decisions about things that would affect us both, and he would rather get rid of me than talk to me about stuff.

That was the real problem. That was the thing that would have gotten in between us sooner or later, even if we had stayed together. I suddenly felt resentful. Not towards Tiff, but towards Roman for coming back. For what he said last night about it being a date and trying to defend himself when I called him out. I had been doing great; why did he have to come back and confuse the hell out of me now?

That old feeling came back. I wanted him gone again. You know what? No, he could stay, I wanted out.

She hung out for a while, and we ended up going out to eat. When I got back to the apartment, I went online and signed up for summer courses. If I could graduate early, I would; then I'd get out of here. I'd never even look back.

 

Chapter Eleven

Roman

I didn't know what Tiff had against this place; it was growing on me. I was out on the patio, having coffee. The yard wasn't big, but if I wanted to put, I don't know, a dog out there, I could. I wasn't going to. It was just good having this much space to play with if I wanted. Last time I'd lived in a place with a yard was when I was still at home. I was still getting used to not having anyone need me to do anything. I wasn't sure about all this free time, what to do with it.

I had hit the gym earlier, but I didn't have anything else lined up for today. This was something I hadn't been anticipating. I felt a little restless, hoping this wouldn't last. But on the other hand, I felt like I should do something with my time off before I got started with football again or worse, had to go back overseas.

If things were different, it would have been obvious who I would be spending my free time with – but they weren't. I went back inside and drained my cup before washing it out. What was Don doing these days, I thought suddenly.

It had been a long time...had to be close to two years now. What was the use in being back if I couldn't catch up with the people I had left behind? I thought. Honestly, though, besides Ron, he was the person I was closest to who wasn't in my family. He didn't always have advice – not the good kind – but he always listened and sometimes that was all you needed.

I headed out half an hour later. Don lived on his parents' ranch on the edge of town, less than a half hour drive, but it seemed a lot further than it was but that was because properties were bigger. There was more space between neighbors. Fewer cars, narrower roads, fewer people. The seclusion would probably drive me crazy. It was pretty impressive though; almost six acres of rolling prairie. There was a drive before I got to his parents’ farmhouse where I parked. I finally saw him in one of the fields, not far from the house.

He had his shirt off. He was standing behind the tractor, which sounded like it was running. He was lugging these big bales of hay onto the cart attached to the back of the tractor, and it looked like hard work. I didn't know how heavy the average hay bale was, but last I checked, Don didn't go to the gym, and this was why. He didn't have to. He glanced my way, rubbing his arm across his forehead, then looked again.

"Roman?" He ripped his gloves off his hands. "Rome? Is that you?" he asked, as I came up to him.

"Don't let me stop you," I said.

"Are you kidding? Get the fuck over here," he said, grinning. He hugged me, slapping my back. His hair had been long the last time I saw him, but it was buzzed short now, shorter than mine, and I was the one who had been in the military.

"When the hell did you get back?"

"Last weekend. Watch out,” I said, as the tractor started moving.

"Why the hell did it take you so long to tell me you were back?"

"I was busy. Looks like you were, too."

"Shit," he said, watching the tractor pull away from us. "Whatever, he'll be back. How have you been?"

"Can't complain. I didn't know you were still working here."

"Yeah, it's-"

"Don! Donovan!"

The tractor had stopped. Stomping towards us was Mr. Crewe, Don's dad. Don was pretty intimidating to look at, tall and built, but his dad was like a weathered, angrier, older version of him. The physical labor on the ranch had kept him strong and in shape, and he was taller than Don's 6'4. In all the years Don and I had been friends, since high school, he was almost never not screaming.

"Don, what the fuck are you doing? You're back here so you can load the hay. How the fuck do you think it's gonna get to the barn?" he demanded.

