Chapter 11

Archer sat in front of the fire with a bowl of thick hearty stew in his hand and a blanket draped over his legs, Ally beside him breaking up crusty bread for the stew in her own set of snowflake covered pajamas. She handed him a hunk of it with a satisfied smile, skin still flush from their lovemaking. He flashed a smile and accepted the bread, feeling happier than he’d ever felt. And it was all because of the women in this little cottage.

If he was going to make them a family, and that was definitely the plan, he needed to put the past where it belonged. Behind them. Archer reached for the wine, unsure if it was the red or the fireplace that made his whole body feel overheated. Maybe it’s just Ally. He took a long sip, letting the liquid run down his throat as he gathered his thoughts and waited for the wine kicked in. “I needed to make something of myself, Ally. I know I fucked up and went about leaving in the worst way possible, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

She froze beside him, spoon halfway to her mouth before she dropped it with a loud crash. “Okay.” Slowly she turned her gaze to him and it gutted him to see the heartache, the agony written all over her face. The memories. “I’m listening.”

“I didn’t know what I was doing in school.” He’d lost interest in his classes and he had no idea what he’d do with the business degree he’d been two semesters from earning.

“You’d had a bad semester because you didn’t have passion for business.”

He nodded. Ally had said the same thing back then. “I should have listened to you when you suggested exploring other majors. I should have done a lot of things differently and I’m sorry for that.”

She stared at him, frozen in anguished thought. But only for a moment. “Bullshit. You should have talked to me, told me how you were feeling. You could have taken a semester off. You walked away without giving me a chance to tell you what I wanted.”

“Because I knew you’d convince me to stay. I would have done anything for you.”

“Except stay,” she said in a barely audible voice and returned to her stew as though the conversation were over.

Well it wasn’t. “I had no clue what I wanted to do, Ally! What could I have offered you back then?”

“You would have figured it out. If you’d wanted to. Thanks for letting me know,” she said dismissively. She froze but he could see her stewing. “I don’t know what I would have done. I might have stood by you and waited for you. But now we’ll never know.”

“Nothing I say will make you feel better about the past, Ally.”

Archer watched her, for minutes, eat her stew and have a sip of wine. Nibble on some bread and have a sip of wine. On and on she went until her bowl was empty and she set it on the table. “You’re right. It won’t.” She stood and grabbed her bowl before damn near running to the kitchen. She came back with the rest of the wine before he’d made the decision to follow.

“But I don’t think our past has to define our future.” He was sure of that.

“I agree. I’ll remain Glory’s full time caregiver but I won’t limit your access to her. If you decide to get a place in town, she can stay the night too.” Perched on the edge of the sofa, she refilled her glass and took a short sip and fell back into the sofa. So far away she had to be pressed into the arm of the sofa.

“What?” Certain he must have misheard, Archer slid to the edge of the sofa and put his food on the table so he could look at her.

“Was any of that unclear?”

“Hell yes! All of it.”

She sighed like he was the idiot who didn’t understand. “I’m not holding the past against you.”

“But you don’t want to be with me?”

She blinked, as though she hadn’t even considered that possibility and that stung. “Why would I? You ran out for no good reason and without talking to me. You just left. And you stayed gone.”

“I thought we talked about this.”

“No. You talked, gave your excuses and I listened. What I heard was that you felt so insecure that you decided to screw it all and join the military. That you didn’t care about me, certainly didn’t love me enough to talk to me about it. You didn’t even try to stay together while you were gone. You broke up with me, Archer.”

“Is this how you’ll teach Glory to be, completely unforgiving?”

She sucked in a breath and stood. “Just because I’m not stupid enough to let you back into my heart doesn’t mean I don’t forgive you. What good would it do to hang on to that kind of hate for someone who doesn’t give a damn about me?” She grabbed her wine glass and emptied it before disappearing into the kitchen. She returned and grabbed his bowl, the bread and his half empty glass of wine, and left again.

Archer listened as she rinsed the dishes and put them into the dishwasher, her soft sure footsteps telling him where she was as she moved. He’d blown it. Explaining why he left hadn’t helped at all. It only made Ally question his feelings for her back then. Just because I’m not stupid enough to let you back into my heart doesn’t mean I don’t forgive you. How would he ever forget hearing those words, spoken with such disdain, from the lips of the only woman who’d ever held his heart? “Ally.”

“You can stay here tonight since you’ve been drinking. The sofa in the spare room lets out or you can stay on the big sofa. Blankets are in the closet beside the bathroom. Good night.”

He watched her go, resisting the urge to call her back. Resisting the urge to grab her and pull her back to him, maker her listen, required more work. He felt like he was losing her before he’d even really gotten her, and that thought sat like lead in his gut. “Shit.” I couldn’t have screwed that up more if I tried.

He couldn’t say how long he sat on the sofa staring at the flames flickering in the fireplace, lost in thought. Ally thought he was a first class dick for walking away like he did, and she was right, but it gnawed at him to think she would forever think of him that way. At the time he’d been so sure he’d done the right thing. He’d gotten a purpose and a whole lot he hadn’t bargained for, but he survived. And now it was time to start living again.

That started here. Now. In this house.

By the time his eyelids grew too heavy to stay awake he knew he needed a bigger, better apology.

 

 

“What are you still doing out here?”

“Oh! Cindy you scared the crap out of me.” Ally looked over her shoulder at the woman with the smirking green eyes. “What’s up?”

Hands on her hips and that mom glare on her face, she looked every inch the disappointed matriarch. “It’s almost six.”

She blinked. “So? I have a few last minute local orders, plus I need to take them to the church for their Christmas Eve play, the community center for the dinner for those in need, and a Christmas Eve Jack and Jill party.”  Just saying it all was exhausting, but Ally had been at it all day and in a couple more hours she would be finished. “Glory and Archer are having dinner.”

“And you?”

She shrugged. “I’ll get something when I finish.” She decided to give Archer some alone time with Glory to get them used to spending time together without her.

“You’re being stubborn,” Cindy accused, pointing her red nails in emphasis.

“What do you mean? All day tomorrow and the next day we’ll be together, eating together and opening presents.”

“What happened?” She pushed off the wall and stood beside Ally. Unable to stand still for more than a minute, she quickly folded the signature boxes, saving Ally at least an hour.

“Thanks. And nothing happened. I think it’s important they get accustomed to spending time together.”

“Without you?”

Ally nodded.

Cindy sighed. “I know he hurt you, Ally and I would never tell you how to feel, but isn’t it possible that he’s changed?”

She nodded again, willing to concede that people do change. “It is possible, but it’s not proven. I know you love him Cindy, but I can’t take that risk again.”

“Not even for Glory? I know you see how special their bond is, how could you deprive him of that? Deprive them,” she corrected with a heaping helping of guilt.

Ally bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming at the woman who’d been her rock for years. Cindy meant well, she knew that, but Archer was her kid so at the end of the day she was on his side. Not mine. “If he stays in Blissful, no one will be deprived of anything. I already told him I have no plans on limiting his access to her.”

“And to you?”

She felt the weight of Cindy’s stare but she kept her focus on removing the rum white chocolates from their molds. “I have nothing to do with this.” She sighed and turned to Cindy, emotions too close to the edge and she couldn’t afford to fall apart. Not now. “He left Cindy. He didn’t say why, he just left. Didn’t give me a chance. Didn’t give us a chance. He didn’t trust me and he didn’t trust in us. All because of a little insecurity. I can’t risk that again. I won’t.”

Cindy’s face filled with sympathy and she placed a hand on Ally’s shoulder. “Honey it’s always a risk.”

She knew that, logically, she did. “But with him, the risk is greater. He ran once, what if he feels overwhelmed again? Glory is great but she requires a lot of energy. And what about work, does he have a job lined up? I can’t keep him from her and I won’t.” Turning back to her chocolates, she focused on lining them up for boxing.

“I know you still love him. Why do you think no other man has been able to steal your heart?”

“Because I won’t let them. I have Glory and when I decide I want more, I’ll find it. Promise.” There. That sounded mature and wise. She knew Cindy wouldn’t give up easily just as she knew that eventually, with Archer’s return, the older woman wouldn’t need to spend so much time at her house. “Thank you for everything Cindy. I couldn’t have made it these years without your help, your guidance. Or your love.”