"I got it, Dad," Don replied. "You started moving before I was done." I shut up and let them go at it, something I used to do often. It was like it was the only way they knew how to relate to each other. It was just the two of them, had been since Don was fifteen, and I had known him for a year at the time. Don's dad was yelling at him about wasting the gas the tractor ran on when he finally noticed they weren't alone. He frowned deep, lines pulling down the sides of his mouth.

"Who are you?" he asked, but then squinted. "Roman?"

"It's good to see you again, Mr. Crewe," I said. He straightened up, putting his hands on his hips.

"What are you doing here? Don told me you went overseas. Army, right?" he asked, awkwardly formal.

"Got back not too long ago. I just wanted to catch up with Don. See how he's doing."

"You two do that," he said tightly. "Don, ten minutes. You have work to do," he barked at his son before walking away.

"Fuck," I said.

"You get used to it. This is him on level one."

"I just forgot how intense he could be. Guess I chose a shitty time to drop by."

"Naw, it's not your fault. You've been gone all this time, anyway. Seeing the world and shit," he said, grinning.

"It wasn't a vacation, Don," I laughed.

"You look like you managed to keep yourself safe. Unless you got a robot leg under those pants."

"Wouldn't you like to know," I joked. "Gotta buy me a drink first, man." He laughed.

"Seriously. Nothing happened over there?"

"Nothing permanent. But something might happen to you if you don't go back and help your dad."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Listen, how about we go out for drinks tonight. It's been way too long." I agreed. I was close with my family, but Don and I, after high school had ended and we weren't being forced to see each other every day, just did. He had been an athlete, too, and both of us had lost our moms, so we had had that in common but after all these years, our differences didn't matter that much anymore. I let him get back to his work, telling him to just text me when he could meet me.

The bar we went to ended up being fuller that I expected, but then again, it had been a little while since I had been to a bar. It was a pretty popular spot in town, and even though it was a Monday night, there was a moderate crowd. We sat at a booth instead of sitting at the bar so we would be able to talk. We both got beers, Don flirting with the waitress, a cute sandy blonde who blushed every time she passed our booth.

"So, how have you been keeping yourself busy?" I asked him. He was looking past me, checking out our waitress as she walked away.

"Hm? Oh, you know," he said, trying to remember what I had asked him. I had almost forgot how he was always on the lookout for his newest bed warmer. He had a pretty solid yearlong tan, both from working outside and his mom, who had been Sioux Indian. That with his height, body, and the moves he had been practicing since I'd met him meant he was pretty successful with women. "Work. Helping my dad on the ranch. Working my way through this town, one graduating class at a time."

"I thought you'd be done by now," I said.

"Yeah, well, things didn't really work out that way."

"What happened to you playing?"

"I did for a while, but my pops didn't think it was worth it," he said, shrugging. Don had gotten into a Triple A baseball team a while back. He had wanted to work his way up to the pros. The last time we had seen each other, he had still been playing.

"He made you quit?"

"I got sick of his shit. He couldn't shut up about it being a waste of my time."

"But you loved playing. Why didn't you stick it out?"

"Not worth it," he said bitterly. "I was raised for this, you know? It was coming eventually; it was just a matter of when."

"But you don't want it, do you?"

"I'm good at it. I've been doing it my whole life already. Once my dad dies, I'll have to do it, anyway," he said shrugging.

"That sucks. You should still play if it's what you want to do." He shrugged again.

"It's not a big deal. I always knew this was my future. Besides, he sort of had a point."

"How?"

"Working your way up can take years. You basically waste your youth in the minors. It's not even a sure thing."

"He's using you for free labor," I said, drinking my beer. He laughed.

"I live on the land, and all I have to do to get to work is walk out my door," he said, satisfied. I couldn't believe that he was alright with that. There was no problem with that life, but it just didn't make sense to me that he had gotten onto the team, then thrown that away.

We wanted different things, I could respect that. I honestly didn't know what I'd do if I were in his shoes.

"Would you have quit if your dad didn't need you?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe. If I hadn't quit then, maybe I'd be doing it now. What about you?"

"What?"