“Oh honey, I’m not going anywhere.” She gathered Ally up in her thin, strong arms. “You and Archer will figure this out, but you and me, we’re family too.”

Ally sighed and leaned into Cindy, unable to voice just how much she’d needed to hear those words. Even if they turned out to be a lie. “Thank you.” They embraced for a long moment before Cindy pulled back with a smile.

“No thanks necessary, sweetheart. But don’t be so stubborn and full of pride that you miss out on the thing you’ve been wishing for all this time.” With those words of wisdom, she left as stealthily as she’d come.

Leaving Ally to think about her own motivations. Was she still hurt that Archer had abandoned her or was she punishing him? I’m not punishing him, I’m protecting me. And Glory, even though she knew he’d never hurt their little girl. Their bond was a beautiful thing to watch, but that didn’t mean she could let him back in so easily.

Even if he never really left.

Alone with her chocolates and her thoughts, Ally could admit that she did still love Archer. She didn’t think that meant they stood a chance at a happy future together. He was too much of a flight risk and she was too afraid.

But could I live with it when he moves on? When Glory has a stepmother and maybe step siblings to play with and love?

The answer came in the form of a swift, harsh kick to the chest. Hell no she couldn’t live with it. It would eat her up inside, even more than watching him walk away from her had. That didn’t mean she was ready to admit her feelings or do anything about them, it just meant that she was aware of them. Dammit!

She resolved to finish her work and make deliveries before she thought any more about Archer or her stupid heart. Or their sordid past.

Another hour or two and she would be free until the first of the year. To obsess and overthink her current situation. And made sure Glory had the best Christmas yet.

She made sure of it by blasting Christmas tunes as she made her deliveries. From Bing Crosby to Mariah Carey, she sang as loud and with as much feeling as she could to make sure thoughts of Archer were nothing more than a niggle in the back of her mind. “Just keep them refrigerated until about thirty minutes before you’re ready to serve,” she told the pastor’s wife when she dropped off the boxes of jam filled chocolates.

Mitsy Llewellyn was a small woman with a big presence, nearly as big as her silver bouffant. “Thank you dear, we really appreciate this. We are celebrating the one hundred year anniversary of the church with a midnight mass to start the new year and I thought it would be fun to do chocolates with a jam center. And I insist on paying,” she said as though that was the end of it. “Oh, and I have a present for your delightful daughter. She’ll love it I promise.” Misty pulled her into a hug, wished her a great holiday and walked off.

Okay, that happened. Luckily the other deliveries were less eventful with words of thanks and wishes of a merry Christmas. Ally decided to take the scenic route home, slicing up and down the residential neighborhoods so she could see the lights and yard decorations. Bluebell Street was her favorite, each house created a scene around one of Santa’s reindeer so the whole block looked like Santa was preparing for takeoff. It was so picturesque she felt her eyes began to water.

Blissful was her home. The place she’d come to lick her wounds and rebuild her life. The place where she became a woman. A mother. No matter what happened next, that wouldn’t change.

And with that thought, Ally made her way back to her small home where Glory and Archer waited for her. Like a family.

Except…not.

 

 

“I want to talk to you.” Archer stood in the kitchen, hands braced on the counter, blue eyes set on Ally. She was disheveled and exhausted, and unhappy she had a waiting audience.

“I need to get cleaned up. It smells good in here,” she sniffed the air and brushed past him.

“Get cleaned up. I’ll be waiting down here. With your dinner.” He smiled at her retreating form and set about making a plate for her. She’d been holed up in her office out back for most of the day while he and Glory wrapped gifts, did more holiday crafts to put up around the house and ate way too much food. He waited patiently, knowing if he fell asleep before she returned he might lose his chance to talk with her.

And he planned to talk, maybe more. She’d avoided him effectively over the past couple days, claiming she wanted to give him and Glory time alone so they could get used to spending time together. Without her. Exactly what he didn’t want. It sounded good, and deep down it might even be part of her rationale. But Archer knew her primary goal was to avoid him. And he’d let her do it, because he needed to sort his own thoughts.

Now that he had, he was ready to talk.

For real.

“Something smells good.” She reappeared in the kitchen looking fresh and sexy, damp and straight from the shower. Her dark hair was still wet and tiny tendrils clung to her dewy skin, smooth and permanently the color of honey with just a hint of pink from the hot shower.

“Have a seat. What do you want to drink?” He enjoyed the shocked look on her face at his commands. Him serving her.

“I think there’s some Riesling in the fridge. And a glass of water. Please.”

Archer slid a warm plate in front of her and went to get her drinks. “Did you get everything done out there?”

“Yep,” she said on a sigh and sank against the chair. “All done. How did it go with Glory?” She looked down at the plate and blinked. “You made fancy fish sticks and mac & cheese?”

He shrugged. “It is what Glory asked for but the idea of eating those frozen sticks made me want to cry. So I had Ma bring us ingredients for the real deal. She went absolutely crazy over it.”

Ally laughed and picked up some cheesy noodles. Archer held his breath, only relaxing when she let out a satisfied moan. “Damn, that’s good. Thanks for saving me some.”

“Of course.” Did she really think he wouldn’t make enough for her as well? “Ally, I meant what I said the other night. But I’ve done some thinking over the last few days and I should have talked to you back then. I didn’t know how to be less than the greatness I saw in your eyes and I wanted to be that, and more for you. But it was on me, and I can’t tell you how much I regret that.” Every damn day he regretted it, more since he learned about Glory. “But I love you and I love Glory. I want us to be a family and I’m not giving up. You need proof, fine, you’ll get it. All I ask is that you keep an open mind, yeah?” Archer blew out a long slow breath and leaned back in his chair, waiting for a response.

He watched those violet eyes work as she processed his words, darkening and lightening as her mood shifted from confusion and relief to longing and doubt. “How long am I supposed to keep my mind open?”

Shit. He hadn’t really thought about a timeline. “Six months, at least. I have a realtor looking for property here in Blissful but until then I’ll stay with Ma.” Mostly because he knew she wouldn’t let him stay where he really wanted. “I have to find a career locally and honestly, I have no fucking clue Ally. My skills don’t exactly translate to a town like Blissful.”

She crossed her arms, looking thoroughly unimpressed with him. “Really? I could have sworn the people of Flint need clean water.” She froze and flashed an apologetic look. “Sorry, that was harsh. My point is you really can do good with your skills. The town planner is retiring to Florida as soon as he’s replaced and trained properly. There’s a new regional search and rescue squad being assembled.” She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “There are options once you figure out what you might like to do.”

“Is that what you did?” He hadn’t asked too many questions up to this point, probably because he didn’t really want to know how she’d struggled on her own.

She shook her head, violet eyes darkening with sadness. “No. I needed a job that would allow me to take care of Glory or pay me enough to afford a good daycare. It was hard to do here, but I made a few chocolates for some town events, and I decided to look into making it a business.”

“Do you like it?”

She grinned and Archer’s hand went to his chest, the pounding underneath a healthy reminder that he was still alive to have this second chance with the most impressive woman he’d ever known. “I love it, actually. I get to be creative with custom orders but I get to make money by churning out plenty of the quality chocolate candies.” She sighed and stared at him for a long time, smile never wavering. “I don’t want you to feel bad about my life choices, Archer. I love the life I’ve created for me and Glory and I love my business. In fact, I’m thinking about expanding to an actual building.”

His eyes widened, both surprised and impressed by her. “I’m glad to hear that. Now, oh wise one, tell me what to do?”

She grinned as she attacked the food on her plate with an enthusiasm he’d experienced firsthand in the bedroom. “Be more specific.”

“My life.”

She tossed her head back and laughed, and he stared at the long graceful column of her neck, moving as glee rocked through her body. “Yeah okay, I can do that.” She smiled and then she began to talk. Outlining options for him and asking him about his time in the service. Her gaze held no bitterness and her questions held no accusation, she was curious. And she listened, asking questions and giving him choices.

Archer felt full, whole for the first time since he walked away from Ally six years ago. This was how they used to be, laughing and talking and planning for the future. He’d been full of ideas and she had the skill to keep him grounded and turn any idea into a reality. They were always a great team and now, with time and maturity, they could be a fantastic team.

Forever.